A Moment of Weakness (24 page)

“That will be all. We’ll postpone making a decision on this issue until the board has had time to consider both sides. Thank you.”

With that Mr. Hepler moved on to other matters. Jade watched as Jim patted Kathy’s knee, whispered something in her ear, and then stood and left the room.

Jade waited a moment so she wouldn’t make a scene, and then quietly, she rose and followed him out the same door. Jim was waiting for her, and when she was outside, he turned on her, his voice an angry hiss.

“I warned you, Jade. I will not let you make a mockery of this school’s decision to have Channel One or any other program.” He motioned toward the still-full auditorium. “They knew what I was saying made sense.” His face was inches from hers. “Back off, Jade. You and your friends, back off. Keep it up and you’ll really be sorry.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Was he this defensive because Channel One was Kathy’s project? Or because he and Kathy had an agenda?

He pulled away and took two steps back toward his car.
“One of these days you just might find out.”

Jade was tired of being patient with him, tired of walking on eggshells to keep him from being angry with her. “Is that a threat?”

“Listen, Jade, I don’t have time for your games.” A couple exited the auditorium, and Jim lowered his voice. “I’m leaving town this weekend, going camping with a few teachers. You need some time to think about what you’re doing.”

A weekend camping trip with a few teachers?
She crossed her arms. “What’s wrong with you, Jim? You acted like you didn’t even know me in there. Now you’re going camping without me and Ty?” She knew she was pushing him, but she wanted him to admit the truth. “Why don’t you take us with you? Make it a family trip. Give us a chance to figure things out.”

Jim stared at her, his eyes cold. “You’ve always had some sort of twisted hold on me, Jade, but you know what? Not anymore. I’m finally feeling free from you … and I like what I’m feeling.”

She studied his eyes and was shocked to find hatred there.

“You can’t come on the trip. I don’t want you there. Besides, you wouldn’t be interested. Someone might have a drink or say something unkind about your God. Believe me, you wouldn’t fit in.”

Jade felt the sting of his comments.
What do I do, God? Help me
.

As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.…

She drew a deep breath and resisted making a comment about Kathy. “All right. You go. But when you get back, we need to talk. I’m not fighting Channel One as some kind of attack on you and the teachers at Woodbridge. You’ve got to know that, Jim.”

“Right. Neither was the abortion protest you and your group staged at the Women’s Care Clinic.”

Jade was stunned.
The abortion protest? Had that bothered him, too?
“What do you mean? That wasn’t—”

“Don’t waste your time, Jade. Or mine.” He glanced over his shoulder, watching carefully as people left the meeting. “You know the students at Woodbridge and Riverview use that clinic. You might as well have targeted my students. You can’t begin to know the heat I took for that one.
‘Hey, Jim, how’s your preacher wife?’
I get things like that all day long, and I’m fed up to here with it.” He made a cutting motion against the top of his forehead. “And what about the Wal-Mart thing? You and that busybody group of yours getting magazines you don’t like pulled from the shelves? Like Portland needs that type of censorship.”

“Those magazines were—”

“Spare me your religious drivel, Jade. I’ve heard it all. You’re the pushiest religious do-gooder in the community, and I’ve tried to be tolerant with you. But now … now you’re moving in on my territory.”

“As long as Ty is in the public school system, it’s my territory, too.” She was shaking, not sure what was going to happen next but certain her life was falling apart quickly.

Jim turned and walked toward his car. Before climbing in, he called back, “Don’t wait up. I’ll be late.”

A lump formed in Jade’s throat as she watched him leave. Was this what their years of marriage had come to? Fighting and cheating and being angry with each other? Kathy Wittenberg exited the auditorium, glanced at Jade with a look that shouted disapproval, and then headed for her car. She left the parking lot, driving away in the same direction as Jim.

Jade stood alone in the damp, wet night, darkness surrounding her, and all she could hear was Tanner’s voice. Soothing, calm, confident as the summer sun. Full of what she had once thought was love.

Remember, Jade, God has a plan for your life. Jeremiah 29:11 … “I know the plans I have for you … plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

She closed her eyes and felt two tears trickle down her cheeks. Then, like all the plans and hopes that had ever mattered, Tanner’s voice faded into the darkness.

