A Family to Be (Saddle Falls) (10 page)

“Em?”

“What?”

“Just spit it out,” he said with a grin, making her sigh.

“You know I have to register for Lamaze classes next week?”

“Yeah, that’s what Doc Haggerty said at your last appointment,” he replied with a frown, not entirely certain he knew what Lamaze classes were.

“Well, Josh, I also have to have a birthing coach.” Tilting her head, she glanced up at him, wanting to see his expression, a bit worried about his reaction.

“Okay, fine.” He frowned in the darkness, rubbing a hand over his chin thoughtfully. “Em, what’s a birthing coach?”

She blew out a breath. “It’s someone who is with you during labor and delivery, someone who coaches you on your breathing and helps you get through the transitions of labor.” She hesitated. “Usually it’s your husband, but, it seems I’m short one husband.” With a wan smile, she tilted her head to look at him, surprised to find him looking down at her, his face, his mouth only inches from hers. It rattled her again and she had to look away. “And…well…I was wondering if you’d be interested in being my birthing coach.”

“Me?” Stunned, Josh’s eyes widened in delight. His heart leaped in excitement at the possibility of being part of her baby’s birth. Baby Cakes had become real to him; a real little human person, someone he already loved. He thought his heart would burst with joy. “You want
me
to be with you during the baby’s birth? Em, are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious, Josh. I can’t do this by myself.” She frowned. “Well, I suppose I could, I mean other women have, but I think it would be a lot easier to have a coach than not.”

“Em, I’d love to.”

“Really?” she said in surprise.

“I’m honored that you’d even consider me.” He frowned suddenly. “Em, what do I have to do, though? I mean I don’t have any experience at this birthing coach stuff.”

“Josh.”

“I suppose I can check out some books at the library. I’m sure Ms. Wilson can find whatever books I need, and then I can read up on what I’m supposed to do, I mean we still have time,” he added with a frown, mentally counting the number of weeks until Em was due.

“Josh.” Em was trying to stifle a grin. He looked absolutely, utterly adorable. A little scared and overjoyed. She didn’t think anything could scare Josh Ryan. Knowing that the prospect of helping her in childbirth had, tickled her to no end.

“You have another…what…four to six weeks to go, right?” He glanced at his watch, calculating time. “That should give me plenty of time to learn everything I need to know. Now what about equipment or supplies, do I need any special—”

“Joshua!” Em said with a laugh, taking his face in her hands to get him to stop talking. “Calm down. This isn’t brain surgery—”

“No, it’s far more important,” he injected, so seriously she started to laugh. “Hey, what’s so funny?” he asked.

“You.” She couldn’t help it, she laughed harder. “Josh, having a baby is the most natural thing in the world. You don’t need to read up on anything. Nor will you need any special equipment or supplies. What you will need to do, though, if you don’t mind, is attend classes with me. They’ll teach you everything you need to know.”

“Fine. When do we start?”

“Next week.” She searched his face. “Josh, are you sure about this? I mean, I could probably find someone else if I need to—”

“Em.” Gently, he laid his hand to her cheek, delighted when her eyes slid closed and she nestled her face against him for a moment. He wanted to sigh in pleasure at the longing tearing through him; a longing to touch her, to see her smile, to make her happy was growing stronger each and every day.

“Em?” He waited until she opened her eyes and smiled at him, a dreamy smile that warmed his heart.

“Yes, Josh?” she murmured. He was so close, she could see the laugh lines that bracketed his beautiful mouth, a mouth she’d longed for, dreamed about, thought about ever since the first afternoon when he’d kissed her.

She could see the warmth, the caring, the tenderness in his eyes and it made her heart ache with a longing that came from somewhere deep in her soul.

“I’m honored that you chose me, that you picked me to be your birthing coach. Truly,” he said, using a finger to tenderly brush a curl from her temple. “I’m delighted that you want me to be part of Baby Cakes’s birth and life. And I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” Overjoyed, he pressed a light, quick kiss to her lips, felt hers tremble under his, felt the tug of desire deep and low. Unable to ignore it or resist, Josh groaned softly, then pulled Em closer, deepening the kiss, wanting more.

Holding Em, having her in his arms seemed to fill something inside him, something he had no idea was empty until that day he’d kissed her the first time.

A whimper of pleasure escaped Em, and she sighed deeply, allowing herself to relax against Josh, enjoying his touch, his kiss, his mouth. Wrapping her arms around him to bring him closer, she arched against him, curling her body closer to the warmth and comfort of his.

