A Tragic Heart (22 page)

“I love you,” he whispers. Then he lifts my chin so he can kiss me passionately.

His face has a few cuts and bruises on it, but for some reason, they make him even more attractive. Maybe it’s because he got those scars fighting for me. I have my Peyton and I am beginning to feel better about everything.

***

“You do realize you’re still married?” Peyton asks me bluntly as we’re watching a movie on the couch.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” I say.

“I don’t know. It was just a thought,” he says, kissing my hand.

“Well, Peyton, if you’re worried about me still being married—or feeling guilty about it—we can always just separate until my divorce is final,” I say, just to see his reaction.

“No! I’m fine with it,” he quickly responds.

I just laugh at him and say, “Relax, I was just joking. Besides, I have to go to Mason’s place on Saturday to get the rest of my things, and he says that by then he should have the papers ready.”

I still can’t believe it’s over. It seems like yesterday that I was just another helpless girl who was hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with Mason Taylor. I must’ve been dreaming the hardest because I married him after a few months of dating. But somehow, my dream ended and I woke up to find that Peyton was my reality. Mason was exactly that:
a dream
.

After all the thinking about my past, present, and future with and without Mason, I decide I want to let off some steam. I kiss Peyton on the cheek and tell him I’ll be back. I walk into the bedroom, Peyton’s bedroom—or maybe it’s our bedroom; I’m not exactly sure. I take out my laptop and turn it on. I’m going to write another journal entry. It’s long overdue and it’s time for me to start writing again. It’s time for me to start getting my life back. This time I’m lucky: I get to start my life with Peyton,
my true love
.

March 4, 2009

These past few months have been impractical and out of control. Remember the girl who didn’t believe in love (me)?
Well, she fell in love. She fell harder than anyone can ever fall; and for a while, she liked it. Now she’s learned that love isn’t what it’s all summed up to be. She has learned that when one hurts from love, she hurts more than from anything else. The feeling burns and stabs, all at the same time. Yeah…you guessed it, she’s been hurt! She finally was willing to put her all into another, but she became disappointed and never truly got the chance. She learned that healing from the pain that love can bring is like recovering from a serious operation. You go into surgery not knowing how it’ll end up, but you hope for the best. When it’s all done, they transfer you to the recovery room, and you don’t know how the procedure went until you are out of the hospital for good. Right now, she’s in the recovery room, but she’s not too sure how she’s feeling. She knows the damage and the operation have been done, but she doesn’t know if the procedure went well. Right now, she’s too afraid to leave the hospital because other things might go wrong and she doesn’t want to have to go right back. When she leaves, she wants to leave for good.

I know what you’re thinking. “She needs to face her fears and just leave.” But she’s tried that already. As soon as she stepped foot out the door, she realized something else was wrong with her, so she had to go back into the operating room. She found herself becoming “strong,” so she left the hospital, and that’s when the pain hit her. She ended up worse than she was before, or so she thought.

The truth is, the surgery went well; it’s her mental state that was a bit messy. Each day, she tries new ways to leave, but somehow she ends up back where she started. The man whom she knew was right for her is gone forever, and she’ll never get another chance with him. But that’s what made it all okay: the man she thought was right for her just wasn’t the one. She found what she needed in someone else. She learned firsthand that falling in love isn’t the way to go; so this time, she’ll grow into love with a man she knows will not disappoint her. She’s found someone who loves her for who she is. He takes the good with the bad and learns to love it.

Peyton Hale Giordano learned to love my bad side; therefore, I’m perfect to him, and he’s the same to me. It’s just another reminder that “life may bruise you, but bruises go away.”

New Love,

T.C.G.

As soon I finish writing, Peyton walks into the bedroom with my phone in his hand. He hands it to me and tells me that he already answered it. Jackson is on the phone. He also says that it’s an emergency. I snatch the phone from Peyton’s hand and answer immediately.

“Hey, Jackson, is everything okay?”

“Tell me you’re by a radio,” Jackson replies quickly.

“Yeah, why?” I say, confused.

“Turn to station 101.3,” he says.

