A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4) (10 page)

Chapter Eleven

I
t was almost eleven when Natalie parked her car in front of the farmhouse, cursing the butterflies that flitted across her stomach at the sight of Liam’s big SUV in the driveway.

She’d been asked to take on an extra shift at the senior center and had arranged for Olivia to stay with Austin and Ruth. She hated asking friends for favors, but right before Christmas she needed the money more than her pride. According to Olivia, Logan had gone to Crested Butte overnight, so she’d been happy to keep busy. But now Olivia’s car was gone, so she knew she’d be facing Liam alone.

Natalie half expected him to lay into her for shirking her responsibilities with his former nanny. She couldn’t blame him for not quite trusting her since she hadn’t yet explained her whole situation to him. Guilt ate away at her even though she hadn’t taken the money. Natalie had tried to talk to Ruth about whether she’d paid off Brad. But Ruth continued to act as though she had no memory of Natalie telling her anything about the debt. She wanted to believe Ruth, but, other than speaking to her mother, Brad had left her alone for nearly three months. That was a record and Natalie was almost able to sleep through the night without waking up in a cold sweat, worried about her ex-husband’s next demands on her.

She glanced at the barn’s workshop before walking toward the house. She had to finish up a few bracelets tonight, but first needed to check on Austin and Ruth and figure out why Liam was there instead of Olivia.

The house was quiet as she walked in, peaceful in its silence and shadows. Natalie took a breath and walked into the den, where she could see the light of the television glowing blue in the darkness.

She stopped short in the doorway at the sight of Liam stretched out on the couch, arms crossed over his chest, fast asleep. Her heart sped in rhythm as her body had its annoyingly familiar reaction to him. Stupid body with its heat and flush. She started to clear her throat then stopped, swept up in memories as she watched him.

Asleep and unaware of her presence, he looked softer, younger. More like the boy she’d fallen in love with so many years ago. A lock of dark hair fell over a forehead smooth without lines from worry or anger. Worry about Ruth and anger at Natalie. She deserved it, she knew, for her fear and cowardice. And so much more. But it didn’t seem to matter now. Now that he wasn’t looking at her with so many tangled emotions, she could let go of her own regrets for a moment and just relish being with him.

Because even asleep, Natalie could feel Liam’s energy and the connection between them that didn’t seem to break, no matter how she pushed and stretched it. She inched closer to the couch, glancing at the TV as she did. One of the Marvel Comics movies played, making her smile. Liam always had a thing for superheroes.

Should she leave him there? Clearly he’d sent Olivia home and settled in to wait for her himself. Would Tanner worry if he didn’t come back to the house or would the assistant assume he’d gone into town and found some young snow bunny willing to invite him to share her bed for the night? She wished she could be that woman, casual and willing, but Natalie had always felt older than she was.

Except when she’d been with Liam.

Unable to help herself, she reached out a finger to brush away the stray hair. In an instant a strong hand gripped her wrist, tugging her so that she fell with a grunt onto the back cushions of the couch.

“First you were checking out my butt in the attic. Then you’re sneaking up on me while I sleep.” His voice was rough, pitched low. It did wicked, hot things to her insides.

“I like you when you’re asleep,” she muttered, trying not to breathe in the scent of him. Trying to keep her bones from melting right into the sofa. “Sometimes more than when you’re awake.”

“Ahh, Natalie,” he said on a soft laugh. “You never give an inch.”

“I’m not the one with only a few inches to give.” She shifted, letting her knee drive against him, wanting to make him as bothered as she felt in this moment.

He laughed again, turning so that she sank onto the cushions and they faced each other. “Don’t make me prove you wrong,” he whispered.

Her body burned at all the points it touched his. His face fell into shadows, but they were so close she could still see him clearly. He reached behind him toward the coffee table, and a moment later the television flicked off, leaving a thin strand of moonlight the only light in the room.

His finger traced her skin, starting at her forehead and working its way down the side of her face to her neck and throat, stopping at the collar of her scrub shirt.

“Working late,” he murmured.

