A Missing Heart (33 page)

My mind seems extremely blank; yet, I know how I got here. I’d rather my mind stay blank for the time being, however. I don’t want the news I’m expecting when I open my eyes. I know my family is gone, and I’m the only one coming out of this. The pain hasn’t seeped into my heart yet, and I’m scared for when that happens.

“Andrew, can you open your eyes, son?” A man says.

As if my eyes were obeying his command, they struggle to open, finding white-washed walls and empty chairs surrounding the bed I’m lying in. I try to speak but only air comes out. I want to ask if my family is okay.

“You need to relax now; you haven’t used your voice in a week. We’ll get you something to soothe your throat.”
A week?

Panic is slowly coursing through me like electricity. No one I recognize is here. I’m in Pennsylvania, that’s why. And my family is dead.

A nurse hands me a cup of water. “Here you go, sweetie.”

After a couple of minutes, I’m able to form sounds in my raw throat. “Where’s my family?” is the first thing I say, realizing it may be a bit confusing since I have no legal rights regarding Ever, and Cammy and I were hardly dating. Gavin, though, is legally my baby.

The doctor smiles gently. “Give me a moment, okay?” He walks out of the room.

I can’t figure out how long it is between the moment he left and returned, but it feels like an eternity while I’m hanging by a loose thread, dreading a response he could have easily given me.

“Andrew,” the doctor says. “You need to wear your seatbelt from now on.” He points to me, highlighting his point. “And this is why—”

At that moment, Cammy, Gavin, and Ever enter the room, interrupting the doctor, and running to my side. Cammy has Gavin tucked safely under her arm, and Ever is climbing on top of me, squeezing her arms around my neck. My heart shatters once again. “I—I’ve been worried sick, AJ,” Cammy stutters in my ear. “Your parents and Hunter are out in the waiting room. Everyone has been worried out of their minds. We were scared you weren’t going to wake up.”

“What happened?” I ask, reaching for Gavin.

“Your muscles are likely to be quite weak at this moment,” a nurse pipes in. I just want to hold him.

Cammy places Gavin next to me and he curls up, resting his head on my chest. “Daddy, I missssssed you.”

“You hit your head against the windshield. You hit it so hard the glass broke from you, not even the impact,” she explains.

“Am I okay?” I ask, even though it’s the least of my worries, still feeling the immense relief of seeing the three of them all in one piece.

“You had some bleeding in your brain, but they were able to stop it. It just didn’t bring you out of the coma right away like they hoped. We weren’t sure…” She runs her hand against the side of my face. “You have some lacerations from the glass, and bruising, but they said if you woke up, you’d be okay.”

Hunter. What did this do to him? After what his accident caused Ellie. “Is Hunter okay?”

Cammy shakes her head silently. “He’s been a mess. He’s not okay.”

“Can I see him?”

Cammy looks at the nurse with question.

“He can come in too,” the nurse says with a smile.

“I’ll go get Hunter,” Ever says, taking Gavin with her. “I love you, Dad.” Ever leans over and kisses my cheek before running out the door for Hunter.

“Dad?” I question. “When did that happen?”

Cammy’s bottom lip quivers. “Our hearing, the one that was supposed to declare me Ever’s legal mother, it wasn’t just for me—”

“I don’t understand,” I say, cutting her off, feeling more pain in my throat from the dryness.

“I was going to surprise you,” she says quietly, with a small huff of a laugh. I find myself looking between her wide gaze, noticing the stain of pink surrounding the golden hue of her chestnut eyes. She bites down on her bottom lip, I assume to stop the quiver, and she sits down on the small space left beside me on the bed. “I was able to prove your biological rights to Ever, and they were granting you the same legal rights as they were giving me. We’re both legally her parents again. We never made the hearing, but I was notified by the judge.”

“That’s why you needed my DNA sample. I had hoped, but I figured you would have told me.” My face heats, and all of the feeling in my body rushes back at once. My heart fills with so much love and gratitude it feels like it may explode. My chest aches with the most beautiful type of pain, and I don’t know why life has to drag me through dizzying circles of disaster before I find the light I’m supposed to be following, but I’m here now.