I do as he says and I can’t believe what I hear. My only reaction is to scream into the phone. Jackson’s song is on the radio!
He made it
. He finally made it. At this moment, I am convinced that dreams really do come true.

“Oh my God, Jackson! It’s you! You did it! I can’t believe this!” I shout into the phone.

I get another shock when Jackson walks into the bedroom right behind Peyton. Without thinking, I run and jump straight into his arms. I’m at a loss for words. Seeing Jackson is the least thing I expected. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have important, famous-people things to do?” I say.

“Taylor, you’re crying,” he says, laughing and wiping my tears.

I don’t even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks. Jackson is here and I am too happy for words or any other feeling. “Jackson, you’re on the radio! How does that feel?” I say, finally calming myself.

“I don’t even know. I just knew you were the one I wanted to share it with,” Jackson says, hugging me again.

“Wait. Jack, how did you know I was here—at Peyton’s?” I ask.

“Uh…Mason told me. I called your house phone first, but no one answered, so I decided to drive over, since I was nearby anyway. He told me you weren’t there,” Jackson says.

I feel the mood in the room change instantly. Jackson spoke to Mason. I wonder how much he told him. “What exactly did Mason tell you?” I ask nervously.

“Nothing much. Just that you weren’t there at the moment and you went to Peyton’s to hang for a while.”

Mason didn’t tell
. He had enough respect for me and Peyton not to tell. Either that or he was too embarrassed to admit he’d lost me to his cousin.

“By the way, what happened to you and Mason?” Jackson asks, looking at Peyton. “Did you guys team up and get into a bar fight or something?”

Peyton and I look at each other and remain quiet. We don’t know what to say, or if we should break the news to Jackson. But Jackson being Jackson, he catches on to something.

“Okay, what is going on?” Jackson asks suspiciously.

Peyton and I look at each other again. He gives me a look that says it’s okay to tell him.

“Jackson, let’s go into the living room and sit down and talk for a while,” I say, grabbing his arm and leading him into the living room.

We all sit down and just look at each other for a while.

“We came in here to stare at each other?” Jackson asks in a sarcastic tone.

I take a deep breath before speaking. I take Peyton’s hand. Jackson notices the gesture. His expression says that he knows what’s coming.

“Jackson, Mason and I are getting a divorce.” I take another breath before continuing. “Peyton and I are together now. And I know that it may seem like a horrible decision, but there are reasons.”

I see anger and disappointment written all over his face. I’m afraid of what he’s going to say.

“Of course there are reasons. There are also reasons why you should’ve fought! Taylor, I’ve taken up for you whenever Mom and
Dad doubted you and Mason!” Jackson isn’t yelling, but he has raised his voice a little.

“Jackson, I did try to fight. Mason just wasn’t the one for me,” I tell him calmly, trying not to stir up an argument. Jackson hates it when we fight.

“Well, you should’ve thought about that a little more before you married him at seventeen!” Jackson says, his voice still raised. “How long have you and Peyton been together?”

“Well, we just went public…if you want to call it that, but we’ve been seeing each other for over a month; maybe even two,” I admit.

“You cheated on Mason? That makes you just as bad as he is—maybe even worse, since Peyton is his cousin. And Peyton, what do you have to say about this?” Jackson is officially playing the “big brother” card.

“I understand it may not seem like I made the best choice; but I know I did. Mason is my cousin and was my best friend, and I love him. But I’m in love with your sister and I have been for a very long time. She’s my best friend and she made the decision to be more than that to me.” Peyton is respectful while being blatantly honest.

“And also, Jackson, there are just some things that I couldn’t get over in my relationship with Mason. We were practically over before I decided to get together with Peyton,” I add.

“But you weren’t over yet—you’re still not over. You guys aren’t even officially divorced yet! Have you even signed any papers?” Jackson asks.

“That will be taken care of this Saturday. That’s when he should have the divorce papers ready,” I say.

“What could’ve been so horrible that you two decided to divorce so quickly? I thought you two would try harder. He cheated, and I am not taking up for him, but you did too. As far as I see it, you’re both even,” he says, making me feel little again.

“He got another girl pregnant,” I remind Jackson.

