A Missing Heart (29 page)

“Really?” I ask her. “I—um. I haven’t exactly told my parents anything that’s happened this week.”

“Now’s probably as good of a time as any,” she says, looking down to her fingers. I see she still has her ring on, and while I haven’t questioned that part of her life in the last couple of days, maybe I should. While I’m at it, though, maybe I should question why I still have my wedding band on. Maybe I should realize that everything we have created in the past four days is borderline disastrous. “I have to tell my parents too.” I don’t envy her for that. I can’t see them being very understanding.

I’m not sure how to say no to Cammy, especially with Ever sitting between us. I wouldn’t want her to think there’s a bigger reason for not telling Mom and Dad about her, and my situation with Tori. All I can hope is that Hunter’s big mouth finally helped me out. I don’t see how he’d keep all of the information I dumped on him yesterday to himself. He may not think I know he runs to Mom and Dad every time something huge is going on with someone other than himself, but I always have a way of finding out. Truthfully, I don’t tell him things I don’t intend for Mom and Dad to eventually find out. This was the exact reason I kept Ever’s existence to myself all of these years. For a man who keeps his own feelings sealed tightly away for no one to ever know, he has no issues sharing mine.

“Okay,” I tell them. “But I thought you needed to get on the road early?”

“I’m not in a rush to get this process started. I just want to hang on to what we have for a little longer.” I can agree with that.

“If I could keep you both from leaving, I would,” I tell them.

“Why can’t he come with us?” Ever asks.

“It’s complicated,” Cammy replies quickly.

Is it, though? I can’t help but feel like there’s more to her reason than me proving a stable job and home.

“You look nice today, Ever,” I tell her. The dark make-up has slowly disappeared from her face over the last few days and she’s wearing new clothes, which I assume Cammy had a hand in choosing. Her hair is off her face and it’s the first time I’ve seen her like this. My focus is pulled to the birthmark beneath her ear—the one that looks like shooting stars. It was as vivid in my memory after all of these years as it is on her skin. “But that’s probably because you look more like me without all that makeup on, you know?”

She glares at me, and I know if I had a hand in raising her to this age, the snarling look might have gotten old by now, but I swear every time she gives me this look, I love her a little bit more.

“My parents are a little overwhelming,” I warn Ever.

“Oh, just like the two of you?” she replies, proudly grinning at her shot.

“Exactly,” I say, rolling my eyes and giving her a snarl back.

We pull into the driveway, and I don’t know why I should be surprised, but Hunter’s here. It’s like he knew we’d be showing up, or maybe he’s just here every morning before work, and I don’t know about it. That’d be weird though. He’s married and stuff.

“Let me go in first, okay?”

“Sure,” Cammy says through a thick inhale—one that sounds coated with anxiousness.

I take Gavin out of the backseat and carry him inside, finding everyone sitting in the living room, looking at me like I just walked in naked. “Um, good morning?”

“AJ? What are you doing here?” Hunter asks, looking and sounding guilty.

“Hi, Uncle!”

“Olive, don’t you have school?” I ask her.

“Nope!” Lana shouts from the kitchen. “It’s a professional day for the teachers so we get to stay here for a bit this morning.” Well, at least there’s an actual reason for them being here. I was starting to assume Hunter raced over here to tell Mom and Dad what I came to tell them. I know he totally did.

“You don’t have to be at work for another hour, Hunt. It’s kind of early to be here, don’t you think?” I ask, shooting him a look to tell him I know exactly why he’s here. The bastard was definitely ratting me out.

“Uh—just wanted to get an early start,” he says.

“Bull!”

“Oh, AJ,” Mom says, standing from her chair and making her way over to me. “Can I please meet her?”

“Seriously?” I ask, looking at Hunter. “It’s seven-thirty in the morning. Last night must have killed you, keeping this secret in all night.”

“It did,” Hunter says, smirking.

“I knew…” Dad says from the corner of the living room as he slouches down in his recliner with a guilt-laced grimace.

“What are you talking about?”
Who
is he talking about, I should clarify. Did Hunter have enough time to tell them about both Ever
and
Tori?

“I knew you got that girl pregnant. Heard you on the phone with her one night when I was in the bathroom. You know how thin that wall is between your bedroom and the hall bathroom?”

“Yeah, Dad, I know how thin the wall is. I heard more than my share of shits being dropped off in that room.”

