A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4) (7 page)

“Sure,” she whispered as color flooded her cheeks.

“A hot tub party,” Tanner said with a grin. “I love it. About time Liam got a decent social life.”

Liam rolled his eyes as Tanner left the room with the boy. Maybe he wouldn’t kill him, but could he get away with firing him?

He turned to Natalie. “Do you want a glass of water or a beer or wine first?”
Or a cold shower
? Because the thought of seeing her in a bathing suit after all these years made him want to dive headfirst in a snowbank to regain control.

“I’m fine,” she said, gripping her bag as if it was a life raft on the
Titantic
. “I should...go with Tanner and Austin.” Before he could answer, she hurried from the room.

He started to follow, then turned and strode to the refrigerator, yanking open the freezer door and grabbing an ice pack. He pressed it to his forehead, flinching against the cold at the same time he welcomed the sting of it. Cooling off. That’s what Liam needed right now. A good cooling off.

Chapter Seven

N
o big deal.

I don’t care what Liam Donovan thinks.

She stood in front of the large mirror in the guest bathroom where Tanner had led her to change. It was only a powder room, a half bath near the rear of the house but it was bigger than any bathroom Natalie had seen in her life. And, unfortunately, better lit.

Opening one eye, she glanced at herself and quickly turned away. The bathing suit she wore was modest, a tankini top and board shorts. She’d bought it several years ago when she was more concerned with being able to splash in the community pool with Austin than impress a guy. There was nothing impressive about this swimsuit. Only a bit of her belly and back showed between below the tankini’s hem, but it was enough to expose the faded crescents from the stretch marks she’d gotten during her pregnancy. Liam may have known her body once upon a time, but she wasn’t a teenager anymore and knew she was no competition for the women normally a part of his world.

Then she sucked in a breath and gave herself a mental headshake. Her body was strong and reliable. The only reason she was in a bathing suit right now was to make her son happy. She wished she could give Austin a day like this every weekend. If he wanted her in the hot tub, that’s where she’d be.

When she walked out onto the patio, she crossed her arms over her chest against the cold. It was a clear evening, the sun already dipping behind the mountain as darkness enveloped the property around the house. Darkness was good if she was going to be hanging out in her bathing suit. The sound of bubbling water and her son’s laughter drew her to the far corner to the patio.

“Hey, Mom,” Austin called when he spotted her. “You’ve got to try this seat. The jets spray all over your back.”

She paused as she caught sight of Liam, who was perched on the edge, his feet dangling in the water. The goose bumps that erupted on her skin suddenly had nothing to do with the cold air. They were because of him. All for him.

He was broader now, more defined, more of a man. The hard planes and angles of his arms and chest made her breath lodge in her throat. He was totally masculine yet unaware of how perfect he was. She wondered if he’d honed his body at an expensive gym or with the extracurricular activities—deep-sea diving, rock climbing, skiing—that rich people seemed to gravitate toward.

She wanted to run, to hide her own body, very much in need of a workout beyond lifting seniors in and out of bed. He swallowed as his gaze tangled with hers, as if he couldn’t quite catch his breath, either. That gave her a little more confidence, enough to keep her feet moving.

“Mom, aren’t you cold?” Austin asked, breaking the spell between her and Liam.

“Scoot over, bud,” Liam said, clearing his throat. “Give her some room.”

Keeping her eyes on where she was going—no need to tumble headfirst into the hot tub—she placed one foot then the other into the water. It was hot, so hot it almost stung, but that didn’t stop her from sinking into the corner seat as quickly as she could. Her body shivered from the change in temperature.

“I’ll fix the sprays,” Austin said, oblivious to the tension that seemed to crackle in the air between her and Liam. She couldn’t help but relax a little as the water jetted into the muscles of her back, working against the knots she carried. “This is even better than the hot springs. Right, Mom?”

“It’s pretty good,” she agreed, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. Steam rose around her and she sank lower until the water almost touched her chin.

“Do you mean the hot springs over in Grand Junction?” Liam asked.

Austin nodded. “Mom and I went for a weekend when I was like seven. There’s a really good fudge place in town, too.”

