A Reluctant Queen (10 page)

“I understand,” Esther said.

Hegai chatted easily, obviously trying to distract her, but Esther did not hear a word he said.
I wonder if Uncle Mordecai knows I am meeting the king today
, she thought.
I hope they will tell him the results quickly so he can pick me up. How wonderful it will be to eat my own kind of food in my own house
.

She was entertaining herself with visions of what it would be like to be home again when the small door that separated the Rose Court from the royal apartments was pushed open and a page dressed in Median trousers and jacket entered. “The king is coming,” the boy, who looked to be about eight years old, announced. “The Head Eunuch is to wait inside.”

Hegai left and Esther stood as still as a stone beside the fountain. She felt dizzy and only then realized she had stopped breathing. She inhaled deeply a few times and felt steadier. Then the door into the Rose Court opened again and this time a man came in. He was bareheaded, with only a simple gold fillet confining the short fall of his hair, and he was dressed in a deep blue robe over a white tunic.

It was the king. Esther would have known that even if she had not been expecting him. There was something about the way he walked toward her, with the sun striking bronze sparks from his hair . . . anyone would have known he was the king, she thought.

He came to join her and stood for a moment, regarding her out of startlingly light eyes. “So,” he said at last, “you are Esther.”

I forgot the prostration!
Esther thought in horror.

“My lord,” she said a little breathlessly and began to sink down toward the ground.

He reached out and touched her arm to stop her. “It is not necessary,” he said.

Esther was completely discomposed. She had been expecting a black-haired, hawk-nosed Achaemenid and instead to be confronted with
this!
She was so startled that she blurted out exactly what she was thinking.

“I have been practicing this prostration for months, my lord. The least you can do is let me perform it.”

She froze as she heard her own words. She dropped her eyes and hoped her impertinence would not make him wonder about what kind of family she came from.

The king said with amusement, “By all means. I would not like to think of you wasting months of effort.”

Without daring to look at him again, Esther sank down to the ground.
It must be done all in one movement
, Muran had told her time and time again.
It cannot be jerky. It must flow
. Esther touched her chin to the stone pavement and waited.

“You may rise,” Ahasuerus said, and in one fluid motion, Esther regained her feet.

“Very nice,” the king approved.

Esther looked up. His voice had been grave, but his eyes were smiling. “I think I flowed,” she said.

“Is that what they tell you to do?” he asked. “Flow?”

“Yes, my lord. It is difficult. One must train the muscles.”

Ahasuerus grinned. “I never thought of it quite that way.”

That boyish smile utterly disarmed Esther, and instinctively she smiled back.

There was the faintest pause as he regarded her smiling face. “What else did they train you to do?” he asked.

“Well, I have learned how to serve you wine.”

“Does that require muscles too?”

“No, my lord. That requires a steady hand.”

He laughed.

They walked slowly about the court, the king asking questions, Esther answering. He was easy to talk to, and Esther quite forgot her resolution to be sober and off-putting, instead returning his comments with perfect naturalness.

“
Esther
,” he said at one point. “That is a Babylonian name.”

“Yes, my lord.”

“I understand that your mother was Babylonian.”

For the first time in their meeting, Esther felt a stab of fear. She did not want to lie to this man, so she said carefully, “My mother’s family lived in Babylon before they moved to Susa.”

He nodded. “But your father was Persian. A lieutenant in the cavalry, I heard.”

This was safer ground. “Yes, my lord. He was killed in the raid the Greeks made upon Sardis.”

“Ah.” He stopped walking, and Esther halted beside him. He said, “You must be anxious to see Persia go to war with the Greeks to avenge him.”

Esther replied quietly, “My mother lost her husband and I lost my father to a war, my lord. I am not anxious to have the same thing happen to other women. I think war should be the very last resort a country turns to.”

“You sound as if you have thought about this.” There was something in his voice that made Esther give him a quick, inquiring look. His face gave nothing away, however. He said only, “Perhaps we should go inside so that you may put your wine-serving skill to the test.”

Ahasuerus did not take her to the main court of the royal apartments but into a lovely private room furnished with two divans, hanging lamps with shades of fretted gold, and a low wine table set with engraved gold goblets and plates.

A page brought in a wine pitcher and a golden bowl heaped with ripe fruit. He set them down upon the table and, after a nod from Ahasuerus, left.

“I am ready,” Ahasuerus said to Esther.

“Are you laughing at me, my lord?” she asked reproachfully.

“I would not dream of doing such a thing.”

Esther met his eyes and thought in sudden astonishment,
I cannot believe that I am talking this way to the Great King.

“What are you thinking?” he asked softly.

“I am thinking how strange it is that I should feel so comfortable with you,” she answered honestly.

“You thought I was an ogre?”

