A Fallow Heart (17 page)

“I don’t know. It wasn’t even your baby, Coop. Why are you taking it so hard?”

“I don’t know.” He sniffed and studied his hands. Yeah, he would’ve liked to have a reason to insert himself permanently into Jo Ellen’s life. But now that she’d actually miscarried her child, his pain went deeper.

“She loved that baby,” he said, unable to handle knowing she’d lost something she’d loved. “When she told me your parents might take it away, she looked lost. She wanted to keep it so bad. She…she must be devastated right now.”

Emma Leigh grew quiet but continued to rub his back. “I know I’ll sound awful for saying this, but…a miscarriage was probably the best thing for her.”

He jerked back and scowled. “Yeah, you do,” he growled. “I wouldn’t talk that way around her if I were you.” This was neither the time nor the place to discuss what was best for Jo Ellen’s future; she’d just lost her child.

Em sighed and bumped her shoulder against his. It was then he realized both her brothers had drawn closer and were standing nearby, hovering with solemn expressions, as if they too wanted to offer him their condolences.

“Coop, she’s only eighteen,” Em tried again. “Having a kid right now would change her entire life. It might keep her from going to college or prevent—”

“I know that,” he snapped, “but don’t you get it? Her baby just died. Jesus, she was its mother. She must be hurting something fierce.”

Emma nodded and pressed her lips firmly together. “You’re right,” she agreed just as her parents returned.

“Emma Leigh, would you like to see her?” Tara Rose asked.

When Jo Ellen’s twin hurried to her feet, Mrs. Rawlings then glanced toward her oldest child. “Grady?”

Instead of stepping in with Emma Leigh to visit Jo Ellen, Grady instead pulled back, his attention on Cooper. “Do you want to go next?”

A tight ball of misery formed in his chest. He didn’t understand any of this. Why was Jo Ellen’s family being so nice to him? Why did he feel so suddenly inconsolable?

Instead of nodding, he shook his head. “I don’t know why she’d want to see me,” he choked out the words as he pushed to his feet. “I think…I think I’ll head home.”

He turned and walked away from her family and out the hospital’s front doors, having no idea that was as close as he’d get to the girl of his dreams for another ten years. A week later, Grady informed him that Jo Ellen had decided to spend the rest of the school year with her aunt in Reno anyway, and Emma Leigh had gone with her for moral support.

*
* * *

Jo Ellen’s hands felt like ice as she rubbed them together in her lap. It made no sense. This was summer, in Texas. Nothing should be cold. But a chilly breeze from the air handler vents above blew across her shoulders, freezing her to the core.

After sending a brief glance across the room to see Cooper stretched out in his chair, head tipped back and resting against the wall with his eyes closed and his cowboy hat propped on his belly, she swallowed and transferred her gaze to Branson and Emma Leigh cuddled together a few seats down, whispering quietly to each other.

A deep yearning claimed her. She wished she had someone to cling to as Emma Leigh did. She wished she had a hand to hold.

They’d heard nothing about Lexi’s prognosis, and three hours had passed. A renewed fear clutched her abdomen. She was suddenly very glad she’d been three states away when her twin had given birth; she would’ve panicked herself into an early grave if she’d been close.

But baby Brand hadn’t been a month premature. There must be complications with Alexa’s baby if she was delivering this early. What if the boy died, or had problems, defects—

Branson suddenly cleared his throat and pushed to his feet, making Jo Ellen jump. “Uh…” He looked uncertain as he helped Emma Leigh from her chair. “We need to head back to your parents’ place for a little while,” he announced. “Em’s—”

Flushing, he floundered. In his chair, Cooper immediately sat up and opened his eyes. He looked alert enough to make Jo Ellen suspect he hadn’t been sleeping at all.

“I’m leaking,” Em was more forthright to explain. She folded her arms over her chest as if she was cold, though Jo Ellen understood almost immediately she was wet, not cold. “It’s been too long since I last fed Brand.”