“The day isn’t over yet,” she answered, trying not to be carried away by his touch. “I have jewelry to finish tonight. Why are you here?”

“I came to see Ruth.” A wisp of a smile played across his lips. “And you.” His finger brushed the tender flesh of her earlobe. “I can’t seem to stay away from you, Nat.”

“You managed it for ten years.”

“Do you think I ran away?” His voice was soft but there was steel in his tone.

“I think you left.” Her voice sounded breathless to her own ears. It was hard to concentrate on anything with him so close, with his skin on hers. “Walking. Running. Does it really matter? The result was the same.”

“After the accident that killed Beth, I didn’t think—”

“Shh.” She placed her fingertip on his mouth, silencing him. “We both think too much, Liam. I’m tired of thinking, my brain on overdrive all the time. I’m sick of guilt and blame and regret. I just want...”

“What?” He leaned closer, so close his breath feathered against her cheek. “What do you want, Natalie?”

Where to start with a list of what she wanted? How to even begin? She’d buried her wants and needs for so long, ignored them until she barely remembered that she’d ever had dreams for herself. “I want to feel something,” she whispered, wiping her cheek on the sofa cushion to hide a stray tear that fell. “I want to feel again.”

His gaze was at once tender and fierce, the dichotomy of Liam Donovan and what had always fascinated her. “I can help with that,” he answered with total confidence and gently pressed his lips to hers.

She grasped at his shoulders and shifted closer. The kiss deepened, but not the pace. He sipped at her, nipped and licked, as if they had all the time in the world. As if he knew that her emotions in this moment were so brittle that she might break apart if he pushed her. Leisurely, his hands traveled down her body, pulling up the hem of her shirt so that he could touch her back.

Bit by bit, Natalie began to feel. She allowed herself to really enjoy what was happening, not the frenzied desire of when they were in the attic. She slipped into this passion as if it was a warm bath, enveloping her. It enveloped her tired muscles and weary bones, soothing her. This was true intimacy, the two of them without their defenses.

For a moment, panic flared and she placed her hand on his chest, ready to push him back before she gave away too much. Before she let him fill all the secret, lonely places she cradled deep inside. But she could feel his heartbeat pounding, although his motions remained gentle.

Another contrast and one that allowed her to believe she was safe, at least for the moment, in Liam’s arms. She savored the feeling that awakened inside of her—a pinprick at first. Then it was as if the dam broke and everything she’d denied herself for so long flooded through her in waves.

She tugged at his long-sleeve Henley and he shrugged out of it before pulling her scrub top and the T-shirt she wore underneath it over her head. He lifted her, flipping onto his back and bringing her down against him, skin to skin. She’d forgotten the sensation of a man holding her, his hands roaming up her back and flicking open the clasp on her bra.

“Lift up,” he whispered. “I want to see you, Nat.”

She hesitated, again worried that the body she had now wouldn’t match his memories of the girl he’d known.

“Who you are now?” he said, as if reading her mind. “Let me see you.”

Because it was mostly dark in the room and his voice held such a note of reverence, she sat up. The bra straps slipped off her arms and he curled one finger under the lace edge and tossed it aside. His hands cupped the weight of her breasts and he lifted his head at the same time she bent forward, taking the hard tip of one in his mouth.

Natalie groaned with pleasure, which turned into a self-conscious laugh as Liam whispered, “You are so beautiful,” against her skin.

He leaned back to look into her eyes. “I say you’re beautiful and you laugh?”

His gaze searched hers.

“You don’t have to whisper sweet nothings to me. This is enough.” She awkwardly gestured to the muscles rippling across his skin. “More than enough.”

“It’s not nothing.” He sat up, shifting so she was next to him on the couch. “You. Are. Beautiful.”

She placed her hand over her chest, not to hide from him, but because her heart suddenly felt as if it might float away. It was light and sweet, like carnival-spun cotton candy. She felt as though she shed a hundred pounds and years of worry in that moment. “I want you, Liam,” was all she could think of to say. She lifted his hand, pressing it against her skin along with her own. “I want this now.”

