A Mate for Lance (The Program Book 5) (20 page)

Amber gave a shout as her pussy clamped down on him. Her nails dug into his back. His fangs hurt they were so damned long. He felt like he was drooling. The need to drink hit him like a ton of bricks. Her pussy spasmed hard, milking the fuck out of him.

He didn’t think that sex could get any better.

He’d never been so happy to be wrong.

“Christ,” he rasped. “I need you to bite me more often.” His face was in the crook of her neck. His hips kept moving. He couldn’t get enough of this female. “Who even knew that a tongue bite could be so…”

“Please tell me you used a condom. Things are feeling really slippery down there.”

His breath still came in hard pants. “Shit!” he swore, but his hips kept rocking. So damned good.

He felt her tense. “I’ll take that for a no.”

“You would be right.” The last came out, sounding like a moan. “It doesn’t matter.” His dick was hardening back up. The world could end right now and he wouldn’t give a damn.

There was a hard slap to his arm. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter?” Shit, she sounded pissed.

Lance stopped moving. He put his forehead to hers for a moment. Then she slapped him again and tried to pry him off of her.

He pulled back the top half of his body. Pissed was an understatement. Her eyes blazed and her jaw was set.

“It’s not a big deal,” he said again. He tried to sweep the wayward strand of hair from her face but she shoved his hand away. “You’re not in heat. It’s fine.”

“Being in heat has nothing to do with it. It is a big deal. What the hell is wrong with you? Only couples intending to mate are allowed to have sex without a condom. We’re just fucking remember?”

“Yes we are. For the foreseeable future you’re here, with me…in my damned bed. We’re exclusive and I loved being inside you without a condom. Fucking loved it, Amber. Tell me it was bad for you.” He tried to touch her but she pushed his hand away.

“Get off me.” She sucked in a deep breath and shook her head. “We really need to talk.”

“What’s to talk about?”

“We need to talk about what just happened. About us. Damn it, Lance, get off me.” She shoved at his chest. The seriousness of her tone was worrying to him. “I can’t have a serious conversation with your dick inside of me.”

“Did I hurt you? Shit. It didn’t feel like you were in any pain.” His chest heaved. “It didn’t sound like it either.”

“You didn’t hurt me dammit. I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard in my life and it’s a problem.”

“A problem?” he muttered, hearing the confusion in his own voice. She made no sense whatsoever. “How is that a problem?”

“That wasn’t fucking, Lance. That was making love. I’m hoping you realize that.” She was starting to sound as panicked as she had looked.

He slipped himself out of her, hating the feeling of loss that accompanied the action. “Making love?”
No way.
He’d never made love before. Not a day in his life. Sure, he fucked her slowly but only because he didn’t want it to be over too quickly. He also didn’t want to hurt her. It was different with Amber. It wasn’t about chasing the end result but just as much about the journey. “I didn’t want to hurt you. Not after your ordeal.”

“You’re talking shit.” She pulled the sheet over herself. “You know that I’m fine.”

Lance grabbed a towel and handed it to her. “Here, use this.” He paused. “You nearly died.”

She pulled a face but took the garment and used it to clean herself, sure to keep the sheet up to her armpits.

She looked him in the eye. “Why didn’t you use a condom?”

“I’m sorry.” He meant it. “I didn’t
not
use one on purpose. I wouldn’t do that, I swear. I just didn’t think of it.”

“Answer me truthfully, do you have sex like that normally?”

He frowned. “Without a condom?”

“No,” she snapped, sounding frustrated. “Do you normally have sex…slow? Tender?”

He stared at her. “No, but neither am I ever exclusive and neither do I date. I’ve never been with a female that almost died either. So I took it easy on you. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” she shot back. “There was more to it than that. We’re no longer exclusive. I’m leaving and I want you to call that woman that just left. Tell her that you’re up for a booty call.”

He frowned. “Why the hell would I want to do that? I don’t want…” Then it dawned on him. “Oh right. This is the part where I tell you that I only want you and that no other female will do. Is that it?” Fuck! It was true. He didn’t want anyone else. Not right now anyway. It was temporary though. She wouldn’t understand so he didn’t tell her.

