A Life Plan Without You. (2 page)

Hardly anything changed within the group, occasionally a girl
would leave for pastures new or after a falling out, but she always
returned when she discovered that the grass wasn’t in fact greener
on the other side of the playing field. Other than the boyfriends
the other girls had, (now they changed all the time,) the most
drastic changes however were those our teenage bodies went through,
they were the funniest, especially where the boobs were concerned,
but alas the only thing to blossom for me at this time, was in fact
my frizzy curly brown hair, it got way out of control and was not
easily managed it didn’t like being brushed or combed it looked at
times like I had a brown candyfloss wig on, which was how my
nickname ‘Hair Bear’ came about and no I do not live in the
Wonderland zoo, but sometimes it feels like I do, my hair was the
main target of mockery for those very sisters and the bitches who
followed their every order.

Life isn’t perfect and unfortunately we can’t all be buffed
and quaffed to perfection. Most of us have some minor imperfections
and my hair and lack of boobs were mine. My hair was only a problem
because mum couldn’t afford the hairdressers, so like most other
families, mum was our hairdresser and as she didn’t have a clue how
to cut hair she would just hack at it, taking the same amount off
all over and she really enjoyed hacking off mine, laughing and
cutting away at the wild tendrils.

“You can’t really tell if I mess it up.” She wasn’t joking
either, it was awful before she started and a shorter awful when
she’d finished, the last time she cut it she went too short and
afterwards the people I met used to say ‘hey up son’ and bloody
meant it, we had yet another row and as a consequence of my boy
haircut, I stopped her cutting it back in year three as a protest
until I had it cut at a hair salon, so due to the lack of spare
money my hair would stay uncut! Great she said my hair was now my
problem.

My boobs finally came in too last summer; sheisk something
else sent to try me, they began their belated appearance over the
summer holiday, before my final year here at college. Just when I
thought I would be as flat as pancake all my life too, the trainer
bra had long since abandoned, why I needed to train them beggared
belief, because they didn’t go anywhere.

They started off as manageable little mounds and easily
ignored as summer passed, so I continued on with my tomboy
activities, (I wouldn’t drop the tracksuits, the scruffy joggers or
the attitude.) I ran around and hung about with my cousin Michael
and the lads, forgetting I had them for a while, I just had a great
summer, swimming in the sea, running, skating and enjoying my
perfect last summer before I finally had to grow up…

My boobs turned into perfectly formed round and pert humps, I
swear I went to bed one night and the next day I had them,
something for my Cousin Michael and his friends to take the micky
of, I hated them… By the start of this my last year at college,
they decided to come complete with all the correct add on’s, those
damn nipple things, now they were an awkward couple of
additions!

Apparently they stand to attention when you fancy a bloke?
Nahah… Mine just did it when I was cold or bloody wet, sheisk or
whilst on my daily run, they caused pervy men and boys to suddenly
stop and either fall over or wolf whistle, gheeze. I now had to
have a tee shirt on under my chef whites too, the nipple things
when cold, looked dead funny and drew attention from the boys,
because funny as it seemed to me, they had become man traps? I
could have done without the hassle that went with them! What is it
with boys and boobs and their constant need to be looking or
fumbling with those self said items?

Most of our merry group of friends had tried and liked the
kisses and fumbles, fumbles was woman code for supposed not quite
full sex, man code for been there sealed the deal, I was so
confused, because the girls didn’t want to admit they had and yet
they boys boasted they had? It also seemed like a rite of passage
into college, the loss of your virtue, mostly it seems with the
lads that now it seems, formed an integral part of our cosy little
girl group, not for me thanks, I’m fumble free and proud of it
too.