T
HE PHONE RANG AT THREE-FIFTEEN
S
UNDAY MORNING, AND
J
ADE
sat up in bed, alarmed and bewildered. She made a mental checklist and knew that Ty was safe in bed, Jim out with his friends camping. Who would be calling at this hour?

The room was pitch dark as she reached for the phone, knocking over a glass of water in the process. She brushed the water off the dresser and grabbed the receiver on the third ring. “Hello?” Her heart pounded in her ears.

“Mrs. Rudolph?”

“Yes, who is this?” She was trying to clear her head, and she leaned over and flipped on the light.

“This is Dr. Bryce Cleary at Emmanuel Hospital. Your husband’s been in an accident.”

Jade’s eyes were still trying to adjust to the light, and she shook her head. Jim? In an accident?
Please, God, let him be okay. Please
. She felt her fingers beginning to tremble. “Is he … is he all right.”

“He’s suffered a spinal injury. I’m afraid he’s in pretty bad shape. The girl was luckier; she has a broken leg but she’ll be fine.”

For an instant, Jade wasn’t sure how to place that last comment.
What girl? Jim had been with a girl?
“I’m not sure I understand.” She wondered if the doctor knew he was revealing something unknown to her.

“Your husband was riding an ATV in the off-road area of the
Columbia Gorge. He had a girl with him, a twenty-nine-year-old woman named Kathy. We think they must have been drinking, and your husband lost control of the ATV. They hit a tree.” The doctor paused. “They’re both lucky to be alive.”

Jade’s head was swimming. Kathy Wittenberg had been with Jim on the back of an ATV? Drinking?

Nausea swept her and clutched her stomach. This couldn’t be happening. Not again. Not with Jim, too. It had been enough that Tanner was a liar and a cheat. She had married Jim to give her child security. She had tolerated his latest behavior because it seemed best for her son, the godly thing to do. Jim had never wanted anyone but her, and back when they got married Jade had been sure he’d be faithful.

But now … now he’d been caught with another woman. Jade felt as though her worst fears were coming true.

She exhaled slowly and heard the doctor clear his throat. “The woman also suffered a concussion. She’s still pretty groggy.” He hesitated. “Is she a friend of yours? A family member?”

Jade released a short laugh. “No … she works with my husband.”

Dr. Cleary paused. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Rudolph. You might want to come down to the hospital. They’re still checking to make sure your husband has mobility. There’s a possibility …”

No, not Jim. “You mean he could be paralyzed?” Jade shuddered with alarm. Would God really ask her to care for an unfaithful man who didn’t love her? Were these the plans he had for her? Tears filled her eyes.
Surely not, Lord
.

“We won’t know for a day or so. But there is a chance. Like I said … he’s pretty banged up. Lacerations and lots of stitches. He’s semiconscious so he hasn’t been able to help us much. We found your phone number in his personal belongings.”

Jade sighed. “I’ll be there. Thank you, Doctor.”

“Mrs. Rudolph … I’m sorry about all this. I’ll be here through the night if you have any questions.”

She thanked him and hung up. She wanted to creep into Ty’s room, curl up next to him, fall asleep, and forget the phone had ever rung. But that wasn’t possible. No amount of pretending would erase the truth: Jim was having an affair and he’d been caught. For that matter, he might be paralyzed.

She bowed her head and clenched her fists. After learning the truth about Tanner ten years ago, Jade had nearly suffocated from grief and anger and loss. This time with Jim she was frightened about how she and Ty would get by. But she’d seen it coming, and somehow she knew they would survive. Even if she and Ty had to live alone the rest of their lives.

Whatever else happened, she was not turning her back on the Lord. Not this time.
Lord, I want to do your will. Give me the words to say, the way to act so that I can glorify you in this. Help me know how to cross this great ocean of anger and fear inside me. You know me, Lord. I’ll sink if I try to swim it alone
.

She started crying as she telephoned Jackie Conley. Between sobs she explained the situation.

“I’m so sorry, Jade.” Jackie offered to watch Ty, and in ten minutes she pulled into the drive. The women hugged, and again Jade was thankful for her friendship. At least the Lord had given her that.