“Where’s the best place you’ve been on vacation?”

“Um...” Her eyes tracked to her son as he thought about the question. “Maybe Colorado Springs,” he offered after a moment. “I thought Garden of the Gods was cool and they’ve got this North Pole place with rides. Everyone dresses like elves and Christmas music always plays. Back when I believed in Santa Claus, that’s where I thought he lived.”

“Don’t let Ms. Ruth hear you say you don’t believe in Santa.” Liam bent forward to splash his arms, making them shine as the water dripped off again. “One year she banned me from Christmas cookies for the whole season because I told one of the girls at school there was no Santa.”

“That’s harsh,” Austin agreed.

“So Colorado Springs?” Liam asked, and Natalie felt her already warm face flush even hotter.

Austin nodded. “We don’t travel too many places. Mom’s afraid to fly—”

“I remember that.”

“And she can’t get much time off work so it’s hard to go on a road trip.”

“We might try Moab over spring break,” she offered quickly, shame bubbling like the tiny pockets of air she popped at the water’s surface.

“Moab would be cool.”

She couldn’t meet her son’s gaze right now, or Liam’s. She realized she’d done to Austin exactly what she’d resented her mother for, for so much of her youth. She’d insulated him, walled him off in this small town because of her fear. Her fear of losing control, of losing him to the big bad world outside of Crimson. But bad things could happen right here. She knew that better than most.

She glanced up through her moist eyelashes to see Liam watching her. He knew. Her dirty little secret, her overwhelming fear. He could see past her excuses of money and time to where the truth was buried deep inside her. She’d hated her mother’s constant stream of ranting about how things were so different and dangerous outside of Crimson.

Yet that belief had seeped into Natalie’s pores, become part of her DNA and had colored every choice she’d made in life. There was no use denying it, and as much as she wanted to, it made her almost physically ill to think that someday Austin would yearn for more and he’d leave her behind in her sad, lonely, box of a life.

“Pizza’s here.” Tanner’s deep voice cut through her internal self-flagellation.

She swiped the tips of her fingers under her eyes, hoping the sheen of moisture on her cheeks disguised the errant tears that escaped. Her life didn’t leave time for tears.

She turned a bright smile on her son. “I bet you’re hungry after today.”

“Starving,” Austin agreed, standing and shaking the water from his hair like a puppy.

Liam’s oversize assistant stepped forward, placing a pile of fluffy towels on the wrought-iron table nearby, then handing one to Austin as he jumped out of the hot tub.

“We’ll be right there,” Liam told Tanner. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the assistant nod and lead Austin away, telling him about the Xbox in the rec room downstairs.

“It’s like he’s Willy Wonka,” Natalie said after a moment.

“Tanner is a big kid at heart, but he’s like my right hand. I couldn’t manage without him.”

She kept her gaze on the water, but lifted herself out a bit, afraid she might overheat otherwise. “You probably think I’m the worst mom in history.”

“Is that a joke?” His gentle tone made her teeth hurt, as if she’d just taken a bite of too-sweet candy.

“He’s nine years old and hasn’t even been out of the state.”

“So what?” Liam hit a button on the control panel and the bubbles stopped, leaving only a soft fizzing sound in their place. “I traveled all over with my parents as a kid. It meant they could spend money, not that they loved me. Ruth never took me any place beyond school, but she was the only adult I ever believed truly cared about me.”

“It’s not about the money,” she said on an angry hiss of breath. “The money is a factor but not the whole story, so don’t bother pretending otherwise.” She lifted her gaze to his. “You know it’s my stupid, irrational fear. I’ve let it trap me here and if I’m not careful, I’m going to do the same thing to Austin.”

She expected him to agree, to rehash how she’d ruined what they’d had with her ridiculous and seemingly insurmountable anxiety about the world beyond her hometown. Each time she tried to convince herself that her fears were unfounded, life tended to rear up and slap her down, tighten the chains that kept her tethered to Crimson.

Instead his eyes were tender. “We both made mistakes, Natalie. I understood your fears and how much worse they got after Beth died. Her death in that car accident damaged more people than just Logan, Jake and Josh. It’s horrible that they lost their sister, but it wrecked all of us.”

