A Walk in Heaven (15 page)

Joshua tied his horse to a post then followed his brothers and father toward the other men. Taking another glance at the women, he couldn’t help but notice Careen. She greeted the women with a smile using her adorable southern belle politeness. He wished he’d quit thinking how pretty she was – more so than the other women her age. Laura
Checketts
and Miss Jones were quickly by Careen’s side with wide smiles and offering their friendship. It would do Careen good to associate with women her own age.

Joshua didn’t waste any time visiting – or flirting with girls like his brothers did – but jumped right into the work laid out for the men. Socializing was for the women; hard labor the men would handle. Several men he’d known since childhood chatted briefly with Joshua and talked about how the price of beef had soared lately. Many people expressed their sympathies for Matthew’s death, and after a while, Joshua didn’t want to hear anymore. He’d just as soon not speak until after they raised the barn.

An hour passed quickly, the weather warming up so he took off his light coat. Another hour passed, and he had to roll up his sleeves to his elbows, as did the other men working beside him. Soon young women swarmed around them offering ice-cold lemonade drinks.

“Hello, Joshua.”

He turned to the sweet voice behind him, thinking it was Careen, but another woman stood in front of him. Laura
Checketts
,
held a glass of lemonade. Joshua had thought her school infatuation for him had disappeared over the years, but looking at her now, he realized it hadn’t. He didn’t want to be rude, but he couldn’t allow her to think he’d ever be interested in her.

He smiled. “Hello, Laura.” He must admit
,
the years had been extremely kind to her. Before she’d always been the pigtail, freckled-nose plain girl who followed him around like a lost puppy. Now, she had blossomed into a lovely woman. Gone were the pigtails and instead she had long, light brown hair. Even her freckles weren’t so noticeable.

Unfortunately, he’d always remember Laura was the woman who first told him about his insane wife. He’d thought Emma had a little melancholy, but Laura informed him of Emma’s uncle who was mentally insane. From there, his life – and marriage – went downhill.

Thanks to Laura.

As hard as he tried, he couldn’t shake off the grudge he had against her. Another fault he was sure would keep him from crossing through the Pearly Gates one day.

“Would you care for a drink?”

“Yes, thank you.” He took the glass and tipped it to his mouth. The coolness coated his tongue and saturated his throat. He didn’t stop drinking until the glass was empty, then he handed it back to her.

She stood, waiting as if he should say something. Perhaps it was time to socialize, if even for a few minutes. “We didn’t have much time to talk in church, did we?”

“No, we didn’t.” She blushed.

“Where have you been lately? I haven’t seen you in a while,” he said, removing his hat and swiping his gloved hand across his moist brow.

“I’ve actually been back for a few months. I’m hurt you haven’t noticed.” She pouted.

“Forgive me. I should have paid better attention.”

“But right before the death of your wife, I went to stay with my aunt who lives in Butte. She was pregnant with their fourth child. With my uncle working long hours in the mines, my aunt needed my help with the kids, and I was more than happy to assist.”

Inwardly, he cringed. Why did she always have to bring up Emma’s name? Trying not to ponder on it, he nodded. “I’m sure your aunt appreciated your selflessness.”

“Thank you. I did miss my friends here, and I’m happy to be back.” She shifted in her stance. “I…um…never did get the chance to tell you how sad I was to hear about Matthew. It just breaks my heart what happened to him.”

“Thank you,” Joshua said.

“I think Careen is a very sweet girl. Although I’m a little shocked to think she was a mail-order bride.”

“You and me both.”
Joshua did a quick search through the women until he spotted his sister-in-law. “My family has really taken to her. I can see why Matthew fell head over heels.”

Laura’s gaze swung toward Careen for a brief second before she latched her focus back on him. “I do think she is a very caring person. I have talked with her a few times this morning, but she seemed distant for some reason.”

“Keep trying. I think she needs friends her own age. I’d think you two would have a lot in common.”

“Perhaps.”
She shrugged.

“Well, thanks for the drink. I’d better get back to work now.”

Laura gave him a full smile once more. “I’ll bring you another drink soon.”

