A Cry For Hope (12 page)

My mother was able to pick up on my reaction right away. She looked at me sympathetically, motioning for me to sit down next to her. “Hope, I know you're hurting, sweetie. You're not only mourning the loss of Charlie, but you also have your marriage to contend with. But, honey, you have to get out and try to live a little. Don't sit around waiting for his phone call.”

“That's not what I'm doing!” I snapped.

“Your brother told me about the affair.”

“Damn him!”

“Hope, don't be mad at him. It slipped out and he feels horrible about it. But why didn't you want me to know?”

“Because I don't want you to hate him. I don't want you to think I'm this poor, pathetic person for still loving him so much and wanting to work things out.”

“Look, Hope, I know how much you love Jamie. I really do. And I also know that he loves you. I may be angry at him for hurting you like this, but I could never hate him. You are not pathetic at all. You love your husband and you're willing to stick it out for him instead of just walking away.  But that doesn't mean you have to alienate yourself. Look at the great time you had today.”

“I know but -.”

“Come on. It will be fun,” she pleaded.

I sighed. “Okay.”

She kissed me on my head and smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. I'm going to bed. It’s been a long day.”

We got up from the couch, said our goodnights, and headed into our bedrooms.

I changed into my pajamas and was going to wait until morning to upload the pictures, but I just couldn’t resist pulling out my laptop. It seemed like an eternity as I waited for it to boot up. I smiled as the pictures began to pop up on the screen.
Wow, Hope, you aren’t half bad at this!
I thought to myself. Looking at these pictures brought back so many memories of my own wedding. In each picture, I saw Jamie and me. I hated feeling this way. I hated that
everything
reminded me of him and how our life once was. When was it all going to stop? I closed my laptop and lay down, inflicting my own pain once again. The thoughts that I had tried to block out all day long were slowly creeping back in.
Why didn’t he even bother to call me after what had happened at his office the other day? Was it because he was embarrassed, or because he just didn’t really care?
Part of me wondered if the two of them had a good laugh after I had left. My mind was telling me that I should hate him but, as much as I wanted to, I knew that my heart would never allow it.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Jamie wasted no time pulling me close and planting a passionate kiss on my lips. It was a little more passionate than I cared to display in front of my friends and family and, most of all, the priest who was standing two feet away. But I couldn’t resist kissing him back with the same amount of vigor. I was “Hope McAdams”. This was the day that I had been planning out for the past year and had dreamed about my whole life, and I intended on enjoying every single minute of it. He took my hand in his and paused for a brief second as we readied ourselves to walk down the aisle and out of the church as husband and wife. A smile stretched across my face when he whispered in my ear, “This is the happiest day of my life.”

As we made our exit, I caught a glimpse of my dad’s smiling face and his tear-filled eyes.
I love you, Daddy,
I mouthed to him. His smile became wider and his eyes became glassier.

I couldn’t wait to get into the limo and have a few minutes alone with my husband. The limo driver closed the door and I wasted no time wrapping my arms around Jamie and continuing that kiss from inside the church. “I love you, Jamison Michael McAdams, and I cannot wait to get you alone tonight,” I whispered in his ear.

“You got me alone for a good twenty minutes right now,” he smirked.

“Oh, don’t tempt me, but I must remain put together for my adoring fans,” I joked.

He suddenly became more serious. “You look absolutely beautiful, you know that?”

“Thanks,” I whispered.

“I imagined what you would look like on this day and I knew that you would be beautiful, but when I saw you walk down that aisle, you took my breath away. Honestly. I love you so much, Hope, and I know that all ten of our kids will be just as beautiful as their mom.”

“Ten kids?! Are you crazy! Two is all this girl can handle.”

“Hey, it was worth a shot,” he laughed. He took my hand and lifted it to his lips. “Okay, then
both
of our kids will be as beautiful as their mom.”

“Charlie and Grace,” I said.

“Huh?”

“Our kids,” I clarified. “We are going to have a boy and a girl. Charlie after my dad, and Grace because I’ve always adored that name. Plus, I’m a huge fan of Grace Kelly.”

“What makes you so sure that we’re going to have a boy and a girl?” Jamie laughed.

“Mother’s intuition.” I smiled.

“Okay, Charlie and Grace it is.” I leaned my head on his shoulder and smiled at the thought of having Jamie’s children. I was so in love with him and I couldn’t wait until that day came.

It was the perfect day for a barbeque. I was in the kitchen with Patty, trying my best to be helpful even though she was telling me to just sit down and keep her company while she prepared the potato salad. My brother and mother were deep in conversation in the back yard and part of me wondered what they were talking about.
Me and my poor hopeless life?
“Where’s Alexa?” I asked, trying to ignore my inner thoughts.

“Oh, she’s over at her friend Tammy’s. We hardly see her anymore. She’s a little social bumble bee,” Patty said.

