A Matter of Trust: London Calling Book One (26 page)

In the end, he’d walked out of her apartment with the tiny ceramic piece cradled in his pocket. Explaining that it was important, he’d promised to return it to Devon, who he was sure would be sorry she’d left it behind.

Unfortunately, the figurine still lay nestled in tissue, boxed and wrapped in the glove box of his car. A week later he’d bought her another gift that waited in his townhouse.

He’d given her neither.
 

He couldn’t
find
her.

His new PA brought in coffees, interrupting his gloomy thoughts. Dominic’s eyes darted to the door as it opened, before quickly dropping to his clenched hands.
 

Natalie was gone too.
 

“I need help,” Bennett announced. “I’ve looked everywhere. I’ve hired people to look further. I’m starting to think she’s left the UK, but I don’t see how as she hasn’t used her passport.”

 
A lightning glance passed between the other three men.
 

“We’ve been searching for her too, with no luck.” It was John that spoke up. “She’s covered her tracks, probably using an assumed—”
 

Dominic shifted, nudging John with a subtle elbow.

Bennett zeroed in on the movement. “John? You were saying?”

Clear eyes met his. “Nothing, nothing.”

Bennett raised a brow.

John cleared his throat. “Devvie’s very resourceful, that’s all. And smart as a tack, as you know.”

Dominic leaned forward, staring down at the table they were gathered round. He spoke.

“She’s hurting. She’ll want to be alone, and she’ll make sure she is.” Keeping his head down, he shot side glances at John and Patrick. “Dev felt rejected by us when we wouldn’t take her calls. It’s the worst thing we could have done to her.”

John Sinclair sighed, suddenly looking closer to his actual age. “You’re right, Dom. She fears abandonment. She never got over Angeline’s desertion.”

“Her mother?” Bennett grabbed at the information, greedy to know more. She’d closed him off, but he hadn’t seen it at the time.

“Yes. For all of five minutes, Angeline was Devon’s mother.” Bitterness turned the corners of John’s mouth down. “She left us when Dev was hardly old enough to remember her.”

“I’d say she remembered Angeline very well,” Bennett murmured. “And the legacy she left behind.”

There was silence as the four men digested their guilt. They’d all let her down, each in their own way.

“Right.” As Bennett spoke, three heads turned back to him. “So the question is: where the
hell
is she?”

A din erupted, each man throwing out ideas for where she might have gone. Despite the circumstances, Bennett couldn’t help but be reluctantly amused. They were a band of men, bonded into brotherhood through family and loyal friendship.
 

Because of his love for Devon, he now belonged too.

Eventually, they left, each off on their individual missions to locate her. Bennett stood at the window, his earlier amusement gone. As the lights of London began winking on in the twilight, a profound loneliness settled in.
 

His office door opened. Aidan entered, tossing a report down on Bennett’s desk.
 

“Where the hell
is
Devon? What did you do to send her away this time?”

He could admit his crimes to himself. Share a slice with Devon’s family. But he wouldn’t be baring his soul to staff, not even Aidan. “Excuse me?”

Aidan flipped a few pages of the report, jabbing his fingers on a graph. “It took me a full day to calculate what she’d do in a few hours.” He glared up into Bennett’s face. “I’m still not sure I didn’t make a mistake. But Devon never made errors. She was the best economist you ever had, and you drove her off.”

Bennett heaved a breath, scowling. “Are you finished?”

Aidan paled, but remained standing tall. Bennett knew his face must look like thunder, but he couldn’t talk about her with Aidan.

Not anyone. Since she left, he was too raw with wanting and needing her.

“I miss her. She was my colleague, but a friend too.”

“I know. I miss her too,” Bennett admitted.

Aidan was visibly surprised. “You mean you
want
her to come back?”

God yes.

“Yes. I’d tell her if I could find her. But she’s disappeared.”

Bennett sat, wearily running a hand through his hair.
 

Aidan remained standing. “You have no idea where she’s gone?”

Bennett shook his head, unable to say more. But Aidan had other ideas, expectantly waiting for Bennett’s explanation.

