A Fallow Heart (41 page)

His voice broke and he bowed his head. Jo Ellen gathered him close once more. Tilting his chin down, he rested a cheek on her chest, directly over her heartbeat.

“Thank you.” He sniffed and tightened his grip, bunching her blouse at the base of her spine with his fists. His tears began to seep through her shirt, dampening her skin. “Thank you for being here, for being solid and real, and…”

When he gave up on talking, she patted his hair helplessly.

“Nothing’s the same anymore,” he rasped. “I feel…I feel so empty; so guilty. I just wanted his misery to stop; he would’ve hated what he’d become. Yet now that he’s gone, I think I must be the biggest shithead on earth for wishing him dead.”

“Oh, Cooper, no. You are not. You didn’t wish him dead. You only wanted his suffering gone.” She buried her fingers in his locks, sifting through the golden strands. “It was his time; he was going to go no matter what you wished anyway.”

“I just want him back, Jo Ellen. I want the dad I remember before this stupid Dementia infected him.”

“I know.”

“Both my sisters are mad at me,” he added, his agony straying to different ground. “I told Brendel’s seven-year-old grandson that Dad was in heaven now. I had no idea no one had told him yet. I guess he’d been going through grief counseling since losing a dog, so they only told him Poppa Thad had gone on vacation. When he burst into tears, Brendel exploded on me, and now I’m evil Uncle Coop who took Poppa Thad away.”

Jo Ellen’s mouth dropped open. “That’s awful. How could no one tell him? I mean, what was the poor boy supposed to think when he saw Thad at the visitation?”

Cooper finally lifted his face. He blinked at Jo Ellen, looking confused. “I don’t know.”

Jo Ellen sighed, disappointed in his family for turning against him.

Wiping his face with the back of his hand, Cooper glanced around the orchard. The shadows were finally beginning to shift, a patch of sunlight crept closer to where they sat in the grass like a ray of hope, hesitant to approach but closing in regardless.

Dropping his hands from his temples, Cooper refocused his attention on her. “You came back.”

She flushed and glanced away. “Of course. Your dad just…” She swallowed.

When he touched her knee, she looked up. He appeared so serious. “B.J. Gilmore told me my biggest problem is I’m too nice.”

Jo Ellen frowned. “B.J. Gilmore said…
what
?” His unexpectedly stray comment confounded her. She squinted, trying to think up who B.J. Gilmore was. When she pictured the dark-haired tomboy a couple years younger than her in school, she shook her head, still not comprehending what Cooper’s comment had to do with anything.

“She said I need to be selfish for once in my life and just go after what I want.”

Jo Ellen’s breath caught in her throat. “And what do you want?” she managed to ask, though anxiety swirled through her as she held her breathing, waiting for his answer, hoping he wanted—

He opened his mouth, then shook his head. “I lied to you before you left for Dallas. When I sent you away, it had nothing to do with Travis Untermeyer or any of that. I sent you away because I wanted you to stay so bad I couldn’t handle it. But I didn’t want you to stay only out of some kind of obligation simply to avoid hurting me. I wanted you to stay because
you
wanted to. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Go or stay. I just want to be with you, wherever you are.”

She sucked in a breath. Dear God, had he said just what she’d hoped he’d say? He couldn’t have. “You…” She exhaled shakily.

He took her hand and watched her intently, his thumb caressing her knuckles. “My dad’s gone, Jo Ellen. Mama’s decided to move in with Stacia five hours away from here. She’ll probably sell the farm. There’s nothing left for me in Tommy Creek.”

“But…this is your
home
, Cooper,” she exploded, her heart pounding with fear and hope all in one outrageous rhythm. “You…you love it here. This is where your heart is.”

He frowned. “No. My heart is with the people I love. And everyone I love is elsewhere. This place is just roots and soil, and maybe a little bit of sentimental history.”

“But—”

“No!” he growled more adamantly. “Don’t you get it? I want to be with
you
. I may be most comfortable here on my home ground, but I can’t stomach any kind of life without you in it. This last month has been hell. Utter hell. I sent you away thinking we’d both be better off. But I don’t want you to be better off without me when you can be better off with me around. If I have to find a job in Dallas washing dishes, I’ll do it. Just as long as you let me back into your life, I’ll do whatever I have to do to give you everything I have.”

She blinked, totally taken aback. It was what she’d dreamed to hear come from his mouth. And yet, it was all wrong. “You…wait. You want to move to
Dallas
?”

