A Mother's Secret (10 page)

“Okay.” Joshua turned to Benjamin. “Ready to start shoveling?”

“
Ya
.” Benjamin touched Carolyn’s arm. “I’ll see you later.”

“Leave a message if you need a ride home.” Carolyn watched Benjamin trot toward a large stable. She turned toward Joshua, who was watching her, and she suddenly felt self-conscious. “This is a
schee
farm.”

“
Danki
.” Joshua crossed his arms over his wide chest. She couldn’t help but notice that his blue shirt accentuated his deep azure eyes. “Where do you work?”

“The Lancaster Grand Hotel,” she said. “I work part-time as a housekeeper on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I know that’s a little unusual for our community, but I like getting out and meeting people.” She was almost certain she caught the hint of a frown.

“Hannah used to work there.” His tone changed as he said the words, as if they tasted bad.

“
Ya
, Hannah Glick. I worked with her. She’s your sister-in-law.”

“She used to be my sister-in-law.” He started toward the barn. “Let’s get that tour started. I have a lot of work to do.”

Carolyn watched him for a moment, stunned by the sudden change in demeanor. Had she said something to offend him? She trotted to catch up with his long strides. “I didn’t mean to keep you from your work.”

“Oh, no. It’s fine.” His smile was back, and her heart thumped in her chest.

She fought against her body’s reaction to his face and looked toward the stables. It was silly to be attracted to this man. She didn’t even know him. “How long have you had this farm?” she asked.

“This land has been in my family for years. My parents inherited it after
mei mamm’s
parents passed away. They had tenants living here and caring for the land until
mei bruder
, Gideon, married Hannah and moved in. Right after he moved here, Gideon told me he wanted to go into business with me.” He stopped in front of the stables and swept his eyes over the
property. “The horse farm was all his idea. Our parents loaned us the start-up money, and we started the farm. In the beginning, we only had a few horses.”

Carolyn peered into the stable, and the aroma of animals and hay wafted over her. Her eyes moved to where she’d fallen on Monday, and embarrassment crept up on her. She hoped he hadn’t told anyone about her unladylike behavior. “How many horses do you have?” she asked in an effort to keep the conversation moving.

He pointed toward the stalls. “We have twenty-nine box stalls. We normally have anywhere from forty to fifty horses here at one time.”

“This is spectacular.” Carolyn studied the horses. “They are such magnificent animals.”

“They are. They’re really smart too. I don’t think everyone gives them credit for their intellect. I love training them and working with them.” He laughed a little. “You know, when we first started the business, I thought
mei bruder
was
narrisch
. It was so much work that I was overwhelmed.”

Josh pointed toward the house. “But I soon fell in love with the work. It’s a labor of love, but it’s a blessing in so many ways. I actually slept in the spare bedroom for a while since Gideon and Hannah didn’t have any
kinner
at first.” He paused for a few moments as if contemplating his words. “I’m
froh
God led Gideon to the horses. It’s been
gut
comfort for me since Gideon died and Hannah moved away.”

He cleared his throat and looked down at the ground. “I’m a little surprised I told you that. I haven’t actually said that out loud to anyone before.”

“Oh.” Carolyn studied him as he kicked a rock with his
shoe. It was obvious he was embarrassed that he had opened up to her, and once again she found herself surprised by Joshua Glick. He was turning out to be more than just the outspoken man she’d seen at the auction and then argued with on Monday.

An awkward silence passed between them, and Carolyn internally groped for something to say.

“So, you live here now?” She pointed toward the house.

“
Ya
. I moved in when Hannah and her
kinner
moved out last year.” He met her gaze, but his expression seemed guarded. Was he afraid of revealing too much again? “The
haus
is too big for me, but it’s convenient living here. I can just walk out the door and I’m at work. I get more done in the daylight since I don’t have to travel from here back to the little
haus
where I lived on my parents’ farm.” He pointed toward a second stable. “Ben is working in here with Danny King.”

Carolyn followed him to the other stable, where they found Benjamin and Daniel. Daniel glanced up and waved, and she returned the greeting. She then followed Joshua toward the row of barns.

“All our equipment is kept in those three barns, and there’s a small pond at the back of the pasture.” Joshua pointed toward the back of the property. “Hannah used to like to go sit back by the water.” He shook his head, as if to shake away the memory.

“It’s beautiful,” Carolyn said while scanning the area. “I would love to live in a place like this.”

Joshua studied her. “Don’t you live on a farm?”

Carolyn nodded. “I do, but it’s not the same. I live with my parents in the
daadi haus
on
mei bruder’s
property. I’ve always dreamed of having a family and a farm of my own. I appreciate
my family, and I love them, of course, but I would love to have something of my own.”

“It always sounds like a
gut
idea when you talk about it and dream about it.” Joshua rubbed his clean-shaven chin. “But it’s a lot of work.”

“But you just said the horses are like a comfort for you,” Carolyn reminded him with her hands on her hips for emphasis. “You admitted just a few moments ago that you fell in love with the farm after a while.”

Joshua smiled. “
Ya
, you’re right. I did say that, but it’s a lot when you’re alone. I’m thankful that I have Danny to help me.”

“And Ben,” she added.

“Very true.” Joshua looked toward the stable where Ben was working. “He’s a hard worker and a quick learner.”