“And I thought you two were past that. I thought when you decided to go back to him, that was your way of sticking it out. If you knew you didn’t want in anymore, you shouldn’t have gone back in the first place,” Jackson says, making me feel guilty once again.

“You’re right, I shouldn’t have gone back. But I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn’t want to disappoint Mason. I thought a good wife would stay and try to support him. But it was hard. It was too hard,” I say, now looking directly into Jackson’s eyes.

I know he sees the hurt that I’ve been hiding.

“What are you not telling me, Taylor?” Jackson asks.

I grab Peyton’s hand tighter. Should I tell Jackson? Although I’m not with Mason anymore, I still wouldn’t want Jackson to hurt him.

“Tell him,” Peyton says, looking at me.

“Tell me what?” Jackson asks impatiently.

I think about it briefly and decide to confess. He’s Jackson, my first best friend, before Peyton. The one I tell everything to. I shouldn’t hide anything from him. He deserves to know.

“Mason hit me—twice—and I had a hard time forgiving him. I pretended like I did and stayed, but even when he decided to clean up his act, I resented him for it. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him and I feel guilty for going to Peyton for support. But I can’t let that go. Mason left my body covered in bruises, some of which are just fading away. It wasn’t just a smack across the face. He threw me against a wall and he punched me violently. For those moments I wasn’t his wife. I wasn’t even a woman to him. I was a stranger, just as he was to me.”

Jackson’s face has anger’s signature written all over it.
This is the face that I fear
. He wants to hurt Mason, and it’s obvious. I am crying, remembering what Mason did to me. It’s amazing how a few minutes ago, I was crying tears of joy. Now I’m back to tears of sorrow. Jackson hates to see me cry, especially as a result of someone else’s actions.

“He hit you? He hit you and you didn’t tell me?” Jackson yells.

Jackson is not one to raise his voice. But tonight is an exception; tonight he has put calm Jackson to sleep.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you, Jackson. I knew you’d be upset and I don’t want you to hurt Mason. He’s hurt enough. My leaving for Peyton crushed him enough; not to mention his losing Peyton, also; and getting into a violent fight with him, all within twenty-four hours,” I say, trying to convince Jackson to let Mason off the hook.

“No. He hasn’t hurt enough yet! He doesn’t know what hurt is; but he’ll find out soon,” he says, getting up.

I quickly get up and grab Jackson’s arm before he’s able to walk out of the living room. He turns around and tells me to let him go, but I refuse.
I am not going to let him hurt Mason
.

“Jackson, don’t do anything to him. He’s already sorry enough; he didn’t mean it and I know he didn’t. I’ve forgiven him already, so you should, too. It was only twice. It didn’t happen anymore after the second time,” I say, still holding onto Jackson.

“The fact is that it happened! It shouldn’t have happened once! If he was able to do it a second time, he couldn’t have been too sorry about it!” Jackson says, tightening his fists.

“I know that—and he knows that. He was just in a bad place at the time. I know that doesn’t give him an excuse or justify what he’s done, but Jackson, please don’t do anything to hurt Mason. We just moved too fast and grew apart. We fell in love; we didn’t grow into love the way we should’ve done…the way Peyton and I have.”

Jackson just stares at me. I hope he’s really giving thought to what I just said.

“Fine. I won’t touch him—or say anything to him, for that matter. It’s about time for me to get going anyway. I have a show tonight in town. You can come if you want,” he says, much calmer now.

“Jackson, you promise you won’t hurt Mason?” I ask.

“I promise, and you know I never make a promise that I know I won’t keep,” he says.

“Well, in that case, I would love to go to your show tonight,” I say also much calmer. “What about you Peyton?” I ask.

“I’m cool with it,” Peyton replies.

It’s amazing how laid-back he can remain even in chaotic situations. I think that’s one of the traits I love best in him.

“Okay, the show starts at nine, but get there before then. And call me when you arrive so I can get you backstage,” Jackson says, walking toward the front door.

“Okay! This is going to be so cool! I get to hang out backstage at a Down Under concert like a true VIP,” I say, mimicking the voice of a star-struck female.