Amber folded her arms and raised her brows.

“Fine,” he growled. “We don’t have to be exclusive.” But if another male so much as looked at her…he was fucking dead. They were exclusive even if it wasn’t official.

“Okay. I’ll let Brynn know that we can still date and maybe—”

“No fucking way!” he roared.

“See?” She pointed at him. “You’ve developed feelings for me. Shit!” She looked distraught. “How did this happen?”

“Calm the fuck down.”

“
You
calm down.”

His muscles were tense and his jaw was clenched. His heart was racing and his breathing was over the top. He forced himself to relax and failed. “So what if I fucked you slowly? I was being careful. So what if I forgot to wear a condom. It’s been days since we last had sex.
You
asked to be exclusive and
you
asked to date. Those criteria had nothing to do with me. Don’t turn this around.”

She looked uncertain for a few seconds and then she sucked in a breath. “I may have asked but you broke all your rules and agreed. I know what I saw in your eyes. You were making love to me. If I’m so wrong, then you shouldn’t care about this ending. It should mean nothing to you.”

“You’re wrong, Amber. So damned wrong. I like having sex with you. So sue me for fuck’s sakes.” He stood up. Even though they were arguing, his dick was still hard for her even though they were arguing…about something serious.
What the fuck
?

She was right though. He didn’t like how much he was beginning to need her. Not just for sex, but it was still there. He promised himself that he would never give another person power over him again. It was happening though. With Amber. This tiny human had crawled under his skin somehow.

He ran a hand through his hair and squeezed the back of his neck. “You’re right about us being finished.” He nodded. “It’s not because of anything I feel for you. Don’t misunderstand that. This is done. I’ll let my king know about forgetting the condom. You won’t have to explain anything. For what it’s worth, I enjoyed our time together. Maybe it is better that we end this on a good note.” Parts of him relaxed while others tensed to the point of breaking. It was the right thing to do. It was. “I’ll help you pack.”

Her eyes were wide in her head and her face was pale against her dark hair. She chewed on her bottom lip and made a pained noise.

“What’s wrong now?” he asked, sharper than he intended.

She gave him a look, almost forlorn. “How did this happen?”

“What?” he asked, jaw flexing. “Are you ill?”

“No… I’m feeling…hurt.” She clutched her chest as if to emphasize a point. “I don’t like the idea of you with other women. I hate it. I feel jealous just thinking about it. I don’t want to date other guys.”

Thank fuck!

What? He had no right thinking like that.

“I can’t stand the idea of leaving, of not seeing you again.” Her heart was going wild and her breathing was ragged. Her hands clutched the sheet. “Do you know what this means? Shit, Lance.”

“Fuck all!” he thundered. “It means you’re leaving.”

“It means that… I think I’m in love with you. And you feel the same way, too.” Her eyes were still wide and her lip trembled. “How did it happen?”

“No,” he yelled, needing her to stop talking. “You don’t know what you’re saying.” She needed to go and right fucking now. “I don’t know what you think I feel for you but it’s nothing. Less than fucking nothing. You’re a tight pussy and a fantastic pair of tits. That is where it begins and ends.”

He watched her face crumble. He could sense her pain. It hurt him to see it, which confused him.
Fuck that.
Lance grabbed her clothes and thrust them at her. He walked around the room throwing her things into a bag. “Get dressed and get out.”

“We need to talk about this.” Her voice broke. Goddamn it! He couldn’t fucking take it. She needed to leave.

“I don’t talk, baby, I fuck, so you can bend over or get out, the choice is yours. On second thoughts, I’ve had you.” He shrugged. “The end. Leave.”

He flinched at how he sounded, how the words tumbled out and he felt caged and terrified, on the edge of something dangerous. She gasped and a tear tracked down her cheek. He was the biggest dick alive but it was better this way. She’d thank him later, realize that this was nothing,
had to be nothing
. They needed to back up a few steps, to a time when she hated him. It was less complicated that way.