“It wasn’t your fault—”

“I let it drive us apart, Nat. I knew your mom was trying to poison you against me and I pushed you too hard, too fast. I closed you and Ruth out because of my own guilt.”

She shook her head, unwilling to hear these words from Liam after so long. It was as if he was trying to slip through the cracks in her hard shell, as if she still might have some warmth left at her center.

It wasn’t true. There was no room for anything but Austin and her fierce need to keep him safe. From his father, from the pain of not being wanted by one of your parents that Natalie had grown up feeling. She’d made too many mistakes, and she couldn’t afford to show Liam or anyone how out of control her life had become. How alone she was, even in this town where she knew so many people by name.

“You don’t have to say that, Liam. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Another lie. It mattered to her as much as her next breath. As he continued to watch her, the energy between them shifted. The fact that they were alone and mostly undressed registered deep inside her. That pull, the connection that was always between them, gained strength and momentum. Natalie stood abruptly, the cold night air engulfing her, but she didn’t feel any cooler.

She scrambled out of the hot tub and grabbed one of the plush towels, her fingers shaking as she wrapped it around her shoulders.

Liam was behind her in an instant, his strong fingers tucking the towel around her, grazing the skin at her collarbone as he did.

“I don’t want to be the enemy anymore,” he whispered against her ear. “The stupidest thing I ever did was walk away from you. Trust me, I’ve visited every damn continent and nothing compares to being with you. You were my whole world, and I was an idiot to let you go.”

No
! her mind screamed, his words wrecking her.

Yes
, her heart whispered, finally vindicated in its decadelong yearning for him.

The moment, the emotion of it was too much. She couldn’t let him inside again, but her legs wouldn’t walk away. She whirled, ready to push and rail and ruin this second chance before he could break her heart again. But the vulnerability, the need in his eyes stopped her. Without thinking or worrying about the consequences, she lifted her face and pressed her mouth to his.

* * *

This kiss rocked Liam. He’d taken a big risk by saying what he did to Natalie. He knew she liked her life ordered and contained, and he’d thought she might run. Instead she kissed him with a fierceness he barely recognized.

She claimed him with that kiss and he welcomed it, his hands pushing aside the towel to press her against his length as their tongues met. She bit at his bottom lip and raked her nails across his back, making him hiss in a combination of pain and pleasure. He ran his fingers over her bathing suit top, molding his hands around her waist. To that small band of skin that had tempted him from the moment she’d stepped into the light of the patio.

He didn’t feel the frigid evening air. Every part of him was on fire. He heard her soft gasp when he cupped her bottom, pulling her tighter to the front of him, needing her to know how much he wanted her. He dipped his head to kiss the column of her neck, flipping her bathing suit strap off her shoulder. Moving lower, he licked at the swell of her breast, but just as he would have taken her nipple in his mouth, she jerked away. Bending to scoop the towel that had pooled at her feet, she took several steps toward the house.

“Natalie,” he said, his voice hoarse with desire. “This isn’t over between us. What we had is nowhere near finished.”

She adjusted her strap, then pulled the towel tighter around her shoulders. “I don’t know if I can do this again, Liam.” Now she met his gaze. “I’m not the same girl I was back then.”

He walked toward her slowly, not wanting to frighten her off. She looked as skittish as a stray animal, just waiting to be kicked or shooed away. “I’m not the same, either. I want to know you now. Who you are. Who you’ve become.”

“You can’t—”

“I do, Natalie. Give me a chance.” He bent, his head level with hers until she looked him in the eye. “Give us another chance. Can you do that?”

She bit down on her lip. “I don’t know.” She turned, took two more steps toward the house, then looked back at him over her shoulder. “Liam?”

“Yeah?”

“That question you asked the other night. Whether I missed you, if I thought about you?” She gave him a whisper of a smile. “I did. Every single day I did.”

Then she disappeared into the house, and a shiver ran through him, his body finally registering the cold.

Chapter Eight

“P
ancakes or waffles?” Natalie pulled a jar of flour out of the cabinet next to Ruth’s refrigerator.