“But you’ll come back?” Jo Ellen asked, praying she didn’t sound too hopeful. She needed her twin’s solid presence nearby to help her through these next few grueling hours. If something happened to Dexter’s baby, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle it.

Em bit her lip uncertainly, and Jo Ellen immediately realized how selfish she sounded. “No, you’re right,” she answered before Emma Leigh could speak. “You should be with your son.”

“We’ll return first thing in the morning to check on Lex.”

Jo Ellen nodded.

“I can give Jo Ellen a ride back to Rio’s for her car once we’re done here.”

Cooper’s low words sent a bolt of heat and anxiety through her. She glanced his way to find he’d come out of his chair and was approaching their group to join the discussion. The reality of the situation suddenly struck her. Once her sister departed, she’d be left alone…with Cooper Gerhardt.

Emma Leigh’s earlier words echoed about in her head.
Every time he saw me, he’d always send this quick glance around me to check who I was with. Took me a couple years to figure out he was looking for you.

Jo Ellen shivered. Her nerves felt singed. “Oh…no. No, thank you. I’ll just…” She glanced at Em and Bran, swallowing.

There really wasn’t any other option, was there? Still. How could she survive the night, next to a man who’d been involved in so much of the horrible parts of her past, the very man who set her body on fire with a mere glance.

Bowing her face, she demurred, “You don’t have to stay on my account, Cooper. It’s getting late and—”

“I don’t mind.” When she looked up, he shrugged. “Leaving now would be like walking out of the theatre before the movie was up. I want to get a look at this new tyke once he arrives.”

“Oh.” She flushed. “Well…” Ack, she couldn’t turn him down now. That would just be foolish and rude. But sitting alone with him, riding next to him in his truck…it made her blood skyrocket through her veins, and she couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. “I…thank you. I’d appreciate it.”

He nodded politely, though his gaze remained unreadable. The next moment, he shifted his pale brown eyes from her, and she felt a little bereft as he turned his attention to her twin’s husband. He stuck out his hand. “Bran, it was nice to meet you. Stop by the farm before you leave town and I’ll give you the grand tour of what real country living is like.”

Jo Ellen figured he made his invitation out of kindness with no inclination Branson would actually accept.

But Bran’s face lit with interest. “Really? Do you have, like, real cows and everything?”

Emma Leigh huffed. “Hey, I grew up on a farm. Where do you think you’ll be staying for the entire week?”

Bran gave her a bland look. “You grew up in the country, yes. But I wouldn’t go calling that multi-million dollar oil producing land a true farm.”

Cooper chuckled. “Well, we don’t have enough to consider ourselves true ranchers, but yeah, we got a couple head of cattle. Mostly though, we just crop farm.”

“Wow. That would be so sweet. I’d love to take a tour.”

“Bran’s always wanted to go fishing too.” Emma grinned like an indulgent parent who wanted to give her sweetheart whatever he so desired.

With a nod, Cooper complied. “Sure. We got a nice stock of crappie and perch in our lake right now, and I have a couple extra fishing rods you could use.”

“We’ll come out tomorrow, then,” Em announced as she began to dance around, holding her arms tightly over her breasts. “I’ll call in the morning. But right now, we really gotta go.”

After waving Jo Ellen farewell, Emma Leigh grasped her husband’s elbow and propelled him toward the exit.

Coop chuckled, transferring his smile to Jo Ellen. “She hasn’t changed at all, has she? Still as brash and unabashedly candid as ever.”

The amused expression on his face grew infectious and Jo Ellen found herself smiling back at him, momentarily forgetting how her stomach kept knotting with tension. “Branson and Brand have tempered her quite a bit, but no, I don’t think she’ll ever learn to quell that open, honest tongue of hers.”

He shook his head and smiled as if reminiscing about his good times with her twin sister. A wave of jealousy swept through her. He’d always been close to Em but never to her.

