A Gentleman's Kiss (15 page)

Fifteen

“Claudia, are you sure you want to go to the shelter today?” Helen sat in the backseat of their carriage with Claudia as North drove them to the waterfront. “I can teach your class if this is what troubles you.”

Claudia had almost sent a note to Helen asking her that very thing, but something inside would not let her do it. She did not volunteer her time at the shelter just to spend time with Cameron. This was the work God had led her to, and she would not shirk her responsibilities because of a broken heart.

And, too, there was her grandfather Canterbury. She didn’t want him to think all her efforts to get to know him were only a ploy to be near his employer.

No. Going to the shelter was the only way to pick up the pieces of her life and move on. It would be hard to be around Cameron knowing he belonged to someone else now, but she was strong.

God had a purpose in all of this, of that she was sure. She would have to depend on Him to show her His will and the next step she should take in life.

“I have to do this, Helen. Those children depend on me, and I think I need them also. Life goes on, and I will be more productive if I get out there and work,” she told her friend kindly.

Helen sighed and searched Claudia’s face. “I’m just worried about your seeing Cameron. You both love each other so—”

“Helen! Please don’t keep reminding me,” she pleaded, gently holding on to her arm.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she cried, covering Claudia’s hand. “I’m terrible at knowing the right thing to say.”

Claudia smiled at her. “You both being here with me and supporting me is enough.”

But her brave words faded away the moment she stepped into the shelter and saw Cameron holding one of the children.

An awkward moment passed between them, but one that was smoothed over by William, the child in Cameron’s arms. The little boy held out his finger, which was wrapped with a bulky bandage, and said, “Lord Kinclary made my finger better, miss.”

Everyone laughed, and Claudia walked up to take the child from him. Cameron smiled down at her, and she was able to return it with little effort.

Turning her attention to the boy’s finger, she said, “That is quite a large bandage, William. Is it holding your finger together?”

Cameron scratched his head and smiled sheepishly. “It’s actually a small scratch, but it’s the best I could do.”

Claudia shook her head at him and started to take the child to the classroom when Cameron stopped her with his words.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.”

She closed her eyes briefly, praying for strength. Turning back to him, she countered, “I’ll leave. . .if you prefer it.”

His eyes widened. “No! I mean, of course I want you to stay. You have a heart for these people and this work as much as I do. My. . .
situation
. . .doesn’t change this.” He stumbled over his last sentence.

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Then I’ll be happy to continue on.” William began to wiggle about in her arms, so she set him down and watched him run toward the class.

“Excellent,” he replied, bringing Claudia’s attention back to him. “I want you to know the truth about the embrace you saw last night,” he said next.

Claudia felt a panic rise within her. Perhaps it was wrong of her, but she could not discuss Aurora with him. “No, please, Cameron. It doesn’t matter,” she told him firmly as she turned away.

“She threw herself into my arms in a fit of emotion because I refused to marry her,” he said quickly.

Claudia stopped and turned back to him. “What?”

Cameron took a breath then told her about Aurora’s dilemma of needing to find a husband and the promise he’d made to marry her if she could not find someone within the month. “She came to my home last night before the ball. She told me I must honor my promise to marry her since her father had threatened to marry her to Lord Carmichael.”

Claudia’s eyes widened as a picture of the old, toothless nobleman filled her mind. “He would have her marry such an old man?”

Cameron shook his head. “This is what she told me; yet when I spoke to her father last night, he never mentioned Lord Carmichael. Perhaps it was an empty threat to make Aurora choose a husband.”

“And she chose you?” she asked although she knew the answer in her heart. It was clear last night how Aurora felt about him.

“She will not admit it, but I think she wanted me to marry her all along.” Cameron ran his hand through his hair and sighed wearily. “I cannot help but share some responsibility for her feelings. I spent time with her and took her to balls when I came home on holidays, believing we were only friends. She apparently felt more.”

Claudia, as much as she loathed admitting it, could see how Aurora could love him although her feelings were not reciprocated. Cameron was unlike any man she had ever known. “And you told her you would honor your promise to her?” she asked, getting back to his story.

“No!” Cameron exclaimed, lifting his hands out to his sides. “I told her I had made that promise hastily and without thought. Though she may have thought me dishonorable, I was not going to let one promise, made in haste, ruin my life. In truth I knew Aurora could probably find a way out of the situation with her father.” He stopped and looked at her with sadness. “There was also another reason why I broke my promise to her. But it will do us both no good to speak of it.”

Claudia looked away from him and willed herself not to cry. She had done enough of that the night before. “No, it won’t,” she said faintly. Curiosity gave her enough fortitude to bring her gaze back to him. “And last night? On the terrace?”

“I was waiting for you when she suddenly walked out onto the terrace. She was crying and begging me to uphold my promise to her. I was trying to tell her I would not change my mind when she suddenly launched herself into my arms.” His face became grim. “Then you and your friends walked out at that moment. Even then it might have been all right, but when Helen called out my name—”

“It brought out half our guests to witness your embrace,” Claudia finished for him.

“It was not an embrace on my part. I had to put my arms around her to stop her from knocking us both down to the stone floor when she kissed me.” He put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground then finally back to Claudia. “In doing so I sealed my fate forever.”

“Oh, Cameron,” she cried softly. “Why has this happened? I was so sure God had a different plan for me—for us.”

“So did I,” he agreed, his voice rough with emotion.

They stared at one another for a long moment, and Claudia knew what she must say next. But it was so difficult to do. “What’s done is done. We must believe God has everything in control, and it is according to His will this has happened. I shall pray for both you and Aurora.”