It had been so long since she’d felt such tenderness, such joy, such a feeling of being cared about, protected, cherished. She knew it was probably selfish and self-indulgent, but she was so weary right now, she wanted to just enjoy the simple act of kissing Josh—without worrying about the consequences.

Em sighed in contentment as Josh deepened the kiss, holding her tighter, letting his sweet tongue tease hers. She groaned softly, her mouth opening under his, accepting what he had to offer and giving back all that she felt in her heart.

Josh’s hands roamed her back, the heat of his skin warming hers under the thin cotton maternity dress. Her breasts ached, her nipples hardened in response to his kiss, his touch.

A deep ache of need started somewhere low in her belly, making her moan as desire, hot and feral streaked through her, causing her breathing to quicken and her pulse to race.

She clung to him, wanting these wondrous feelings to go on forever. Moaning softly, she followed his lead, enjoying the sweet, wild sensations he’d aroused in her.

“Em.” Josh dragged his mouth from hers, knowing if he didn’t, then he wouldn’t be able to stop at a mere kiss. Leaning his brow against hers, he sighed heavily, trying to get his breathing under control. He was shaken to his depths by the impact of kissing her, more so knowing that he wanted to do it again. And again. And for the life of him, he didn’t feel one whit of guilt about it, only eager anticipation.

“Josh.” Licking her trembling lips, Em lifted a shaky hand to his chest and felt his heart pounding as rapidly as hers. It scared her to know that he was as moved by the kiss they’d shared as she.

“We—we shouldn’t be doing this.” She wished her voice sounded stronger. But she was so shaken by Josh’s kiss, it was impossible to hide the effects.

“Doing what?” he murmured, still feeling drugged and a bit delirious.

“Kissing each other.”

“Nonsense,” Josh said firmly. “We’re friends, Em. Best friends. We always have been. It’s perfectly normal and natural for two close friends who care about each other to be affectionate with one another.”

Perfectly normal?
Em’s brows knit and she looked at him as if he’d just announced he might fly. What she was feeling at the moment didn’t resemble
normal
in any way, shape or form. What she was feeling was warm, wonderful and so scary she wasn’t sure she could face it or deal with it at the moment.

“You think so?” she asked hopefully.

“Definitely,” he said firmly, certain if he kept saying it, he could convince himself. “It’s nothing to worry about, Em. You and I both know that it’s nothing more than friendship, right?” He held his breath, waiting for her answer, knowing that at the moment what he was feeling for Em could hardly be classified as…friendly. No, what he was feeling was a bit deeper, darker and far scarier. But he wasn’t about to admit that, not even to himself.

“Sure,” she said, praying he wouldn’t see through her lie. “It’s just…friendship.”

Relieved that she didn’t see anything odd in what they’d just shared, Josh drew back with a smile. “See, so then if we both agree that this was just a friendly kiss between friends, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Friendly kiss between friends?
Absently, Em touched her lips and she stifled a laugh. She could still feel the pressure of Josh’s lips on hers. Still taste him. If this was his idea of a friendly kiss, then she wasn’t certain any woman would be able to withstand a
romantic
kiss from him. Not unless they wanted to die of pleasure. Then again, Em thought with an inward sigh, it probably wouldn’t be a bad way to go.

“Now that that’s settled, Em, I think what we need here is a celebration.”

“And exactly what are we celebrating, Josh?” Not certain if she was grateful or sorry that he hadn’t put any credence or special importance on the kiss they shared, Em forced herself to relax. She was merely overreacting, reading something into nothing. The kiss obviously meant nothing to Josh. Like he said, it was just a friendly kiss between friends. So why, she wondered, did that annoy her?

“Well, let’s see.” He slid his other arm around her, pulling her close so she was completely encircled by his arms. He rested his head atop hers. “We can celebrate Sammy getting a job. Or you finally getting some much needed help at the diner.” He glanced down at her with a grin. “Or we can celebrate your new birthing coach.”

She laughed. “Seems to me, Josh, that you’re just looking for an excuse to do some celebrating.”

“Yeah, I guess I am.” He kissed her forehead. “So what do you say tomorrow night, instead of having dinner here, we have dinner at the hotel?”

She grinned, her spirits lifting at the thought of a night out. She couldn’t remember when she’d been out to dinner last. “Josh, I haven’t had dinner there since my senior prom.”

“We still have the best food in town,” he said with a hint of pride. “So…then it’s a date,” he asked with a lift of his brow, making her frown.

“Josh,” she said carefully. “I don’t think pregnant women are allowed to…date.” She’d never been on a date with Josh, and the mere thought was enough to send her nerves into spasms.

“This isn’t really a date,” he clarified, just to make certain there was no misunderstanding and not wanting to put any more importance on this than any other evening they’d spent together. “This is a celebration between two friends. Is that better?”

