A Love Like This (15 page)

“I need to check on Jane, before we
leave.”

I remembered the pretty blonde nurse. “She
was hurt pretty badly. She stepped in front of me when the bastard
with the knife came at me. She got the worst of it. I might be dead
if it weren’t for her. She’s in surgery, now. I’d like to stay
until she’s in recovery. Okay?”

“What happened to her?”

Ryan briefly explained and I nodded. “Okay.”
Gratitude was an understatement. Tears blurred his beautiful face
before my eyes. He looked so tired. “Can I stay with you? I can’t
bear to have you out of my sight.”

His lips quirked in a soft smile. “Yeah. I’d
like that.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Yep. Like a son-of-a-bitch. They gave me
some Vicodin, but I can’t take it until we get home. It’ll put me
to sleep.”

“I remember how that is.” I said softly as
he leaned over and placed a soft, open-mouthed kiss on my lips. “I
hated taking it.”

It was only a few minutes more and Ryan was
bandaged up and we went to the doctor’s lounge so he could change
into clean scrubs. He was quiet as he took my hand and walked with
me down the hall to the elevators. We found a couch in the waiting
room of the surgery floor and he pulled me down onto his lap. I
went without protest and curled into him, resting my forehead on
his jaw, content to be held by him.

After he called Elyse and promised to call
again with more details the following day, Ryan unloaded about the
horrible happenings of the evening. I was frightened just hearing
about the cold-blooded murder that happened right in front of their
eyes and how Jane saved my husband by sacrificing herself. I had no
way to show her how grateful I was. She’d saved my life, too.

“I’m so thankful, Ryan. I’ll never be able
to repay her.”

“I know. Me either. She was so selfless. I
owe her everything.” His arms tightened and he kissed my forehead.
“I owe her
this
.”

~5~

My shoulder burned like a son-of-a-bitch and
the other one was aching where it had slammed into the wall and
floor. It was pitch black and 3 a. m. when Julia and I finally
pushed through the door of our apartment. Jane came out of surgery
an hour earlier and was in recovery. She wouldn’t be lucid for
hours, so I decided to take Julia home. The artery was so badly
damaged, along with her uterus being almost sliced in half, the
surgeons had to perform a complete hysterectomy to curtail the
bleeding and save her life. I felt horrible; immersed in guilt and
decided it was my responsibility to deliver the devastating news. I
was going to grab a few hours rest and then get back to the
hospital early in the morning.

Julia padded softly around the bedroom and
bathroom as we both brushed our teeth and got ready for bed. She
silently rubbed my bare back and kissed my shoulder, standing
there, watching me in the mirror with her soulful eyes. My chest
filled. I’d never been so happy to see anyone in my life as I was
when she walked through that door in the ER.

I put down the toothbrush and gingerly slid
an arm around her waist and tugged her close to my side. The
familiar scent of her, the warmth and love I found in her face when
she looked at me, was as life-giving as a bonfire in Antarctica. My
lips found her forehead and then moved down the side of her face.
Her skin was warm beneath my mouth;
alive
. I breathed in
deeply, sucking in her life-giving breath for my own.

Julia’s arms wound around my waist and she
kissed my jaw before our lips met in a gentle kiss. I could feel
the remnants of her fear and sensed the ache in her heart at the
prospect of losing me. It was a feeling I remembered all too
well.

She drew a shuddering breath as I forced my
arms to wrap around her despite the pain that knifed through me
with the movement. “I was so scared. I couldn’t bear to lose you. I
don’t know what I’d do without you.”

My hands framed her face as she looked up at
me, her features gentled by sadness and love, my thumbs brushing
along her cheekbones. She seemed so small, so fragile… so luminous.
Emotion flooded through me and my heart constricted. It was so
real—the possibility of the end of everything—and losing just one
second with her was something I couldn’t contemplate. Even these
quiet moments were so precious. It would’ve been easier being the
one who died, rather than the one left behind. My brow knitted and
I closed my eyes, nodding, pulling her little body closer into
mine. “You won’t lose me, baby, but I know what you mean.”

Julia buried her face in my bare chest and
held onto me for dear life, her fingers splayed out on my back and
curled sharply into my flesh. I could feel the desperation in her
touch; the magnitude of her terror and overwhelming love, as if her
feelings were my own; because they were. We were two halves of one
person.

“Does it hurt if I hold you this tight? I
can’t seem to let go.”

“Even if it did, I want you to touch me.
Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go to bed.”

She nodded, pulling out of my arms and
retreating to the other room as I moved to follow her. The bed
wasn’t made. I flushed, wondering if she was silently berating me
because I hadn’t bothered tidying up the prior morning. Normally,
Julia would scowl at me, but she silently pulled back the covers,
straightening them as she went. I slid under, grimacing as I eased
my upper body down. Everything fucking hurt.

Julia left the room, returning with a
crystal glass full of ice water and a small white pill in her hand.
She smiled gently as she held it out to me and I took it from
her.

“Nighty-night.” She smirked and I couldn’t
help but smile back. She was so cute.

I paused before I put it in my mouth and
reached for the water. I was propped up on four pillows and she
began to rearrange them, putting one under my injured right arm.
“What am I, an invalid?”

“Yes. Shut up and take your medicine,
Matthews.”

“What if I don’t want to go nighty-night,
Mommy?” I wagged my eyebrows at her.

Her eyes widened as did her smile. She sat
on the edge of the bed watching me until her brows rose. “I don’t
care what you want. You need sleep.” When she bit her lip, I
laughed.