The lads or Neanderthals as I called them, came complete with
all their rampant boy testosterone stuff, it seemed to rage through
their spotty faced, voice cracking smelly bodies and they all of
them, had an inbuilt attraction to those self-same boobs. I however
didn’t think much of the choices available either. I’d only had a
liking for a few of the lads whilst at school and only one other
whilst in college. Even those I did like, either liked the pretty
girls who did put out, or Kelly Pepper the Welsh wasp, had made a
play for them before me and sorry, but I wasn’t for being anyone’s
second choice. I’m though, as the song goes, still waiting for
someone to come and tell me that he loves me.

There is finally hope of that on the horizon, because I have
fallen in lust with a mysterious stranger…

Chapter
1.

It’s Friday night again, but not my usual Friday night, this
is a particularly special Friday night, I am going to do something
different, I’m going to speak to the mystery man I’d fallen in lust
with. Well, he’s not really a total mystery I knew his name.
Mysterious, because apart from his name and age, I knew very little
more about him, plus mysterious because I’d seen him around a lot
of late, good for me because I got to hunk watch and good lord, he
was just too damn drop dead gorgeous not to watch.

The man of mystery, is called Samuel Todd and he’s twenty two,
he has the complete package starting with a head of lush dark
brown, almost black hair then team that with his equally dark eyes,
hell they sparkled like polished ebony, when he stared at me from
across the room and they drew me in they are dark and inviting with
a hint of playfulness, they finished of his perfect face. I had to
wonder what they would be like looking into mine? Yeah like I was
that lucky, then there was that body, on those legs and sheisk his
backside made me go all weak at the knees when he walked by me and
I’d seen that rear view a lot over the past seven weeks… Be still
my weakening knees and beating heart.

When I walked into the dance studio on that wonderful first
night, seven weeks ago; which now seems like such a long time ago.
I was quite shocked to see him just sat there, because I had seen
him before, he was the same man I’d spotted watching me over the
past few weeks, well alright that was a bit of an over
exaggeration, he’d happened to catch my eye in quite a few places
of late, places I happened to be, but then once I caught sight of
him, he seemed to be in more and more places I was.

I found out who he was that first night and the reason why he
was there, because the owners wife, Mrs Cynthia Ridgley knew all
about him, as all good owners wives should, but she was also an old
gossip and a hapless romantic,
bless her!
When I’d asked her after my lessons were over, who he was she
passed me his progress sheets. From those I'd managed to find out
his name and the reasons he was here. Not the reason I’d hoped for,
that he was lusting after me and watching me, nope I wasn’t that
lucky! He was having a private lesson with Lana,

She was also the reason he was there at the college fence,
he’d been waiting for her to finish work at the local convent
school and whilst he waited, he’d watched us play hockey. He was
simply killing time before he met her, lucky for Leggy Lana, I’d
often wondered was she in for nun training? Now I didn’t think so,
well not with that fella as her boyfriend. I’m changing her name to
Lucky Lana, she with those long leggy legs, which she gets to have
next to his equally long and muscular legs, either stood up,
dancing or laying down next to her, damn it and her bloody legs,
because one of her other names she has is Leg-Over-Lana, some girls
have all the bloody luck.

This will be my seventh Friday night of hunk watch and fingers
crossed this is the night he finally speaks. Smiling’s fine for
some and his smile has been pretty damn spectacular it has to be
said, but I want more. If he doesn’t speak to me tonight, I’ve
decided I will have to speak to him not doing so is killing
me.

My mind is made up, tonight is that night, I sink or I swim,
he talks or he doesn’t, I die of embarrassment or I float off on
cloud number nine. I wish that I was just more confident, even if I
just had a thimbleful more of it, it would be a great help. He is
though, drop dead gorgeous way out of my reach and godlike, so I
would need a bucket full of confidence and it would be a help if I
were able to take a bathe in it too. Do they bottle it at the
chemist? If they did I would buy the shelf full, I needed
it.

Then I had the problem of what to say, and what a problem that
was, actually speaking to him, because I didn’t know if my lips
would move, normally they just gawped at him like a right numpty
and I’d salivate. I’d ran over loads of ways to just start a
conversation with him, perhaps keep it simple, and just say hello
and then hope he replied? I was still hoping he would just talk to
me first!