Cammy places her hands on the sides of my face and presses her forehead to mine. “Full circle. We’re so lucky, AJ,” she mutters, as her tears fall over my nose.

I lift my heavy arms and place them around her, wanting so badly to pull her down on the bed with me, but I stop myself and behave, as I remember that I better be careful, considering all that happened to me over the past week. “I love you, Cam,” I tell her.

“AJ,” she sputters. “I prayed every day that you were going to wake up and be okay. I couldn’t understand how the best thing in the world could have happened at almost the exact moment I thought my life was crashing down in front of me. I can’t lose you again.”

“It’s all going to be okay,” I tell her softly.

“AJ,” Hunter exhales, rushing across the room. “My God. You scared us to death, bro.” Cammy stands up to let Hunter in, and he wraps his arm around her neck, pulling her in and kissing her on the forehead. “This girl…she is your goddamn angel. You need to know that.”

I feel confused or like I’m missing something. I don’t want to question him, but the look on my face might be doing that without words. “She stopped your bleeding. She kept you together until the ambulance showed up, all while taking care of both kids. I don’t know if I could have reacted so quickly and handled it all the way she did. She saved your life, AJ.”

Cammy’s hand folds over Hunter’s shoulder, easing him back. “Hunter,” Cammy says quietly, squirming out from beneath his arm. “I’ll be right back.”

“Sorry,” Hunter tells her. “I just wanted him to know how amazing you are.”

“I already know,” I tell him.

As Cammy disappears into the hallway, Hunter continues. “I didn’t mean to come off so strong, I just—she’s been taking such good care of Gavin all week. She hasn’t left his side. Mom and I offered to take him a dozen times, and she insisted on keeping him with her. Each time I showed up at the hospital, she had him curled up in her lap. I don’t think she took her hands off of him for one minute this week. We made her go home to get some sleep and shower, but it was a fight every time. She didn’t want to leave you, either.”

Listening to all of this doesn’t feel surprising but it also feels surreal. No one has loved me like that, and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. “She really loves Gavin, huh?” I ask him.

“AJ, she really loves
you
. It’s the same love I had with Ellie. I’m telling you, the relationships that grow from a young age mature into a kind of love that can’t be created between two people meeting later in life. It’s just different. It’s stronger and more resilient, even if you did take a thirteen-year break, she’s your one. Always has been.”

Hunter places his hand down on my shoulder and pulls in a long inhale. “God, what a week, man. I don’t think I’ve been so scared in a real long time.”

“Where’s Charlotte and the girls?” I ask.

“It was a fight, but I made them stay back home. This would have been too much for the girls. Olive and Charlotte have taken turns calling me once an hour for the past week I’ve been here, though. They’ve been going crazy.”

Mom and Dad walk up behind Hunter, and they’re both trying their hardest to hide their emotions. I have to say, they’ve gotten pretty good at doing that over the years. What Mom doesn’t realize is that I can tell she’s been crying for a week straight by the puffy bags under her aging eyes. And Dad, the man of no tears, he looks pretty similar. “I’m okay,” I tell them.

“You know, we went your whole life with no real incidents other than a couple of broken bones here and there, but it looks like you were just saving it all up for this year, huh?” Dad says.

“I like to get everything done with at once. You know that,” I say, trying to laugh, even though it hurts to do so.

“You have quite a girl out there, you know?” Mom says. “That Cammy never ceases to amaze me. She’s amazing with Gavin and Ever.” Mom’s words keep flowing but my head is in the clouds, likely for more than one reason, and it’s a lot to take in all at once. “My God, I’ve gotten to know that little girl of yours over the last few days and she’s spectacular. So smart and beautiful inside and out. This week has brought us all together so closely, and now we have you back and it’s just perfect.”

“I’m feeling a little tired,” I tell them.

“You were just asleep for a whole damn week, son,” Dad says. “What do you have to be tired about?” He laughs a little, then grabs a nurse as she’s walking by. “Hi, uh, is it safe for him to go back to sleep at this point?”

“We’re going to be running some more tests in just a moment. I’m afraid he won’t have the chance to sleep until we have all the results,” she says.

For some reason, I was under the impression that everything was okay now that I’m awake. What tests and what outcomes are possible? Does Cammy know all of this?

