A Mother's Secret (28 page)

The horse pulled the buggy up the driveway leading to his barn, and Joshua climbed out and began to unhitch it. He looked toward his lonely farmhouse and wondered what it would be like to bring Carolyn home as his wife. He smiled when he thought of starting a family with her and growing old with her. It was a far-fetched notion, but he hoped that Carolyn was in God’s plan for him.

Maybe, just maybe, Joshua could finally find the happiness his lonely heart craved.

SIXTEEN

J
oshua fed the animals and then walked back into his house and sat in an easy chair by the window. Since today was an off Sunday, there wasn’t a church service to attend. His thoughts had been stuck on Carolyn since he’d visited her Tuesday evening. He’d hoped she would come and visit him at the farm during the week, but she hadn’t. He considered going to visit her in the evenings, but he couldn’t find the courage to go over again without an invitation.

Joshua looked toward the stack of ledgers sitting on the coffee table in front of him and considered losing himself in the numbers that ran his farm. He needed something to keep his mind busy and mute the constant thoughts of Carolyn, but he wasn’t permitted to do any work on Sunday. He couldn’t work on the books or do unnecessary farmwork without committing a sin.

He stood and walked to the window while considering what to do to try to stay busy. His house seemed too big and quiet today. He longed to go visit Carolyn, but he didn’t know if she was at church or if it was an off Sunday for her district too.

Instead of spending the day moping, he decided to go visit
his parents. After hitching the horse to the buggy, he headed over to their house, where he found another buggy parked by the barn.

Joshua started up the porch steps and was greeted by his mother, who pushed the door open wide.

“Josh!” She sang his name. “I was hoping you’d come over today. We have visitors. Lena is here with her
schweschder
and parents.”

Joshua frowned and stopped climbing the steps.
I should’ve
gone to see if Carolyn was home
.

“What are you waiting for?”
Mamm
beckoned him. “Come in, come in. Lena and her family would love to see you.”

Joshua slowly climbed the stairs, his steps bogged down by his growing agitation with his mother’s meddling. When he reached the kitchen, he found Lena, her sister, and her parents sitting around the table drinking coffee. Lena met his gaze with a warm smile. He gave her a halfhearted wave.

“Where’s
Dat
?” Joshua asked his mother while standing beside her near the back door.

“He had to go out to the stable to check on Molly. She’s the mare we’re expecting to give birth soon.” She’d kept her voice low. Lena’s father was sharing a story with his family and Lillian.

“I’m going to go see him.” Joshua started out the door and down the porch steps.

“Josh!” His mother ran down the stairs and trailed him. “Where are you going?”

“I told you.” He adjusted his hat on his head. “I’m going to see
Dat
.”

“But what about Lena?”
Mamm
looked confused. “I invited her and her family over hoping that you would come.”

“I’m glad you were finally honest about their visit. I knew you were trying to set this up for me.” Joshua’s smile was wry. “When are you going to realize that you can’t make me interested in someone I am not interested in? We Amish don’t believe in arranged marriages, but you’re acting as if this behavior is common and acceptable.”

His mother stared at him and blinked, but no words escaped her mouth. For once in his life, Joshua had rendered his mother speechless. He made a mental note to write down this day in a book somewhere.

“I’m going to see
Dat
.” Joshua turned and stalked toward the stable, where he found his father watching a mare pace in her stall. “
Wie geht’s?
”

“Hi, Josh,”
Dat
said. “Your
mamm
was hoping you’d come over.”

Joshua sighed with a frown. “
Ya
, I know.” He reached over a stall and rubbed a nearby horse’s neck. “How’s Molly doing?”

“She’s frustrated.”
Dat
fingered his long, graying beard. “I think it may be soon.”

“I have one that’s close too. I think Daisy may give birth this week.” Joshua continued to rub the horse’s neck. “When it’s Molly’s time, you can call me if you need help.”

“
Danki
. I’m going to put her in a secluded stall today. The horses like their privacy when they get to this point.”
Dat
motioned toward the entrance to the barn. “I think I’ll enjoy the privacy and quiet with her. I was tired of sitting at the table and listening to Joe’s stories about his hardware store and his wife’s bakery. Am I bad because I don’t want to sit there and pretend I’m interested?” He chuckled.

“No, you’re not bad. I feel the same way.” Joshua squatted
and leaned against the stall door. “I was hoping to escape the quiet of
mei haus
today, but I wasn’t expecting to have to try to make conversation with Lena.
Mamm’s
been pushing me to date her, and I’m really not interested.”

“We’ll hide out here together then.”

“Sounds
gut
to me.” Joshua grinned at his father.

They discussed horses, their farms, and his father’s woodworking projects for the next couple of hours. Joshua then helped his father lead the mare to a secluded stall at the very back of the stable before they started toward the house to see if lunch was ready.

When Joshua stepped out of the stable, he spotted Lena coming toward them. Although he’d been relaxed while he spoke to his father, he felt his body stiffen and anxiety resurface as she approached him.

