A Very Crimson Christmas (Crimson, Colorado 4) (12 page)

One day at a time. The Travers brothers had rebuilt their lives one day at a time. It seemed almost impossible that he could ever get to this point. He knew he didn’t belong here, in the midst of so much happiness. But true to her word, Natalie stayed by his side. She laced her fingers with his as the couples sitting around the tree turned.

“Natalie,” a tall blonde squealed, walking from the kitchen to where they stood. “It’s so good to see you.”

Liam recognized her as Sara Wellens, the movie actress who’d just recently made a comeback in Hollywood. She also happened to be married to Josh, the middle Travers brother, and helped him run this guest ranch when she wasn’t on a movie set. Her steps faltered for a moment as she noticed Natalie’s hand in Liam’s. Then her smile widened. She wrapped Natalie in a tight hug while Liam watched.

“I’ve been gone a couple of weeks filming,” she said, looking at Liam over Natalie’s shoulders. “I miss my girlfriends when I’m gone.”

“But not as much as she misses her husband,” Josh called as he stood from the couch.

“You must be Liam,” Sara said, holding out her hand. “I’ve heard all about you.”

His stomach plummeted to the floor. “I shouldn’t—”

“From what I understand your company is going to put Crimson on the map. Everyone in town is really excited to have you here.”

“You might be giving Sara a run for her money as the local celebrity,” Josh said as he joined their group. He held out a hand and Liam shook it, dumbfounded. He’d been so sure he was going to receive the cold shoulder from the other Travers brothers, at least until he apologized for what had happened to their sister.

“I’m happy to transfer the limelight to Liam,” Sara said. “You be the star, Mr. Donovan.”

“You’ll always be my star, darlin’,” Josh said, drawing his arm around Sara’s shoulders.

“Join the party, you two.” Sara motioned to the group in front of the fireplace.

“What can I get you to drink?” Josh asked.

“A beer,” Liam answered. His throat felt as dry as sandpaper.

“Can you whip up one of those holiday cocktails for Natalie?” Sara asked, expertly batting her eyelashes at her husband.

“Of course.”

“I’m okay with water,” Natalie answered.

“One cocktail. It’s frozen and strawberry.” Sara wiggled her hips. “Guaranteed to put you in the holiday spirit.”

Liam squeezed Natalie’s fingers.

“One cocktail,” she said after a moment.

Sara clapped her hands and pushed Josh toward the kitchen.

Natalie led Liam forward, introducing him to Olivia’s half sister Millie, who was married to the oldest Travers brother, Jake. Jake had been in college when the accident occurred so Liam had never met him. He was the tallest of the three brothers, blond and lean. He also seemed the most serious. Liam knew he was a doctor and had moved back to Crimson last year.

Just as they shook hands a little girl ran up to Jake, pulling on his navy sweater. “Daddy, Daddy, I found a pair of reindeer ears under the tree.” She held out a headband with two felt ears sticking up from it. “Now we can both have antlers.” The girl patted her own head that had similar ears sprouting out of it.

“This is my daughter, Brooke,” Jake told Liam, straightening the girl’s ears.

“Brooke, say hello to Mr. Donovan. He’s a friend of Miss Natalie’s.”

“Hello, Mr. Donovan,” she said in a soft, sweet voice. “I can try to find you some reindeer ears, too.”

Liam almost laughed. “I don’t think—”

He stopped when Jake cleared his throat. He looked over and was surprised to see the man sporting the reindeer antlers. Jake arched a brow, as if daring him to comment. Liam looked back at Brooke. “Sure. I’ll take a pair of reindeer ears.”

The girl gave him a bright smile. “Be right back,” she said and disappeared again.

“Nice antlers,” Josh said, joining them and handing Liam a beer.

He took a long pull on it.

“Be careful,” Jake said quietly, “I’ve got a big red nose hidden in my pocket. One more crack about my ears and you’ll be playing Rudolph tonight.”

Liam choked out a laugh, trying hard not to spit out his beer as he did. When Josh leveled a look at him, Liam held up one hand. “I’m just waiting for my ears.”

“Smart man,” Jake confirmed, and Liam relaxed a little. Somehow being game for his daughter’s whims had smoothed the way with Jake Travers. Liam would wear the ears and nose if that’s what it took.