After a brief, decisive nod, he whispered. “Yes. More than anything.”

“I…” Her breath caught. “But you can’t.
No
.”

When his face drained of color and his hand slipped listlessly from hers, she hurried to add, “I mean, you can’t because I’m leaving Dallas.”

He gaped as if needing a moment to let her words sink in. Then he frowned. “
Leaving
?”

With a bob of her chin, she offered him a wobbly, uncertain smile. It was now or never to drop her big bomb. “I’m returning to Tommy Creek. My dad said he had an opening in the office at Rawlings Oil, in the H.R. department. I’m going to work there.”

Cooper shook his head as if he didn’t comprehend. “But what about your business?”

A rueful smile slipped out as she shrugged. “I sold it; to one of my best employees. She got a heck of a bargain.”

“Sold it?” Horror filled his whiskey eyes. “Oh, God. You didn’t.”

“But I did.” She laughed, though the trembling sound revealed her uncertain nerves. Why did he look so upset?

“Jo Ellen,” he whispered. “Why…” He paused to flounder. “Why would you do that? You
love
your job.”

She sighed. “Yeah, I thought so too. But the thing is I really didn’t. Not like I thought I did.”

His eyes searched hers frantically. “What happened?”

You did
, she wanted to tell him. But the intensity of the moment clogged her throat.

“My big dream has always been about family. I wanted to be a wife, a mother. I wanted to belong to
people
. When that never happened, I focused on a career instead, hoping it would fill the nothingness I had become. And yes, I did enjoy what I did, what I was able to accomplish. I received a measure of satisfaction from it, but I never felt as complete and satisfied as I did when I spent the week here…with you.”

Cooper blinked repeatedly, his gaze glazing with moisture.

“When I returned to Dallas,” she went on, blubbering aimlessly. “Not even my job could make up for that huge, gaping hole inside me. I lost my will to keep it going. I just wanted to come home.”

He licked his dry lips before hoarsely asking, “You seriously sold your business?”

She nodded. “I was in the process of packing and trying to find a place around here to live when Grady called and told me about Thad.”

He took her hands, his own fingers trembling. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?”

Jo Ellen studied his pale whiskey eyes. “What would you have done if you knew?”

His eyes flared and mouth worked. “I…”

An idea seemed to strike him because suddenly his face cleared and he relaxed. With a smile, he answered. “I would’ve written you a letter that said I was sorry for the things I said to you a month ago. I was scared of my own feelings and had to be rude and insensitive to combat the fear. And I would’ve told you that the part about Travis Untermeyer was a lie. I
can
live with knowing he held your heart first. In fact, I don’t care if you love him until the day you die. I still want you to marry me. Please be my wife. I can love you enough for the both of us.”

Emotion clogged her. If the strong feelings she’d had for Cooper before weren’t love, then this certainly was. In that moment, she knew this was the man she’d spend the rest of her life with. Fingers shaking with unabashed joy, she reached out to cup his face.

“My God, Cooper. You are so stupid, and wonderful, and…” She gave up on trying to find the perfect description and kissed him. “I don’t love Travis. I don’t think I ever really did because he never once made me feel the way you do every time I’m with you.”

He sucked in a breath and whispered her name. When he leaned in to kiss her, she pulled back. “And I don’t want you to love me enough for the both of us. I’d rather carry my own portion, thank you very much. I love you so much it consumes me.”

This time, there was no stopping him when he crashed his mouth against her and drank from her lips.

“Jo Ellen.” He laughed out a pure, honest sound of relief against her mouth before kissing her again.

She wrapped her eager limbs around him and hugged him hard.

“Yes,” she said as soon as he pulled back to study her face. “Yes, I will marry you.”

His eyes flared. Looking dazed, he kissed her again before nuzzling his nose to hers. “God, I love you. I’ve loved you my entire life.”

Filled full from the joy of the moment, she sighed happily. “Then I guess I’ll let you spend the rest of your life proving it to me.”

*
THE END*

About the Author

The youngest of eight children, Linda Kage grew up on a dairy farm in the Midwest. She now lives in Kansas with her husband, daughter, and nine cuckoo clocks. Linda is a member of Romance Writers of America and its local chapter, Midwest Romance Writers.

Feel free to visit her at her website :
www.LindaKage.com

Sweet Cravings Publishing

www.sweetcravingspublishing.com