His eyes tracked to the door leading to the hallway.

“Austin and Ruth sleep like the dead,” she quietly assured him.

“Thank God,” he said on a choked laugh. He leaned forward and kissed her again, pushing her back along the couch. His fingers went to the waistband of her scrub pants. He pulled them, along with her underpants, down over her legs. Cool air brushed her sensitized skin and she drew in a shuddered breath, too on edge, too ready to even be self-conscious. Then he stood and unbuttoned his jeans, pulling a condom out of the wallet in his back pocket before shoving them off. He was perfect from head to toe, a sculpted chest and lean hips. Her head buzzed with wanting.

A moment later he was over her, his kiss more intense, full of the same need Natalie felt to her core. His hand reached between them, finding her center, as he caught her gasp with his mouth. Instinctively, she parted to give him better access. But as the pressure built, she realized she didn’t want this to happen without him. After so many years of denying herself pleasure, of focusing on making it through each day, this act of abandon felt wild and indulgent, much like her feelings for Liam had always been.

She reached for his hand, pulling it away. “Together, Liam. Now.”

He shifted again, fit himself to her, and then they were joined. All the sensations she’d held back crashed together at once, a mix of light and sound in her head, almost overwhelming in its intensity. So she held on to Liam, locked her gaze on his. The emotion in his gray eyes grounded her, allowed her to feel without being afraid of losing herself. For someone who spent most of her life being afraid of something, it was a revelation for Natalie. Letting go of her fear was the best medicine she could imagine.

I love you.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t say them. She might be having a moment, but that didn’t mean she was going to admit it to Liam. He held her as they moved together, as if she were precious, as if she would always be safe inside the warmth of his embrace. The pressure built, each thrust exquisite torture for her. She hitched in a breath, then whispered his name as she broke apart. A moment later she felt him shudder, and he buried his head in the crook of her neck.

* * *

I love you.

Liam bit down on his tongue, hard, to keep from saying the words out loud. Maybe he’d never stopped loving her. Their time together had been short and they’d been so young. When he left Crimson, he’d blamed his heartache on the guilt over the accident, not the pain of being rejected by one more person he loved. That had been too much to process, so he’d shoved it aside, convinced himself that all they’d had together was a teenage fling.

He couldn’t ignore the truth any longer. Being with Natalie in this moment was the first time since he’d left Crimson he’d been truly content. He held on to her until his breathing slowed and he could regain control of the storm inside. He’d put himself on the line for her once and couldn’t stand the thought that she might hurt him again. Would not risk that, especially when he still believed there were secrets between them.

As soon as the thought appeared in his mind, he felt her pulling away. Not physically; she continued to stroke her delicate fingers down his back. But he could almost see her rebuilding her walls as they lay there. Maybe that was better. It would make it less complicated when he left, at least that’s what he told himself. The splitting pain in his chest told a different story.

“So that was a nice way to wake up from a nap,” he said softly, dropping a kiss at the hollow of her throat.

It was better for both of them to keep this moment light. Easier than the alternative. He didn’t want to fight with her tonight, wouldn’t risk tainting what had just happened between them.

He felt her jerk a little in surprise, wondered what she’d expected from him. Thought of all the reasons he’d given her to not trust him.

She moved slowly, shifting off him. “Hopefully it will give me some energy for another late night.”

He moved his legs to give her room on the sofa. She bent forward and tossed his shirt and jeans to him. “Don’t look at my butt.”

“You started it.”

She smiled, just a little, but that was enough for him. If she was freaked out by what had happened, she was handling it well.

Getting dressed, he watched as she grabbed her things and moved to the far side of the room behind the couch.

“What are you doing?”

“There’s more privacy over here,” she said, her voice muffled by the shirt she pulled over her head.

“Privacy?” He chuckled. One minute she was wrapped around him like a pretzel and the next she needed privacy to put on her clothes. Her contradictions never ceased to fascinate him.

“You never answered my question. What are you doing here so late? Olivia would have stayed.”