“Oh, to be fifteen again and know what I know now.” I sighed.

“Yeah, tell me about it!” Patty said, feeding me a spoonful of her potato salad. “Does it need anything?” she asked.

“Nope, tastes perfect!”

I jumped at the sound of the doorbell. “Oh, Hopie, you want to grab that? That must be your mom’s boyfriend.” We both giggled as I got up to answer.

“Hey there!” I smiled as I opened the door for Nick and his dad.

I led them into the kitchen. “Hey,” Patty said as she took the burgers out of the fridge and placed them on the counter. She gave Nick’s dad a huge hug. I laughed at her enthusiasm. She was always so warm and welcoming within only twenty-four hours of meeting someone.

“Patty, this is Nick,” I said.

“Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!” She smiled. “I see you get your good looks from your dad!”

Nick’s dimples were out in full force. “Nice to meet you, too,” he said, extending his hand to her.

“Can we take anything out for you?” Nick’s dad asked.

“That would be great!” Patty said as she handed them each a tray of food.

My mother eagerly opened the door for them and they walked outside.

“Holy hotness!” Patty screeched once the door closed behind them.

I began to laugh. I guess to everyone else, Nick was totally hot, but I still viewed him as the little boy that I had known all those years ago. “Hope, tell me that you don’t think that man is gorgeous.”

“Yeah, he’s cute, but I just can’t see Nick that way.”

“Girl, you are insane. You can still look, even if you are married to a hot guy, as well…even though I’m really pissed at him right now,” she added.

God, my brother has a big mouth!
“Yeah, well, when you’ve known someone since you were five, it’s kind of hard to see them that way.”

She looked out the window at Nick as he and my brother were deep in conversation. “Oh, sweetie, he is no longer a five-year-old!”

I laughed and shook my head. “Come on, crazy girl. You have guests to entertain!”

The afternoon progressed into the early evening and every time my mind would start to wander, Patty or Nick would say something to make me smile and distract me from my thoughts. My brother and Patty had now jumped on the bandwagon to go up to Nick’s dad’s lake house at the end of the month. I knew that this would make it even harder for me to protest from going. Even though I was enjoying myself, I was yearning for some alone time. “I’m going to head out,” I said.

“Okay. I can give you a ride,” my mom said as she started to get up.

“Oh, no, it’s a really nice night. I think I’d rather walk home.”

“Hope, it’s dark out,” my mother scolded.

“And this is such a high crime area,” I teased.

She raised her eyebrows and shook her head. “Nick, walk Hope home,” his dad said.

I shook my head and laughed. “I seriously can -.”

Before I could finish, Nick was already chugging down the last of his beer and getting up. I said my goodbyes and we headed on our way. “You can just sit on the front porch for five minutes, then go back in and tell them that you walked me home,” I said.

He smiled. “Nah, if something happened to you on these mean streets, I’d never forgive myself.” We both laughed and started walking. “Hey, Hope, do you remember hanging out here?” he asked as we passed the little playground that looked exactly the same as it did when we were younger.

“Of course!” I said.

I followed behind him as he headed over to the swing set, and we both took a seat on a swing. “Do you ever wish that you could go back to those days when life was easy?” he asked.

“All the time,” I said. I grasped the chain of the swing with both hands and leaned my head back. “Look at all those stars.”

Nick rested his head against the chain and stared up at the sky. “Why do you think bad things happen to good people?” he asked.

I focused my attention back to him. “I don’t know. I wish I did because maybe then I would understand this whole mess that my life has become.”

“How old was he?” Nick asked.

“Who?”

“Your son.”

My stomach dropped. “He was eight.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Were you there when it happened?”

I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the lump in my throat. “Yeah,” I whispered. The tears began to stream down my face. Nick took my hand in his and wiped away the tears with his other hand.

“I’m so sorry, Hope.”

I nodded in appreciation. He didn’t press any further. He was content with what little information I was willing to give him. I wiped away the last of my tears and smiled. I was so grateful to Nick and his friendship and for coming back into my life during a time that I needed a friend the most.

“Hey, Hope, do you remember the time capsule that we buried in my dad’s back yard?” he asked.

I had totally forgotten about it. The thought of it made me smile. “Yes! I actually forgot about that! Do you remember where it was buried?” I asked.

He began to laugh. “Yeah, right by Herman’s grave.”

“Who the heck is Herman?”

“My pet hamster.”

“Oh,” I said, sounding a little relieved.

“We should really dig that up.”

“Oh, come on, Nick. We might make history a hundred years from now when the archeologists are digging up ancient artifacts.”

We both began to laugh. I looked up at the stars once again. This time, they seemed to be a little brighter. I didn’t know why, but maybe being here with Nick and talking about all the happy memories had something to do with it, or maybe it was Charlie’s way of letting me know that I was going to be okay.