She let out a sigh of relief. “Much.” She pressed a hand to her tummy. “Me and Baby Cakes are looking forward to our celebration, especially since I’m already hungry again or rather still hungry.”

Josh laughed, tugging her to her feet. “So I’ve noticed,” he said, still holding her hand in his. “Okay, I’ll pick you up here at about five tomorrow, is that okay?”

“I don’t know if I’ll be home by then,” she admitted with a frown.

“If you hire Sammy tomorrow, there’s no reason for you not to be home, Em.” He kissed her on the forehead. “Okay, five tomorrow it is.” He bent and brushed his lips over hers once more. “Get some sleep,” he ordered, taking the porch steps two at a time.

Sleep?
Em thought as she leaned against the back door and watched him pull out the driveway. How on earth was she supposed to get any sleep when he kept kissing her like that?

E
arly the next morning, Jared Ryan walked into the Ryan family kitchen. Spotting Josh at the kitchen table, is head bent over an enormous stack of books, Jared frowned at his youngest brother. “Josh?”

“Morning,” Josh mumbled, stifling a yawn and rubbing the back of his neck.

Jared eyed his younger brother skeptically. “Josh, it’s barely 6:00 a.m. What on earth are you doing up? Or haven’t you been to bed?”

“I’m reading,” Josh said. “And I haven’t been to bed, yet. I called Ms. Wilson at home last night. She agreed to open the library for me so I could check out some books.” Dragging a hand through his hair, Josh grinned. “I told her it was a legal emergency.”

Jared lifted a finger to scratch his brow, trying not to show his amusement. “I imagine Ms. Wilson was real pleased to be opening the library back up last night.” Virginia Wilson had been the town librarian for as long as anyone could remember. She was as cranky as a sawhorse, and guarded those library books as if they were her children.

“So what are you reading?” Jared said mildly, heading for the coffeepot.

Josh leaned back in his chair, arched his back, stretched his arms over his head, then gave in to the yawn. “I’m reading books on childbirth.” He bent his head and continued reading. “Jared,” he said without looking up, missing his brother’s look of amusement. “Did you know that there are three stages to labor?” His brows knit, and he jotted something down on the little notepad next to him.

“Yep, as a matter of fact I did,” Jared said, leaning against the kitchen counter and trying not to frown. “What are you writing there?”

“A shopping list,” Josh said, crossing out one item and adding another.

Jared moved across the room to peek at his brother’s list. “And what may I ask is the list for?”

“Things we’ll need for labor and delivery.”

“Labor and delivery?” Jared repeated. He read the shopping list over Josh’s shoulder. “A beach ball?” Jared said with a lift of his brow. He hesitated for just a moment. “Uh, Josh, what exactly do you think you’re going to do with a beach ball during labor and delivery? This isn’t exactly going to be a day at the beach you know,” he added with an amused grin. “And I doubt very much if you’re going to have time to play catch.”

“What?” Lost in concentration, Josh looked up at his brother and blinked. “The beach ball? Oh, no, it’s not for tossing, bro, it’s to use during labor. If the mother rocks on it, then it can ease labor and help with transition.”

“Josh?” Jared asked, waiting for his brother to look up at him.

“What?”

“Uh…is there something you want to tell me?”

“What?” Perplexed, Josh looked at his brother for a long moment. “No, why?”

“The childbirth books, the shopping list…” With a lift of his brow, Jared expressed a whole host of questions that didn’t need words.

“Oh, I guess I forgot.” Josh grinned, rubbing a hand across his stubbled jaw. “Last night Em asked me to be her childbirth coach.”

With a nod and a smile, understanding came. “I get it now,” Jared said, pouring himself a mug of coffee. He took a sip, noted Josh was looking at it longingly, and took pity on him, pouring a mug for him as well.

“Her childbirth coach,” Jared said, setting the mug down in front of his brother and straddling a chair. “So, that means you’ll be in the labor and delivery room with her when she gives birth.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” The thought, the awesomeness of the responsibility made Josh pale. With a shaky hand he sipped his coffee.

“Think you can handle it?” Jared asked casually. “Being a childbirth coach.”

“I think so,” Josh said, looking thoughtful. “I’m honored, truly, Jared, that she would ask me.”

“Yeah, I can see how you would be.” Jared looked at his younger brother carefully. “So, then what happens after the birth?” He sipped his coffee, trying to conceal his worry. He knew how Josh guarded his heart; knew, too, that Em was the one and only woman Josh had ever allowed into his heart. Josh had always claimed it was just as friends, but now, looking at his younger brother, Jared wasn’t quite sure.

