A Promise of Tomorrow (22 page)

This morning, he was preparing some letters for his steward whenhe was interrupted bya knock onhis studydoor.

 

“Uncle, mayI come in?”Anna called fromthe hall. “Ofcourse, Anna. I was just finishingsome business and getting readyto come lookingfor the two ofyou,”he replied as he stood.

Anna opened the door, stepped inside, and closed it behind her. It wasn’t until she walked around the chair in front of his desk that he noticed she carried a letter in her hand. She looked nervous and graver than James had ever seen her. Just for a moment, she looked so much older that he almost thought it was his sister standing infront ofhim.

“What’s wrong, mydear?”James asked inconcern, shakingoff that frighteningimage.

“I got a letter from Mr. Allen this morning, and I decided I needed to speak to youabout something… onlyI don’t know how to begin,”she answered, raisingher hands ina helpless shrug.

James’s stomach clenched at Kyle’s name, and his grip tightened on the arms of his chair. He gestured for her to sit as he seated himself and tried to smile reassuringly through numb lips. “Anna, sweetling, youknow youcantalk to me about anything. I love you with all my heart. There’s no need for you to be nervous with me.”

“Oh Uncle, I know, and I love you too, I just don’t know ifit’s my place to speak of such things with you… but there is no one else, and I just can’t leave things as they are. It’s simply not in me to turn away from those I care for, especially when they’re hurting.” There were tears in the corners of her eyes now, and James couldn’t help but stand again and walk around the desk to kneel beside her chair, takingher hand.

“Anna, what do youmean? Who’s hurting?”he asked.

