A Heart to Heal (16 page)

That was good. They didn't need to have sex again. The other day was a onetime deal to get it over and done with. Still, she asked, “Why not?”

They broke through the trees into a clearing that surrounded a small pond. Devin backed the truck up to the pond and cut the engine before looking at her. “My brain already makes me say dumb shit when I'm around you. Do you really want to take away what little blood flow I have up there and reduce me to a gibbering fool?”

His teasing reply eased the sting of his rejection. “I don't remember a gibbering fool. I do remember a very capable man.” Despite herself, she bit her lip and let her gaze travel over his body.

He groaned and opened the door. “Get out of the car before I forget why I brought you out here.”

Instead of mentally listing all of the things Devin could do to her out there, she got out of the truck. He walked to the back, and let down the tailgate. He held out his hand, indicating that she climb up. With a raised eyebrow she slowly made her way around the truck. The heels of her boots sank into the soft ground. She stumbled forward, and he easily caught her. Her hands squeezed his hard biceps and their eyes locked. Electric heat sizzled between them. He hesitated a second, that felt more like hours, before lifting her on the back of the truck.

When he jumped up beside her, he stared at the pond. Her gaze followed his, watching dragonflies zip across the surface that sparkled in the late sunlight.

The only sound was the breeze rustling the grass, and their steady breathing. Slowly, her desire went from a raging inferno to a smoldering burn. It would never go away when he was around. She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sun, letting the warmth and the quiet wash over her. Minutes passed before he spoke.

“Remember when things were easy with us? I could listen to you talk for hours about school, life, what you wanted for the future.”

The corner of her mouth lifted. “I was probably exhausting. The way I always came to you with my problems.”

“I liked having you around. Talking to you away from everyone else.” He leaned forward, resting his hands on his legs. “I should have listened to your explanation about Tony.”

“No need for shoulda, woulda, coulda. We were in high school. After what you saw, who would have expected you to listen.”

He turned and met her eyes. “Don't blow this off, Shayla. I'm sorry about that, and about what I said at Jared's. It's not my place to judge how you deal with things in your life.”

The urge to gloss over his apology was strong, but the sincerity in his eyes pushed it away. He was being an adult about it, facing their problem head on, and she could do the same.

She looked back at the water. “It wasn't easy to play along as Tony's girlfriend. I didn't want what happened, but I didn't know how to stop it.”

He shifted next to her, and ran a hand over his face. “You don't have to explain.”

She nodded. “I do. I did tell him to stop … begged him to leave me alone, but I was too drunk to do much else. I should have fought harder.”

Anger flashed in his eyes as he sat up and faced her. “He shouldn't have been in there. I shouldn't have left you.”

“Stop, please, all of the reasons why it happened don't matter. It did, and it broke my heart that I hurt you like that.” She looked away as tears welled in her eyes.

When he reached out to pull her against his side, she didn't resist. She rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes as his hand softly ran up and down her arm, soothing her ragged emotions.

“I know it's tough, being back here and having everyone treat you coldly.” He said. “I know we'll never get back what we had before, but I am here for you. You're not a charity case to me, and I know you can handle yourself. I'm just offering friendship. You can talk to me when you feel the need. I promise not to offer any advice unless you ask for it.”

She laughed. “Devin Jones, not giving advice. I don't believe it.”

His body shook slightly with his laughter, sending shivers down her spine. “Well, I'll try not to.”

She lifted her head. “Despite my teasing earlier, what we did the other day, we can't do it again.”

He turned to face her. Only a few inches separated them. “Shayla … ”

She pushed away. His voice was too soft, too inviting. “I'm serious, Devin. I promised to stay away from you.”

“Who asked you to do that?”

“My mom, my aunt Linda, and my cousin Kia.”

“They don't matter. There's something here … ”

“There's always been something here, Devin.” She pointed at his chest then hers. “We both know it, but what can come of it. I refuse to live in Helena. Your life is here.”

“But — ”

“And Kia is crazy about you. She'd make a much better match for you than I would.”

He crossed his arms. “Really? How?”

She blinked several times then turned back to the pond. She felt his gaze as he waited for her answer. Swallowing the lump in her throat she said, “Well, she's young and pretty.”

“She's young and gorgeous, but so are a lot of women.”

She scowled, thrown off by his quick agreement. “She's in the medical field. You'd have something to talk about.”

“I don't need to talk about my job all day. It would be nice to talk about something different after work.”

“She doesn't have a reputation for sleeping around and passing out drunk at parties.”

“How many men have you slept with?”

Her head whipped around. “Why?”

He leaned forward, a curious glint in his eye. “Let's see if you're really as wild as they say you are.”

Crossing her arms over her chest she fired back. “How many women have you slept with?”

“Twenty: now answer my question,” he said, unfazed.

She looked away. Her heart pounded and her cheeks heated as she tried to wrestle back the jealousy. Twenty different women had been in Devin's arms. Had he made love so intently with each of them, the way he'd done her? Did they also have an orgasm so mind blowing it brought tears to their eyes?

It took a minute before the realization that he'd slept with more women than she'd slept with men sunk in. After Tony, she'd spent the first few years of college as a tease before starting a string of sporadic, but disastrous relationships. The most recent being Mark.

“Thirteen,” she said meeting his eye once more.

His eyebrows rose. “Thirteen. That's it? You're such a slut,” he teased.

“I believe out of the two of us, you're the slut.”

His lips curved into a sexy smile and he leaned toward her. “I believe you've listed weak reasons why we should deny what we both want.”

His arm snaked around her waist and pulled her body against his. The slow smolder went back to a raging inferno as desire swept through her. His eyes were hot as he held her gaze. He didn't rush into it; he never did, always giving her the chance to pull away, to know what was going on.

“I promised,” she whispered.

