A Walk in Heaven (14 page)

His daughters grabbed his legs, and broke the dream-like state Careen had lured him into. Stepping back, he distanced himself from the woman who confused him, wondering what had just happened. He shouldn’t have lost his head like that. Hopefully, he wouldn’t do it again. The feelings he’d just experienced were dangerous. Guilt gnawed at his conscience, which churned his stomach.

Because of Matthew, Joshua couldn’t think this way about her, he reminded himself, this time hoping he’d stick to his promise. Yet…why did he think he’d break his pledge?

* * * *

The bedroom brightened with morning sunlight, bringing Careen awake. She peered toward the window and frowned. Today was Matthew’s burial. Sadness wheedled its way inside her and settled into the pit of her stomach. How could she go through with this?

She crawled out of bed and dressed. As Betsy helped Careen fix her hair, not a word was spoken between them. Today would be a solemn day to be sure since the family would all be mourning with her at Matthew’s graveside service.

Not only did guilt over Matthew’s death weigh heavily on her mind, but now she experienced confusing feelings whenever Joshua was around. The night they’d conversed on the porch started it, and yesterday when he’d taught her how to lasso only made things worse. She couldn’t be attracted to Matthew’s brother. She just couldn’t!

Joshua’s sudden sweetness had bothered her. When they first met, he’d been moody and rude. Now he treated her completely opposite. When he’d taught her how to lasso, he’d tenderly taken her hand and showed her how to swing the rope. Good grief, he’d held her waist and she’d let him! Then the hug they shared when she finally hit her target. Just thinking about it made butterflies dance in her belly as shivered tingles rose on her arms. Feeling this way was definitely not a good thing.

She purposely missed breakfast only because she didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want them to wonder what she could be thinking right now, because her thoughts for sure weren’t directed to her deceased husband like they should be. If Mr. and Mrs. Grayson could see through to her soul, they’d kick her out of the house and never let her return.

Then again, when Careen finally told the Grayson’s the truth, they’d ask her to leave posthaste. She wasn’t anticipating that dreadful day.

The grandfather clock down the hall chimed ten times. The graveside service was about to begin. She grabbed her white handkerchief and left the bedroom. Elizabeth and the twins waited for her at the end of the stairs – all wearing black gowns. On shaky legs, Careen made it to her mother-in-law’s side. Elizabeth grasped Careen’s hand, and without a word, they walked out the front door.

On the hillside to the left of the house, Matthew’s brothers and Father stood by some servants holding shovels. By the fresh dirt in piles around the hole in the ground, and the sweat on their brows, they’d been digging for a few hours. Nobody smiled. Not even Joshua’s twin daughters. The servants and ranch hands all stood in a group.

Other people had gathered for the service. Although she couldn’t remember names, she recognized them from church.

As Careen neared the grave, a long wooden box lay next to the pile of dirt. Pain clenched her chest as memories from the brief time she’d spent with Matthew came rushing forth. He’d been so handsome, so kind and tender. And the love he had for her shown in his eyes. Yet, she couldn’t quite remember their color. Were they blue like Joshua’s, or hazel like Peter’s?

The morning of their wedding, she met Matthew for the first time face-to-face. He had been waiting for her at the train station. The minute she stepped off the train, he’d rushed to her side. Weeks before this, she’d been worried about Luther – worried he would follow through with his threat in taking her as his wife and marrying her for her inheritance. She’d thought putting an ad in the newspaper as a mail-order-bride would do the trick since a lot of women were married that way. Matthew would be her salvation, and she finally had a moment of peace in his presence. She finally felt that once and for all, she was free from her obsessive cousin.

She recalled the morning flying by until she stood next to him as his wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Excitement had danced in Matthew’s eyes – she wished she could remember their color now – and he pulled her close for their first kiss.

And their last.

Who would have guessed escaping marriage to Luther would have brought her here?

Careen hadn’t realized she’d stopped beside Mr. and Mrs. Grayson whose eyes were toward the casket. Pastor Adams read a few verses from the Bible, but the words didn’t register. Not long afterwards, someone sang a hymn. She didn’t have the strength to see who it was. Then Matthew’s father and brothers stepped to the casket and lowered it into the earth.