“Is there anything you won’t force the rest of us to endure to make Brooke happy?” Josh asked.

Jake pretended to think about it for a moment, then a grin split his face. “Nope.”

“Are you close with your dad?” Josh turned to Liam, suddenly serious.

Normally Liam would give someone an ambiguous answer to that question. Maybe it was the beer or the general atmosphere at Crimson Ranch, but he found himself telling the truth instead. “We haven’t spoken since I walked away from Donovan Enterprises. He’s tried to reach out recently, but only because he wants to acquire LifeMap before the software launches. He’s never had much use for me. That’s how I ended up with Ruth in high school.” He clamped his mouth shut, having given these two almost strangers more insight into his relationship with his father than he had to anyone in a long time.

Neither looked shocked. “Just remember to learn from that dysfunction when it comes time for you to be a father yourself,” Josh told him.

Jake smiled. “What he’s saying is don’t be the same sort of jerk your father is. Do better. It’s a big lesson.”

Liam’s gaze tracked to Natalie, standing near the dining room table with Sara and Olivia, before he forced it back to Josh. “I’m not—”

“Right,” Jake said with a laugh, clapping a hand on Liam’s shoulder. “We’ve all made that denial.”

“Good luck,” Josh added.

Liam shook his head. “Is this the part where you warn me that if I hurt her I’ll have to answer to you?”

Josh tipped back his head and laughed. “We don’t have to. If Natalie gets hurt, there won’t be anything left for us once the women are done with you.”

“Don’t worry,” Jake said. “If Josh, Logan and I can figure it out, you should have no problem.”

Liam didn’t know how to answer. He’d expected judgment and blame, but each of the brothers was welcoming in their own way.

A gust of cool air blew into the room as Logan opened the French doors that led to the patio. “The fire pit is ready,” he announced, rubbing together his gloved hands.

“S’mores!” Austin yelled, jumping up from where he sat next to a teenage girl on the couch.

Jake’s daughter ran in from the kitchen, her arms full of supplies. “I’ve got the marsh-smellows and chocolate,” she cried.

“Slow down, Brookie-cookie,” Jake said, catching her in his arms as she went past. “No running near the fire.”

“You better come supra-vise me, Daddy.”

“Only if you give me first dibs on the marshmallows,” Jake said, carrying her toward the patio.

“No way,” she said with a laugh.

Liam watched as everyone drifted out the back door.

Natalie held out her hand to him. “You can’t say no to s’mores,” she told him, crooking a finger in his direction.

The way he felt now, he couldn’t say no to anything that involved her. Her eyes danced as he walked toward her, her cheeks alight with color. Maybe it was from the drink she’d had, but he liked to believe it had more to do with him—with them together.

She’d come to him late last night, after she’d finished work on her jewelry. He’d stayed awake as long as he could, debating whether to go down to her workshop when he’d heard her enter after putting Austin to bed. In the end, he’d decided against it. He knew the scene with her mother at the bakery had been difficult, and he didn’t want to push her for more than she was able to give. He’d done that ten years ago and ended up losing her.
Patience
, he’d told himself.
Baby steps.
So he’d taken a cold shower and finally drifted off to sleep.

Only to wake up to Natalie’s warm body sliding under the covers next to him, kissing him awake. The whole thing had been like a dream, the feel of her skin against his body, the scent of her shampoo and lotion surrounding him. He hadn’t spoken, too afraid of breaking the spell. It had been enough to slip his hands under her sweater, to peel off her clothes and his own boxers before grabbing a condom from the nightstand and moving inside her.

“You’re prepared,” she’d whispered on a soft moan.

“Hopeful,” he corrected, and she’d laughed into the base of his throat.

It was so easy, the two of them together in the intimacy of that moment. Moving with her, desire building as he touched her, made him forget everything else. The walls they both still hid behind, the things he wasn’t willing to say to her, didn’t want to ask her in return. All that fell away as he held her.

He had to choose whether to stay in Crimson and make it not only his home but headquarters for his company. Put the past behind him and go forward into a future he hadn’t imagined.

“It’s not that big of a decision.”