Amber clutched her clothes to her chest, like a shield. “You don’t mean that,” she whispered hoarsely. The pain reflected in her eyes was almost too much for him to take.

His chest hurt. His eyes burned. “Oh yes I do.” He pulled on his pants, followed by his boots. Not bothering with socks or a shirt. “I’ll be back later. I want you gone.”

“No, don’t go, we need to talk. You can’t just run away.”

“Watch me.” He pulled the door shut behind him. Lance leaned back against the wood. He felt strange. Ill. Sick to his stomach. He scrubbed a hand over his face, confused when it came away wet.

Then he started to run. It would be hours before he dropped, too exhausted to continue.

Three days later…

The Sentinel poured water over the young prince’s head. His downy hair clung to his scalp. He gave a small yell. His little fists pumped at his sides in an effort to escape. Tanya held on tight. She whispered something into his ear and the baby relaxed.

“The godfathers need to step forward.” The male wore a long crimson robe.

Both Lance and Xavier took a step forward. The male handed them a jewel-encrusted dagger. He held a golden chalice beneath Xavier’s wrist. The male drew the blade across his wrist. A rivulet of blood fell into the cup before his skin healed.

Xavier handed him the knife. The male turned the blade hilt first at the last second. He narrowed his eyes at Lance. Passing a knife blade first was considered a ‘fuck you’. It seemed the prince changed his mind at the last second.

Lance nodded once and accepted the weapon. He went through the same motions feeling his flesh knit instantly.

The Sentinel raised the cup. “It is done.” He moved to where Tanya held the squirming child. With maximum flourish, the male drew a red cross onto the baby’s forehead before dripping some of the blood onto the small child’s lips. The baby licked off the blood greedily. Tanya grimaced.

The entire congregation erupted behind them. Zane clapped him on the back. Brant took Xavier in a quick embrace. The females giggled and hugged. At least they tried to but Tanya had her arms full. Becky jumped up and down. The female had smiled at him during the ceremony. It was a pitying turn of the lips but hey, at least she was no longer angry with him. Wonders never ceased.

Tanya beamed. The baby bounced and squealed. The spitting image of Zane, only with more hair.

“You must attend the celebration,” Zane ordered, drawing back his attention.

Lance gave a tight nod. “I won’t stay long though.”

Zane wanted to say something but Tanya thrust the child into his arms so that she could hug Becky and Stephany. The procession moved away.

Stephany had yet to look at him. He would go so far as to say that she turned her head to avoid any type of eye contact. He didn’t blame her. Not that he tried to draw her attention in any way. There was a knot in his stomach. The tension in the room was palpable. Although the chapel hall was filled to capacity, the celebration would be an intimate affair. Vampires filed out. It sounded like everyone spoke at once.

The walls were closing in.

“You look unwell.” Xavier’s stare was hard. Everyone was waiting for him to fuck up. That much was clear.

Lance sighed. “I…” What could he say? That he hadn’t eaten or slept since…since… Fuck! Brynn had been visiting Amber every day. Every fucking day. There was nothing between them but it tore at him. Why didn’t she just leave? Why did she have to hang around and prolong the pain? The sooner she was gone the better.

Pain.

Now there was an interesting concept. He felt washed out. Tired as fuck. He didn’t feel pain. No damned way. The pain he was referring to was hers. The problem was that he didn’t like the idea of her feeling so sad. He fucking hated it.

“Shit!” Xavier spoke beneath his breath. “You should leave.”

It was then that he realized that he was grinding his teeth. “I’m fine,” he whispered, a snarl lurking just beneath the surface. “I will attend the ceremony.”

Xavier closed his eyes for a second. He huffed out a breath. “Maybe you shouldn’t. I know that Zane…”

“My king has asked that I attend and I will be there.”

Xavier nodded, his silvery eyes looked like more of a gunmetal grey. “I’ll ask Griffin and his mate to stay with you.”

“Do I look like a child?” Lance sucked in a deep breath, trying hard to calm down. He completely understood why everyone was acting the way that they were. Xavier was in charge of inter-species relations. If anything went wrong…

“You don’t want me to answer that,” Xavier returned, his displeasure obvious.

