A Promise of Tomorrow (17 page)

S
he sounds just like Father.

At that disheartening thought, he folded the letter and straightened his shoulders before going to find the twins. They would be waitingfor his news and concerned ifhe took too long.

As if I needed anything more to think about today
, he thought as he rubbed at his stilllingeringheadache.
He made his way back inside and found the twins waiting where he’d left them. He quickly told themwhat the letter contained, and they congratulated him and assured him that all would turn out well.
After pretending more enthusiasmthan he felt, he asked if they thought their uncle would mind ifhe borrowed a horse to ride to Bury St. Edmunds, and they assured him that it would be no trouble. Ashtonevenoffered for Kyle to take Gwinny, ifhe wanted.

“She’s my horse, really,” he said. “She was a birthday present, and my uncle keeps her here for my visits. You’re welcome to borrow her.”

He thanked Ashton for his kindness and decided that he would wait until the morrow before going to visit his aunt. He had too many things onhis mind to make the trip that day.

And someone I need to speak with again, privately, before I go.
He was probably making another mistake, but no matter what Warren had said, Kyle couldn’t leave things as they were. It would haunt him for the rest of his days if he didn’t make some kind of peace withthe man.

The rest ofthe daywent muchas the daybefore. Kyle resolved to let himself be distracted by the twins, hoping that the calm he had felt before would return. Warren wouldn’t be back until the evening, and he couldn’t do anything about his feelings until the man returned, so he might as well do his best to fill the time and show his appreciationto the twins for their hospitality.

They played a little music, then took pity onAshton and spent some time at cards. The three ofthemwent onanafternoonride, then retired to bathe and dress for dinner. Despite his resolve, he couldn’t help but feel the loss of Warren’s company, and his absence made Kyle fully realize how much he’d come to like the man’s company… more thanlike.

After dinner, Kyle excused himself and bid the twins good night, usinghis journeyonthe morrow as his excuse for retiringearly.
“I fear I may also leave before you wake in the morning, so I will say my farewells now,” he said. “I am unsure if I will stay the night or not, as I have no idea what to expect frommyaunt, so please don’t wait dinner on me. If I return tomorrow night, I will dine before I come.”
Turning to leave, he stopped and turned back to them. “I must thank youagainfor your generosity. Youhave no idea how muchyou have givenme inthe few short days I have knownyou.”
Anna looked for a moment like she would cry, but she simply cleared her throat and said, “Your friendship is the only gratitude we require, Mr. Allen. We are very pleased to know you. Safe journey to you.”
“Thank you, Miss Ashton. I willtellyou allon my return. Good night.”
He took a moment to request brandy be brought to his room before making his way up the stairs. He purposely kept his mind blank as the footman brought in the tray and left, closing the door behind him. After removing his coat and cravat, Kyle poured himself a drink and then another before settling back in the room’s overstuffed chair to think.

Start with the least confusing and work from there
, he ordered himself.

 

There was the business with his aunt.
No choices or decisions to make there.

He didn’t know what to expect fromher, but it seemed like she was willing to entertain the idea of helping him. He would have to graciously accept whatever help she offered, and if all went well, he might have a means ofsecuringhis future ina few short days.

And that should make me happy, right?

But somehow it didn’t, and he knew why. The prospect of leaving Kentwood, ofleaving the
lord
of Kentwood and rejoining the real world, left him cold. He knew he had to leave. There was no place for him here. But despite the emotional turmoil he’d been in, every fiber of his being ached to stay right where he was, with the manhe had come to care for so deeplyinsucha short time.

Inevitably, his mind wandered back to the man who had dominated his thoughts for days, despite his efforts to the contrary.
“You weren’t the only man in that room,”
Warrenhad said.
And then,
“There would be very little you would be able to force me to do if I were not willing.”
He
had
been kissing me back. He must have, otherwise he would have denied any part in what happened.

No one could make a man like Lord Warren do anything he didn’t want to
.
Unlike me….

Unfortunately,
that
thought made his stomach flip for another, less pleasant, reason. Had it only been a few days since he had been brutalized bythe manhe thought he loved?