“After?” Josh shrugged. “The book says she’ll probably be home within twenty-four to forty-eight hours—”

“Josh.” Jared’s tone of voice stopped him.

“What?”

Jared let out a sigh. “I mean once Em has the baby, you’ll be her childbirth coach, I got that, and sure it’s an honor, but what about when the baby comes home?” Jared fingered his coffee cup, knowing he was treading on dangerous ground. “Have you given any thought to what your role will be then?” Jared sniffed. “Listen, bro, I know how you feel about Em—hell, how we all feel about her. She’s practically a member of the family.” Jared hesitated, not certain how to go on. “But Josh, you have to realize that you’re going to be instantly attached to that baby. You’re going to fall so far in love with that kid—”

“I already am,” Josh admitted, thinking about Baby Cakes.

“Yeah, well, what happens if in a year or two or five if Em decides to get married again?”

“Married!” Josh could feel the color drain from his face. He’d never thought, nor even considered that Em might get married again.

“Yeah, married,” Jared said, softening his voice. “Em’s a young, beautiful woman. You know how she’s always felt about a family, how much she’s always wanted a family. Do you really think she’s going to want to spend the rest of her life as a single parent? And I can’t believe she’s not going to want more children. I mean, you guys are just friends and all, but eventually I’m sure Em’s going to want a romantic relationship with a man. Marriage and a father for her baby.” Jared paused, letting the full of his words sink in. “And when that happens, Josh, where does that leave you?” He could tell by the stunned look on his brother’s face it wasn’t something he’d even thought about. “Look, you know I don’t like sticking my nose in your business, but bro, I just don’t want you to walk into something you’re not fully prepared for.” Jared shook his head. “If you get too attached to her baby, and it happens so quickly, bro, you won’t even know what hit you, it could be…a difficult situation for you.” Jared cocked his head. “See what I mean?”

“Yeah,” Josh said, still stunned and reeling, Em involved with another guy? Married? Someone else loving Baby Cakes? Taking care of her? He didn’t understand why the mere thought of any other man involved with Em or Baby Cakes sent a bullet of panic arcing through him. “I see what you mean.”

“There you are,” Natalie said from the doorway, her gaze taking in her husband. “Jared, did you let the twins go outside to play before breakfast again?”

“Guilty,” he said with a grin aimed at his wife. He held up his hands. “It was self-defense, Nat, honest. They woke up full of mischief—as usual—” he said with a sigh. “And then one of them tossed Ruth’s bone out the bedroom window.” Jared grinned, knowing he loved every moment of mischief his boys got involved with. “And then Ruth started jumping and barking. And then Ditka came chasing into the room, adding his two cents’ worth of barking as well. The boys were jumping on their beds, laughing, and I figured if I didn’t let them go out—all of them—” he specified, “mass chaos was going to rein.”

“And you found this unusual?” Natalie asked with a laugh and a shake of her head. “Chaos seems to be the rule of the day.”

“Morning, Josh.” She crossed the room to give her brother-in-law a kiss on the cheek. “You okay?” she asked with a frown when she saw the look on his face.

“Yeah.” He forced a smile as he draped a free arm around her waist to give her a hug. “Just fine, Nat.” He adored his sister-in-laws. Natalie as well as Rebecca. Each of his brothers had managed to find the one woman in the world that was perfect for them. And they were, he realized with a bit of envy, totally, blissfully happy, the kind of happiness he’d always longed for.

“Actually, Josh, I’m glad you’re here. I talked to Rebecca yesterday and we were thinking about having a baby shower for Em, but I thought we’d better run it by you first.”

Touched, his face brightened. “A baby shower?”

“Yeah.” Natalie went to Jared, gave him a thorough good morning kiss. “I know she’s had a hard time of it, Josh, and I don’t imagine she has much in the way of baby things.”

“Actually, she doesn’t have anything,” he admitted, remembering how she had longingly looked at the baby furniture in the display nursery yesterday.

“Great.” Natalie beamed at him as Jared draped his arm around her to draw her close. “I thought we might have it at the diner, if you think that would be all right. I called Agnes yesterday to sort of feel her out about it and she was thrilled.”

“Yeah, I think the diner would work. It’s closed on Sundays, you could do it on a Sunday.”

“Great. I figured since she’s only got—what about four or six weeks—that we’d have it in about two weeks. Is that all right?”

Josh grinned broadly. “That’s great.” He hesitated. “Nat?”

“Yes, Josh?”