Running a hand over the stubble on his jaw, Bennett chose his words carefully. “She was upset. I said some terrible things to her, thinking she was involved with the theft.”

“You suspected
Devon
?” Aidan was perplexed. “Bennett, she’s more loyal than anyone I’ve ever known. She wouldn’t betray you. She couldn’t.”

“No, but I betrayed her. I had no faith in her. No trust.” The sympathy in Aidan’s kindly gaze made sharing easier. “Now it’s too late. I have no idea where she would go at a time like this.”

He lowered his head into his hands, staring at the report with its rows of meaningless data. Aidan carefully seated himself across from him. As Bennett prepared to send him on his way, Aidan spoke.
 

“I’ll leave you in a minute, but first hear me out.”

Something in the other man’s tone had Bennett’s head shooting up in attention.

 
“I think
I
know where she could be.”

***

Bennett found her amongst the graves in Savannah, lying below the massive oaks that wept with Spanish moss. She sat on a blanket, eyes closed, dappled with late winter sun.

At his cautious approach, misty gray eyes opened to stare into his.
 

His breath locked. Taking a minute, he soaked her in. She could be an apparition, lying among the mildewed stones around her. But she looked fragile, brittle almost.
 

She’d lost weight.

Bennett’s chest tightened. “Hello, Devon.”

She squeezed her eyes shut then opened them again. Careful to keep some inches away, he sat beside her, holding a massive bouquet of red roses. His hands itched to touch her, but he didn’t want her to run from him. Not ever again.
 

“I’m sorry.”

Long moments passed where he feared she wouldn’t answer. When she did, he inwardly winced.

“Why are you here, Bennett? Didn’t you say everything the last time we were together? Or did you leave out another horrible accusation?”

He repeated himself. “I’m sorry, so sorry.” He’d say it a hundred, or a thousand times if needed. He’d say it all their lives, if she’d have him back.

She shuddered, arms crossing her stomach. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to go.”

“No. I’d do anything for you. But I will
not
leave you again.”

“That’s all I want from you. To go. It was peaceful here, and now you’re ruining it.” The words were wrenched from her, and Bennett could hear the underlying hurt driving her on.

“I made a mistake, Devon. An indefensible, horrible mistake. But I have to believe we can get past it. I need you back.”

She picked up some fallen leaves and systematically began shredding them. Finally, she raised her eyes to meet his. “There wouldn’t be any point. Please go. I know you’re hurting too, but this doesn’t help either one of us. We were never meant to be, Bennett.”

“Don’t say that,” his stomach clenched, defending him against injury.

“No, I have to. So we can both move on.” Her face was pinched, but determined. His heart dropped.
 

“You kept me on a pedestal. Told me I was perfect. Always, in every way. But I’m not perfect, not even close. And when I fell from your impossible expectations, you crucified me.”

He swallowed, hard. “I don’t want a perfect ideal. I want
you
.”

“You don’t mean that, not really. It would only be a matter of time before I disappointed you again.” She laughed without humor. “My God, you cannot imagine what kind of family I have. Who I really am.”

“I’ve met your family, we’ve been working together to find you. I
like
them. I know who you are, Devon. And I love you. I’ll love you for the rest of my life.”

She turned her head away, smoothing the blanket with unsteady fingers.
 

“I don’t believe you.”

Bennett changed tack. He’d come this far; he could be patient. “Why are you here, Devon? Why cemeteries?”

She looked around. “Savannah is where we lived when my mother left us,” she began. “I couldn’t understand it. I waited for her to come back, but she never did.” Vulnerable gray eyes met his. He’d never loved her more. “With a child’s logic, I decided she must have died, and my father refused to tell me.” She gave a small ironic smile. “We are great liars, as you know by now.”

Bennett couldn’t return her black humor. Too much was riding on his every word, every action. He waited.
 

“Every chance I got, I came here, to find her. This cemetery. I searched and searched, a girl walking through the graves, looking for her mother’s name on the stones.” She was quiet for a moment. “And then one day, I realized she
hadn’t
died. She’d really left us.” She shredded another leaf. “For once, my dad told the truth.” She laughed, darkly. “But by then, I’d developed a fondness.” She waved a hand, encompassing the area. “This place is constant. It’s unchanging and sure.” She dusted her hands off. “I like it.”

