A Tragic Heart (24 page)

“Did you ever mention him to Mason?” I ask.

“No, but I’m trying to do things differently in this relationship. Part of my problem with Mason was lack of communication, and we didn’t know enough about each other’s past love lives,” she confesses. “What about your ex-girlfriends?” Taylor finally asks.

“There’s no need to bring up the past,” I respond, mimicking her.

“Hey, you made me bring up mine, so it is only fair to share yours,” she states.

“Girlfriends or girls I’ve gotten physical with?” I ask, unsure what she really wants.

“Both, now that you mentioned it,” she says.

“Well there are Jessica, Kelly, Sophia, Alyssa, Ava, Adalyn, Claire, Jenna, Audrey, Lauren, and of course, Keely,” I say, counting the girls off on my fingers to help me remember.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” is all Taylor can say. “Did you have sex with all of them?”

“Yeah, except for Audrey. I dated her before my mom died. She was to me what Craig was to you. I went a little wild after she passed,” I say.

“I see,” Taylor responds.

“Jessica started off as just a friend,” I begin. “She’s just moved to town, and I was her first friend. She’s actually the girl I lost my virginity to; I was fourteen and she was sixteen. Kelly and Alyssa were strictly physical, nothing important enough to go into detail about. Sophia was the girl I liked a lot. The feeling was mutual, so it didn’t take long for me and her to—you know. Ava, Claire, and Jenna were girls I knew for a while, but they were just one-night stands. I forgot to mention that I partied hard after my mom’s death. Adalyn, well, she was my first love. She was the girl I thought I was going to marry. It got physical with her, but it wasn’t like with the other girls. It meant something more with her. We’re still good friends to this day.” I stop and laugh a little. “She’s actually the bass guitarist I was telling you all about tonight.”

“Your bass guitarist was your first love and you never told me?” Taylor says, shocked and a little worried at the same time. “Do you still have feelings for her? How do you play in the same band with the girl you were in love with? Peyton, how could you keep this from me?” Taylor’s going a mile a minute. She now knows how I felt about seeing her with Matt.

“I never thought to tell you and no, I do not have any feelings for her. She’s a great girl, a good friend, and an awesome guitarist, but she’s not the one I’m in love with anymore. And to answer your last question, she was in the band while we were still together. We couldn’t just get rid of her because she and I had differences.” Taylor is calming down now.

“So what about Lauren?” she asks.

That’s the name I tried to avoid.“ You know Lauren, she’s having Mason’s child,” I say bluntly.

“What? That Lauren? Peyton, you too?” She is angry now and beginning to yell.

“Calm down, babe. I knew her before she came to the school. She used to hang around a place my band plays. I never told Mason this because I didn’t want him to know—with their current situation
and all. You have nothing to worry about. She was just an easy girl who was quick to give it up. There were no feelings involved whatsoever,” I assure her.

“You never seemed like
that
kind of guy, Peyton,” Taylor says, looking down and trying to avoid eye contact.

“What kind of guy?” I ask, wanting her to say it.

“The kind of guy who sleeps with a girl because she wants to or because it’s easy. I thought you were more than that. You always kept to yourself. And when girls tried to flirt with you, it seemed like you just sent them away. I don’t know. I guess I was right; there’s no need to bring up the past. It only hurts,” she says, still avoiding my eyes.

I lift her chin so she’ll look at me. I don’t want her to feel as if I’m just another boy, or
that
guy. “Taylor, I’m not that guy. I was going through rough times and I didn’t know how to handle it. Girls were throwing themselves at me, and I was stupid enough to catch them,” I say.

“How do I know that when you go through more bad times, you won’t accept it when a girl throws herself at you?” she asks, not convinced by my explanation.

“Because I have you. Most of those girls were just physical. Sure, some of them meant more than others, but out of all the girls, the one that I didn’t name means more to me than all the rest put together. Her name is Taylor Alexandria Caldwell, and she’s the one who changed my life and who I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of it with. The others have nothing that I want—or need, for that matter. I found it all in you and I don’t ever want you to feel or think otherwise. Plus, sex is better with you,” I add, for a little humor.

She smiles and gives me a short kiss on the lips. I guess I convinced her.