Beside her, Elizabeth sobbed into her handkerchief. Numbness spread through Careen, and her heart broke all over again.

Finally, she looked up and into the faces of Matthew’s brothers. They all had tears in their red, puffy, eyes. William’s nose was red as well as tears streamed down his face. Once the coffin was in the ground, everyone tossed a red rose on the casket and muttered their goodbyes.

When it was her turn, she moved toward the hole and stopped, gazing down at the wooden box. She tightened her fingers on the stem of the flower, not wanting to let it go. If she released it, she’d be saying goodbye forever...bringing the closure she needed. Yet, she couldn’t do it. She didn’t want any of this. Matthew wasn’t supposed to die! Why couldn’t she be the one in that casket instead? She shook her head as tears filled her eyes. She wanted to scream at Matthew to jump out of the casket and live! She wanted to believe all this had been a bad dream.

“No,” she muttered in a whisper, not taking her blurred vision off the casket. “It was a mistake, Matthew. He wasn’t supposed to kill you. I didn’t mean for this to happen…” She sniffed. “Please forgive me…”

Somebody’s warm arm wrapped around her shoulders.
She peered into the caring eyes of Joshua.

“It’s all right now,” he said softly. “Matthew is at peace and with God.” He glanced at the rose. “Throw it in and say goodbye.”

Her throat burned, tears stung her eyes, and her heart cried out with gratefulness. Nodding, she turned, and tossed her flower on the casket.

Goodbye, Matthew. Forgive me for everything.

Careen spent the next few days being as invisible as she could. She hoped the family wouldn’t ask her how she felt because right now, she didn’t know. Saying goodbye to Matthew had helped, just as Joshua’s comforting voice and arm as it rested on her shoulders, but guilt had a way of eating her alive. Witnessing Matthew’s family grieve had made her feel much worse. Careen was the reason their son was dead, yet how did she repay them? Hiding behind the truth while enjoying their hospitality? More than ever she wanted a family. Little by little, she fell in love with each one of them, knowing she shouldn’t.

No matter what, she needed to tell them about Luther. Although it worried her why she hadn’t heard from Pierre’s sheriff about when the trial would be. She’d give the lawman a few more days to send her a letter. If she hadn’t heard anything by then, she’d contact him.

Mr. Grayson allowed Careen to ride one of their horses. It’d been a while since she was given luxury to do this, so it took her some time to get used to sitting in the saddle and learning the way her mare responded. Betsy helped Careen with much enthusiasm. Today, Careen and Betsy trotted their horses not far from the house. Far enough to have a little privacy, but not far enough away in case something terrible happened.

And with Careen’s luck, something would definitely go wrong.

Shadow, one of the Grayson’s German Shepard’s, followed them, his tail wagging as he ran beside the horses.

“Isn’t this wonderful?” Betsy closed her eyes and tilted her head back. “It’s been so long since I was able to ride like this.”

Careen weakly smiled. “I recall you mentioning that you were raised on a farm. Would you tell me more about that?”

Betsy’s eyes danced with excitement when she met Careen’s stare. “Oh, yes! My pa owned a little piece of land before the war, and all of us worked the farm the best we could.”

“How old were you?”

“I was ten years old, and the oldest out of seven children. I helped my pa more than my other siblings.” She squared her shoulders. “Pa told me he wouldn’t have been able to make the farm profitable if not for me. I was a hard worker, indeed.”

“I’m sure you were,” Careen said. “Is your farm still doing well? I don’t think you have spoken of your family before.”

Betsy frowned. “Right at the beginning of the war, Pa was killed. We couldn’t keep the farm going. Ma tried, but she couldn’t sell it. Because we were desperate for money, I took a job as a servant.”

“Is that when you started working for my aunt?”

Betsy nodded. “Yes. Your aunt and uncle were most kind.”

“How did –” Careen swallowed the bile that had quickly rose to her throat, “how did Luther treat you?”

