A House of Cards: Deconstructing Ethan (29 page)

He didn’t.

Any doubts that I had vanished in the instant his lips met mine. I whimpered softly into his kiss, completely unprepared for its intensity. His arms wrapped around my waist and I felt his strong hand running up my back underneath my t-shirt. Shivering, I reached behind me and turned the knob, opening my bedroom door and we moved as one into the room. As we neared the bed, we stopped, my fingers gripping his long hair. I moaned breathlessly into the kiss, my body and my arousal, completely out of control.

I started to lower myself onto the bed and he came right with me, never breaking our connection. As my head came in contact with the pillow, he was on top of me, his hands on either side of me, holding his weight off of me. When I settled back, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and felt his body press into mine. His arms went around me, under my shoulders, cradling me like I was the most important thing on earth to him. Breaking our kiss, his lips moved to my neck and then he rested his face in the crook of my shoulder, just holding me. The intimacy of the moment shocked me, but I ran my fingers through his hair affectionately. I didn’t know where it was coming from, but I sure as hell didn’t want it to end.

Moving his lips down over my chest, he kissed me through my t-shirt until he reached the bottom. I sat up slightly as he pulled the hem up and then pulled the shirt over my head before tossing it haphazardly onto the floor. As he trailed gentle wet kisses over my stomach, moving back up my chest, he moaned softly. My back arched and I pushed my hips up into him. Through my jeans, I felt his hand ghost over my erection but he made no other overt caresses. It appeared he wanted to take his time and I was more than willing to indulge him.

I would have given him anything.

A groan bubbled out of me as his soft, sweet lips wrapped around one of my nipples. I traced the contours of his shoulders with my fingertips as his tongue flicked over my sensitive skin, gasping as he nibbled and grazed me with his teeth. The feeling shot straight through me and, without even realizing it, I let my legs fall open and pushed myself closer to him. He moaned quietly and moved over to repeat the technique on the other side. By the time he finished, my body was on fire and all I could do was to fist his t-shirt and get it over his head.

He was back on top of me in an instant, his hard chest pressed against mine. I loved the feel of his soft skin under my fingers, it was intimate and it made me feel closer to him than I had ever been. The warmth in my chest grew exponentially as he touched me affectionately, lovingly. It was a turning point in our relationship, no longer were we merely Master and sub, roommates, or even friends. We were lovers and I held out even the faintest hope that it would continue for the rest of our lives. Thought if it didn’t, I would hold onto this moment for as long as I could manage.

His arms tightened around me as his breathing accelerated. I felt him push his hips and move them slightly upwards, grinding his hard cock against mine. Even through the denim of our jeans, the friction made me push up into him seeking more. My head fell back as he once again pressed his lips to my throat, my breathless moan did not go unheard and he pressed hard into me again. Pulling my legs up, I gingerly wrapped them around him and his fingers tightened on my shoulders as he pulled me hard against him. His head fell to my shoulder as he moved his hips harder and faster against mine. I heard his labored, uneven breathing just a few inches from my ear, muffled by my shoulder. Feeling a wet spot starting to form in my boxers from my over eager erection, I rolled us so that he was on his back and I was above him.

My lips reconnected with his and I quickly pulled a pillow under his head, holding his head in place giving me better leverage to kiss him harder. At the sudden urgency, he moaned into my mouth, pushing up and grinding against me. As I kissed him, I reached down to unbutton and unzip his jeans, my mouth never leaving his. He gasped and moaned as I slid my hand down into his jeans as he pushed up into my hand and I stroked him gently. He was so responsive; it felt like he wanted it just as fucking badly as I did. I slowly crawled down his body, placing soft strategically beneficial kisses all down his chest and abdomen. By the time I reached the top of his jeans, his hips were rolling up into my touch. I grabbed the tops of his jeans and boxers and tugged them both down in one motion before pulling them down his legs and completely off. I tossed them to the side and spread his legs across my blue plaid comforter.