“Oh, yeah, and Peyton?” she says. “I’m coming to all of your band practices.”

I really do love this girl, and no one is ever going to change that. “That’s fine by me,” I say to assure her that I have nothing to hide.

“Is sex really better with me?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Ten times,” I answer honestly.

“Good answer,” she says, climbing on top of me.

Let’s just say Taylor and I had our own after-party that night—we barely caught any sleep, anyway.

Taylor

I
t’s as if I went to sleep on Wednesday and woke up to Saturday morning. The rest of the week went by fast and easy. Maybe it was because I spent time with Jackson, and that always makes everything better. I’m getting ready to leave for Mason’s place to get the rest of my things. It feels like Mason and I have been separated for a while now, but in reality it hasn’t even been a week. I’m somewhat nervous about seeing Mason, but I have to do it sooner or later; and I guess it’s best to get it over with now.

“Where are you going?” Peyton asks.

“Um, I’m about to go to Mason’s to pick up the rest of my things, and he should have the papers ready,” I say, walking toward the door.

“Let me come with you,” Peyton says.

“No, Peyton, that wouldn’t be a smart idea. You two just got into a fight, and this is something that I should do on my own.”

“But who’s going to help you with all of your stuff? Just let me come. I’ll stay out of Mason’s way. I promise,” he persists.

I’m going to need help packing my things, and Mason is probably too pissed off at me to help. I think about what Peyton said and accept his offer. “Fine, you can come, but you have to stay away from Mason. And if a fight starts, you have to walk away,” I say, laying down some ground rules.

“Okay, I promise. Now just let me get ready and we can go,” Peyton says, walking into the bedroom.

I call Mason to tell him I’m on my way. As I browse through the contact list in my cell phone, I remember I have the number saved as “home.” I remind myself to change that later. The phone rings twice before he picks up.

“I guess you’re calling me to tell me that you’re on your way,” Mason says.

I forgot about caller ID
.

“Uh…yeah. I should be there soon,” I say.

“Whatever,” he says and hangs up on me.

His anger toward me seems to be getting worse. Peyton comes out of the bedroom about two minutes later, and we’re on our way.

I get out of the car and slam the door unintentionally when we arrive at my old home. It feels like ages since I’ve been here instead of only a few days.
It’s always easier to get used to staying than leaving
.

I tell Peyton to stay outside until I call and gave him the okay to come up. I want to avoid another fight. I ring the doorbell and wait for Mason to answer. I have a key, but I don’t want him to feel as if I’m barging in. This isn’t my apartment anymore, so I don’t want to disrespect Mason in any way. He answers the door and judging by the look on his face, he isn’t happy to see me. Mason doesn’t even speak to me; he just opens the door and moves to the side. He leaves the door open so it will be easier for me to take things outside. That’s the nicest gesture he makes the entire time I’m there.

He already has things packed neatly in boxes. The only problem is that none of the things that are packed belong to me. They’re all Mason’s things. “You can have everything. I don’t want any of it,” he says in a soft voice.

I turn around to face him. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Mason, I don’t want it, either. It’s more yours than mine. Plus, I don’t think I can afford it right now,” I answer.

“Well, then sell it. I’m leaving, and it’s all yours,” he says lifelessly.

“Where are you going?” I ask, concerned.

“I found another place; this one has too many memories. Memories that I can’t get back or get over if I stay,” Mason says in the same lifeless tone.

I can tell he’s still hurting. I watch his every move as he moves more boxes towards the front door. He’s serious about moving out.

“It’s the same thing for me, Mason. I couldn’t live here knowing that this was once
our
home. I don’t think I could handle it being
my
home,” I say, starting to come undone.

“Like I said, sell the stuff. And you can keep all the money you earn from it. By the way, the divorce papers are next to you on the nightstand.”

I turn to look at the document that will end Mason and me forever. I pick it up and scanned the words. Mason agreed to give everything to me. The only thing he kept was his car and whatever he had before he married me. He honestly doesn’t want any part of me or our marriage. I skip to the very last page to see Mason’s signature already on the line. He’s more than ready to end it, but I can’t bring myself to sign it right away.

“Are you going to sign or not?” Mason asks, becoming impatient.

