A Moment of Weakness (22 page)

For the most part, it was the same way Jim treated her or anyone in his life for that matter. The problem was simple: No one was as important to Jim Rudolph as he was to himself. Especially lately.

When Jim was finished, he pushed his plate back and exhaled loudly. “Best meat loaf in town.” He patted his stomach and smiled at Jade. “Hey, how did your meeting go today?”

She shifted and moved her food around on her plate with her fork. He seemed so content right now, she hated to answer him. She was sure he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “It was fine. We talked and we prayed.”

His smile faded a notch. “Well, you always do that, right? What did you ladies talk abo—” His smile disappeared. “Jade? What was your meeting about today?”

Lord, help me say this right
. She looked up and met his gaze, knowing she couldn’t lie. “Channel One.”

She saw how hard he was working to stay neutral. He didn’t seem to want to fight any more than she did. With a sigh, he looked down at the table. “Who brought that up?”

“Well, Jackie …”

His eyes came back to meet hers. “And you?”

She didn’t answer. Instead she begged him silently to let it drop, to try to understand.…

“So you joined the discussion.”

She nodded at the flat statement.

“And I’m guessing you didn’t stick up for Channel One.”

Swallowing hard, she fingered her fork. “No.”

The disappointment in his eyes pierced her. “Jade, I thought we talked about this. I thought you were going to drop it like I asked you to?”

Jade stared at her nearly full plate and remembered several times in the past month when Jim had made a point of asking her to stay out of the Channel One situation. “No … we’ve, uh, done a lot of research.…” She looked up, willing him to understand, to hear her out. “It’s not a good thing, Jim. I could tell you—”

He cut her off when he slowly pushed his chair back from the table. His tone was low—and full of hurt—when he spoke. “Do you know what’s happening at work? The teachers are practically plotting your downfall. And they keep asking me what’s wrong with you, why you’re so focused on destroying education in our community.”

“I’m not—”

He shook his head, stopping her. “You know what I keep asking myself, Jade?”

She sat in troubled silence, staring down at her clenched hands in her lap. Finally she shook her head and whispered, “What?”

“Why you’re so focused on destroying me.”

Before she could reply, he stood and moved across the dining room. Grabbing his keys from the countertop, he glanced back at her. “I haven’t asked that much of you, Jade. Just that
you support me, as my wife. That you show me I’m as important to you as one of your little crusades. That’s all.” His face twitched, and she had the horrible feeling that he was fighting tears. But that was ridiculous. Jim didn’t cry. He never cried.

He gave a heavy sigh, his fingers clenching and unclenching on his keys waving his hand at her. “Instead, you seem determined to humiliate me. To make me look like a fool.”

Jade glanced at Ty. The boy hung his head and kept his eyes trained on his plate as he dragged his fork back and forth through his vegetables.
Protect him, Lord. Don’t let him be the victim in this
. “I’m sorry, Jim. It isn’t about you or your job at Woodridge. It’s about keeping our kids safe.”

“Safe! Fifteen minutes of television each day isn’t going to harm those kids. They watch five hours at home. What’s the difference?”

Jade was desperate to diffuse the situation.

“Let’s not talk about it right now, okay?” She met his eyes and then glanced toward Ty. The boy seemed to understand his mother’s unspoken message, and he excused himself from the table. When they heard him close his bedroom door, Jim leaned back against the counter.

“How do you think it makes me feel, Jade? I spend my day defending evolution and teaching kids to think for themselves, and the other teachers snicker because they think I’m married to the most extreme religious fanatic this side of the Columbia River.”

“I’m sorry, okay. I’ll see what I can do.” Jade forced a smile, anything to keep their argument from escalating. Lately when Jim got angry, she sensed a near violence beneath the surface. As though he wanted to throw something or smash his fist into a wall. The anger was further proof that something was very wrong with Jim.

Is he sick, Lord? Frightened? Or is it me? Have I really humiliated him? I never meant to.…

Whatever was happening with Jim, it scared Ty, and Jade knew later that night she would need to console the boy before he would feel secure enough to get to sleep.