He looked so fucking beautiful nude and relaxed on my bed, the head of his hard cock hovering just inches from his navel. I couldn’t help but want to taste. Placing my palms on either side of his waist, I ran my tongue firmly from the base of his cock up over the head; he grunted and bucked his hips. Obvious from his reactions that he was eager, I took the head into my mouth, sucking lightly. When I ran my tongue over it and stroked his shaft lightly with my fingers, he groaned. It was a long, deep, open mouthed sound that made me shiver in its unabashed need. As I took more of his cock into my mouth, I reached down and undid my own jeans, sliding them down to my knees. I stroked my cock as I sucked him, the deep resounding, moans causing my lips to vibrate against his skin. Almost immediately, he began to caress my hair.

I pulled away from him long enough to grab condoms and lube from the bedside table. Jayden and I had never used a condom before, but after I had been with someone else, I wasn’t going to take that risk, not with him, not ever. I took him back into my mouth and poured a small amount of lube onto my fingers. Sucking him deep into my throat, I rubbed the lube inside of him, moving my fingers gently in and out. He moved his hips in time with my hand and soon he was driving up into my mouth. Quickly, I got to my knees and rolled on the condom. I had every intention of making love to him on his back, but it seemed that he had other ideas.

Jayden held up a pillow and pushed me back so that I was sitting with my back supported by the pillow against the headboard. Then, he straddled me and the look of sheer desire that stole his face, nearly made me orgasm before I was even inside of him. I held my cock steady as he sank onto it, groaning as it was buried inside of him. He stopped moving to adjust his legs and I took that opportunity to wrap my arms around his waist. He took his hands off the headboard and put his arms around my shoulders. We were as close as two people could possibly be.

And then he kissed me as he started to move.

The intimacy, the sheer emotion, the feeling of his warm naked skin against mine, was like nothing I had ever experienced. He moved slowly, gracefully, on top of me and I held him, kissed him as we made love. There was no way to downplay the impact that it had on me, it was one of the most heartfelt moments of my life. Jayden had once told me that becoming my submissive had irrevocably altered his life. I never understood what he meant until then. That night would irrevocably alter my life; I just hoped that it would not destroy it as well. He held my heart in his hands.

Much too soon, I felt my body start to tighten, my gasps and whimpers becoming louder and more pronounced. I reached down and started stroking him, his head falling back as his hands went to my thighs to keep himself balanced. I don’t know if our orgasms were simultaneous or if I just wasn’t fully aware of when his started, but in that instant, we were one person. I was his.

We rode out the almost devastating pleasure with my head on his chest and his lips against my hair. Even after we were both spent, I held him tightly against me. It felt like neither of us wanted to lose that connection we felt with each other. But all too soon, we did, tossed the condom into the bedside trash and laid down. To my surprise, Jayden laid down next to me and pulled the covers over us. Without hesitation, I opened my arms to him and he laid with his head against my shoulder.

I stroked his hair gently and, for the first time ever, fell asleep with the boy I loved in my arms.

* * *

I woke slowly, my mind trying to process the events from the previous night, hoping it hadn’t been a dream. The fact that I was naked on the opposite side of the bed from where I usually slept was a good indication that it wasn’t. With my back to the majority of the bed, I kept my eyes closed and reveled in the memory of our lovemaking. I just …I couldn’t face the dawn, not yet. If I opened my eyes and he was gone – even if he was just making coffee -that one insignificant rejection would break my heart. In my wildest dreams, I had not conceived of what took place the night before and in the harsh light of day, I found that I did not want to face his regret.

Just as I had decided that maybe I could open my eyes after all, I felt a warm hand drift over my bare stomach under the blanket. Jayden wrapped his arm awkwardly around my waist, spooning against my bare back and lightly kissed me on the shoulder. My eyes popped open and I looked over at him to find he was watching me shyly. Neither of us speaking, I held his gaze for a long time. Then he smiled, sweet, soft and a little reticent. Smiling back, it occurred to me that I really enjoyed waking up with him. His hair was a wild mass of blond waves and curls and his unshaven face had a rugged quality. For some reason, he looked older to me as we laid there in the sunshine streaming through the windows.