“Since when don’t you care what I want?” I
reached out and ran a finger down her arm to her hand. “Even if you
didn’t, I can make you,” I said suggestively. My voice was teasing,
but we both knew the truth in my words. I grabbed her hand in mine
and stared at her with an intensity we could both feel. “We were
supposed to make a baby tonight.”

Her doe eyes softened, jade green turning
darker. “Ryan, you need to rest. It’s so late. Let’s just
sleep.”

“I know,” I admitted. “But I’d rather make
love. You can be on top. I’m an invalid, remember? Maybe if I come,
I won’t need these damn pills.”

“You know you’ll still need them. Do you
still have tomorrow off?”

“Yes. But I’m going in to check on Jane. I
want to be the one to tell her about the hysterectomy.” Julia
nodded sadly. I obligingly took the Vicodin and then handed the
glass back to her.

She shut off the lamp and then walked around
to crawl in next to me, curling on her side and wrapping a hand
around my bicep. Her lips were warm and soft as they caressed the
skin just below the bandage on the curve of my shoulder. “I’d like
to go with you. I’ll never be able to fully thank her, but I’d like
to try. I know it’s not the same, exactly, but I can
empathize.”

It was true. We’d lost a baby, but we at
least could look forward to having more. Jane wouldn’t ever know
that joy. I sensed Julia’s sadness and wanted to hold her close to
me; to wrap her up in my arms, but the dull throb in my shoulder
reminded me of the sharp pain I’d feel if I moved. I nodded into
the dark, turning my face toward hers. It was an awkward
position—forced as I was to lie on my back. I couldn’t reach out to
her like I wanted.

“That would be nice, baby. I’m sure Jane
would appreciate seeing you.”

In the waiting room and on the way home, I’d
told Julia all about the gang storming the hospital, how they
demanded I stop working; how we’d tried to save the boy in the
middle of it all, the fight, the thug with the knife, and finally
Jane getting slashed and the kid on the table murdered. Julia
visibly shuddered, clearly painting the picture in her mind from my
words. I sighed heavily. The kid died anyway, so was it worth it? I
had to believe I’d done the right thing. I was certain Jane would
say that I did, despite her loss.

“You did the best you could.” Julia read my
mind, as usual, as her fingers gently stroked the hair back off of
my forehead again and again. It was soothing and I closed my eyes
at the comfort and normalcy in her touch. All of this… could’ve
been lost. “You risked your life, Ryan. What more is there?”

“I don’t know.
More
,” I said
miserably. Her hand cupped the side of my face, her fingers lightly
caressing the skin of my cheek.

“It’s so horrible. The woman in the ER—the
one sobbing—who was that?”

“The dead boy’s mother. I’ll never get used
to that shit. He was so young.” My eyes were getting heavy, my
words becoming a mumble. Julia’s hand slid to my chest and my
fingers curled around hers, pressing then flat into my flesh. “What
a fucking waste…”

“Does Jane have any family? Anyone to help
her recover?”

“She has a boyfriend, but I’ve never met
him. He doesn’t come to the hospital and I don’t think she has much
of a family. We’ve never discussed it, beyond that her parents live
in Michigan.”

“That seems sad. I know what it’s like to
move to New York alone.”

I turned toward Julia despite the searing
pain, to search the darkness for her expression. I reached out and
smoothed a finger along the crinkle between her brows. “Was it that
bad?” I asked quietly.

She shook her head. “No, because at the end
of it, I have you.” Julia grabbed my hand and pulled it to her
mouth, lingeringly kissing my fingers. The love seeped from her
into me and I was grateful. She was my calm, my home and I was
reminded of the many nights we lay in bed just talking for hours.
The passion was always so magnificent, but her words, the way she
always understood what I needed, even just a simple touch. She took
my breath away.

“Were you scared? Really?” I asked
quietly.

She shrugged softly, still holding my hand.
“A little in the beginning. At least I was used to a bigger city.
Jane must have been terrified. Do you know where in Michigan?”

My eyes began to droop, the painkiller
finally starting to dull the burn and aches. “I barely know her
outside of work. We’ve shared a couple of lunches and small talk.
Somewhere north, I think? She’s nice; a good person.”

“She’d have to be to sacrifice herself like
that.”

“I’m sure it was adrenaline. Sometimes, it’s
pure instinct to act.”

I stared through the darkness, her eyes
glistened black; and I was fighting to keep mine open.

“How is Ellie?”

“Not great. Her mom is staying with her for
a while. I may need to invite her to stay with us for a bit. A
change of scene might be good for her.”

“I’m sorry I was such a prick. But, it did
get you home and I need you tonight.”

Julia’s soft sigh filled the silence. “Yes.
I’m glad I’m here.”

“Is Harris out of the picture? I feel for
the dude.”

“I’m not sure. Maybe.” The bed moved with
her shrug. “He’s so hurt. I’ll tell you more tomorrow. Please rest,
Ryan.”

She turned on her opposite side and I pulled
her back against me. I wanted nothing more than to be close to her.
She was warm, and her sweet scent floated around me as I began to
slip from consciousness. “I know it would kill me if you didn’t
trust me. I really am sorry. About being such a moody ass before,
on the phone.”

“Hush.” She pulled my hand up and laced her
fingers through mine, leaned over and brushed my lips with hers. “I
love your moody ass and I’m right where I want to be.”