Jim stared at her, and she saw something in his face she couldn’t ever remember seeing there before: hopelessness. “You’ll
see
what you can do?” He shook his head. “Don’t make empty promises, Jade. I think you’ve given me enough of those, don’t you? We both know what you’ll do. You’ll get your oh-so-righteous and oh-so-worried group together and get Channel One removed from the school. You have a way with these things, Jade. But this time you’re going too far. I’m warning you …”

Jade wasn’t worried about his threat; she was worried about their marriage. Her fight against Channel One came from deep inside her. Something in her soul would shrivel and die if she were to pull out of the battle now. She was driven to be involved, make a difference. It had been the same way anytime she witnessed an injustice. She thought of Shaunie and Kelso General Hospital and how her passionate plea had saved the children’s wing.

If only her husband could understand what moved her.…

Tanner would have understood perfectly
. He’d have been fighting alongside her. Just like he’d wanted to fight for religious freedom back when.

Jade shook her head to clear her mind.
Where were all the memories of Tanner coming from, and why now?
With all that was happening between Jim and her, the last person in the world she should be thinking of was Tanner. She said nothing as Jim flung his jacket over his shoulders.

“I’ll be late.”

“Where are you going?” For the first time, Jade didn’t care what his answer was. If Jim was determined to keep leaving like this, then she would spend a quiet evening alone with Ty. But the pattern stirred an anxiety that had been building in Jade for weeks.

“The Sports Page … that okay with you? Maybe you’d like to start a sidewalk boycott against the place. They serve alcohol, you know.”

Jim’s tone was still angry, but he had lost interest in arguing with her. Now it was obvious all he wanted was to leave.

Warning bells rang in Jade’s mind.
What if he isn’t meeting teacher friends? What if the signs have been there all along and I’ve refused to see them?
“Meeting anyone special?” She tried to keep her voice casual, but inside she felt another stab of fear.

Jim smiled sarcastically at her, and Jade’s heart grew heavier.
This isn’t how you want our marriage, Lord. Loveless, faithless.… I’m losing him, Father. Help me, please
.

“Why on earth would I want to meet anyone
special
when I have such a loving, tender wife at home?” He uttered a short, harsh laugh, and the sound of it made Jade feel sick to her stomach. “You’re such a good little Christian wife. Don’t you worry about a thing, Jade; I’ll come home tonight like I’m supposed to.”

With that, he disappeared out the front door.

When the sound of his car grew faint, Jade picked up the phone and dialed Jackie Conley. “Hi. I only have a minute.” Jade kept her voice low. She didn’t want Ty to hear her conversation. “About what you said earlier … what did you want to tell me?”

Jade heard Jackie sigh on the other end. “This isn’t easy, Jade. But I think you should know.”

The fear in Jade’s gut grew. “What? Is it about Jim?”

“Yes.” Jackie hesitated. “Scott thinks he may know why Jim’s taking this Channel One thing so hard.”

“I’m listening.” Jade began clearing the dinner dishes, hoping they would cover up the sound of her voice since Ty was still in the next room.

Jackie hesitated. “Jade … I wish I could be there to tell you in person.…” She paused again. “Scott says Jim’s been spending a lot of time with Kathy Wittenberg. She’s new on staff—assistant administrator and part-time health teacher.”

Relief made its way over Jade. “That’s nothing new, Jackie. Jim spends time with a lot of teachers.”

There was a moment of silence, and instantly Jade had the feeling there was more to the story. Jackie drew a deep breath. “Kathy’s the one who wrote the grant for Channel One. It was her idea, her project from the get-go.”

A clearer picture was taking shape in Jade’s mind. “So Scott thinks Jim could be trying to discourage me from getting in Kathy’s way.”

“Well, there’s something else.…”

“What?”

“Kathy and Jim are on a committee—not sponsored by the school, mind you—whose primary goal is to stomp out the voice of the religious right in our schools. They literally earmark parents like you and me and do their best to thwart our efforts.”

Jade thought of the time her husband had been spending away. “Does the committee meet after hours?”

“Yes.”

A cloud of desperation descended on her, and she made her way to the nearest chair. Nausea rose up in her stomach as she considered Jackie’s words.
A committee designed to stomp out the voice of the religious right in public schools?
It sounded like something
from a science fiction novel or a third-world country.
And Jim is involved?