Malice darkened Betsy’s gaze. Careen should have figured Luther wouldn’t have been kind to anyone, especially women.

Before Betsy could answer, the loud bark from Shadow came from within the trees. Careen stopped her horse and listened, but nothing moved.

Then another sound pierced the air – like steel snapping together. At that moment, Shadow released a series of loud yelps, the volume of his cry increasing by the second.

“I think he’s hurt,” Betsy said as she kicked her horse toward the dog.

Careen followed the best she could for not used to riding fast. When they reached the trees, they dismounted and ran toward the injured dog. Betsy was the first to reach Shadow. She gasped and fell to her knees beside the animal.

Tears gathered in Careen’s eyes as the dog struggled with his bloody leg pinned in a trap. She pushed past Betsy and knelt beside the dog. Softly, she stroked his head and whispered soothing words. Soon, Shadow’s yelp quieted and the animal allowed her to lay his head on her lap.

Careen looked up at Betsy. “Quickly, ride back to the house and get someone.”

Nodding, Betsy turned and scampered back to her horse.

“
Shhh
… You’re going to be all right, Shadow.” She tenderly stroked his head. His sad eyes held her gaze, making her heart twist that much more.

She glanced around the area. Why would the Grayson’s put a trap right here? It wasn’t that far from the house, which didn’t make any sense. Then again, Careen didn’t know about ranching, either, so maybe there was a good explanation.

Silently, she prayed Shadow would be all right. Her heart wrenched knowing how much pain the animal was in right now.

The ground shook with thundering horse’s hooves. She jerked her head toward the sound just as Joshua jumped off his horse and sprinted toward her. More tears gushed forth, relieved that help had finally arrived.

He fell to his knees beside her. Concern for the animal’s welfare etched in Joshua’s handsome face. Shadow lifted his head and peered at Joshua, releasing a heartfelt whine.

“How did this happen?” Joshua grumbled and shook his head. “Don’t worry old boy,” he said in a softer tone, “I’ll get you out of this.”

He ran his palm over the dog’s head and down his neck to where Careen’s hand rested on the animal’s stomach. Joshua gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and lifted his gaze to her. “I need your help.”

“Of course.
Anything.”

“I’m going to separate the trap, and I’ll need you to pull his leg free.”

She nodded. “I can do that.”

“Shadow will want to get up and move away, but you must not let him. Hold him as tight as you can.”

“All right.”

Joshua exhaled deeply then placed his fingers on each end of the trap. “Ready?”

“Yes,” she answered.

He pulled tight. The strain it took for him to peel the steel bars back shown as the cords of muscles in his arms bulged against the fabric of his shirt and his face hardened. She wanted to help him pull them apart but didn’t dare release the dog.

Whimpering, Shadow struggled. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she held him tight. Once the bars were wide enough, she gently lifted the dog’s leg out of the trap. The animal cried out again, and she cuddled the German Shepard against her bosom, laying her head against his.

“You’re going to be all right, boy,” she murmured.

Joshua released the trap and pushed it aside. He yanked off his brown vest and wrapped it carefully around Shadow’s bloody leg. He caught Careen’s eyes on him and he managed a smile through his stressed expression.

“How are you holding up?” he asked, wiping his thumb across her wet cheeks.

“I’m fine.
And how about yourself?”

He nodded. “Help me carry Shadow to my horse. After I mount, hand him to me and I’ll take him back to the ranch.”

“All right.”

Together they stood, each holding onto the dog. Joshua’s hands nearly cradled her limbs as they walked to his horse. Affection gathered in her chest at the tenderness he displayed. Just as they stopped at Joshua’s horse, Peter and Betsy
came
riding up.

“What happened?” Peter asked with a raised voice as he jumped off his horse.

“There was a trap,” Joshua said. “Shadow’s leg is probably broken.”

“How did a trap get on our property?”

Joshua arched an eyebrow. “I’m asking myself that same question, Peter, but for now, let’s get him back home and set his leg.”