Natalie’s voice broke through his thoughts. She watched him from the doorway to the patio, an unsure smile on her face. She was talking about s’mores, unaware of the sliding slope his doubts created in his own mind. One step at a time, he reminded himself, and headed toward her.

Chapter Thirteen

T
he wind whipped up the snow, making it swirl around Natalie’s head as she stood on the tiny front porch of her mother’s apartment at the edge of town. She rang the doorbell, wondering for a moment how it had gotten to this point, where she felt like a stranger walking into the place where she’d been raised.

As she waited, her fingers straightened the old wreath on her mother’s door. The berries were chipped, the fake pine bough a little smushed, as if it had been sitting up against something hard in her mom’s small storage unit near the carport. She tried to reshape it into a perfect circle, as if accomplishing that might turn her life right again.

Trudy opened the door while Natalie was pulling on the edge of the wreath and the whole thing flipped off the nail that held it and crashed to the ground.

She bent to pick it up. “Sorry, the pine branches were crooked, so I was trying to make it round again.”

“It’s fine how it is,” Trudy snapped, ripping the wreath from her hands and carefully rehanging it on the door. “Everything around here is great the way it is.”

“Point taken,” she said, following her mother into the house. The slightly burned smell of microwave popcorn filled the air. Her mother lived on popcorn and frozen dinners, had for as long as Natalie could remember.

“Where’s Austin?”

“He had practice for the Christmas pageant after school.” Natalie followed her mother into the apartment’s tiny galley kitchen. “The final performance is next week. Remember I told you about it? I know Austin would love it if you came to the show.”

“Bring him by The Tavern,” Trudy answered. “Some of the regulars would get a kick out of him singing the songs.”

Natalie fought the urge to grind her teeth. “He’s not going to do a one-man show at the bar, Mom.”

“No need for that uppity tone. You spent plenty of time there as a kid, and you turned out just fine.”

Just fine
. Right.

“I brought you some groceries to get you through the next few days. They’re predicting six inches overnight.” She took the bag off her shoulder and sat it on the counter.

“That isn’t a grocery bag.” Her mom pointed to the cloth sack.

“It’s a reusable bag, Mom.” This was one more of Trudy’s quirks. Not only was her mother particular about what she bought, she didn’t like her groceries to come from any other store than the one she favored. “I went to Safeway, the one you like close to town.”

“I like to have those plastic bags,” Trudy said, still eyeing the deep purple sack as if it was a snake about to strike. “I use them for lots of things around the house.”

Natalie stalked over to the kitchen sink and threw open the cabinet door. An avalanche of white plastic grocery bags tumbled out. “You’re covered,” she snapped, then immediately felt guilty as her mother’s face fell.

“I didn’t realize I had so many,” Trudy muttered, worrying her fingers together. “I like to have them around the house.”

“It’s okay.” Natalie stepped forward to give her mother a short hug. Trudy might drive her crazy with her fears and routines, but Natalie couldn’t imagine what it was like to actually live inside her mother’s mind all the time. “Let’s just unpack the food, okay?”

She’d bought the frozen dinners and cereal her mother preferred and two boxes of microwave popcorn. She’d also purchased a small bag of baby carrots and a carton of blueberries. She knew they’d probably turn to slime in the fridge—her mother wasn’t one for fresh fruits or vegetables. But in the same way she introduced Austin to healthy foods, Natalie kept trying.

“Mom, we’re having Christmas at Ruth’s farmhouse this year,” she said as she moved cans of diet soda out of the way to make room on a front shelf in the refrigerator for the blueberries. “Austin would love it if you were there with us. He’s officially too old for Santa Claus, but that won’t stop him from waking at the crack of dawn to open presents.” She put the frozen dinners away, then turned to her mother. “You could spend the night Christmas Eve. There’s room.”

Before Natalie had finished the sentence, Trudy shook her head. “I’m working both nights. Can’t do it.” She took the boxes of popcorn and added them to the supply in her small pantry.

“It’s crazy that The Tavern stays open on Christmas.” Natalie couldn’t help the bitterness that crept into her voice. “You’ve been working holidays there since I can remember. You can get one year off.”