He slowly lowered his head. “You didn't promise me.”

One more time
, she thought,
just once more
. He may not have had intentions of sleeping with her out here, but plans change. No one had to know what was going on. They could be discreet lovers, meeting away from prying eyes. It was only until she left town, then she'd go away and Kia or anyone else could have him. When his big hand slid under her shirt, she pushed away thoughts of him doing the same with her cousin or anyone else. He was her Devin now, and that was all that mattered.

She sighed as his soft lips met hers. He wasn't close enough. She pressed against his strong chest, forcing him to lie back in the truck. Her leg slid over his trim waist as she straddled him and ran her fingers through his hair. It was longer than it had been the week before and she loved it. His braids were a thing of the past, but she would always delight in the memories of her hands in Devin's hair.

She deepened the kiss while simultaneously reaching for the buttons of his shirt. His skin was hot against her hands. She lightly dragged her nails down his chest, playing with the springy hairs on the way to his navel. He groaned, intensifying the fire burning within her.

He gently grabbed her upper arms and pushed her away. “Shayla, this is not why I brought you out here.”

“I know.” She said leaning down to kiss his neck. Her greedy tongue trailed lightly across his bronze skin, savoring his salty flavor.

A tremble ran through his body. “What happened to us not being able to do this anymore?” His voice was strained.

Reaching for the button on his pants she said, “No one has to know.”

He stiffened and pushed her away. She still sat on top of him but he held her at arm's length. “I'm not going to be your convenient sex partner.”

“I wasn't thinking convenient. I was thinking occasional secret lover.”

His dark brows clashed over his eyes. “If we do this, then we're going to have to be together. I stopped having casual affairs after college.”

His words touched a place in her heart that had long been neglected. It would be great to have more with him. To be more to him than a woman he called whenever he felt horny. But she couldn't.

She rolled her eyes, hoping he'd believe her disdain. “Come on, Devin. It's easier this way.”

He flipped her over so quickly she barely had time blink. Anger blazed in his eyes as he stared down at her. “I'm not doing what's easy anymore. I'm either your friend, or your man, but I won't do this friends-with-benefits mess.”

Her mouth opened and closed. She couldn't give up the approval of her mother on something that she was sure Devin would wake up one day and realize was a mistake. Him being her friend was tolerated, but him being her man wouldn't be. She'd end up dragging his name through the mud with hers.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him her best seductive smile. “Don't be angry. You said yourself that we're too different. A relationship won't work, but friendship and occasional sex will.”

His eyes narrowed. She didn't know if he wanted to accept her offer or curse at her for it. Suddenly, he leaned down to kiss her roughly. He didn't give her time to react, but no thought was needed. His hard body against hers was all that mattered. In an instant his hand was up her shirt. She arched her back so he could easily unhook her bra. She moaned in relief when the pressure from the underwire was taken away, replaced by his warm palms. His fingers toyed with her sensitive nipple until it hardened in his hand.

Tearing away from her mouth, his head lowered to her aching breast as he raised her shirt. His lips closed around the stiff peak, sucking it deeply into his hot mouth causing her to gasp with pleasure. He shifted to lie beside her and pushed the other side of her shirt up. The cool air caressed the burning skin of her other breast. It didn't stand a chance against the heat Devin caused within her. Her body tightened like a pulled string when his strong hand skimmed lightly down her flat stomach to the waistband of her jeans. She held her breath as he slowly breached the barrier. His mouth continued to suck her breast his hand pushed past the waistband of her underwear to gently tease the wet curls at the apex of her thighs.

He lifted his head and stared at her, his broad fingers continuing to tease between her legs. She spread her thighs. His fingers lightly danced across her enlarged clit before he pulled back to once again tease her.

“You want to make love to me.” His voice was low, strained.

“Yes.”

One blunt fingertip teased the opening of her sex. “I will. As soon as you agree to be mine. In the open, for everyone to see. Otherwise, I can only offer you friendship.”

He leisurely removed his hand, brushed his lips across hers and pulled away. She fought to breathe as he rolled away. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and got off the back of the truck. She stared at the darkening sky. The juncture of her thighs was soaked, swollen, and aching for more. But he asked for something she couldn't give.

“Let's go,” he said from the side of the truck.

She continued to fight for breath. With her eyes closed she sat up and straightened her bra and shirt. She willed the desire away, for the sense of need to subside, but it was a losing battle. She couldn't have Devin, and she couldn't disappoint her family. When her heart finally returned to a semi-normal beat, she opened her eyes and met his gaze.

“Let's go.”

Southern soul music and the smell of warm food greeted Shayla as she entered Helena's Main Street diner. The restaurant was the gathering place for citizens of Helena looking for a good meal and a good conversation. Shayla had avoided the place since arriving. For the last few weeks, she'd been the topic of conversation in town. After surviving the church festival meeting yesterday and the acceptance of Reverend Jenkins, facing any accusing looks from neighbors in the diner seemed paltry.

Mr. Wilson, the owner, waved his large hand and smiled at her from behind the counter when she entered. She returned his greeting with a small wave before looking for a place to sit. Most of the booths were filled with families or couples. Her gaze collided with a few of the women, who either slid closer to their men or wrapped possessive arms around their shoulders. As if she really planned to outright snatch them from their grasp.

She sat at the bar and pulled out a vinyl menu squeezed between the napkin dispenser and ketchup. The offerings hadn't changed since she left.

“What can I get you?” Jennie, the red-head waitress who'd worked there since Shayla was in high school, asked not looking up from her notepad.

“Let me get the baked chicken, okra, and tomatoes and cabbage.”

Jennie scribbled in her notebook. “Sure thing, hon.” When she looked up the smile on her face withered away. “Shayla Monroe. I heard you were back in town.”