A Tragic Heart (27 page)

“Lauren had a miscarriage and Mason’s really upset. He may not be talking to me right now, but I still have to be there for him,” he says. I follow him to the front door.

“Oh my God…okay…I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I say just before he closes the door. Mason is losing everything. First me and now his unborn child. It is time to put our differences aside. He can hate me if he wants but today I’ll be the bigger person.

Peyton

I
arrive at the hospital pretty quickly—I can thank speeding for that. My aunt, uncle, and Mason are sitting in the waiting room. He looks so broken. I feel horrible that all of this is happening to him all at once. No matter how angry I am with Mason, I would never wish for him to go through this. I slowly walk up to the only family I’ve known for most of my life.

“Peyton, it’s good you’re here!” my aunt says as she embraces me.

“Of course I’m here. I said I was coming,” I say, hugging her back. It feels like ages since I have seen them. They are always so busy working that I never get the chance to see them anymore. I wonder how they feel about Taylor and me being together; but there is no time to think about that. Mason needs me.

“Peyton, it’s been a while,” my uncle says, standing up and opening his arms wide, hinting for a hug.

“Yeah, it has. You guys are just always so busy,” I say, giving him the kind of hug a nephew would give his closet uncle.

“Yeah, I know. We all need to have a family night soon. Just me, your aunt, Mason, you—and Taylor,” he says, sitting down.

That last name throws me off guard. I didn’t know they still counted her as family. But I should’ve known; they’ve always been the welcoming type. Once you’re in the family, there’s no way out—not even divorce or betrayal will do it.

“Well, count me out if Judas and his whore are there,” Mason says bitterly.

“Mason, this is not the time for this!” my uncle scolds him.

“Mason, I know you’re angry and you have every right to be, but I won’t let you push me away. Not right now. Maybe tomorrow, but not today. Today, you need me. Today, let me be here for you,” I say, standing in front of him.

He refuses to make eye contact with me. “I don’t need you, Peyton! The only reason you came is to make yourself feel better about betraying the only family who wanted you—who decided to deal with all your bullshit problems!”

“Mason, watch your mouth!” his mom says.

Now Mason stands toe to toe with me. “No, Mom, I won’t watch my mouth because you don’t know the truth about what happened! I took the blame for it all, when really, Peyton isn’t the hero, he’s just as bad as I am—he just had on a better costume.” Mason’s giving me a hateful look the whole time he’s speaking to his mother.

“Not now, Mason; not now,” I say, trying to calm things down before he says something that will make us both look bad.

“Why not, Peyton? You don’t want them to know that you helped Taylor commit adultery? That you slept with her while she was still married to me? You don’t want them to know that she left me for you, not just because I did her wrong? Are you afraid to let them know, Peyton?” Mason raises his voice as people begin to stare. “Well, guess what? They know now!”

I can only look at my aunt and uncle with shameful eyes. Surprisingly, I can’t see any judgment written on their faces.

“I bet even your mother would hate you right now,” Mason says.

I think I see a look of regret on his face for those words, but I’m not sure.

“I’m sorry I came,” I say to all three of them as I begin to walk off.

Then I stop and turned back to say one last thing. “Tell Lauren I’m very sorry for her loss. And I’m sorry for yours also, Mason.”

I make it as far as the hospital entrance before my uncle grabs my arm and stops me. “Peyton, don’t leave. Please, don’t leave!” Brian says.

“I messed up. I know that,” I say. “What he says is true. All of it is true. I’m sure my mom would hate me if she was here to see me right now,” I say, beginning to tear up.

The last time I cried was after my mom died, and Mason cried with me. I’d forgotten the way it feels before you let a tear fall.

“She wouldn’t hate you. She could never hate you, Peyton. I don’t want you to
ever
think that. Your mother loved you more than I have ever seen any mother love a child. She always told me that if anything ever happened to her, I had to promise to take care of you. And I intend to keep that promise. You made a mistake, just like we all have. We’re human and we mess up sometimes. Your aunt would
never
hate you for any mistake you make. Mason doesn’t even hate you. He’s just a little hurt at the moment, but he’ll come around. Come back inside. Mason wants you there, and that scares him because he doesn’t understand how he can be so angry with you but still want you by his side. You two are best friends, and that’s not going to change. I don’t want to see you two fighting. Try to work it out with him,” he says, resting his hand on my shoulder.