“Hi, Josh,” she said. “I was coming to see where you were.”

“I was helping
mei dat
with a mare that’s going to give birth soon.” He motioned toward the stable.

“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “I bet you have a lot of experience with horses that give birth.”

“
Ya
, I do. I run a horse farm.”

“Did you have a
gut
week?” she asked.

“I did. Did you have a
gut
week?”

“
Ya
. I did a lot of baking. I brought some chocolate chip oatmeal
kichlin
.” She pointed toward the house. “You’ll have to try one. It’s a new recipe I created myself. I like to invent recipes.”

“That’s interesting.” He nodded and wondered what else to say. They stood in awkward silence for what felt like a lifetime, and he began to wonder what Carolyn was doing. Was she thinking of him?

“You should come to the singles gathering tonight,” she finally said. “We’re going to sing for a couple over in Bird-in-Hand who lost their son recently. He died in an accident. His buggy was hit by a truck that ran a red light.”

“Oh. That’s
bedauerlich
.” He had to think of an excuse not to go. He racked his mind for a believable reason.

“
Ya
, it’s really
bedauerlich
.” She shook her head. “My heart breaks for his family. It’s always hard to lose someone, but we have to remember that God has the perfect plan for all of us.” She was silent for a moment and then her expression brightened. “What kind of pies do you like?”

Joshua was stumped by the question. “I like all pies.”

“But which one is your most favorite?” She raised her eyebrows in anticipation.

“I can’t say I have one favorite.”

“You have to have one favorite.”

Joshua paused and thought about the dinner he’d enjoyed at Carolyn’s house. She’d made a pie, and it was delicious. “Lemon meringue.”

“I can make you a lemon meringue pie.” Lena wagged her finger for emphasis. “In fact, I don’t mean to be prideful, but
mei mamm
says I make the best pies in the bakery. Come see me at the bakery one day, and I’ll have a special one waiting for you. Just call before you come. Did you know that I make most of the pies at the bakery?”

Lena prattled on about pies and cookies for several minutes, and Joshua longed for someone to come and save him. Where was his father when he needed him?

“With all of this food talk, I’m actually getting hungry,” he finally interrupted.

“Oh? I am too.” She turned toward the house. “I should go help Barbie serve lunch.”

“That’s a fantastic idea,” he agreed. “Let’s go see if we can convince
mei mamm
that it’s time to eat.”

Lena continued talking about the bakery as they made their way to the house. Joshua tuned her out and thought of Carolyn. He hoped she was thinking about him, and he also hoped she was having a better day than he was.

After lunch, Joshua said good-bye to his parents, Lena, and her family before heading out to his buggy. He’d just finished hitching the horse when he spotted Lena coming toward him.

“Josh,” she called. “May I speak to you alone for a moment?”

He swallowed a groan as he faced her. “Of course. What can I do for you?”

“I wanted to tell you that I really like you. You’re a nice man.” Her smile faded a bit. “I can tell that your
mamm
really wants us to get together.”

He leaned against the buggy and grinned. “Is it that obvious?”

She laughed. “Your
mamm
doesn’t hold her feelings back.”

“No, she doesn’t.”

“Listen, Josh, I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I was doing some thinking while we were eating lunch. I don’t think this can work between us.”

“You don’t?” He felt his smile brighten.

“Like I said, you’re nice, but you’re too reserved for me.” She shook her head. “And, sadly, I don’t think we have anything in common.”

“Really?” He bit his lower lip to stop his smile from getting any bigger.

“I hope I’m not hurting your feelings, but I’d like to just be
freinden
. I don’t think we should date. Does that sound okay to you?”

He stood up straight. “That sounds perfect to me.
Danki
, Lena.”

“I’m so glad you agree.” She gave him a little wave. “I’ll see you at church.”

“Take care.” He climbed into the buggy and started for the road. As he guided the horse, he let out a satisfied laugh. His mother’s attempts to marry him off had failed, and the tension released from his shoulders. He could stop feeling pressured by his mother to date Lena, and instead he could concentrate on the woman he preferred—Carolyn Lapp.

Carolyn finished cleaning the rooms on the second floor of the hotel late Monday morning and then went looking for Ruth. She’d been reflecting on her feelings for Joshua since she’d last seen him, and she needed to get some advice on how to handle telling him the truth about Benjamin.

She found Ruth vacuuming a conference room. She waited until the vacuum cleaner stopped before she got Ruth’s attention.

“Carolyn.” Ruth faced her while coiling the vacuum cleaner cord. “Is it lunchtime already?”

“No.” Carolyn began putting the chairs back under the table. “We have an hour yet. I just was hoping to talk to you.”

“Oh.” Ruth pointed to the chairs. “You don’t need to help with the chairs.”

“I don’t mind helping. Besides, I don’t want to set you behind with your work. I finished my rooms early.” Carolyn pushed chairs as she spoke. “I wanted to ask you something.”