“Thanks,” he said, standing up. “I appreciate it and I know Em will, too.” Quickly, he closed and gathered his books. Right now he needed some time alone to think about what Jared had said. “Well, I gotta run. I’ve got to go to my apartment and shower and change before I go to work. He picked up his books and crossed the kitchen to kiss his sister-in-law goodbye. “I’ll see you all later. Tell Tommy I’ll stop by tonight to see him.”

“Hey, Josh?” Jared called, stopping him. “See how Em would feel, about having a puppy for the baby.” He grinned at his wife. “Ditka’s about to become a father.”

“Seems like everything is multiplying around here,” Josh said with a grin.

“And you’ll think about what I said, bro?” Jared asked again.

Josh nodded, then went through the door, thinking of nothing else
but
Jared’s words.

“Do you think he knows yet?” Natalie asked with a contented smile.

“That he’s in love with Emma?” Jared laughed. “Not anymore than I knew I was in love with you until I almost lost you.” He bent his head and brushed his lips against hers, feeling a warm well of gratitude that he had finally woken up. He had no idea how he would have lived without her. “But, I think I put the fear of God into him just a minute ago,” Jared admitted, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.

Natalie drew back to look at her husband, trying to look stern, but failing miserably. “And what did you do, now, Jared Ryan?”

He laughed, then bent to nuzzle Natalie’s neck. “I just asked him if he thought about what would happen once the baby was born and he got attached, and then Em found someone else and got married…”

“Ouch,” Natalie said with a shake of her head. “That wasn’t very nice.” She laughed. “Effective, but not nice.”

“Yeah, I imagine Josh is going to be doing some deep thinking and soul-searching. Jake and I, well, we’ve been worried about Josh the last few years. He’s been a loner for too long. We just want him to be happy.”

“And you think Em’s the one to make him happy?” Natalie asked.

Jared laughed. “Nat, we’ve all known forever that Em was the only one to make him happy. Let’s hope he realizes it—before it’s too late.”

With a grin of her saucy red lips, Agnes, Em’s waitress, planted a hand on her hip. “So that skinny little kid—”

“His name is Sammy,” Em explained.

“Sammy’s gonna be helping us out here in the afternoons.”

“Yes, Agnes, I thought we could use the extra help.”

“It’s ’bout time,” Agnes complained. “Been telling you for weeks to hire someone so you can take some time off. You shouldn’t be working these long hours now that your time is getting close.”

“Well, let’s not go overboard,” Em said, feeling a bit defensive as she glanced around the almost empty diner. The lunch rush was over and now, all that was left was the prep work for tomorrow.

“What? You gonna insult me by telling me you don’t think I can handle things by myself?” Agnes challenged with a toss of her head. “Why, me and Ernie can handle this joint with our hands tied behind our backs. Ain’t that right, Ernie?” Agnes called as Ernie carefully mopped under a booth where a child had spilled his milk. Ernie didn’t answer; he didn’t even bother to glance up, but Agnes was used to Ernie’s silences.

“I’m not worried about you handling things.” Em sighed, leaning wearily against the spotless, stainless steel counter they used for food preparation. “And to tell the truth, right now, the idea of having a few hours in the afternoon to myself to just rest or do nothing sounds like heaven.”

“Go home, then,” Agnes said, adjusting the ties of his apron. “Me and the new kid, we can handle things the rest of the day.” Agnes’s eyes glittered. “And if not, well, there’s always Ernie.” She grinned when Em rolled her eyes. “Besides,” Agnes continued. “Didn’t you say you had some plans tonight?”

Em flushed. “I’m just having dinner at the hotel with Josh.” She shrugged, trying not to let on how delighted and anxious she was about tonight.

Agnes grinned, pleased. “Well, take yourself off then, girl, and go buy yourself a new dress.”

Em glanced down at her frayed jeans and T-shirt covered by her white apron. She hadn’t exactly had a lot of money for maternity clothes. She’d been making do with what she had, except for one pair of maternity jeans, which she’d practically worn out. “I don’t need a new dress.”

“Em, Em, Em,” Agnes said with a shake of her head. “A woman never
needs
a new dress. For gosh sakes, what fun would that be? You should buy one just because.”

Em laughed, unwilling to admit she’d been thinking about going shopping all day. “All right, I’ll leave, but do you promise you and Ernie will remain…civil?” Even though Ernie never spoke to Agnes in front of anyone, Em had a feeling, just from the tension between them that a lot went on between them when no one was around.

Agnes grinned. “Don’t you worry about a thing, Em. Me and Ernie will be just fine.” She glanced over at Ernie and her face softened. “Just fine,” she added with a smile, turning back to Em. “Promise. Now, get going. If you leave now, you’ll probably have enough time to get yourself a new dress and take a nap.”