“I’ll be okay. Pray for me. For God’s will, whatever that is.”

They held hands and prayed in quiet whispers. Thirty minutes later she was sitting in a cold chair adjacent to Jim’s hospital bed. Dr. Cleary had been right. Jim’s face was swollen, his eyes black and blue. His right hand was in a cast, and there were bandages covering numerous leg wounds which Jade presumed had required stitches.

She prayed over him, prayed that perhaps this would be a turning point in his life, a chance to give his heart to the Lord and come clean with his past.

Sometime before six that morning she fell asleep, still praying over him. She stayed that way until she heard voices. Her eyes opened and she found Jim sitting up in bed, sipping orange juice. Relief swept over her. He wasn’t paralyzed, at least not in his upper body. She sat up straighter, and her movement caught his attention.

“You didn’t have to come.” Jim didn’t make eye contact. He reached for a piece of dry toast and gingerly took a bite.

Jade had no idea what to say. She leaned back in the chair and pulled a blanket around her shoulder. Someone must have covered her up after she fell asleep. She watched her husband, wondering how he could eat when their marriage was falling apart.

“Why don’t you go home and get some sleep.” Still no eye contact.

“Can you move your legs?” Jade’s voice was void of emotion. It seemed important that they get past that issue before talking about anything else.

Jim moved the bed sheet with his toes and winced. “I’m fine.”

He was nearly paralyzed, nearly killed, and he acts like nothing’s happened
. Had they told him about the severity of the accident? Did he know how his poor decision to lie and drink and cheat had nearly cost him and Kathy their lives? Jade studied him and saw no signs of remorse.

“I guess they told you what happened.” Jim’s voice was gruff and his hand trembled as he lifted a bite of scrambled eggs to his mouth.

“About Kathy, you mean?”

Jim showed no reaction. “So you know?”

“I’m not a fool, Jim.” Jade could hear the resignation in her voice, and she made an effort not to cry. “I’ve known for a while now.”

He released an exaggerated sigh. “Here we go.”

He’s become a complete stranger
. The man before her was her husband, the one she’d shared the last ten years with. But he had been unfaithful for who knew how long, and now he had the nerve to sound angry about being caught. Her eyes were dry. She had cried enough last night. It was time to face the truth about their future.

“How long has it been going on?”

For the first time, he looked up and stared at her. His eyes held no fear, no anger. Just cold, calculated emptiness. “I won’t lie to you anymore.” His voice was as cold as his eyes. “Things … well, they haven’t been good between us for a long time. You know that.”

Her heart responded by skipping a beat, but she said nothing.

“Jade … I want a divorce.”

Her fingers wrapped tightly around the arms of the chair, and she steadied herself. This couldn’t be happening. He had no intention of working things out. She would be alone again, she and Ty. The thought of it terrified her.

“Because of her? Is that what this is all about?” Jade forced herself to sound calm. Jim hated when she got upset.

“Yes … no … I don’t know. It just isn’t working between us anymore.”

No, this can’t be happening.… He’s already made up his mind
. “People make mistakes, Jim. We can get past this … make it work. People do it all the time.”

Jade’s heart pounded erratically. She hated having to beg
Jim, but how could she support Ty on her own? And Ty needed a father, didn’t he? Jim might not have been the most responsive and loving dad, but he was still a real presence in her child’s life. Ty’s world would be set upside down if they divorced now. Just like hers had been when her mother—

“Jade, I’ve made up my mind. I don’t want a sermon.” He spat the words, and with his bruised and battered face she almost didn’t recognize him.
He really is a stranger. I don’t even know him anymore
. Jim interrupted her thoughts. “I’m in love with Kathy. I want out.”

Jade felt the sting of tears. “What about Ty? Have you thought about him.”

Jim was silent. He focused on his breakfast again.

“Are you listening to me?” Jade raised her voice and moved to the edge of her chair.

Jim slammed his toast back to his plate and glared at her. “To tell you the truth, I’m worried about the boy.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning what chance does he have growing up with a mother who’s a religious fanatic? You’re brainwashing him, Jade. A little more every day.” He paused and Jade’s heartbeat quickened.
What was he talking about?
“I’ve hired an attorney.”