“Mason, I don’t want all of this. I don’t want any of it. I don’t deserve it. We were both wrong in our marriage, so I would feel better if we split it all fifty-fifty. If I sell the co-op, we both benefit from it, not only me.”

“I said I don’t want it, Taylor! Just hurry up and sign the papers so you can continue being happy.” He isn’t happy, and this is his way of telling me that he’s miserable.

“Mason, I’m not happy that this happened. I’m not happy to see you like this. I hate seeing you in this dark place, where I once was. I know how this feels and I never wanted you to feel this way. Mason, you’ll be happy someday, and I hope it’s someday soon. I’m sorry it had to end this way, but I want you to know that you always will have a special place in my heart. You’re my first husband and nothing will ever change that. We didn’t make it as far as we both would’ve liked, but we learned a lot. So don’t regret us, because I don’t. And you were a great husband. You made some mistakes, but overall, you were a great husband. I will never think otherwise. I’ve already forgiven you and I just pray that someday you’ll find that
same forgiveness for me. Even if we can’t be friends, I’d just like to know that you’ve forgiven me and that you’ve forgiven Peyton. He’s your family. He was your best friend before I came into the picture, and you shouldn’t let his feelings toward me ruin that. You two were great friends and you made a great team. You shouldn’t let any girl—or anyone, for that matter—break that apart,” I say. “So what do your parents think about all of this?”

“You mean, what do they think about you? They think you were right for leaving me, since I told them that I cheated, got a girl pregnant, and hit you twice. They feel like I can’t blame you or Peyton, because he was there and I wasn’t. I told them that you two are seeing each other, but only since we decided to split, and that you two aren’t exactly serious yet. They understand the hurt I’m going through and they also said Peyton lacked judgment. But in the end, I’m the bad guy, Peyton’s the hero, and you’re just the damsel in distress.”

“Mason, you didn’t have to put all the blame on yourself. You should’ve told the truth,” I say, feeling worse about the entire situation.

“Well, it’s over now, so it doesn’t matter anymore.”

He is so wrong. It does matter, but I’m not going to argue with him.

I pick up a pen and slowly sign my name next to his. It is officially over. Just like that. It only takes a few seconds to end something that was supposed to last forever.

About a minute after I sign, the papers, Peyton comes walking through the door. For a moment, I wish he hadn’t. “Hey, is everything okay up here?” Peyton asks.

I honestly had forgotten that Peyton was waiting for me downstairs.

“You brought him here? Knowing that I was going to be here, you let him tag along with you?” Mason says, annoyed with me.

“It was only to help me move out. If you had told me that I wasn’t the one moving out, this all could’ve been avoided,” I say, jumping up from the edge of the bed.

“Wait, you’re moving out?” Peyton asks.

“According to Mason, he doesn’t want any of it and it’s all mine; but I don’t want it either!” I say, answering Peyton’s question.

“Wait, so Mason, where are you going to stay?” Peyton asks.

“None of your damn business!” Mason shouts.

“I just asked you a question. There’s no need to act like a little bitch,” Peyton shoots back.

“Bitch? You’re calling me a bitch and you’re the one who went behind my back and stole my wife from me? I don’t know about you, but that seems like a pretty bitchy thing to do to me,” Mason responds sarcastically.

“You really want to get your ass kicked again? ’Cause from what I’m seeing, your face isn’t exactly healed from our last fight!” Peyton says, walking up to Mason as if he’s going to hit him.

I quickly jump in between them. Peyton promised that he wouldn’t fight; he said he’d just walk away. I guess he forgot his promise pretty quickly. “Will you two just stop it?” I yell. “If you ask me, both of you are acting like bitches! You both just need to stop all the fighting and get over it! Mason, I still care about you—a lot. And I always will. But Peyton is the one for me; he’s the one I love, and you’re just going to have to accept that. You won’t be happy until you do. I already apologized and that’s all I can do. And Peyton, you know I love you, but I will not stick around just to see you and Mason fighting all the time. It hurts me that neither one of you is mature enough to just walk away. That’s just a sign that you both still care for each other. You both can act like you want to tear each other apart limb from limb, but you guys are best friends.”