“I have tried. We fight every time. Mason doesn’t want me in his life anymore,” I say.

“Fighting is good,” he says. “You both have enough energy and anger to waste on each other, so you both must still care. Mason doesn’t hate you and you don’t hate Mason. I’ve known you both for your entire lives. You can’t fool me,” he says, finally convincing me to walk back inside.

When we reached the waiting room, I take a seat next to Mason. We don’t speak; not one word. But I’m here and that’s all that matters.

Taylor

I
reach the hospital and look around for Mason or Peyton. I see them sitting next to each other in the waiting room and my heart stops for a second. I didn’t expect to see those two less than ten feet away from each other. I also see my ex in-laws and
my heart stops for two seconds
. I gradually make my way toward them nervously. This isn’t the type of family reunion I hoped for as a little girl. “Um…hi Mr. and Mrs. Taylor…Mason,” I greet them, feeling very uncomfortable.

“Taylor, you know you can still call us Mom and Dad, if you’d like,” Mason’s mom tells me.

“Come and sit down. It’s nice of you to have come,” Mr. Taylor says.

I’m relieved that they seem to approve of my presence. I take a seat next to Peyton. But if you were to judge it by our appearance, you would never guess Peyton and I are together. We all wait silently for the doctor to come out and update us on Lauren’s status. I don’t like the girl, but I would never wish for her to have a miscarriage. Twenty minutes pass before the doctor comes out and says that it’s okay for us to go in. Of course, Mason goes in first and alone.

Mason

L
auren is crying when I walk into her room. I never had any romantic feelings toward her, but I do feel terrible about what she’s had to go through. I also have to admit to myself that I’m hurt by her miscarriage. It was my child she was carrying, and in all honesty, after Taylor left I began embracing the idea of becoming a father. I walk over to her and take her hand. She just looks at me and begins crying even harder. I am at a loss for words.

“It was a boy…we were going to have a little boy,” she says, gripping my hand tighter.

“Lauren…I’m sorry…I really am,” I say to her, seeing at how broken she is.

“It’s my fault. I should be the one who’s sorry. I dropped something behind the chest in my room and when I tried to move it, it fell on me. I didn’t care how hurt I was; I just cared about my baby. I felt myself bleeding out and I screamed. My dad came in. He saved me, but he couldn’t save my baby—
our
baby, Mason.”

“We…we can try again if you want.”
I didn’t think; it just came out
. She pauses for a moment and then looks at me. “No, let’s just forget this entire thing ever happened. We don’t even have to speak again. I don’t think we should ever speak again, Mason. You never liked me, but I loved you from the first time I saw you. A friendship or any kind of relationship wouldn’t be good for us. After I get out of here, we should act like we don’t even know each other,” she says with all of the sadness in the world.

“That’ll be impossible. We’ve shared too much to pretend we don’t know each other.” I’m reacting as if I don’t want to lose her.

“I know that, but we should just put it all behind us. It’s better for you and it’s better for me. Let’s not make this any more difficult than it has to be—please, Mason?”

I know she’s right. We were all wrong for each other, but I don’t want to lose another person in my life. Lately, that has been the story of my life.
People come and go
.

“You’re right,” I say. “We should just end it here…but…it wasn’t all bad.”

“I’m glad I could be an experience for you, Mason Taylor,” she says, smiling through her tears.

I walk out of that room reminding myself that I just lost another person. People are leaving me as if I am some kind of tragedy that will just ruin everything.
Maybe I am
. I storm past my family and walk straight out of the hospital. I pull out a cigarette and a lighter. I need one right now.

***

“Are you okay?” I hear a voice ask from behind me.

I ignore the question.

“Mason, you’re going to have to speak to me sooner or later. You can’t hold this grudge forever,” he continues.

“I keep losing everyone I know. Everyone runs away from me like I’m just this horrible person. Am I a horrible person?” I ask, finally caving in.

He is quiet for a while. Then he answers, “No, you’re not horrible at all. You’re actually a great person. You just don’t get the chance to show it much. But when you do, it’s pretty amazing to watch,” he says in an admiring tone.

“My life is a waste,” I state, depression overtaking me.

