A red tainted Silence (28 page)

I hesitated. I didn’t want to leave her alone with the brute. Then the other door of her car opened and a large African American man exited. Inside my car, Nicholas laid his head back on the seat. A tear streaked down his cheek.

“Problem, Jane?”

“No, Lex. I was just about to remind Mack he was no longer welcome here.” The man walked around until now it was the four of us standing outside my car. Miss J

nodded at me again. “Go on. Get him out of here.” I nodded. “Thank you.”

She glanced up at Mack -- the guy was fuming, but held himself in check. Lex had moved next to him. She leaned down to say something to Nicholas. I couldn’t hear what she said, but I saw him nodding. I watched Mack, making sure he didn’t try something even with the lady and her friend present.

She stood with a quick smile at me and squeezed my arm. “Take care of him. He’s been through enough without this moose bothering him, too.”

“I will.”

I got into the car and started the engine, nearly gunning it just to get us the hell out of there. As we exited the parking lot, I decided to turn right instead of left -- I figured they’d keep Mack occupied for a few minutes so I could get Nicholas out of there, but didn’t want to take any chances of him trying to follow.

Who the fuck was he, anyway?

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Behind me I heard Nicholas let out his breath. I hated this, hated seeing him reduced to such helpless fear again. It wasn’t right. He was so strong otherwise -- strong in ways I wasn’t. I had to wonder if he’d been brutalized by the guy.

Of course he had.

I floored the car, anger making my foot heavy. I turned the next corner and headed for Jonathan’s. I kept silent until we drove into the driveway, grateful it looped around to the back. I stopped the car and immediately got out, pulling the front seat forward. I took the box from Nicholas and set it on top of the car, then reached my hand in for Nick’s. He took it and let me pull him out and into my arms.

He shook harder than he had the night Percy had come after him.

“It’s okay, Nick,” I whispered, holding him close. He grasped my neck, burying his face in my shoulder. Now it was my turn to soothe him. I leaned against the car, pulling him to me. I sensed my brother’s presence, hovering a little ways away.

I looked around at him.

“Everything okay, Brandon?” he asked.

I nodded. “It will be now. We’ll be inside in a minute.” He looked at an obviously upset Nicholas folded in my arms, and nodded. “Okay. But I’m here if you need me.”

“Thanks, Jon.”

“Dinner will be ready in a few.”

Once Jonathan was gone, Nicholas pulled away from me, his face flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Don’t be.”

“I couldn’t believe he was there. He wasn’t supposed to come back.”

“Who was he?”

He looked up to the sky, his blue eyes shimmering with tears. “Just another guy, just another fag chaser who thinks its funny to force those smaller and weaker than him to do whatever he wants.”

“Nicholas,” I whispered, wiping the tears from one of his reddened cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

He smiled tremulously at me. “You were so brave. He’s twice your size.”

“I promised you I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you again.”

“I know.”

“So I want to know who that was.” I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice now. “I want to know if there’s anyone else like that, hovering around in your past.” Nicholas pulled away from me, his cheeks red. Anger flashed in his eyes. “There’s no one else. I didn’t make it a habit of courting bastards who were into raping me, Brandon.” 162

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I inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly. “I didn’t say you did. But there’s already two guys after you. After us, Nicholas. Are there three? I need to know.” He pushed off from me and walked a few steps away, folding his arms across his chest.

“Sorry to be such a bother to you, Brandon.”

I stared at his back, the vulnerable hunching of his shoulders. With a sigh, I moved up behind him, wrapping my arms around him much as he had me earlier that day.

“You’re not a bother. I’m just worried about you.” I squeezed him. “I’m angry because, well, it pisses me off. If only I’d caught you after that play. Maybe things would have been different.”

He relaxed in my arms. “There will always be ‘if onlys,’ Brandon. We can’t live our lives wishing for things to happen or not to have happened.”

“I know.”

I breathed softly on his neck, kissed his ear. He smelled like graham crackers and Elmer’s glue. He laid his head back against my shoulder and sighed. “Can we go in now?”

“After you answer my question.”