“I’ll stay with Griffin. I’m…fine. I’m in control.”

“Stay away from the wolf and his mate,” Xavier ground out. He said the words so softly that Lance could hardly hear them.

“I will. I said that I’m in control. I won’t cause a scene,” he vowed.

Xavier kept his eyes on Lance. “You look like shit. This whole thing has taken its toll on you. If at any time you feel like you might…fuck up…leave. Turn around and walk away. Can you do that?”

Lance nodded. “I’m fine.” He was nowhere close to being fine but how did he explain that it had nothing to do with seeing Stephany again.

“Good.” Then Xavier looked at him strangely. The male clasped a hand to his shoulder and gave a squeeze. “Look, I
am
glad to see that you are much better but you still look like hell.” He gave Lance a tight smile.

Lance nodded. There was nothing he could say.

The male moved away. When Lance turned, the hall was mostly empty. A male in the front row gave a low growl. His green eyes flashed brighter.

The beautiful little girl sitting on his lap visibly started. Her eyes were the same vivid green. It was the alpha wolf. It was Ward, Stephany’s mate. He couldn’t blame him for his reaction. Lance would need to give the male a wide girth. This was a royal occasion. He would ensure that nothing went wrong. There were those that counted on him and he was not going to let them down.

It would be easy since he felt hollowed out. Empty inside. He left without a backwards glance. Regardless, the tension he always felt was there, somewhere just beneath the surface and he knew it would always be there. It didn’t ride him like it once had. Instead, a heaviness had taken its place. It wasn’t dark but neither was it light, more of a grey. A nothingness.

Good!

Perfect.

He liked this new space he was in. Liked it just fucking fine. The celebration was an outdoor affair. Thank fuck. He might be empty but being outside still felt right somehow. He could smell the roses. Things would get back to normal soon. Not that his normal was normal. It was so complicated.

Lance stayed on the peripheral of the group. Choosing the shade of some nearby trees.

Griffin spotted him. He gave a nod and a smile. Then he whispered something to his female and the two of them made their way over. Hand in fucking hand. How sweet. “What happened to you?” Griffin smiled. “Where have you been?” He sniffed the air. “I had hoped that you might have been holed up with the human but I can see that I was wrong.” He frowned.

“I took a few days off.” He shrugged.

“Back to my original question…what happened to you?” Then his eyes widened. “It’s that human female you’ve been fooling around with. What happened?” When Lance didn’t expand, Griffin’s expression shifted. “You guys broke up, didn’t you?”

“It’s none of our business.” Sarah gave Griffin’s hand a tug and gave Lance an apologetic glance. “You don’t have to answer.”

Lance frowned. He was tempted to act like he didn’t know what the male was talking about. “Nothing happened. We weren’t in a relationship so there was no breakup.”

“You’re not seeing her anymore?”

“I was never seeing her,” Lance snapped.

Griffin just gave him a hard look. “You talk such shit.”

“I was fucking her,” Lance said, under his breath. He didn’t want the others to know because Amber didn’t want them to know. She was ashamed of him, of them. The thought stung. Fuck it! “I broke it off with her. She was becoming too fucking clingy.”

“There are rumors flying around that you sent her flowers. Lots of flowers. That you dated her. That she lived with you for a time.” He shook his head. “You turned other females away. You still are.”

Lance looked away, that hollow feeing spreading. “I don’t want to get into this with you. The female nearly died in my care so I felt obliged to look after her until she was well again. Then she was gone. Done. There is nothing more to talk about.”

“When did you drink last?”

Lance hesitated, then shrugged. It didn’t matter.

“I know the signs,” Griffin returned, not letting up.

“What fucking signs?” he said, his anger flaring. “Don’t read into this. I will take a female as soon as I leave here.” His mind went instantly to Amber. Everything in him tightened. Then he shoved the thought away. “I’m fine.”

“Famous last words,” Griffin said, only slightly mocking. “You are in denial, Lance. I hear that the female is still on vampire territory. I thought she was still here for you…my mistake. Point being, it is not too fucking late. You could take a mate.”