“AJ!” Mom scolds me.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I ask Dad.

“Same reason I never told your mother.”

Mom looks pissed, and she’s not being shy about it. “How could you keep something like that from me?” she asks. “I’m his mother!”

“Wasn’t my secret to tell, honey,” he says. “I thought AJ would come to us when he was ready. I didn’t think it would be thirteen years later, but I knew eventually he would.” I can’t believe Dad kept a secret that long. Clearly, Hunter got his big mouth from Mom.

“Are you going to—” Mom asks with a hiccup lodging in her throat.

“We’re going to try and reverse the adoption now that the adoptive parents are gone.”

Mom clasps her hands over her chest and bows her head, whispering something to herself. “How does that all work?” she mutters.

“I don’t know, Mom. It’s a long process I guess. Cammy is taking her to Pennsylvania to get it sorted out.”

“You aren’t going?” Dad asks me, anger breaking through his voice.

“Cammy doesn’t want me to go.”

Mom walks past me to take a seat on the couch next to Hunter. “This is a lot to wrap my head around, but I have to know—Hunter was saying something about Tori when you walked in. Is she okay? She must not be taking all of this very well.” Lucky me. Hunter didn’t get that far.

I dip my head back with frustration. “That’s an even longer story.”

“She left you, didn’t she?” Dad asks.

“Harold!” she scolds. “Why would you assume something like that? I’m sure whatever it is can be worked out.” If only it were that easy.

“Look, I never wanted to worry you about Tori but yes, she left me, but not without reason,” I begin.

“Because of Cameron and—I don’t understand,” Mom says, clearly flustered.

“Cameron isn’t to blame. The timing was bad, yes, but Tori’s in a hospital right now. She’s um—she’s been unhappy for a while, and it’s not good. Evidently, she doesn’t want me around anymore.”

“Can we cheer her up somehow?” Mom asks innocently. “Maybe she has a slight bout of depression or postpartum depression. It’s so common.”

“She’s tried to…end her life twice, Mom.” As if it wasn’t bad enough witnessing these attempts, the horrifying expression on Mom’s face isn’t helping.

“I had no idea things were that bad,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry you’ve been going through this with her. I’m sorry she’s been suffering so dearly. I wish there was something I could do.”

“The only thing anyone can do for her is let her go. She blames me. What can I do after hearing that?” I ask, feeling my heart wrench with pain once again. How could I cause someone so much pain?

“Well, what about Gavin?” Mom asks. The look within her eyes is pure panic. “Will you have to figure out custody. Is it that serious. Are you going to get a divorce?” Mom’s questions and flying and I know it’s out of concern, but I don’t have much to respond with. “Maybe couples counseling or something like that can help you both. I mean, divorce doesn’t have to be the final answer.” It’s like she isn’t hearing me correctly, or maybe she doesn’t want to accept it. Mom prefers to wear rose-colored glasses, and sometimes I wish I could see life the way she does.

“She doesn’t want to be around Gavin either. She blames him too.”

I haven’t seen Mom’s nostrils flare in a long time. It only happens when she’s angry or upset to the point of breaking down. “He’s just a baby. Maybe you misunderstood her, AJ. That can’t be right. I know Tori has had a hard transition into motherhood, but I don’t think she would do that to Gavin. What mother could?”

I swallow my pain and close my eyes to avoid the look in Mom’s. “I—I don’t have a better answer. I only know what Tori has made clear to me.”

“I don’t understand,” Mom says, solemnly.

I almost forgot Cammy and Ever were in the truck. “Mom, I know this is a lot right now, but can we put this discussion aside long enough to meet Ever? I need to put things with Tori on hold for the moment.” I exhale loudly, trying very hard to switch gears. God, this is hard. “Trust me, I didn’t plan for this all to happen at once. It’s more than my brain can even handle right now, and I’m just trying to take every moment as it comes.”

“Ever?” Mom asks, calming herself down, it seems.

“My daughter,” I reply.

“That’s her name?” Mom says through a sob. “It’s—it’s the most beautiful name I could have imagined her having.”

“Please, be easy. Ever is going through a lot of trauma right now, and she’s angry about it.”

“Of course,” Mom says, perking up.

“I get to meet her?” Olive pipes in, clapping her hands together. “Yay!”