“Jade, one more thing …”

“I’m listening.” Jade was leaning over the table, struggling to regain her bearings.

“When I say Jim’s spending a lot of time with Kathy, I mean a
lot
of time. An awful lot of time.”

Another realization came over Jade. “You don’t think …”

“Well, Scott didn’t come out and say they were having an affair, but …”

“Kathy’s married, isn’t she?” Jade pictured the blond at Jim’s office. She was intelligent and sophisticated, a bit hard around the edges. Not pretty enough for Jim. Jade couldn’t picture her husband falling for her.

“They split up two months ago. The divorce is in process.”

Jade felt her heart plummet. “So you think there’s something going on?”

Jackie paused. “Well, Jade, let’s just say the signs are all there.” She exhaled slowly. “I thought you should know.”

No, Lord, don’t let it be true!

Jade’s mind raced. Kathy Wittenberg had brought in Channel One and found her primary support in Jim. The two had hit it off and joined a committee to eliminate the Christian influence that classrooms were feeling from certain parents in the district. More time together meant more time for indiscretion. It made perfect sense, and Jade could feel the ground beneath her feet beginning to shift.

“Listen, Jackie, I have to go. Ty’s waiting for me.”

“I’m sorry, Jade.… I didn’t want to tell you.”

“No, don’t be. I needed to know.” Jade closed her eyes.
Give me wisdom, God. Please
. “Pray for me, will you?”

“Always.”

Jade closed her eyes. She knew Jackie would keep her word, and she was thankful again for her friendship. “I want God to show me the truth … so I don’t have to go out looking for it.”

“I will.”

Jade’s heart was racing, and she felt herself being buried beneath an avalanche of panic. “Jackie … I’m not feeling right.…”

“Remember what you always say, Jade. God must have a plan in all this.”

Yes, that was it. There must be a reason this was happening
. “Could … could you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Please, Jackie, pray I’ll know the reason soon.”

T
ANNER
E
ASTMAN HAD FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE MEETING WITH
his next client, and he intended to use the time to clear his desk. Neatness was not his strong suit. Generally there were a dozen things that seemed more important than tidying his work space, but if he didn’t spend some time organizing soon, Tanner knew he’d have to start over with a second desk.

Office upkeep had been easier back when all he had was a ten-by-ten, rented space with nothing but his name on the door to prove he’d arrived. Now he had ten attorneys working for him, all dedicated to preserving religious freedom. Center for the Preservation of Religious Rights, he called his firm, and it had taken on the moniker CPRR.

As he had been shown during his days in Hungary, God was using him in a mighty way to preserve freedom in the United States. When citizens found themselves in a fight with the ACLU over religious rights, the first group they called was Tanner’s. It was no accident that the two groups’ initials were so closely linked. Tanner liked it that way. The battle had been one-sided until the CPRR came along, and now Tanner felt confident they had successfully slowed the erosion of rights taking place across America. In many instances they had actually restored them.

He collected two files spread across his workspace and placed them back in his cabinet. As he did, his eyes fell on the elegantly framed picture adorning his desk.
Leslie Barlow. Daughter of California Supreme Court Justice Ben Barlow
.
Graduated Harvard, 1997. Accomplished pianist. Mean tennis player
. And about to become Tanner’s wife in July—just five months away.

Tanner tried to smile at the thought but felt strangely overwhelmed instead. Which made no sense. Leslie was beautiful and cultured and the perfect adornment for the arm of any prestigious man. His mother had reminded him often how blessed he was that Leslie had come into his life.

Tanner chuckled. His mother used words like
blessed
for his benefit. Regardless of his devotion to God, she had grown increasingly far from things of the Lord. Tanner knew she only tolerated his choice to start the CPRR and defend cases where people were persecuted for their faith. But she hadn’t approved of it until he became a household name.

Tanner would never forget the incident that put his firm on the legal map.

School officials at Jefferson High, south of Salem, Oregon, had asked a girl to sing for graduation ceremonies and merely to inform them of the artist and song ahead of time. The girl chose a song by Christian artist Steven Curtis Chapman. When the officials realized the song contained Christian lyrics, they cancelled her performance.