“Pancakes,” Austin answered immediately. He looked up from his Lego pieces to where Ruth sat next to him at the kitchen table. “Is that okay with you, Ms. Ruth?”

Natalie’s heart burst with pride at her son’s sweetness.

Ruth concentrated on fitting together two blue blocks. “I like pancakes,” she said. “Used to make them for little Liam every Saturday morning.”

“Little Liam still likes pancakes,” a deep voice said from the doorway.

The measuring cup Natalie held in her hand clattered to the counter, flour spilling everywhere. She quickly swept it up with her hand, then dumped the powder into the sink.

“Did you do your chores this morning?” Ruth asked. “And wash your hands?”

Natalie turned, meeting Liam’s gaze across the room. She saw him draw in a breath and wanted to reach out, to offer him some support. With her specialization in geriatric nursing, she was used to the slow mental decline of seniors, how the past often became more real to them than the present.

“Liam can help me with breakfast,” she offered. “There’s a quart of strawberries to be washed and cut in the refrigerator.”

“Great.” His relief was palpable and Ruth seemed satisfied, once again occupied with stacking Austin’s leftover Lego bricks.

“She usually becomes more lucid as the day goes on,” Natalie told him quietly as he stepped close to open the refrigerator. He smelled like cold air and shampoo, the ends of his hair still damp. For a moment he paused, hand on the door and looked down at her, swayed closer for a moment. His gray eyes captured hers, and the memory of his hands on her body washed over her like the heat from a banked fire.

“Did you have a good week?” he asked softly.

“Busy,” she whispered. She’d been avoiding him since last weekend, since she’d practically attacked him on his patio. He’d told her he wanted a second chance and her reaction had been to maul him, like some crazy undersexed spinster desperate for any physical contact. Which she might be, but still...she liked to believe she had some pride left.

One eyebrow lifted in silent question. It took her a moment to track back to the conversation at hand. Nope, not crazy at all.

“I took on an extra shift at the senior center and I’m trying to get a bunch of jewelry made before Winterfest.”

“I’ve seen posters around town. That’s the carnival next weekend?”

She nodded. “They have a craft fair on Saturday afternoon. I wasn’t going to participate, but my friend Olivia insisted.” She placed her fingers around the refrigerator handle, careful not to touch his hand and opened the door.

He stepped back and she took out a carton of eggs and handed him the strawberries. “How was your week?”

A ghost of a smile played across his lips. “The good people of Crimson are certainly rolling out the red carpet to entice me to bring LifeMap to town.”

She cracked an egg into a bowl and added a half cup of buttermilk, whipping the mixture together. Her first instinct was a sarcastic comment about how much more at home he’d feel in the flashier Aspen. She stopped herself, remembering her conversation with Jase, thinking of what she owed her old friend.

“Crimson is a vibrant community,” she answered instead. “A lot of younger people and families are moving into town. It’s changing the dynamic. The area has a lot to offer.”

“Does the town council have you on retainer?”

He gave a small laugh as she handed him a cutting board and pointed to the block of knives across the counter. “I’ve been here my whole life. Who better to promote Crimson’s finer points?”

“I remember when you were determined to leave this place.”

“It was more my determination to stay with you,” she said before she thought about her answer. That was what lack of sleep would do, produce unnecessary honesty. She adjusted the burner on the stove and dropped a pat of butter onto the pan warming there. “What about you? Are you really thinking of returning to Crimson for the long haul or is this just some game you’re playing?”

His hand stilled as he dumped the sliced strawberries into the bowl but he didn’t look at her. “Game?”

“I know how angry you were when you left here. You felt like people in town blamed you for—”

“I was an outsider. Of course they blamed me.” He took a mug from the cabinet and poured a cup of coffee. “I certainly blamed myself.”

“You weren’t driving.”

“I was—”

“Mom, can we have chocolate chips in the pancakes?”

She glanced to the kitchen table. “Sure thing, buddy.” Ruth’s eyes were knowing. Sometimes the woman was lost in the past and other times as perceptive as ever.

“Liam, we’re decorating and hanging ornaments tonight,” Ruth called. “You should come over to help.”