I have though another tiny little bump in the road to my love
life’s smooth running’s
he already had that
woman as his girlfriend, a big bump come to think about it! She
came in the form of the quite stunning leggy blonde Lana. One word
described me and my hopes of landing the Todd God, deluded! I had a
grand illusion running through that logically flawed brain of mine,
that once he spoke to me and he finally listened to my witty
repartee, he would dump the equally gorgeous girlfriend he already
had, Lay-Lana, she got the name for a reason folks, well that one
and a whole load more, but they weren’t quite as nice as that one,
in favour of little ole me.

I fantasised about Samuel more from the first night, each week
more wonderful than the last, each week even more smiles, but no
words exchanged between us. I actually looked forwards to my Friday
nights, not just for my dance lessons, but also for a tiny glimpse
of Sam watching. After that first simple encounter, (the one where
I walked in to see him sitting there changing into his shoes,) I
was madly in love with him, can you fall in love with someone
simply by watching them? Well, anyway if it wasn’t love, I was
certainly smitten.

I’d figured though at twenty two, he was way too old to be
interested in lowly ole me. Even if, and it’s this part was so
never happening, I stood any chance of being that someone who could
successfully come between Leggy Lana and him? Her with those loose
legs and that blonde bouncing hair, her killer body and her
fabulous wardrobe of clothes and given that she was already his
lady and I was just the geeky girl, who’s new hobby was ogling the
dark haired hunk of an angel, week in and week out like a sad puppy
dog, I knew I didn’t stand a chance and yes, I swear I just whined
out loud.

******

Reality check for Michelle Helen Welles
; ‘Now that’s enough all this has to stop.’ Damn it, the voice
in my head is screaming at me in her best telling me off voice, she
is my conscience and my reality checker and sometimes a pain in the
arse. She is now telling me off and using my naughty name too.
‘Stop living in your own sodding dream land and join the party in
the real world here on planet earth. There Michelle is where the
real living needs to be done. (Not up here in your head and in your
daydreams, here where everybody thinks you’re Wonder woman is not
real Michelle!)

You are a nice girl and that’s where your problem lays Missy,
people walk all over you to get what they want and you let them
because you hate confrontation. You’re too polite and kind, because
you were taught really good manners, unfortunately, not everyone
has been raised with them, and this too is often mistaken for a
weakness.’ Damn she’s good!

‘You’re too quick in forgiving, because your Gramps has always
said that people deserve to be given a second chance. This for you
is a low blow, because you have never had a second chance Michelle,
because nobody has taken a chance on you the first time. You need
to change your ways Missy, and soon before, it’s too late?’ Right
so how do I change it how exactly?

‘
This is your biggest fault too Michelle Helen Welles, you’re a
dreamer, for hecks sake you’re having a conversation with me right
now! I know why though angel, because in your real life there are
Karen’s, Kelly’s and Michaels, nothing is ever right in the real
world you live in. Not here though in your hushed place, here in
this place, you're gorgeous, you're flighty and interesting. Here
you have great hair, fantastic clothes and yes in your dream state
you are already have Sam in your grasps and are about to steal him
away from Lana!’ Shit I was away with the fairies again… I snap out
of the conversation with her the voice in my head…

******

Shit I’m deluded and my head was stuck in those imaginary
clouds. He was too perfect for me and that was my problem I’d set
the bar too high. Oh well I can dream I liked my dreams and he is
very good to dream about and dream I did. Every Friday night for
the odd ten or fifteen minutes, before my lesson for the past seven
wonderful Sam filled Friday nights. I had loved watching this
beautiful man. Can a man be beautiful? Well of course, they can,
because he unquestionably was. He never did stop to the after dance
social. Such a pity too, because there’s a ladies excuse me, and I
could then have asked him to dance and he couldn’t refuse, but then
again why would he stop?