A Fallow Heart (21 page)

“Pervert,” Emma Leigh whispered the word lovingly as if she was mouthing them for her husband’s eyes alone.

Branson’s grin only widened. He said something to Cooper and both men laughed as they focused on the ladies’ approach.

Emma Leigh bumped her elbow into Jo Ellen’s. “Don’t you love it when you know two handsome men are checking us out?”

“Em, I’m only pushing a C cup over here. Trust me, it’s not me they’re ogling right now. It’s all you.” But as she glanced at the men again, she found Cooper’s stare nowhere near her sister.

Emma chuckled knowingly. “You were saying?”

Jo Ellen couldn’t seem to drop her gaze from him, her body stirring with more tense energy. This was exactly why she needed to stay away from him. His effect on her was too powerful. He could hurt her so easily, in so many different ways.

“Ready to fish?” Branson called.

“As long as you bait your own hook like you promised,” Emma Leigh sassed back.

Turned out, Bran couldn’t bait his own hook. When his wife wasn’t looking, Cooper slid the live worm in place for him. Jo Ellen grinned and shook her head when the Reno city boy gagged but thanked his new guy pal with a conspiring wink when Cooper handed him his pole.

“I think we’ll start over there across the lake,” Emma Leigh decided as she returned from scouting the area. “You two okay here?”

Jo Ellen gulped, wanting to kick her sister when she saw the mischievous, matchmaking glitter in Emma’s eyes. But from somewhere behind her, Cooper innocently answered, “Yep. We’re fine.”

Well.

If he was fine, then she could be fine. She nodded and waved her sister off. Focusing her attention on her task, she baited her hook, brushed the excess dirt and slime off her fingers onto her shorts and found a nice spot from which to cast her line. After deciding this was as good a place as any, she settled herself on a patch of ground littered with clumps of drying grass dotting the rocky, clay banks of the lake.

She ignored Cooper, though she heard him fiddling around behind her slightly to her right. Then he grew silent. When she couldn’t stand it a second longer, she peeked over her shoulder to find him about twenty feet away, his legs stretched out in front of him as he rested back on his elbows and watched his bobber lazily float through the water. He’d tipped his cowboy hat so low the rim shaded his face from the setting sun.

Her attention shifted to his long legs. This was the third time in the past twenty-four hours she’d seen him sprawl them out like so. The man obviously enjoyed his space, probably detested tight, cramped places, and crowded hordes, like a big city. He’d hate living in Dallas. No matter where you turned, someone was always there.

He could never comfortably squeeze into the life she led, even if she could open herself to him long enough to give him the chance to try, which she couldn’t.

A sad sigh later, she returned her gaze to her own bobber and wiped at the perspiration on her brow. The hopelessness of the situation depressed her. Swallowing, she realized how dry her throat had grown.

“Is there anything to drink in that cooler you brought?” she asked before she could stop herself.

Cooper tilted his chin up so his light brown eyes could meet her gaze from under the brim of his hat. “I’ve got some beer. You can help yourself to it.”

“Beer?” She glanced toward the cooler where the live bait was also being stored in a small Styrofoam container and winkled her nose.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” he harrumphed. “But I’m fresh out of white wine and spritzer.”

At the acid in his tone, Jo Ellen glared, upset he’d totally misread her hesitation. She lifted her chin and sniffed. “Actually, I was thinking
water
sounded good.”

“Well, I don’t have any of that either,” he muttered, snapping his attention from her to scowl at his bobber.

Instantly, her ire died. Dang it, she hadn’t come here to irritate him; she only wanted to set things right between them. But no matter what she did, he seemed to grow more agitated around her. And here, she’d assumed his wink at the house meant things were okay between them.

Obviously, she’d been wrong.

With a relenting groan, she pushed to her feet, and fetched herself a beer. He didn’t notice what she’d done until she popped the tab, then his gaze jerked her way. She held his stare almost defiantly as she took her first small sip. His gaze fell to her mouth, and her stomach tightened with anxiety. Then his jaw went hard and he turned his stare back to the lake.

She breathed out the breath she’d been holding. “Cooper, I’m sorry.”

His lips twitched with sudden amusement. “Apologizing seems to be an obsession with you, doesn’t it? And here, I’m the one who was rude.”

“I’m serious. I behaved horribly last night, ditching out on you without saying
anything
after you opened up to me like that and—”

He lifted a hand, stopping her. “Don’t worry about it. I’m the one who should’ve stayed quiet and not put you on the spot like that.”

“But you were explaining to me reasons why you had done things I’ve been curious about for ten years. You didn’t—”

“Jo Ellen.” He released a tired breath and rubbed a spot on the center of his forehead. “It’s fine.”

“But I upset you,” she mumbled more to herself, feeling like she should do
something
to repay him for all the turmoil she’d put him through, not just from last night and today, but from ten years ago.

He sniffed out an amused sound. “
You
didn’t upset me,” he said. “I upset myself. I apologize for being short with you just now. I was starting to think about things I have no business thinking, considering impossible probabilities, and I was in the middle of giving myself a mental reprimand when you spoke.
That’s
why I snapped.”

She opened her mouth to ask why he’d been reprimanding himself but his gaze swept over her—almost longingly—causing the words to clog in her throat. She took a big gulp of beer because her throat went from parched to downright desiccated.

Across the water, Branson said something to Emma Leigh, tearing Jo Ellen’s attention from Cooper, but she couldn’t make out the words. She watched the two as Em showed her husband how to reel in his line and cast his bait in a different direction. They worked so well together. Envy swirled inside her, making her wish—

The carbonation in her beer created an air bubble and she burped. Eyes going wide, she swerved toward Cooper to make sure he hadn’t heard. But to her everlasting humiliation, he arched an eyebrow her way.