Carolyn couldn’t stop her smile. It was a relief to hear someone compliment her son for once. She looked toward the pasture and silently admired the beautiful horses grazing. A comfortable silence fell between them.

“Are you still angry with me for working him too hard?” Joshua asked.

Carolyn studied him. His direct question startled her. “No, I don’t think so. He seems happy here.”

“Good.” He smiled. “I’m glad he’s here. I’ll work him hard, but I promise you that he’ll learn a lot from me.”

“That’s
gut
.”

“Well, I better get back to work,” Joshua said.

“
Ya
, I better get to my errands.” She looked up at him. “It was
gut
getting to talk to you.”

“
Ya
.” He nodded. “It was
gut
. See you soon.”

Carolyn made her way to the waiting horse and buggy. Before
climbing in, she turned back toward the pasture and watched Joshua return to the horses. She lingered for a few moments, taking in Joshua interacting with the horses, and she wondered why she felt such a growing respect for the man.

She had not dated since Benjamin was born, and she’d gotten used to being alone. Benjamin was all she needed for years, and she also couldn’t relate to the young people who were her age in the community since her life experiences had been so different from theirs. Yet now she found herself staring at this near stranger and wondering what it would be like to get to know him better.

She shook her head, attempting to erase the crazy notion of dating a man like Joshua Glick. Yet the thoughts haunted her as she guided the horse toward the main roads and the market. No matter how hard she tried to suppress it, Joshua’s smile floated in the back of her mind like a gentle whisper from a dear friend.

Joshua watched Carolyn climb into the buggy and then guide the horse toward the road. Soon the buggy disappeared down the rock driveway, but her image lingered in his mind. Carolyn was the most complicated woman he’d ever met. She’d argued with him on Monday after Benjamin’s first day at work, but today she’d visited him as if the argument had never happened. She seemed stubborn but also elegant as she complimented his farm. She was as intricate and mysterious as the morning sunrise.

Although Carolyn and Lena were close in age, he was struck by the stark differences between the two women. Lena was attractive, but Carolyn had something mysterious in her deep
brown eyes, which were an intriguing complement to her blonde hair peeking out from beneath her prayer covering. Both women were unmarried, but Carolyn seemed more mature and wise beyond her years. He easily fell into a conversation with Carolyn and didn’t have to strain to come up with topics of conversation, like he had with Lena.

He contemplated their conversation and wondered why he had begun to open up to Carolyn about his deep attachment to the farm and all he’d lost when Gideon died and Hannah left. He’d never wanted to tell anyone how he felt about his life before. What was it about Carolyn Lapp that brought his deep emotions to the surface? He shook the question off and glanced toward the stable while wondering how Daniel and Benjamin were doing.

But as Joshua walked to the stables, questions pinged through his mind. He pondered why a beautiful, intelligent, mature young woman like Carolyn wasn’t married. She’d confessed to him that she wanted a family and a farm, so why hadn’t she found someone and made that dream come true?

He stepped into the stable and heard Daniel and Benjamin talking and laughing near the back. Benjamin seemed to fit in at his farm, and Joshua needed the help with all the work. He wondered if Benjamin would consider staying on as a helper when the summer season began. He decided to keep that idea in the back of his mind and see how the next couple of months went.

Joshua grabbed a shovel and stepped into a stall, where he began to dig. His mind wandered back to questions about Carolyn. She intrigued him, but he knew he couldn’t consider dating her. He was too busy. He didn’t have time to get involved with a woman, no matter how attractive and interesting she was.

And besides, when he had fallen in love before, he got hurt. It was safer if he stayed alone, and at this point as his fortieth birthday loomed in the next couple of years, he believed that he was supposed to be alone.

Hannah stared out the window from the passenger seat of Trey’s BMW on Saturday morning as the car moved through the familiar streets she’d known when she was married to Gideon. She felt like a different person as she glanced down at her denim jumper and her clogs. Although she wore her long red hair in a bun, her prayer covering was gone, and a plain gold band decorated her once-naked ring finger. She looked over at her husband, and he smiled at her.

“Are you okay?” His voice was warm and smooth.

“
Ya
, I’ll be okay.” She looked back out the window as the street leading to her former in-laws’ farm came into view.

“I can’t wait to see Lily,” Andrew announced from the backseat.

Amanda leaned between the front seats. “What time are you picking us up, Trey?”

“You name the time,” Trey said while steering into the long rock driveway.

“How about two o’clock?” Amanda asked. “I have to study for that biology exam this weekend.”

Hannah could hear the worry in her daughter’s voice. “You’ll do fine,
mei liewe
. You’ve gotten straight A’s so far in biology, so why are you worried?”

Amanda sighed. “Thanks,
Mamm
. I’m just worried I’m not
cut out for college.”

Hannah faced her daughter and took her hands. “You will do fantastic. Stop doubting yourself.”

“Thanks.” Amanda gave Hannah a quick hug by leaning between the front seats. “I’ll see you later.” She pushed the car door open and headed toward her waiting twin sister.

“Bye,
Mamm
! Bye, Trey!” Andrew yelled before leaping from the car and running up the driveway behind Amanda.

Hannah looked through the windshield toward where Lily was hugging Amanda by the bottom step of the porch leading into Barbie’s mudroom. Then as Andrew hugged Lily, a knot formed in Hannah’s chest.