“Do you still have the singing Santa Claus?” he asked, placing his coffee mug on the counter and pulling out a chair next to Ruth at the table.

“Of course I do,” the older woman said with a smile. “Stan and I used to shop the after-Christmas sales—we got the best deals on our decorations that way.”

He took her hands in his, kissing the swollen knuckles and Natalie’s heart gave an extra fast thump.

His love for Ruth was clear on his face, but he’d stayed away from Crimson for so many years because of what had happened in the past. She knew his relationship with his parents had never been close and it made her sad to think that he’d been missing out on any unconditional warmth in his life. It was stupid, she knew. Liam probably had more friends and possibly lovers than she could count. But something about him in this small farmhouse made her believe that this meant more.

“Is it okay if Tanner comes, too?” he asked, his gaze swinging between Ruth and Natalie. “He’s a sucker for the holidays.”

“Of course,” Ruth answered. “Any of your friends are welcome here. If you want to invite some guys from the football team, there’s plenty of room.”

“Tanner works for me, Ruth,” Liam said gently. “My football days are over, but thank you for offering that. How about we bring dinner?”

“And brownies from the bakery?” Austin prompted.

“You haven’t even had breakfast,” Natalie said with a smile. “And already you’re planning dessert?”

“You love Katie’s brownies more than anyone,” her son retorted.

“Brownies sound delicious.” Ruth sat up, rubbing her stomach. “I’m hungry.”

Natalie laughed. “I’d better get breakfast going quick before I have a mutiny on my hands.”

Liam began to help Austin put together the Lego set, reading the instructions and listening intently as her son explained the differences in Lego ninja warriors. Her heart responded to that even more. As much as she tried to be everything for her son—to throw balls, get excited about bugs, listen to endless details about fast cars and big machines—there was no way for her to replace the lack of a father in his life. She understood that loss better than most.

She dropped scoops of batter onto the hot skillet, then added a sprinkling of chips to each one. As they cooked, she poured juice and took out plates and forks, trying to keep herself busy so she wasn’t tempted to watch Liam and Austin together, to imagine what could have been if she hadn’t pushed Liam away all those years ago.

* * *

The bells over the bakery door jingled as Liam walked through. He could have sent Tanner on this errand, but he hadn’t mentioned the brownie promise to his assistant. For some reason it seemed important that he be the one to personally handle dinner and dessert tonight. Besides, Tanner was busy arranging the other supplies.

A cute woman behind the counter straightened, waving him forward as she set a tray on top of the display cabinet. “Welcome to Life is Sweet,” she said, transferring cookies to a large platter. After a moment she glanced up. “How can I...” Her voice trailed off as she caught sight of him. Her eyes narrowed and Liam searched his brain for a name. She looked vaguely familiar, with dark brown shoulder-length hair and a heart-shaped face, but he couldn’t quite place her.

“I’m Katie Garrity,” she said, as if reading his mind. “I was a year behind you at the high school.” She paused then added, “I’m friends with Natalie.”

He gave her a quick nod at the same time he cursed himself for not having Tanner pick up the damn brownies. “It’s nice to meet—or remeet—you.” He stuck out his hand and she shook it, looking almost surprised he’d offered it. “I’m actually here to pick up brownies for Natalie and her son. We’re hanging Christmas ornaments at my nan—at Ruth’s house tonight.”

Katie’s face relaxed a little. “I have a fresh batch cooling in the back—the ones with a caramel center. They’re Austin’s favorites. I’ll wrap up some for you. It will only take a minute. Would you like a cup of coffee while you wait?”

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

She disappeared through a doorway behind the counter and he walked closer to the display cabinet, wondering for a moment what it would be like to have someone care about his favorite preferences besides the people he paid to care.

The café tables near the front corner of the store were filled with an older couple, a group of teenagers and two mothers with younger children. Sparkling holiday lights hung across the exposed brick on the far wall and snowflakes dangled from the ceiling. Holiday music played softly in the background. A teenager came out from the back to help a customer who approached the counter. Liam moved out of the way, although he couldn’t quite take his eyes off the pastries and treats that filled the display.