She covered her mouth with one hand and prayed to die quickly. “Excuse me.”

He flashed his teeth in an immediate grin. Then a chuckle burst from him. Before she knew it, he was cradling his belly and rolling across the grass, hollering with laugher.

Jo Ellen face’s burned. “It wasn’t
that
funny.”

“Hell, yes it was,” Cooper managed as he wiped tears out of his eyes. “You didn’t see the look on your face. It was the most hilarious thing ever.”

Jo Ellen sighed and shook her head. A second later, she grew fed up. “Stop
laughing
.”

“Sorry, sorry.” He tried to settle his face, but a second later, he burst out again. “Oh, God,” he hooted. “I can’t help it.”

Picking up a smooth, round pebble from the ground beside her, Jo Ellen chucked it at him and beaned him in the shoulder.

Immediately, he stopped laughing. “Ouch.” Rubbing his arm, he cast her a frown.

She preened and took another sip of beer, which suddenly tasted rather good.

Satisfied with her aim and her ability to control even a little bit of him, her courage soared. Before she could stop herself, she spoke up. “So, after I ran out on you, I thought about what you said last night.”

He glanced at her. She felt his stare like a physical caress, but she refused to return it. Hoarsely, he asked, “And?”

She gave her bobber a rueful grin. “I don’t know. I just thought about it. That’s all. I…I’m truly sorry if I broke your heart. I didn’t realize.”

Finally, she risked a glance his way.

But all he did was shrug as he fiddled with the reel of his fishing pole. “Don’t worry about it. It was ten years ago.”

The urge to argue with him filled her. Ten years ago or not, breaking someone’s heart was a very big deal in her book. And for her to do the breaking…

It bothered her. It bothered her a lot, especially since Cooper Gerhardt of all people landed on the receiving end of that breaking. All he’d ever done was try to help her.

Suddenly mad at herself for always wanting to do something—or wishing she’d grow the nerve to speak up—and never doing it, she straightened her spine. “Well, what if I
want
to worry about it?”

He looked startled before grinning. “And what’re you going to do? Duct tape the organ back together? I got over it, moved on with my life. There’s nothing to worry about?”

“Oh really?” she challenged. “Is that why you’re happily married with a crew of children running wild across your farm then?”

He went still as if she’d actually struck a nerve. In a deadly soft tone, he said, “That doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure? What if…what if my breaking your heart messed you up, made you lose all faith in women,” just as Travis had caused her to lose all faith in men. “What if I prevented you from having the happiness you deserve. You should be happy, Cooper. You should—”

He shut her up with a small, amused laugh as he shook his head. “You haven’t changed at all, have you? Still a bleeding heart, worried about upsetting everyone else.”

“You’re exactly the same way,” she accused.

He didn’t answer, but the strange wrinkle in his brow told her she’d struck another nerve. Looking moody, he studied the still water. “Yeah, maybe.”

She let out a sigh, realizing how different her life would’ve been if she’d at least known how he’d felt about her back then. Before Travis had come along and asked her out, she would’ve accepted a date with Cooper without question. Heck, even after Travis had come along, she might’ve—

Emma Leigh laughed from across the lake, and Jo Ellen glanced up. She watched Bran and her sister grin at each other, talking adamantly. Jealousy consumed her. Maybe, she could’ve been like that with Cooper. He was capable of so much love she would’ve fallen for him harder than she’d ever fallen for anyone. Maybe he wouldn’t have left her broken inside, deficient.

So much potential. And now it was gone.

Now it was too late. She wasn’t some young, naïve girl who could openly give her heart to just anyone. There was too much baggage in her past to trust like that again.

“Why me?” she wondered. When Emma Leigh’s laughter once again carried across the lake, she pointed. “Why not her? You were always
her
friend. And she’s so…so open and free. Confident. I was too insecure and fragile, always worried about doing the wrong thing, or saying the wrong thing. I mean, I probably came off as a standoffish snob to you.”

“You came off as a total lady,” he corrected. “Everything about you has always been so feminine. It made me extremely aware of how male I was when I was around you.”

She frowned. This wasn’t the romantic explanation she wanted to hear. “So…you were just, what, sexually
attracted
to me?”

He snorted. “The attraction, the awareness of you, was simply the beginning. You were…kind, to everyone. You never played malicious jokes, never made others feel bad about themselves even though you were so pretty and scholarly you could’ve been the popular mean girl with no effort. I used to sit near your table at lunch and listen to you talk to different people.” A smile lingered on his lips. “You knew how to direct a conversation until you made whoever you were talking to feel good about themselves, even if they’d just flunked a test.”

That was because she’d never learned how to talk about herself. It made her too uncomfortable. Talking about everyone else and making the conversation about them, just seemed easier. Thus the reason she liked hosting parties. People always loved to talk about themselves at parties and she knew exactly how to encourage them.

“You just…you left me in awe,” Cooper finished. “You were perfect.”

“I got pregnant at eighteen.” Her voice was brittle and dry. “Then before I’d even found out about that, I got drunk and cheated on my boyfriend, kissing his archenemy. Trust me, I was anything but perfect.”

Cooper shrugged. “So you made a mistake.” When she sniffed, he grinned wryly and amended, “A couple mistakes. You were young. It happens. You were still perfect to me.”

“Uh huh, and what if the tables had been turned?” she pressed. “What if I’d been
your
girlfriend but got drunk and kissed Travis? Would you still be so forgiving now?”

He opened his mouth, looking blank. Then he shut it. “Okay, that would’ve been harder to swallow,” he admitted. “But I would’ve gotten over it. Yes. Because you would’ve been
my
girlfriend.” Something stirred in her stomach as he continued to watch her. Then he went and whispered, “Mine.”