“Mr. Grayson.” Betsy directed her attention to Joshua. “I grew up on a farm, and I took care of all the animals. I can put a splint on Shadow’s leg just as well as any doctor can.”

Joshua smiled. “That’s perfect. You can assist me. Let’s hurry back to the house quickly.”

He mounted and gathered the dog close then urged his horse into a trot. Careen tried to climb on her horse, but couldn’t quite manage because of her shaky limbs. Peter quickly helped her before mounting his steed.

All the way back to the house, she worried about the trap. Why did the Grayson brothers act as if having a trap on their property wasn’t a good thing?

Once again, bad luck was following her, she just knew it.

* * * *

The sun shone brightly, beating down on Joshua, baking him while he and his family rode toward Leonard Parry’s land. If not for the slight breeze nipping at his skin, Joshua would have thought it was the middle of summer instead of early spring. But he knew Montana’s weather was as indecisive as most women.

Beside Joshua, his father and brothers rode on horseback while the women followed in the wagon. Joshua’s thoughts weren’t on the barn raising they were headed toward, but the events that have taken place since Careen entered his life.

Her presence still confused him, but almost a week ago at the graveside service for Matthew had expanded Joshua’s concerns. He wasn’t the only person to feel closure with Matthew’s death. There was a significant difference with his parents and even Frances and Jessica. However, Careen was harder to understand.

Growling, Joshua removed his hat and raked his fingers through his hair. He took a peek over his shoulder at the wagon. Careen perched up front with his mother, while his daughters sat in the back with Careen’s servant and the Grayson’s cook, Evelyn. Careen hadn’t really seemed like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Not like the rest of the family after the service.

Uncertainty filled his mind and he couldn’t put it to rest until he discovered some answers. Ever since Careen had arrived, Joshua had wondered about the young widow. Something had always bothered him about her, and he couldn’t figure it out.

Because of the way she’d acted during the service, his perplexed feelings had grown worse. When he’d heard her goodbye words to Matthew – words nobody in the family had heard because of her mumbling – curiosity took root inside him and wouldn’t let it go. Joshua must know why she felt guilty. And why had she asked for Matthew’s forgiveness?

Joshua must know what secrets she held. He was certain she knew something the rest of them didn’t.

Distrust settled in his heart, bringing back memories he wanted to forget. Emma, his wife, had held secrets as well. If she’d only confided in him, perhaps he could have helped her. A deep sadness had consumed her, growing worse each and every day of their marriage. She withdrew from him, from the twins, and there wasn’t anything he could do to help. Because she’d continued to lie to him about her mental condition, she took her own life in the end. Her dishonesty made him leery of all women.

Since he didn’t want the pain and heartbreak of having another woman lie to him, he knew he must discover Careen’s secret. He had already sent that letter to Pierre, South Dakota. Perhaps the sheriff could help shed some light on the mysterious woman. If Joshua had to hire a detective, he’d do that as well. Until Joshua knew everything, he couldn’t fully trust Careen.

Deep down in his gut, he worried he might not like the answers to his questions. But until he found out the truth behind his brother’s death, Joshua would never feel completely at peace.

Curiosity about Careen’s true purpose bothered him. There were times when she withdrew from the family and he wondered if she didn’t want to have anything to do with them, yet watching the way she intermingled with his family, and how she reacted to different situations made him rethink his first suspicion. It surprised him to see the tears running down her face as she helped with Shadow yesterday. She’d shown her love for the animal so
well,
Joshua wondered why he held such mixed feelings about her in the first place. But something nagged at his conscience, and he wouldn’t rest until he figured it out.

Not far ahead of him, a crowd had gathered outside the Parry’s house. People shouted and waved as the Grayson family rode in. A few children ran over to see the twins, and several older women hobbled toward his mother. Although the family was considered in mourning, his mother insisted the family help the Parry’s; that the Lord would understand if the Grayson’s assisted their fellowman during their time of need. Elizabeth Grayson had always said Virginia City, Montana, was as close to heaven on earth as they were ever going to get because of all the people in their community who loved God.