He nodded and didn’t move from my embrace, but turned around in my arms, bringing his hands up to play with the collar of my shirt. It was a weird thing, between Nicholas and me. The way we switched off on vulnerability. The way our strengths, and our weaknesses, were seemingly opposite. How we sought what was missing from the other, and found it.

When we were honest with each other, that is. We weren’t always, me especially.

And that’s how later he ended up so hurt. I knew I’d never get over that guilt.

He wouldn’t look at me as he spoke. “Mack showed up about three months ago. To say he took a liking to me is an understatement.” He snorted. “He’s one of those guys who’s straight but gets off on, as he put it, ‘getting sucked off by queers.’” He shook his head. “The first time it happened, I was on kitchen duty. We all took turns helping the cook do chores around the place. Mack had only been there a few days. There was no one else around, thought I’d get an early start since I had to leave for work. He caught me in the closet.”

“Nicholas, you don’t have to say anything else --” He patted my chest. “No, no, that’s okay. He cornered me, grabbed me, and forced me to my knees. Grabbed me by the hair, made me --” He stopped then. I could fill in the picture. I kissed him on the forehead. “You didn’t tell anybody, did you?”

“Not at first. Not until one day I pissed him off and he slammed me into a stack of canned beans. Miss J caught him then -- I’d passed out. She sent him packing and warned him not to come back. I don’t know why he was there today. He shouldn’t have been.”

“How long ago was this, Nicholas?”

He hesitated. “About two weeks.”

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I bit down hard on my anger. “He has no reason to try to find you, does he?”

“No. He was just one of those, the kind of guy that ... that fem guys like me seem to invite. That’s why --” His breath hitched and he shook his head.

“That’s why what?”

He looked up at me. “That’s why being with you is so amazing to me. You’re cute and kind and talented, and you make me feel safe. You let me be in control. No one ever has before.”

I smiled at that. “I kinda like you being in control,” I confessed.

He pulled me down to him, brushing his lips over mine as his hands sought my ass, his fingers grasping my butt cheeks, rubbing along the back seam of my jeans and hitting a spot that made me jerk in surprise. I’d never been touched by anyone there before, even through clothes, but a flood of longing flashed through me.

His promise seared through my mind.

“Nick,” I said, my need for him clear in the single word.

He chuckled as he pressed himself against me, grinding his hips into mine as he captured my mouth again. Using his tongue, he forced my lips to part. I gave in willingly. He drew my tongue into his mouth, sucking gently on it, coaxing a sigh out of me before he would let me go.

“I know, Brandon, I know,” he whispered, finally releasing me.

“What did I do to deserve you?” I whispered. That overwhelming rush of emotion engulfed me again. I didn’t understand what it meant -- or tried to tell myself I didn’t. But I did.

I loved him.

I really loved him, not the infatuated love I’d held on to for the past two years. This was the real deal. I knew at that moment I couldn’t live without him in my life. But I was terrified to tell him -- he’d only just met me; he’d been through so much. So instead I kissed him, tried to show him how I felt with my lips, my body. This time he let me possess him.

But that was short-lived.

The back door banged open and Jonathan emerged. “Come on, guys! Dinner’s ready, if you would please pry yourselves apart. You coming? Wait, forget I said that.”

“Yes, yes, we’ll be right there,” I said, laughing. “Thanks, Jonathan.”

“Yeah, right.” The door slammed shut.

I tugged on Nick’s hand. “Come on. I want to meet this woman who has my brother so tied up in knots.”

“Do I look okay?” He smoothed his shirt, then smoothed mine. “We’re wrinkled now.” 164

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“We’re fine. And you look fantastic.” I smoothed his hair back from his face. It was obvious he’d been upset earlier, but the heightened color and glimmer in his eyes only magnified his beauty. At least, he was beautiful to me. I leaned over and kissed him.

He grinned merrily at me and grabbed my hand, whirling back into the man-child that made my head spin.

“Come on, then, Brandon. Hurry up. I want to check out our new room. Do you think it has a window? Think we have our own bathroom? I hope it has wooden floors. Maybe it has a big mirror. We could put a big mirror on one of the walls. That would be cool ...” Laughing, I let myself be pulled after Nicholas and into our new home.