Emma Leigh must’ve gotten it all wrong; no way could Cooper have wanted her when he’d been friends with the vivacious, outgoing twin. Besides, he had never done anything to lead Jo Ellen to believe he’d cared about her more than he had anyone else. Even offering her marriage when they were eighteen was simply a typical self-sacrificial Cooper move to her.

Besides, what did it matter now? That had been ten years ago. Whatever he might’ve felt then had no doubt faded over time, which only depressed her.

As if sensing her somber mood, Cooper’s smile faltered. He cast her an uneasy grin and rubbed at the back of his neck, reminding her once again how they’d been left alone together. With his cowboy hat off, his blond hair had matted to his head, giving him a serious case of hat hair. Yet he still looked too hunky to handle, and her tummy knotted with hot lumps of tension.

“You’re invited to come out to the farm, too, of course,” he said, as if he felt it’d be rude to exclude her from his invitation.

Immediately uncomfortable with the idea of going anywhere near his home place, she opened her mouth, trying to think up a polite way to decline. But the blasted man had to go and add, “Mama always liked you and Em. I’m sure she would relish as much company as she could get these days.”

Unable to refuse him now, Jo Ellen dropped her shoulders and graciously accepted, “Oh, well…I’d love to see Loren.” Her eyes twinkled as she added, “Think she’s got any of those famous chocolate chip cookies of hers sitting around?”

His features pinched tight as if her question physically injured him. Then he bowed his head. “She always does.”

“I’d like to visit Thad in the nursing home sometime too…if that’s possible.”

Again, Cooper’s face filled with what she realized was grief. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. But a moment later, he nodded and pushed out the rusty words, “I’m sure we could manage that, though I can’t promise he’ll recognize you. He only knows who I am on good days.”

Her chest packed tight with compassion and sympathy. “It must be tough.”

He blew out a breath. “We’re managing.” He forced a brave face though she could clearly see he just wanted to convince her things weren’t as bad as they actually were.

Jo Ellen dropped the subject. After glancing at the clock, she eased back into a chair and wondered how much longer it would take before someone updated them with news…any news. When a baby’s muffled wail rent the air, she lifted her face, holding very still, waiting…

But no one came to the waiting room with news. With a heavy sigh, Cooper dropped into a chair two spaces down from her. “Must not have been our baby.”

She stared at him a moment, the words “our baby” falling from his tongue made her shiver again. Suddenly, the cold air drowning her, her reaction to the man next to her, and her worry over Lexi’s baby was more than she could take.

If they had to sit around here much longer she’d— “Really, how long does it take to have a baby?” Lurching to her feet, she began to pace the room.

Cooper chuckled. “I imagine it takes a while.” When she scowled at him, he sobered immediately. “Sorry.”

Growling in her throat, she spun away and walked to one wall only to retreat to the next. “Shouldn’t someone have at least come out by now to give us an update?”

This time, he kept silent and only shrugged when she speared him with a questioning glance.

Oh, this was awful. “Something must be wrong,” she said under her breath, working her fingers into frantic knots. Without Emma Leigh here, keeping her composer no longer mattered. The panic attack she’d been shoving down all evening rose in her throat like heartburn, unexpected and acidic.

“Something…something awful’s happened,” she gasped out, sure of it. “What if the baby’s—”

“Hey.” Cooper’s low, concerned voice and his warm hand on her arm made her jump. “Everything’s going to be fine.”

She yanked back, dislodging his touch. “You can’t know that.”

Shock filled his face as he straightened his spine. “No,” he finally said, his voice calm and steady. “I guess I can’t know for certain. But neither can you know it’s
not
going to be fine. Either way, neither of us has any control over the outcome. So wouldn’t you rather believe in good results until we find out the truth?”

Her chin trembled. She felt irrepressible fear and sorrow rattle up into her jaw line, the sensation to cry stinging her eyes.

“Jesus, darling.” His voice went hoarse. He reached for her again. This time, she didn’t shove him away and from the way he forcibly gathered her into his arms and held her close, she had a feeling he wouldn’t have let her break loose anyway. “Don’t cry.”