“Oh,” Dad says. “I wasn’t aware there were more tests.”

“Standard procedure,” the nurse says with a tight-lipped smile. “Don’t worry, sir. We’ll have him back here in a jiffy.”

The nurse clears everyone out of the room, and it’s the last thing I want. My mind has been blank for the past several days, but I feel it in my heart that I missed them. With every piece of comprehension accumulating, my nerves are fraying one by one throughout my body. Slight pains, discomfort, aches, and fear—it’s all there, bubbling in my gut, making me hyper aware that everything is fully functioning to the best of my knowledge right now.

“We want to do another scan of your brain, as well some blood work, AJ. I would expect to stay put for another few days here, but I’m guessing you’ll be up and about in no time,” the nurse says.

“Okay,” I tell her.

The process of the head scan and blood work feels like a haze while I listen to medical jargon float above my head, making little sense. It feels like hours have passed by the time I arrive back in my room.

I was told a physical therapist would be in shortly to help me up and get me moving around a bit, and they said I’d be sore and crampy from lying still so long, but a week isn’t much to be overly worried about.

Cammy, Ever, and Gavin have returned and are making themselves comfortable on the guest chairs next to me. “I brought you some clothes,” Cammy says, placing a small duffel bag down at the edge of the bed. “I thought you might feel more like yourself and a little more comfortable if you had them.”

I’m not sure I know how to respond to her kindness and thoughtfulness. With Tori, it was always me who put her on a pedestal. I thought that’s what a husband was supposed to do to keep a marriage healthy. Dad seemed to drill that into my head enough, but I’m also wondering if he was fearful of me ending up divorced for a second time before turning thirty. With my track record, I can’t blame him for that concern if he did have it. However, going through the motions of two failed marriages and now falling into something old, but new with Cammy, I’ve learned what’s crucial…it takes two to make something work. Tori never tried. I did. I know I did. Cammy, though, she tries so hard, and we’ve hardly considered ourselves anything more than the two stupid teenagers who were once in love and gave up a child together; yet, it seems clear that she’d go to the ends of the world for me, and I know without a doubt in my mind, I would do the same for her. She makes me want to jump through hoops of fire just to see her smile, but the best part is, she wouldn’t ask for something so ridiculous. It’s easy, and I think easy is the way it’s supposed to be.

“Do you know what it means to me, realizing how much you care?”

“I didn’t think twice about it, silly. You needed me and I’m here. What else even matters?” And that’s exactly it. It’s easy.

“Cam,” I groan, while trying to sit up a bit. “I want to do things right by you and Ever. I know we aren’t ready to jump into something huge right now, but I need to be with you, like all the time. I’m not sure I can handle the standard dating procedure. I feel like we need to skip a few steps, because we’ve been there and done that, right?” I groan through my movement. “I know how you feel about shortcuts, though.”

She leans forward and rests her forearms on the bed. “What are you saying, AJ?” The small smile on her face tells me she just wants to hear me say it all.

“God, life is so damn short. Clearly,” I say, pointing down at myself. “I don’t want the in-between shit. I want to be with you. I want to live with you, start a life with you, and…I don’t know, we’ll do the rest of it right, but in the meantime can we at least play house until then?”

“You guys are gross,” Ever says, giving us both a snide look.

“Shush over there,” I tell her. “No one asked you, grumpy.”

“You want to play house?” Cammy repeats.

“Yeah, I’ll be the dad, you be the mom, and the rest will just fall into place.”

“I think I like this idea,” she whispers.

“Mr. Cole, we need to take you back for one more test, immediately. I’m sorry, but your family is going to have to wait for you back in the waiting room again,” a nurse says with eagerness.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

Cammy stands up, lifting Gavin, placing him on her hip, and Ever joins the two of them, placing her arm around Cammy’s back. “What’s happening?” Cammy presses.

“We may have spotted another area that is still bleeding in your brain. We need to have a closer look and—I’ll let a doctor explain the rest.”

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my lungs. I guess I was lucky enough to sleep through all of this shit in the first place, but it looks like I’m not going to be so lucky this time around.

I’m rushed back into the same testing area I was in earlier. They use a different machine this time, and there are more doctors circulating around the monitors in the adjacent room. I feel like a lab rat.