“No it isn’t. You have so much to look forward to. You just don’t know it yet. You’re going to be something memorable someday, and I hope I’m here to see it. And not everyone ran away from you. You pushed some people away—just not far enough, because we’re still here whenever you’re ready to let us back in.”

“Well, I’m not ready just yet, Peyton,” I say. Our shoulders brush as I walk past him.

As soon as I go back into the hospital, I bump into Taylor. Today just isn’t my day.

“I’m sorry, Mason, I should’ve watched where I was going,” she says.

“Uh-huh.”

“Mason!” she calls.

I stop walking. Something about the sound of her voice still controls my actions. I still love her and I can’t deny that. I will always love her. That’s what tears me up inside.

“Yes, Taylor?” I ask, aware that I sound annoyed.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she says sincerely.

“Which one?” I ask.

“All of them,” she says, now looking into my eyes the way she used to when we loved each other.

“You know, that child was going to be the only person I would’ve had in my life who had no choice but to stay with me. I looked forward to that. But apparently I was meant to be alone.” I didn’t know where all of these confessions were coming from, but I was beginning to break.

“You weren’t meant to be alone, Mason. If you would just let me in—let Peyton in—you wouldn’t feel so alone. I know things may not go back to the way they were, but that doesn’t mean we all can’t be friends again,” she says, touching my arm.

Her touch is so gentle and soft. My soul melts every time she puts her hands on me. “Taylor, I love you. And you love Peyton. And Peyton loves you. Being friends isn’t an option. Being friends would only make things messier, and I don’t have the strength to clean up anymore disasters.”

“We won’t know until we try, Mason,” she says, still looking me in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, Taylor.”

“Mason, can I at least go in to see Lauren? I would like to pay my respects to her,” she says, being the kind and loving person she is.

“I don’t see why not,” I respond.

She doesn’t say anything else. She just gives me a hug—a hug that warms my heart and sets my soul on fire. I love her, but that isn’t enough to bring her back. I know I’m going to have to get over it sooner or later, but it’s just too painful to accept right now.

Taylor

I
walk into Lauren’s room to find her staring out of the window lifelessly. This image reminds me of myself when I was in the very same hospital for attempting suicide. I honestly feel for her and I am willing to put our differences aside for now.

“What do you want?” she angrily asks me.

“Just to say that I’m sorry about what happened.”

“Yeah, right! You probably prayed for this to happen,” she snaps, uncertain of my motives.

“I would never pray for such a thing, Lauren. You and I may not get along, and we have our history, but I would never wish this on you or anyone else. I’m so sorry that this had to happen to you. I know what it’s like to lose someone you love,” I tell her, standing next to her bed.

“Mason?” she asks.

“No. Well, yeah, Mason was one person I loved and lost—but I was talking about a family member. He died when we both were young, and I haven’t been the same since. You won’t be the same ever again after this incident, but that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes unfortunate situations like these shape us to be better people. I know this is not what you want to hear right now, but I just wanted to tell you the truth. And that I’m really, really sorry.” I’m holding her hand, and she begins to cry.

“I broke up your marriage! You should hate me!” she cries.

“Well, I don’t. And you didn’t break up my marriage. Mason and I did that all on our own. You’re not the one to blame here.
Trust me; you don’t want to have to live with that guilt. So don’t go on thinking that you broke up our marriage.” I see how hurt she is. My heart goes warm.

“Thanks, Taylor,” she says in a low voice, reaching for a hug.

I hug her for a while, thinking about how I never imagined hugging Lauren out of generosity. We talk for a few more minutes and we even laugh. She actually isn’t so bad, now that I’m getting to know her. She’s just a little messy on the outside. But aren’t we all?

Taylor

T
he next few months are great. Since the incident with Lauren, she and I have been speaking every once in a while. Sadly, neither Peyton nor I have spoken to Mason since the day at the hospital, though. June came quickly, and we are all officially high school graduates. I can’t believe how fast time has flown by. On graduation night, Peyton went to New York with his band. They recorded a demo while they were there and now they’re in talks with a few major labels. They’ve been playing a lot of shows and they’ve even opened for Down Under a few times. Speaking of Down Under, Jackson finally achieved the platinum record he’s always dreamed of. On top of that, both of his singles have been certified “multi-platinum” around the world.