“Do you have a favorite?” Katie stood next to him, a brown bag tied with red ribbon in her arms.

“I’m not much for sweets,” he answered automatically.

“He says to the bakery owner,” Katie finished.

Liam gave a startled laugh, unused to good-natured teasing. “Lemon bars,” he amended. “They’re probably not popular this time of year, but I like lemon bars.”

“I’ll remember that.” Katie slipped behind the counter.

“How long have you owned the bakery?”

“My grandmother left it to me when she passed a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

She nodded. “I was lucky to have her in my life. Every kid needs someone to give them unconditional love. She was it for me.”

“Ruth was my nanny, but she was the closest thing I had.”

“Oh, she loves you all right. Have you seen her scrapbook?”

Liam’s stomach dipped. “What scrapbook?”

“The one with every clipping and article she could find that mentioned your name. She used to have the local librarian save the old finance and business magazines for her. She was so proud of everything you did, used to brag about you like you were her own.”

Liam felt his mouth drop open as a swarm of emotions went through him at the same time. Disbelief, gratitude and an overwhelming sense of loss. He’d kept his distance from Ruth for so long while she was collecting stories about him.

Katie’s smile was infinitely gentle. “I’m going to put in one of my mini pecan tarts. You’ll need a cold-weather favorite, and it’s my personal mission to make everyone in town a fan of my bakery.”

The bell rang and another group came into the store, pulling off scarves and hats as they did.

“I haven’t talked to one person in town who doesn’t love this place.” He took the bag she set on the counter. “Besides I’m only here through the holidays, not regular customer material.”

“I heard you may be moving your new company here.”

All the emotion, the newfound affection for Crimson he’d been feeling dried up, like an errant drop of water in the desert. It didn’t stand a chance against the harsh light of the truth. The only reason Katie Garrity was being nice to him, the only reason anyone in this town gave a damn, was because they saw dollar signs when he walked into the room.

He was used to it, so why did it rankle him so much? Maybe that’s all he truly had to offer anyone. If that was the case, did it matter if he set up LifeMap in Crimson or some other town?

As if he’d summoned it, his past came walking into the bakery at that moment in the form of Logan Travers. He was bigger and broader than he’d been in high school, his long arm draped casually around the shoulders of the polished and surprisingly straitlaced-looking woman next to him.

Katie looked stricken for a second before pasting on another bright smile. She waved to Logan and the woman.

“Olivia, I don’t think you’ve met Liam Donovan.”

The woman’s dark eyes remained focused on Liam, but she wrapped a hand around Logan’s waist and squeezed, as if calming a wild animal.

“Welcome back,” Olivia said. “I’m sure Ruth is very happy to see you again.”

“She might be the only one,” Liam said, keeping his gaze on Logan, who stared right back.

“How much do I owe you for the brownies?” Liam asked Katie.

“They’re a gift to Ruth.”

He glanced at her, brows raised. “I can pay.”

She laughed, another surprise. “I’m well aware of that. From what I understand, you could pay for half the town without noticing a dent in your bank account.”

“Katie,” Olivia whispered. One side of Logan’s mouth quirked.

Liam found himself returning the bakery owner’s smile. “Then why comp me? Why not take advantage of my bank account while you have the chance?”

Katie shrugged. “Because some things are more important than money. The fact that you are here for Ruth this Christmas is one of them.”

Olivia turned to Logan. “I’m going to talk with Katie about the order for the Winterfest reception. Would you get me a cup of tea?” She reached up to stroke his cheek and Liam noticed a diamond band on her left hand. Logan’s wife. Not who he would have picked for the wild and reckless boy he’d known Logan to be.

“Earl Grey?” Logan asked, dropping a soft kiss on his wife’s temple.

With a nod from Olivia, the two women walked away. “Could we talk outside for a minute?” Liam asked.

Logan’s eyes widened a fraction, and then he gave a sharp nod and led Liam toward the door. If he was going to have this conversation, Liam figured it would be better to do it outside the bakery, with its cheery decor and warm atmosphere. What he had to say to Logan wasn’t cheery or warm.