“I don’t mind. Lots of locals look forward to a break over the holidays and stop in for a drink. Most of the other girls working there have families they need to see.”

“Hello, you have a family.”

Trudy rearranged the popcorn boxes until the way they were stacked met her arbitrary standards. “Brad called again yesterday. He told me he tried to reach you. You’ve got to answer, Natalie. Talk to him.”

“So he can ask me for more money? No, thanks.” She folded the reusable grocery bag and tucked it under her arm.

“He wants to come home, sweetie. Give him a chance. Your dad certainly never entertained the idea of coming to Crimson to be with us.”

Natalie had always blamed her father for letting Trudy leave, felt as if she and her mother weren’t good enough to hold his love and attention. That’s what she’d been taught. Finally she realized that might not be the whole story.

“Did my father ask you to stay with him?”

Trudy’s hand stilled on the door to the pantry, and she turned slowly. “You know things were hard for me in Atlanta. I was alone, had no family. He worked all the time. I needed to come home. If he loved me, he would have understood that, respected my decision.”

It wasn’t a direct answer, but it was enough of an admission to send the narrative Natalie had allowed to define her life down a different path. There’d been more to the story than the neglected young wife, with only her baby to love. She’d clung to the idea that her mother had returned to Crimson because she wanted to protect Natalie from the dangers of the big city and a father who would put her safety in jeopardy. There was a fine line between a safe haven and a cage.

“Did he ever want to see me?”

Her mother barked out a laugh. “As if I would let him take you away from here.”

The shift from her identity as a child rejected by one parent to one held prisoner by the other split through Natalie, a crack in the ice around her heart.

“Is he still in Atlanta? Do you know?”

“He stopped calling years ago,” her mother said with a dismissive sniff. “Once I convinced him that you weren’t going to leave Crimson and—”

“I was going to leave.” Natalie’s heart began pounding against her rib cage and she took a breath to control the anxiety that bubbled to the surface. “For college. I was going to leave with Liam.”

“But you didn’t. You were meant to stay here, just like me.”

A voice roared inside Natalie.
No. Nothing like you.

Trudy glanced out the small window above the sink. “It’s getting bad out there. You’d better go before the roads are any worse.”

Natalie nodded numbly, allowed her mother to wrap her in a hug, didn’t flinch when Trudy whispered, “Give Brad a chance. If he comes back to Crimson, everything will work out.”

She walked out of her mother’s apartment, stood for a long time next to her car in the parking lot. Snow fell in fat flakes around her, blanketing everything with white. Her head tipped to the sky, the snow covered her face. She could almost hear the sizzle as the icy flakes hit her overheated skin. No matter how long she stood there, the burning inside her wouldn’t ease. For years she’d made excuses for her mother’s anxiety, minimized the impact of that legacy of fear on her own life.

It had cost her so much and it felt as if every single thing she’d lost, every experience she’d missed out on now flamed in her chest, demanding to be seen. She took off her coat, tossed it into the backseat of her car and rolled down all the windows as she drove across town to the farmhouse. Wind blew through the car and even when her teeth began to chatter and the tips of her fingers turned numb, she still felt feverish with regret and sorrow.

It was a struggle to make her fingers work the key in the ignition to turn off the car when she got to the farmhouse. She still didn’t register the cold, but her hands were bright pink, her shoulders shivering violently.

Pull it together
, she told herself, standing in the middle of the driveway.
You don’t have time for a nervous breakdown
.

Austin would be home soon, and there was dinner to make, homework to oversee. Single mothers didn’t get a night off. She took deep breaths, flexed and tightened her hands to help the circulation. She couldn’t quite regain her self-control, and as she entered the house the shivering turned into full-blown, body-racking shakes.

Liam’s SUV was in the driveway, and she wasn’t sure what she wanted more—to wrap herself around him or run and hide so he didn’t see her like this. Maybe she could make it up to her bedroom, shower and change quickly before Ruth or Liam noticed what a hot mess she was.

Of course, Ruth was waiting in the entry as she opened the front door.

“What were you doing without a coat in the snow?” the older woman asked, leaning on her cane. “You were like a statue in the driveway for at least five minutes.”

“Dro-opped my ke-eys,” Natalie managed through her chattering teeth. It was hard to make her jaw move to form the words.