No
. He had to be honest with himself now or never. It wasn’t true. There hadn’t been love. There’d only been lust and a cowardly need for someone to free him from the life that had been chosen for him. A life he didn’t want. He’d let Victor sweep him up and carry him away because he’d been too selfish to do his duty to his family and too muchofa coward to tellthemso himself.

He shook his head, finishing his second glass of brandy. He
had
been weak. He
had
been cowardly… but not anymore. Now it was time to take control of his own life and to pay the price for his foolishness.

He would leave Kentwood. He would take whatever position his aunt could secure, and he would never again allow anyone to take controlofhis life.

He sighed
.

But tomorrow, not tonight. Tonight I will let the dream go on just a little longer, I think… and hope my lord will join me.
The thought made his body tingle and his heart beat faster. Could he do this? Could he risk the man’s anger if he had read him wrong?
Feeling his courage rise with each sip of his brandy, he decided he could. This would be his last chance to know joywithanother man and to erase the marks Victor had left onhim.

After tonight, he could not risk being with a man ever again. He would be a poor clerk or a secretary or some other humble profession, if he was lucky, and keeping such a position, and with it his life, was reliant onhis character beingabove reproach. Ifhe didn’t take the chance now, he would never have another.

Perhaps I am a little mad to want this so soon after Victor
. But the thought of being with Warren brought him nothing but eager anticipation, no fear, no shame, just longing.

He would never hurt me
.
I don’t know how I know it after so short a time, but I do.
Add to that the fact that the man was handsome, charming, and had the body ofAtlas, and it was no wonder Kyle couldn’t help but want him. He was strong without being cruel. He had humor and wit, intelligence, and a calm, confident air that drew Kyle like no one else ever had.
Kyle closed his eyes, rememberinghow those hands had felt on his face, in his hair, on his thigh, and heat pulsed through his veins. Yes, he needed to feel that again, to forget anything that had come before, evenifit was just for one night.
As he poured his third glass of brandy, he heard Ashton biddinghis sister good night inthe hall; thenallwas quiet. He’d dozed offfor a short time onlyto wake to the sound offootsteps and to hear Warren’s voice instructing Ellis to send up a decanter of brandy and informinghimthat he would be sleepinglate and not to disturb him.
At the sound ofthat voice, butterflies stirred inhis stomach, and his hand tightened around his glass. He sat unmoving as the servant came and went, presumablydeliveringthe brandy. He continued to sit as he waited for the house to go silent, until the only sound he could hear was the nervous beatingofhis heart.
It’s now or never
.

Rising perhaps a little too quickly, he made his unsteady way down the hall to the man’s door. No light came from under it, telling himthat Warrenmust have alreadygone to bed.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself and clear his spinning head, he carefully turned the knob, thankful that the door was unlocked. He closed the door as quietly as possible before fumbling for the bolt. After sliding it home, he stepped further into the room and looked around him.

Moonlight poured in from a large set of windows to his left, illuminating a small sitting area furnished with two chairs and a small table. Traveling past them, Kyle made his way to the large bedchamber beyond. Another set of windows lit a giant canopied bed in which Warren’s still form rested on his side. Swallowing his doubts, Kyle made his way to the bed and looked down on the man’s sleepingface.

God, he’s beautiful.

Taking a deep breath, he knelt next to the bed and reached out with unsteady fingers to touch that face. He trailed his fingers down the strong jaw, rough with a day’s growth of whiskers, and as he watched, Warren’s eyes fluttered open, registering surprise and confusion. With his back to the moonlight, Kyle knew Warren couldn’t see his face, but it was obvious he knew who it was whenhe said, “Kyle? What are youdoinghere? Is somethingwrong?”

“No, nothing,” Kyle said simply, moving his fingers from the man’s jaw to slide over his lips. Warren’s hand shot up and clasped Kyle’s wrist hard, pullinghis hand awayfromhis face.

“No,” he said firmly. “Go back to bed… now.” He didn’t immediately let go of Kyle’s wrist, however, which gave him the courage to ignore the command.

“Please,”Kyle pleaded, “please don’t send me away. I want to be withyouso much. Youwant it too, don’t you?”