“Hi,” he said quietly, pressing his lips to my shoulder again.

“Hi,” I replied, still watching him, almost afraid of what was coming.

“I need to tell you something,” he whispered. Not knowing what to say, I nodded. Moving up onto his elbow, his other arm still around my waist, his face close to mine, I could see the emotion in his eyes. “I don’t know where to start,” he admitted after a few minutes.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Why don’t you start at the beginning?” I suggested, somewhat confused.

“I am grateful that you took me on as a submissive, Ethan. I am thankful that you brought me into the lifestyle. I loved being your submissive. I loved serving you and meeting your sexual needs. But, it’s just not enough for me anymore,” he said quietly and my body locked. Oh God, he was leaving.

No.

No, God damn it, not now.

I started to speak, but he stopped me. “Please, let me just get this out.” My breathing accelerated wildly, but I nodded.

“Over the time that you were my Master, we grew close. I also grew close with Lexi. That night,” he sighed, “that night before I left for Chicago, I thought I had so many things figured out. I was wrong.

I knew then, but I just didn’t think you were capable. Then you met Gabriel and I got so scared.”

“Jayden, I don’t think I’m following,” I admitted, still more than a little confused. Looking up into my face, he said the one thing I never expected to hear.

“I’m in love with you, Ethan.”

My face must have registered my surprise, because he immediately started to hedge. “I know that you don’t or can’t feel the same way about me, but I just needed you to know. It’s been killing me for months not being able to tell you, but after last night, I thought maybe…” He was cut off by the force of my lips crashing into his as I rolled to my side, gripping him hard as he moaned when our lips met over and over again. When we finally broke apart, he looked up at me, hope welling in his eyes.

“You’re wrong,” I said softly, stroking his cheek with my fingertips. “I do love you. I have for a long time, I think…I just didn’t realize what it was until recently. I didn’t think that now was the time to…“ I stopped and pulled back just a little. The one thing that I needed to know nagged at the very forefront of my mind. “What about Lexi, Jayden?”

He sighed and again I got the impression that he had aged in just the moments we’d been lying there. The overwhelming feeling of weariness that came from him brought back my sadness. Jayden’s eyes became clouded with pain as he thought about Lexi. My heart hurt for him and for me. I wondered with that level of ache if our love would be enough to sustain anything between us.
Our love
– that sounded so foreign -even in my own head. He looked down, clutching at the blanket. Taking a deep breath, he started to speak.

“Lexi knew. Almost from the time that she came to live with me in Chicago, she knew how I felt about you. After you started seeing Gabriel, my jealousy was out of control. I tried to hide it from her, because I didn’t want to hurt her. My little emotional outburst when I opened my Lexi-present just intensified her feelings for me. She was so important to both of us; I couldn’t hurt her like that. Once it was apparent that you and Gabriel were going somewhere, I just locked it away. Of course, she still saw it. I had no idea until we were in the ambulance, just how transparent I was. She told me to let you love me. She said that we deserved to be happy and she was sorry that she wasn’t going to be able to stay around and see it.”

A tear slid down his face and I wiped it away gently. “She was such an amazing, intelligent, caring woman. She didn’t deserve to be lied to. I lied to her when I told her that I loved her like that, just…the thought of being in love with you scared me. I didn’t know what that meant for me as a man then, what it meant for you. I am so fucking awful, Ethan. I should have just told her the truth.” I pulled him hard against me and held him for a long time, grieving. Of course Lexi knew; she had been the most intuitive person I knew. She knew I was in love with Jayden and she knew Jayden was in love with me. She must not have said anything for the same reason I never said anything about her feelings for him, it wasn’t my place. If I hadn’t been so emotionally stunted, we could all have talked about it months ago and saved so much pain. I just…I hadn’t been ready then.