“I had a mate. It ended badly. Fuck that!” He had to force himself to keep his voice down.

Sarah touched him lightly on the arm. “We’re worried about you.” Her eyes were wide and pleading. “You don’t look like yourself.”

By that, they were referring to the dark smudges under his bloodshot eyes. His face was gaunt and he was a little pale. Yeah well, shit happened. He was finding a female when he left here. A vampire female. No more exclusive shit. “You don’t have to worry. I didn’t attack the wolf or hurt Steph.” His voice broke. He had hurt her. Badly. It was something that would haunt him. The female couldn’t even look at him. Hurting females was something he was good at. He needed to stay away.

Suddenly, Griffin grabbed him in a hug.

“What the fuck?” Lance tensed, completely taken aback. The male gave him a hard pat on the back. Lance let his head fall back, his eyes focused on the blue sky overhead. They stung. They had been doing that often lately. He might need to go to medical.

“You needed a man hug right then,” Griffin said as he released him. “I’m your friend so who better to give you one than me?”

Lance rolled his eyes but, despite it, he had to smile. Some of the heaviness eased. “Thank you.” He looked at both Griffin and Sarah. “I mean it.”

“Any time,” she said. “Day or night. If you need us, we are there for you. Both of us.” She hugged him as well.

He gave her a wink as she pulled away and watched as she blushed. “Thanks, Prim. I doubt Griff would be happy with a three-way scenario but anytime is good with me too.”

His friend growled.

“I’m game.” He winked again.

Griffin growled again, louder this time and he had to laugh. He looked towards the group. Stephany was at the food table. She was dishing up two plates.

There was something that he had to do. Everyone had said to stay away. He would probably catch hell for this but he didn’t care. He would never be able to…move on…for lack of a better word. Unless he spoke to her. He needed to apologize.

“What are you doing?” Griffin asked, giving him a shoulder knock.

He was already half way to her. Lance stopped. “I need to do this.”

“Not a good idea,” Griff warned, looking alarmed. “You were forbidden to go near her.”

Lance shrugged. “It’s never stopped me before. Stay here.” He picked up the pace, stopping well before he reached her. He didn’t want to startle her or invade her space.

“Stephany,” he said, sure to keep his voice low.

She visibly bristled. Her back straightened and stiffened. She sucked in a breath.

“Sorry to bother you.” He really was.

“Well, then don’t.” She didn’t turn. Her voice was clipped.

“Please, can I speak to you for a minute?” He found himself holding his breath.

“We have nothing to talk about.” If anything, her posture became more rigid, her voice more clipped.

“I wanted to apologize.” He paused, trying to find the words. Talking had never been a strong point. Lance dug deep. “The shit I pulled…the things I did... I’m so sorry I put you through that. I was out of my mind but it’s no excuse. I was wrong. I’m so very sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I’m glad that you are happy and that your family is well.”

Her shoulders slumped and she huffed out a breath. Stephany turned, back to her poised self. She nodded, though reluctantly. “You’ve suffered as well. I understand that. I can only hope that you don’t allow something like that to happen again.”

“I won’t,” he promised, and he felt that promise deep. “I’m not the same person I was back then.”

She didn’t answer right away, surveying his person. But finally, she nodded again. “I see that.”

Lance could see that she was done. He’d said what he needed to say. He’d heard people talk of a weight lifting and he definitely felt lighter. A little less dark, a lot less grey though the grey still pervaded. His demons might not be gone but they were smaller. “Thank you for talking with me.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “Your children are—”

Stephany’s eyes widened. She gasped and then a freight train hit him. At least, that’s what it felt like. A roaring freight train knocked him off of his feet and straight onto his back. His head hit the deck so hard that he heard a crack. His teeth gnashed together. He’d been knocked unconscious before. It was always the same, one second he was there and the next he was waking up with a raging headache. This time was no exception.

He groaned.

Everything was a fuzzy blur. It felt like someone was inside his head swinging a large sledge hammer. He groaned again and put a hand to his forehead. The room came into focus. Zane leaned over him. Oh shit. Maybe the male would knock him back out.