Oh my God. This is going to go horribly
; I grumble to myself.

I hand Gavin to Hunter and run back outside to grab the girls. “Coast is clear,” I say with a lighthearted chuckle to ease their nerves.

Ever and Cammy follow me into the house, Ever standing nearly on my heels, hiding from everyone. “Mr. and Mrs. Cole, it’s nice to see you again,” Cammy says, leaning forward to give Mom a hug.

Mom doesn’t want to let go of her, and I’m about ready to step in to save Cammy. I clear my throat to break up her sentimental embrace and lightly tug Ever out from behind me. I don’t know what my face looked like when I saw Ever for the first time when she was born or the first time this past week, but if my face looked anything like Mom’s, Dad’s, or Hunter’s, I’d probably cry while looking in the mirror. They all look surprised, but so happy. For the first time in my life, everyone is speechless, and I’m not sure what to say to break this ice. “My God,” Hunter says. “You look like your dad—I mean AJ.”

“She has Cammy’s perfect little nose,” Mom says.

“You got the Cole eyes,” Dad laughs. “Lucky girl.”

Ever doesn’t say anything. I’m assuming she’s feeling pretty overwhelmed, as I would too. I actually don’t know how she’s kept it together as well as she has this week. I wonder when she found out she was adopted and how that went. I haven’t asked that. There’s so much I haven’t asked, and I feel like I’m running out of time.

“You are absolutely, breathtakingly beautiful,” Mom adds in. “I knew if you two stayed together, you would someday have a beautiful child. I just didn’t know it had already happened.” Mom’s choking up again and I get it. I’ve dropped an atom bomb on every person I love this week.

“You don’t want AJ going with you to Pennsylvania?” Dad asks, not caring that this isn’t his business. He’s never cared to keep out of my business, though, so this doesn’t come as a surprise.

Cammy seems uncomfortable as she sits down in the closest chair, crossing one leg over the other. “I’m going to have to do the adoption process myself right now. I never had AJ down as a birth parent because of the circumstances we were in, in addition to the fact that my dad was on a hunt for the boy who got me pregnant. It may complicate things if AJ comes.”

Why is this just coming out now? “What are you saying? Even after all is said and done and we win our—your rights back, she still won’t be considered my daughter?”
She is my fucking daughter. Jesus, look at her!

“Honestly, I don’t know how this is going to work,” Cammy says.

“Aren’t you an attorney?” I ask, knowing the anger in my voice isn’t hidden at the moment.

“Yes, but for real-estate, not adoption.” Didn’t even know there was a difference. “AJ, I want you to be her legal guardian too, but you’re married right now and not to me, so I don’t know what this process is going to be like. I don’t know how eager the court will be to give parental rights to a couple who aren’t even together. It may be easier if it’s just me at first.”

Ever looks lost in this conversation, and if it weren’t for her sitting here, I’d probably leave the house, needing to scream loudly enough to make the pain in my chest stop.

Olive stands up from one of the corner chairs and walks up to Ever. “Want to go see their garden outside? It’s pretty awesome.” Olive looks toward the kitchen. “Lana, let’s go outside with Ever!”

“Yeah, okay,” Ever says, following Olive out front with Lana in toe.

“We’re cousins now,” Olive says as the door closes behind them.

Silence fills the room, while we all stare at the door that just closed, all of us probably processing the innocent conversation Olive just shared with Ever.

“She’s right,” Mom says, interrupting the silence. “Cammy, that’s very smart to think that way.”

“Great,” I mutter. “What about a DNA test or something?”

“AJ, that’s part of it, and we’ll handle that when the time comes, but in the meantime, think about the complexity of this case,” Cammy says through a loud sigh, clearly getting aggravated.

“You want to get her back, and it’s probably simpler to do that without a custody hearing involved on top of it,” Hunter says.
Custody?
Right. I’m married to Tori, not Cammy.

Why is everyone against me?

“Why did you even show up here, then?” I ask Cammy. “To tease me?”

I know my words are probably knifing her in the heart, but for the life of me, I can’t understand why she’d come all the way out here to show me our daughter and then take her away days later. “I told you my reasons,” she retorts. “How could you question that, AJ?”

Cammy stands up and looks out the front window, probably for Ever. “It was very nice to see you all again,” she says sweetly. “I’m sure we’ll see you again soon.”