* * * * *

“Hey, Brandon?”

I looked up from my laptop to find Tommy hovering beside me. I hit Save and closed it.

I really didn’t want any of the others to know what I was doing.

“What’s up, Tommy?” I spoke quietly -- Nicholas was asleep, lunch and his surprise visitors having worn him out.

“Does Nicholas sleep this much all the time?” He cast an anxious glance at Nick. Sam dozed in the chair beside the bed; I didn’t know where Marisa was. Probably making phone calls somewhere, arranging hotel accommodations until we could find us a place to live.

“He sleeps most of the day. His medications make him pretty tired.”

“He nearly died, didn’t he?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” I picked up my laptop to ease it onto my tray. Tommy grabbed it and set it down for me. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Want to go out in the lobby for a little while? I want to ask Nick’s nurse when his doctor’s going to come by. See when we can spring him.”

“Sure.” He bent down and picked up my crutches, handing them to me as I pushed myself up. “How’s your foot?”

“Hurts, but I’m not complaining. The stitches in my back were worse.” I glanced at Nicholas sleeping peacefully in his bed. Sam snored, then snorted in his sleep before rearranging his limbs. I grinned at Tommy and he chuckled.

With a nod to Jeff, Tommy and I left the boys sleeping. We hadn’t gotten halfway down the hall before Mutt fell into step behind us. Tommy looked at the stony-faced policeman warily, then back at me.

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“Kinda creepy, don’t you think?”

“Maybe a little, but he’s a great guy to have around. Know what I could use now?” I said. “A smoke.”

“Thought you gave that up.”

“How’d you know that?”

He shrugged. “Just heard it.”

“Damn. I guess I can’t have one then, can I?”

“Actually? Nicholas told me to keep an eye on you and offer you a lollipop if you so much as looked at a cigarette.”

I laughed. “He couldn’t believe it when I told him I finally quit.” We reached the lobby and sat in the chairs. I sighed, closing my eyes. My fingers itched to do something. Anything. I slipped my ring off -- Nick’s ring, actually, which I’d worn since finding him -- and twirled it in my fingers.

“Brandon, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” I wondered what this would be. With Tommy, you never knew. He was well known for his off-the-wall clothes and hair, and off-the-wall fascinations which had led him, and as a consequence the rest of us, to everything from Buddhism to feng shui.

That one especially had been a pain. For a while there, he’d been the diva, insisting on everything being arranged just so.

“How long? I mean, how long were you and Nicholas ...” He blushed, fidgeting in his chair. “... uh, together? I guess it’s none of my business, but I’m just curious.”

“From the beginning, when we first met.”

He shook his head. “Amazing. I can’t believe none of us saw it.”

“I was very good at lying, Tommy. Especially to myself.”

“Are you really happy with the announcement you guys made? Are you really sure about this, Brandon? I remember all the talks we used to have. You were really unhappy about being away from home.” He ran his hand nervously through his hair. “Shit, I didn’t listen very good to you, did I?”

“Don’t blame yourself for anything, Tommy. Yeah, I was. But mostly because I was scared I’d never see it again. That something would happen ...” I fell silent.

“So you’re good with this, then. I can’t tell you how excited I am, to work with you guys again.” He grinned. “Life’s been pretty damn boring lately. Except for Sylvie, of course.” I took a deep breath, twiddling the ring around and around in my hand. “I’m a little nervous about it still, but yeah, I want to --” I stopped, took a deep breath. “It won’t be the same. It can’t be. But it can be good again.”

“Different, but good.”

“I’m glad you’ll be with us on this.”

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He grinned happily. “Just say the word when. Sylvie was thrilled.” I stilled. “You told Sylvie?”

“Yeah, just talked to her a little while ago. She’s saying all the reports on you guys are positive, by the way. At least that she’s seen.” I nodded, though inside I flinched as the circle of knowledge of what had really happened ever expanded. I really couldn’t wait to see the detective and tell him. He’d be pissed, I had a feeling. And rightly so.

Tommy grinned, reaching out and tapping the ring I twirled. “I know what you need, and it isn’t a smoke.” He stood. “Be right back. Sam and I brought you a present.”

“Where are you going?”