“Both of you,” she replied quietly, and James felt a tremor of fear runthroughhim.
“Anna….”
“No, Uncle, now that I’ve started, let me finish. I… I liked Kyle, Mr. Allen, I mean, very much, from the first moment I saw him.” She blushed but took a breath and rushed on. “He was so handsome and sweet and gentle, and I couldn’t help but like him, but he didn’t seem to admire me the way that I admired him. It hurt. I won’t say it didn’t, but I kept hoping, if we spent more time together, maybe he would come to feel more for me. I watched him, perhaps more than I should have, I admit, but it wasn’t me he kept looking at, or Andrew, it was you. I would catch himlooking at you all the time, and the
way
he looked at you confused me. But then I would catch you looking at himin the same fashion, and I started to understand, I think.”
“Anna, don’t. Please just leave it be. Mr. Allen is gone now, to a new life, without any of us. There’s no need to talk about this any further,” James said as he stood and moved away fromhis niece. His heart was pounding in his ears and breaking for his niece all at the same time. Dear God, had he reallybeenso obvious?
“No,” she said, standing and moving closer to him. “Uncle, you know I respect you and would normally obey you, as is my duty, but this once, please don’t make me. You said we could talk about anything, and I really need to talk to you about this. I need to understand.”
James didn’t say anything. He couldn’t. This was not a conversation he should have with his niece, but he’d never truly denied her anything. He didn’t want to create a chasm of any kind between them, but he had no earthly idea what to say to her, so he remained silent.
“Uncle? I heard Kyle, Mr. Allen, crying the night we arrived at Kentwood. I woke to a cry and went to check on it when I saw you go into his room. No one else heard him, I’msure. Andrew is such a sound sleeper, and Mrs. Holt is deaf as a post, but
I
heard it,” she said, lookingat himso earnestlyhe wanted to weep.
“The next day you disappeared all day, and then that next morning you were acting so strangely… you were so happy, but whenyouheard he had left, youlooked so shocked… and these past weeks, you’ve been so different. I’ve never known you to be this way, Uncle, and I had to suspect it had something to do with Mr. Allen. What’s happening, Uncle? Please tellme.”
“I don’t know what to say to you, Anna. This isn’t a proper conversation for us to have,” he replied, shaking his head but not lookingat her.
She stomped her foot inwhat appeared to be a fit ofpique, and James almost smiled, would have smiled, if his stomach weren’t tying itselfinknots. His little imp wasn’t so grownup yet, after all.
“No. I won’t hear of propriety or impropriety when it’s just the two of us having a private family conversation. I may still be young, but I’m not an imbecile or a silly little girl, either.” She sounded so much like her mother that James felt the almost irresistible urge to duck his head and slink away.
“Uncle, I know there are things that people simply don’t talk about. I spend hours and hours in the salons and parlors of London
not
talking about all of them, until my head is almost spinning with everythingI
haven’t
heard. And because people will never come out and talk about those things, I never really get the chance to understand them, and I
want
to understand. But most of all, I want the people I love to be happy, and when I see that they aren’t, it breaks my heart.” The last words were said with a tremor that James couldn’t ignore. He gathered his niece to his chest and held her close.
“Anna, don’t cry. You know I can’t take it when you cry. You’llbreak
my
heart. Please stop. Please? What do youwant me to tellyou?”he choked out.
“I’m not crying,” she said, though her sniffle belied the statement. “I just want to know the truth, Uncle. Is… are you and Mr. Allen… are you… inlove?”
James sighed. There was no way out of this without either refusing to answer or lying, and he didn’t feel she’d accept either. “No, sweetling, we aren’t in love. We only just met. I… care for him very much, and I willnot lie to you, I miss himvery much now that he is gone. But it takes two people to be
in love
, and as you see, I am here alone….”
“But you’ve been so miserable. I’ve seen it, and you looked so happy that one morning. To be flying so high one moment and crashinginto the depths ofdespair the next, surelythat’s love, Uncle.”
“You’ve been reading too many novels,” he said, chuckling, thenheld up his hands insurrender whenshe glared up at him. “I have been wallowing in self-pity and misery quite a bit of late, and it has been very selfish of me. I admit that. I do miss him, Anna, and perhaps more. But please don’t ask me to speak of things that can’t be. If you know all that you’re implying, then you know it is not only considered immoraland a mortalsin, but it’s also against the law. I’ve told no one and I will tell no one, and I would beg you to do the same.”
“And if he’s as miserable as you are, Uncle? What then?” she asked, pullingawayand lookinginto his eyes.
“What do you mean?” he asked, as the knife that seemed to be permanentlyembedded inhis bellydid another twist.
“His letter. I received it this morning. I wrote him last week. I didn’t want him to think we’d forgotten him so soon, and his other letter seemed so unhappy that I wanted to make sure he was well,” she said as a slight blush crept up her cheeks. “He’s miserable, Uncle, I can just tell. He talks of his new position and lodgings and nothing else. I don’t believe he has any friends. He… he asks about you, and Andrew and me, of course, but mostly about you. He misses you, Uncle. I know he does. It’s just sillyfor bothofyouto be unhappyand apart whenyoushould be happyhere together.”
“It’s not that simple, Anna, and you know it. Most, if not all, of England would disagree with you on that score. He has to live his own life, and I have to live mine. I can’t just keep him here. People would talk. There would be a scandal. And even if there weren’t, I can’t make himstayhere withme ifhe doesn’t wishto.”
“He does wish to. You’re both just being silly,” she said, sniffing.
It was time to take control of this conversation and act like the grown man he was supposed to be. “No, Anna, we’re both being
safe
. The safety and honor of my family and the people I care about are more important to me than anything else. It is a hard lesson to learn, my dear, but there are some things in this world that cannot be changed. The hardest lesson of all is learning to accept that and finding what happiness you can. Perhaps someday things will be different, but they aren’t now. I love you. I love your brother, your mother, and your father. That will always be enough for me. It has to be.”
If only I could convince my own traitorous heart of that, life would be a lot less painful for me right now.
She looked very much like she wanted to argue, but she held her tongue, and tears welled in her eyes. He gathered her close and held her tight for a few more moments before stepping back and offeringher his handkerchief.
“Now, my dear, let’s have done with all this nonsense. I am happy enough, and I’msure Mr. Allen just needs time to adjust to his new life. You’llsee, by and by. I amsure his next letter to you willbe more cheerful.”