A pained look crossed Cameron’s face, but it was fleeting. He gave her a small smile that seemed as though it took great effort and nodded his head. “It is exactly as I have reasoned also. I will pray for you as well.”

Claudia swallowed, trying to push down the knot that was rising in her throat, and nodded. “I had better attend to my class,” she said and made her way to the classroom before he could respond.

Though Claudia thought she’d have a hard time concentrating on her pupils that morning, it turned out to be quite the opposite. As she helped them with their work, she was able to focus on something worthwhile, instead of reliving what had taken place the night before.

God did have a purpose for her meeting Cameron, and though it wasn’t for the ultimate reason she’d longed for, she had found her dear grandfather Canterbury and discovered a way to help those less fortunate than her.

She had to keep believing He would ease the pain of seeing Cameron every day, while knowing he could never be with her.

Both she and Mrs. Owen were lining up the children to eat their noonday meal when her grandfather stepped into the doorway and asked to see her in his office.

As she followed him the short distance she tried to gauge his demeanor. Had he heard the news of Cameron and Aurora? If so, how upset was he? His face gave her no answers, however, for it remained set in the calm expression he always wore. Claudia liked to call it his butler’s face, for each one she’d come across wore the same look.

Once inside, her grandfather showed her to a seat and sat in his chair stationed behind his desk. She didn’t realize she was still staring at him so hard until he demanded, “Why do you stare at me so intently, Claudia? Have I something on my face?”

Claudia blinked. “I do apologize, Grandpapa, but I was just trying to see how you were taking the news about Cameron.”

George shook his head in confusion. “Are you speaking of his making me the president of this shelter and charity?”

“What?” Claudia gasped. “When did he do this?”

“Last night he came by and—” He stopped and looked at her. “You don’t know, do you? What news were you speaking of then?”

Claudia was not pleased with the fact she would have to tell him about Cameron’s impromptu engagement. How could he not know if he lived in the same house as his employer? Stalling, Claudia said, “Why don’t you tell me your news first?”

Her grandfather stared at her for a moment. Finally he explained, “Last night his lordship informed me the duties of the shelter were growing too large for us not to have a manager present all day. So, as of this morning, I am no longer employed as his lordship’s butler but am now the chairman of the London Riverhouse Shelter,” he announced. “He told me I could lease an apartment his family owns in Hanover Square, off Bruton Street. I’ve been moving all morning and have not had a chance to speak to anyone.”

Claudia felt so proud of her grandfather and so deeply thankful to Cameron for giving him this chance. She had a suspicion he might have done it partly for her, but she was grateful just the same. “That’s wonderful, Grandpapa. I’ll have to come and help you get settled into your new residence.”

The older man nodded but laid his papers to the side and gazed at her. “So what is your news?”

She had to take a moment to get her emotions under control. What she wanted to do was throw herself into his warm embrace and cry her eyes out, but she wouldn’t do that. She’d cried for several hours through the night, and when morning had finally come she became determined to keep her emotions under control for the rest of the day.

“Lord Kinclary has become engaged to Lady Aurora,” she told him.

“He what?” her grandfather roared, standing, his expression fierce and thunderous. “I knew the woman was up to no good when she called on his lordship yesterday. And Kinclary—what right has he to play false with your feelings while pledging himself to another?”

Claudia held out her hand in supplication. “Please, Grandpapa. Sit down. Let me tell you all that has transpired.”

She quickly repeated what Cameron had told her. When she was done, she noticed her grandfather had grown quiet and thoughtful.

“Lady Aurora has been manipulating his lordship ever since they were children. I never understood why he couldn’t see through her whining and false tears,” her grandfather recalled.

Claudia sighed and knew it would do no good to speak ill of Aurora. “That is neither here nor there, Grandpapa. Should she have thrown herself into Cameron’s arms as she did? Probably not. But I know she was distraught over his refusal to honor the promise to marry her. Perhaps she was not herself last night.”

“You are being very kind to the woman who is to marry the man you love,” he said gently.

Claudia looked away for a moment. “I cannot lie and say that part of me doesn’t feel resentful toward her, but I am trying to live as the Bible teaches. I read this morning in Ephesians chapter four, verse thirty-two, ‘And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.’ I memorized it so I might remind myself of it all during day.”

Her grandfather smiled at her. “You know, Claudia—after your mother eloped with your father I had stopped praying to God, and rarely did I attend church.” He drew in a deep breath as he gazed about his room. “But when I began helping his lordship with the shelter, I felt compelled to start attending again because Lord Kinclary seemed to have such a desire to do God’s will in his life. And then you came into my life, and I began praying to God, thanking Him for bringing you into my life—even though I was a bit stubborn about the matter at first,” he added with a self-deprecating grin.

“I can truly endure this pain in my heart then, knowing it has brought us together and both closer to God,” she said sincerely and gratefully, stretching her hand across his desk.

Her grandfather covered it with his own hand, and Claudia felt immediately comforted by his touch. “Indeed, my dear. I just wish you did not have to endure such sadness and heartbreak. Can’t I do something?”

Claudia shook her head and stood. “There is nothing to be done. But I do want you to know how proud I am about your new position.”

“Thank you, my dear,” he said as he stood with her. “You’ll come to me if you need anything, won’t you?”

“Of course. But I will still be seeing you everyday.”

Her grandfather’s brows rose in surprise. “You will continue your work here? Do you think it wise?”

Claudia couldn’t be sure about anything at this point. With a sigh she shook her head and answered, “I don’t know, Grandpapa. But I do not want to stop my work with these children. I’ve come to care so much for them.”

Her grandfather nodded, but he still seemed troubled. He came around the desk and walked her to the door. “As I said, I am here for you, Claudia. You can always depend on that.”