“I thought you were the Great King.”

“I
am
the Great King,” he said, his voice even softer than before.

Esther smiled at him. “I know. And now I am going to serve you your wine.”

Esther said little as Hegai escorted her back to the harem. Her emotions were in such a turmoil she couldn’t begin to sort them out.

She had liked him. She had liked the Great King of Persia. Ahasuerus. She had felt comfortable with him. Perhaps that wasn’t so bad, but what she feared, now that she was away from his compelling presence, was that he had liked her too. That hadn’t been her plan. How could she have been so foolish?

Hegai brought Esther directly to Muran’s room, where they were met by a Mistress wreathed in smiles. “So?” she asked Hegai. “She was with him for over an hour. None of the others have lasted more than the set time.”

Hegai rubbed his hands. “He took her into his private salon, Mistress. I think he has chosen.” He turned to look at Esther. “I think he has chosen Esther.”

“No!” Esther denied what she feared. “That can’t be true. I am not aristocratic enough to be made a queen.”

“He has never shown such a sign of favor to any of the other girls,” Muran said. “The time he spent with you—the private salon—these are signs of approval, Esther.” Muran seized Esther’s cold hands and squeezed them. “How lucky we were that Alenda was sick and I had the opportunity to fit you in. I have always thought that you would suit Ahasuerus. You would not suit Xerxes or most of the other members of the Royal Kin, but Ahasuerus is different. I thought you might suit him and now it seems that I was right.”

Muran was radiant.

“Nothing has been said,” Esther protested. “All of this may not be important at all. He will want to see all of the girls before he chooses.”

“No.” Muran was positive. “He will choose you. I know it in my bones.”

Esther didn’t know if she wanted to scream or to faint. All she knew was she had to get away from Muran and Hegai, and when she pleaded fatigue they finally let her go.

Luara was waiting to help her out of her magnificent robes, and after Esther was more comfortable, she dismissed the girl and sat on a cushion, her back against the wall.

In her heart, Esther was terrified that Muran and Hegai were right. The king had shown more interest in her than in any of the other girls. What would she do if he chose her? What would it mean, having to marry the Great King of Persia and spend the rest of her life imprisoned in this palace?

She had liked him. She had liked him and had felt comfortable talking to him, but she would never know him. He was a foreigner, a stranger, the Great King who could never be a husband to her the way she had envisioned having a husband. She thought of Abraham and tears came to her eyes. If she had married Abraham, her life would be set out for her. She would keep his house and bear his children. She would be his confidant and his friend. She would be happy. All of a sudden she longed for Abraham with all her heart.

Ahasuerus was not a man of her people. He was a man who worshipped a strange god and had a harem filled with concubines. She would never, ever understand a man like that. How could God wish her to marry him?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She stood up and called permission to enter. It was Hegai, his fleshy face wearing a triumphant smile. “I have come to tell you, my lady, that the Great King has chosen you to be his queen. Congratulations.”

It was the first time Hegai had ever called her
my lady
.

Esther went perfectly still.
It’s over
, she thought.
My life as I have known it is over. I will never see my family or my friends again
.

Hegai was saying, “You must be married in Susa, but the king wants to go to Ecbatana before the hot weather sets in, so we have only a month to arrange the wedding. And there is so much to be done!”

Esther’s mouth was so dry she didn’t think she would be able to speak. She nodded to Hegai that she understood what he was saying. When she finally got her voice back, she broke into his running commentary to say the one thing that was of importance to her. “I wish to see Mordecai, the man who recommended me to you.”

Hegai scowled. “He is a Jew, my lady. You cannot meet with him. We will contact your father’s family. They may visit you.”

“I want to see Mordecai,” Esther repeated. “I want to thank him. If it wasn’t for his good offices, I would never have gotten this chance.”

“You may see a man who is unrelated to you only if I am present,” Hegai said.

“I understand. You may be present, but I must see Mordecai.”

Hegai looked indecisive.

“I am not asking you, Hegai, I am telling you,” Esther said evenly.

He looked startled, then his features smoothed out. “Very well, my lady. I will arrange it.”

After the Head Eunuch had left, Esther slowly returned to her seat on the pillow. How could she bear this? How could God expect her to bear this? How could she live the rest of her life isolated from everyone of her faith? How could she endure such loneliness?

I don’t know if Uncle Mordecai was right or wrong when he thought God had a mission for me. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand anything. All I know is one thing—I want to go home. Father in Heaven, I want to go home!

And the tears began to spill down her face.

C
HAPTER
N
INE

W
ithin two hours of the king’s decision, Esther was moved into a large apartment that was close to the palace but still in the harem. Muran informed her that she would not take possession of the queen’s palace apartment until after the wedding had taken place.