She was breaking his heart.
 

Reaching into his pocket, he produced a small box and sat it in her lap.

“Marry me.”

She wouldn’t touch the box, just stared down at it like he’d tossed a viper at her.

“I love you. Marry me.”

She jumped up, tumbling the box to the ground. “Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said?”

“I listened, but it’s my turn now. I love you. I know I hurt you, horribly. I’ll spend the rest of our lives making that up to you if you’ll let me.”

She scorched him with contempt. “You didn’t hurt me. You lived up to expectations, that’s all.” At his puzzled frown, she continued. “You left. People leave. It’s no big deal,” she cried. “I don’t want this. I don’t want
you
. Please repeat what you did so well before.
Leave
.”

 
She spun around, pacing away. She was practically bleeding out her hurt. Her distress wounded him as well, but it was now or never. The chasm of pain and damage he’d caused must be crossed. It was
his
turn to show faith, when before he’d had none.

He walked to her. Reaching for the box, he opened it toward her as he kneeled on a bed of leaves.

“Marry me.”

She glanced at it, caught. Her look told Bennett everything he needed to know. The perpetual ache around his heart eased at last.

Unconsciously, she stepped nearer. Shyly curious, she absorbed the brilliant oval cut diamond with its halo of smaller stones set in rose gold.

Her eyes leapt to his.

“
No
.”

Mortally wounded, Bennett held his uncomfortable position on the ground. So much was at stake. He had to make her see him. Accept him.
 

“You left
me
.” His throat ached.

“What?”

“I failed you, utterly. But rather than stay and fight, you left. The abandoned became the abandoner. What kind of love doesn’t forgive, Devon?”

Tears flooded her eyes and she angrily swiped them away. “I don’t love you.”

“You do.” He gently destroyed her. “Don’t lie, not about this.”

She crumpled to the ground, too fast for Bennett to scramble towards her. She dissolved into tears, great wracking sobs that shook her slender frame. He sank down next to her, enfolding her into his arms. He held her as she cried it all out, releasing the pain and anger she’d held locked inside. Finally, she quieted, sagging against him.
 

He tipped her chin up. Charcoal dark eyes swirled to foggy gray.

“I love you, Devon Sinclair. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She hiccuped, one last sob escaping her. Alarmed, Bennett asked, “I can never be sorry enough for what I said. Forgive me?”

She raised her lips to his, silencing his worries. Soothing.

“I do, Bennett.” She shushed him before he could speak, pressing another soft kiss on his mouth. “I was too hurt to admit I still loved you. I doubted your feelings for me—that they’d be strong enough to survive what happened. I never trusted you to stay, so I left at the first opportunity that proved me right.” She toyed with one of his buttons.
 

Bennett removed another box, similarly wrapped as the first, from his pocket.
 

Giving it a cursory glance, she raised shiny eyes to his. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” She beamed a watery smile.

Bennett grabbed for the first box, taking the ring out to slip onto her finger. It was a perfect fit.

Bemused, she stared at it. “You got the size right. Again.”

“The most important one. Now open your other present.”

Because she hadn’t really looked before, he knew she’d thought it was the ring box. Now, she picked the second one up, rotating the box around as she inspected it. Excitement sparked in her eyes as a blush stained her cheeks.

Bennett grinned, realizing Devon had a weakness for gifts. He’d make sure to exploit that for the next fifty years or so.

“What is it?”

“Open it and see.”

She untied the ribbon and carefully removed the lid. She stared at the porcelain figurine of the little white cat, timelessly caught in the act of napping. She cradled it to her chest. “Oh, God. You got it back for me.”
 

“I did. And I got you a real one too.” He hitched his chin at the kitten. “Although he might be grown by the time you decide to come back to me.”

She bowled him over, kissing his face from top to bottom. He brought her lips to his even as he laughed, desire igniting in a mixture of love and passion.