At least I dearly hope so
.
“All right, Uncle,” she sighed. “Perhaps you are right and I’m letting my feelings and my naïveté cloud my judgment. I will leave it for now.”
James was a little suspicious of her sudden capitulation, but he decided to let it go for both their sakes. He wasn’t sure he could continue this conversationwithout breakingdownhimself.
“Good. Then ifyou don’t mind, I have a few more things to get settled before I joinyouand your brother?”
“Yes, Uncle. We willbe readywhenyouare.”
As she made her way to the door, James decided he really needed to saymore.
“Anna. As to what you have guessed about me… and Mr. Allen, I would beg you not to speak of it with anyone, including and most especially your brother and your mother and father.” He hated to ask her to keep secrets, but he also couldn’t bear to lose the love ofhis family, especiallynot now.
“I understand, Uncle. You have my word that I willnot breathe so much as a whisper of it to anyone, though Andrew has already guessed,”she replied.
“He has? Was I that obvious?”he said.
Bloody hell!
“Not
obvious
, but we aren’t blind, Uncle, especially not to the people we love. We’ve never seen you so discomposed in our entire lives, and we were worried. We talked about it for many hours before some things started to make sense, things we’d always wondered about, like why you hadn’t taken a wife or even a mistress….”She giggled. “Oh, don’t look so shocked, Uncle. Gossip is the stock and trade ofeveryparlor inLondon, and ifyoulistenwell enough you can learn all sorts of things your mother would wish you didn’t.”
She was blushing now, despite the mischievous and somewhat smug gleamin her eye. “Well, anyway, Andrew and I haven’t talked so much in ages, though I would have been happier about
that
if we weren’t so concerned for you. We both hate to see you unhappy, and we realized that perhaps youhad beenat least a little unhappyfor a very long time, especially when we saw how happy you were that morning before you realized he was gone. If Mr. Allen is the reason for that, then we are grateful to him. And if being without himis what has left youso unhappynow, well….”She shrugged and fellsilent.
“Is that how Andrew feels as well?” he couldn’t help asking. He remembered his nephew’s words from only a few days before, but that didn’t mean that such acceptance and understanding would be the same for “uncle”as it was for “friend.”
“You’ll have to ask
him
that, Uncle, though I believe so. He loves you as I do, and we’ve never been a family to allow others to make up our minds for us. Youmight perhaps want to give hima little time to get used to the idea before you talk to him. He seemed a bit shaken last night, but I don’t think you need worry. As for Mother and Father, well, I will keep my word and say nothing of it. I don’t know what they would say, but I’d like to think they’d want you to be happy, as we do.”
“Thank you, Anna. I’mquite overwhelmed, and I hardly know what to say. I don’t know what I have done to earnsucha wonderful niece, but I amso very gratefulto have you.” He was on the verge of tears again, and that simply would not do. It was bad enough to be having such a conversation with his nineteen-year-old niece, but he absolutelyrefused to bawllike a babyinfront ofher.
“Oh, stop now, you’llmake me cryagain,”she said, wavingher hands at him and making him chuckle. “Finish your letters and come onthat ride withus.”
“Yes, I’ll be there soon,” he said as she turned and left. The door had barely closed before he’d collapsed in his chair and put his head in his hands. When he raised it again, he noticed his niece had left Kyle’s letter on his desk, and he couldn’t help but pick it up and beginto read.
It was as Anna had said. The tone of the letter was so unlike the bright, playfulyoungmanhe remembered that it broke his heart… but what could he do? Everything he had told his niece was true. He couldn’t just scoop Kyle up onhis horse and ride offwithhim.
What has happened to me?
His entire world had been turned upside down in the space ofa few days, and nothing would ever be the same again. He wasn’t even sure he knew his ownmind anymore.
He was still pondering the letter when there was another knock onthe door. “Come,”he said.
“My lord, an express was just delivered for you,” Ellis said, standinginthe doorway, holdinganenvelope.
“Thank you, Ellis,” he replied, taking the letter. His heart sped as he recognized Harrow’s seal. Breaking it with shaking hands, he opened the letter and leaned back into his chair to read it, leavingEllis to stand inthe door waitingfor him.
The letter was short and to the point, for which James was grateful. But what it held sent a chilloffear throughhim.
My dear friend,
I apologize for not sending word sooner regarding the matter we discussed some weeks ago, but my inquiries yielded very little until this very morning. The news may be all over London within a day or so, but I felt I should send word as quickly as possible, as the young man we spoke of may be in some danger. I will be brief now, and we may share details at a later time.
The man, W, whom we discussed, is apparently in some serious financial difficulties at present. It seems his appearance of affluence was only that. He is rumored to have mortgaged what properties he had to the hilt and borrowed more based on his connections and prospects. He is also rumored to have involved some of those connections in his dealings with promises of substantial return. His partner, a man named Wells, is said to be telling all to the authorities in hopes of receiving clemency.
Whatever dealings he had have gone sour and are rumored to have been less than legal in some instances. His creditors and friends are all on the hunt for him. There are rumors he is fled to Europe with moneys that are not his own.
I would not have sent this message so urgently if I had not heard other rumors this very morning about the man that had never even been whispered about prior to this scandal. I have heard from one of his friends that there was a scandal some years ago involving a young man in Dublin. They were together for some time. Then the young man vanished mysteriously, and W returned to England without him. My source informs me that W is an extremely possessive man, and the fate of that boy always gave him cause for concern.
I wish I had more than vague rumors to give you, old friend, but I have not. I only wish to warn you that, from all I’ve been told, W may not walk away from your friend so easily as you would like. Look after your friend and warn him that should W wish to cause trouble, it will most likely be now or never.
Write to me as soon as you can so I will not worry.
The letter was signed with a single sprawling “H,” a remnant of their more intimate days together, when the letters they had exchanged didn’t bear his seal or any other identifying markers, but the private joke betweenthemfailed to make himsmile this time.
Kyle could be in danger
.
His heart lurched at the thought. Part of him said that it was unlikely Weir would bother traveling all the way to Suffolk when he was being pursued by so many. But another part of himrealized that Kyle was indeed worth such effort. If