He watched as emotions flitted across Warren’s face too quickly to name. The man swallowed and closed his eyes before saying, “We can’t do this, Kyle. This can’t happen.”

It was not a complete denial, and Kyle took heart. As the man had yet to let go of his wrist, Kyle chose to listen to his body rather than his words and leaned forward until his lips hovered just above the other man’s.

“Please,” Kyle whispered against those lips before closing the finaldistance and sealingtheir mouths together.

Warren groaned, and his grip on Kyle’s wrist tightened before his lips opened and his tongue shot forward to tangle with Kyle’s. He tasted of brandy and something sweeter that had Kyle opening further, hoping for more. Warren’s tongue plunged deeper into his mouth before withdrawing to nip and suck on his lips. Kyle felt the grip on his wrist release a moment before strong hands cupped his jaw, holdinghiminplace as his kiss became hard and demanding.

He hadn’t given Warren the opportunity to take control of their last encounter, but now his body thrilled at the force with which the other took possession of his mouth. Oh yes! This was what he needed.

J
AMES
had never wanted something so badly in his life. He’d spent the entire day trying
not
to remember how good Kyle had felt pressed against him, how sweet those lips had been, and how those strongthighs had clenched around him.

Now, in his own bed after a frustrating day spent trying to distract himself, the object ofhis obsessionappeared like a dream, on his knees, beggingto be taken. It was too muchto resist.

He was not made of stone, nor was he a saint. He was only a man, a man who’d been in a near-constant state of arousal for days. Any and all reasons why he shouldn’t be doing what he so desperately wanted to do flew fromhis head the moment Kyle’s lips met his, and there was nothinghe could do to stop them.

Surrendering himself completely to the moment, he sat up on the bed and leaned back against the pillows, pulling Kyle up and partially on top of him. Following his lead, the younger man climbed onto the bed and knelt next to him as they explored each other’s mouths.

This time, there would be no conflicting desires, no regrets. He was not a man of half measures. Once the decision was made, there would be no going back. He committed himself fully to the experience, and allhis doubts disappeared.

Sliding his hands along his lover’s throat, he could feel Kyle’s pulse beat erratically under his palms, and his own heartbeat sped in answer. When Kyle drew back a little, gasping, James moved his mouth to Kyle’s neck, licking and sucking over that pulse, then leaningdownto bite the cord ofmuscle joiningit to his shoulder. Kyle moaned and leaned into his mouth, spreading his hands across James’s chest for support, and James couldn’t help a moan of his ownat Kyle’s responsiveness.

Frantic to taste more of him, James dropped his hands to Kyle’s waist and pulled his shirt free of his trousers. Kyle leaned back and raised his arms to allow it to be drawn over his head, then cursed as the cuffs caught and effectivelytrapped his arms.

Chuckling quietly, James found himself strangely charmed and aroused at hearing such filthy words coming out of that sweet mouth for the first time. He twisted the shirt a little tighter and drew Kyle’s hands down between them, holding them together while he took the opportunity to lean forward and take one of Kyle’s nipples in his mouth, suckingand nibblingat it untilit hardened under his tongue.

Kyle gasped and pressed his chest harder against James’s mouth as his body began to tremble. Encouraged, James moved to the other, teasing until it peaked, taking his time and savoring the flavor and heat ofhis lover’s skin.

When Kyle’s hands fidgeted restlessly between them, James pulled back and freed them from the shirt before pulling Kyle close again and reclaiming his mouth. Kyle’s hands, now freed, fisted in James’s hair, drawing themeven closer together. Smiling to himself at Kyle’s obvious enthusiasm, he took delight in exploring Kyle’s mouth again as his hands caressed his lover’s newly bared torso. The lightly muscled planes of his back and flanks slid smooth and warm under his palms as he committed every inch to memory. It was heavenly, but he couldn’t help but want more.

He rose up, pulling Kyle against him, molding their bodies from breast to knees. He slid his hands down Kyle’s back to the waist of his trousers, pushing theminside, cupping and squeezing his buttocks. The firm, tight globes fit perfectlyinhis hands, and he used his hold to grind their hips together.