“You’re practically frozen solid.” Ruth reached out a hand, her papery skin scratchy against Natalie’s cheek. “Liam, we need you,” she called, turning her head toward the main part of the house.

“I don’t need—”

He was there a moment later, took one look at her and let out a string of curses. “What the hell happened to you?” He wore one of Ruth’s old aprons around his neck. This one said I Licked the Bowl.

“Ni-ice a-pron.” She tried to smile, but it hurt too much. As feeling returned to her body, every part of it felt as if she was being stabbed with pins and needles.

“Did you walk from your mother’s?” Ruth asked, shaking her head.

“Caa-ar windows op-en. Ne-eded fresh a-air.”

He grabbed her hands, lifting them to the light. “You’re lucky you didn’t get real frostbite. We need to warm you, get you out of those wet clothes.”

“Aus-tin coming ho-ome.”

“I can be here with Austin,” Ruth said. “Take care of her, Liam.”

She was having trouble concentrating on their words over the intense throbbing in her hands and feet. “Aus-tin,” she repeated.

“You don’t want him to see you like this,” Liam said softly. He scooped her into his arms and started up the stairs. She burrowed against him, her head in the crook of his neck as though she was a newborn snuggling into her mother for comfort. That’s how she felt, exposed and raw, blinking in the bright light after being nestled in her cocoon of ignorance for so many years.

He cursed again. “Your hair is icy.”

“It’s co-old out-s-side.”

“So why were you standing out in the snow? Driving with the windows down like it’s the middle of summer?”

She didn’t answer, only pressed her nose into the base of his throat.

He hissed out a breath but pulled her closer against him. Once inside the guest bedroom she used, he set her down on the edge of the bed. She wanted to protest, to beg him to not let her go. But that would be too pathetic, even in a moment when almost every ounce of her pride had been torn to shreds.

Natalie didn’t break down. No matter what life threw at her, she kept going, moving forward.

Until now.

“Can you get undressed?” he asked, then took hold of her hands again, frowning as he squeezed them carefully. “Never mind.”

She tucked them under her legs as he disappeared into the bathroom connected to her bedroom. A moment later the sound of running water broke the silence of the room. Normally, Natalie would be embarrassed at the thought of Liam preparing a bath for her, but all she could feel now was anticipation of the warm water. Where her body had burned after her conversation with her mother, it was now icy cold.

A sliver of pride made its way to the surface and she tried to undo the buttons of her denim shirt. Surely she didn’t need Liam for every part of this experience. But her clumsy, still-frozen fingers fumbled on the buttons.

“Let me,” he said, returning to her.

Her gaze flicked away, mortified as he stripped her with efficient movements, so different from the way he’d taken off her clothes at other times. She stood, pushing down her wet yoga pants, goose bumps rising on her skin. He held out her flannel robe and she slipped her arms in, grateful for the warmth. More grateful as he led her to the bath and the steam in the small room seeped into her pores. He’d added bubbles to the water, the smell of lavender filled the air.

She breathed it in, letting the familiar scent melt away some of her shame. “I can ha-andle it fro-om here.”

He didn’t move, only stood in the doorway with arms shoved into the pockets of his jeans. His eyes were dark and gentle, as if he knew better than she did what had motivated her recklessness today.

“Fine,” she muttered, her need to step into the bath overcoming her reluctance to do so in front of him. As soon as her toes hit the water, she cringed and drew back.

“It’s going to hurt at first,” Liam offered.

“You think?” She took a fortifying breath and plunged one foot, then the other, into the water. Maybe it was good that he was watching. It made her move more quickly than she would have otherwise. She lowered herself into the tub until she was submerged to her shoulders, biting back a groan of pain as the warm water brought life back into her fingers.

He pushed off from the door, and she covered her breasts—an unconscious response. One side of his mouth curved but he walked past the tub, flipped down the lid on the toilet and sat. “Don’t worry,” he said, humor lacing his tone. “I’ll let you defrost fully before I make my big move.”

“I didn’t mean...” she started, then paused, thinking of all the places she could go with that sentence. “Thank you for taking care of me.” She tipped back her head to look at him, offered a small smile to let him know she was okay.