“Thank you. A refreshing drink will be just the thing I’ll need.”

As Laura sashayed back toward the flock of gaggling women, his attention roamed to
Careen
again. This time her eyes were on him, and a scowl had replaced the smile he saw earlier. When she noticed his stare, she quickly diverted her gaze.

Chuckling, he returned to his hammer and nails, and wondered why his sister-in-law would react in such a way. In fact, if he could put a name to her sour expression, he’d call it jealousy.

He snorted out a laugh and shook his head, dismissing the thought. What a wild imagination he had!

Joshua turned back to his tasks, which made the morning slip by faster. With so many men helping, he was certain the barn would be up tonight. Whenever there was a break in the hammering and sawing, laughter from the group of women had him glancing toward them. Careen still sat by his mother, playing with his daughters. Strange that she hadn’t befriended Laura and Miss Jones. In fact, she wasn’t being sociable at all, which was out of character for
any
woman.

Suddenly, a loud crash ripped through the air, and one of the men cried out. Joshua spun, searching for the commotion. Several men rushed toward the man who had fallen off a ladder, so Joshua hurried to help.

Pastor Adams lay on the ground, cradling his arm. From the way the limb laid twisted, Joshua figured it was broken. Another man called out, instructing someone to send for a doctor. Joshua turned and headed toward the group of women, searching for Careen’s servant. She’d done such a good job setting Shadow’s leg, Joshua figured she could help.

His mother and Careen ambled toward him – along with most of the women –
so,
he hurried to them and stopped.
“Careen, go get Betsy.
Pastor Adams looks like his arm is broken, and I wondered if your servant could help him.”

Careen nodded. “Oh, indeed she can. Betsy is very talented that way.”

She lifted her skirt to her ankles and sprinted across the field toward Betsy who sat with his daughters. Soon, the servant returned with Careen back to where the injured man of God lay.

As Betsy tended to Pastor Adams, Joshua kept studying Careen. She glanced his way a few times, but quickly diverted her stare back to her servant. He touched her arm, and her eyes met his and stayed.

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”

The tone in her voice contradicted her words. “You don’t sound fine.”

She shrugged and glanced at her servant. “Believe what you will, Mr. Grayson.”

He balled his hands into fists.
Why isn’t she calling me by my first name?
Before he opened his mouth to ask her the question, warm fingers gripped his elbow. He turned his eyes and met the smiling eyes of Laura. She inched her way between him and Careen.

“How is Pastor Adams faring, do you know?”

He returned his attention to the injured man. “Betsy is taking care of him just fine.”

“Who is Betsy?”

“Careen’s servant.”

“Oh.” She tightened her fingers around his forearm. “The south delivers such lovely surprises, don’t you agree?”

Joshua scrutinized the woman beside him. Why did he get the impression she wasn’t being polite with her statement? Sarcasm nearly dripped from each word like melted cream. Then again, he’d witnessed Laura viciousness before.

“If you’ll excuse me,” Careen snapped. “I’m going to see if Betsy needs any help.”

Joshua wanted to stop her, but he didn’t have a good reason. Instead, he watched as she hurried to her servant’s side and kneeled beside Pastor Adams. Careen was attentive to the other man, showing her kindness in both action and words. It reminded Joshua how she acted with Shadow yesterday, and his heart twisted. Those tears he’d wiped from her cheeks were real. She suffered along with the dog – an animal she didn’t even know or love. Why had she acted in such a way?

Still, it was good to know she had such a loving heart.

Pastor Adam’s eyes sparkled at Careen. Silently, Joshua grumbled. He wished he could wipe that stupid satisfied grin off the pastor’s face.

Then again, if Joshua acted upon his impulses, he’d have the whole town buzzing with gossip because against his better judgment, he for sure had become beguiled with the lovely Southern Belle himself.

“Take my hand, Pastor Adams, and don’t watch Betsy,” Careen instructed in a soothing voice. “It will make her job easier, and you will feel less pain, I assure you.”

The middle-aged man gave her a shaky smile. “You’re an angel, Mrs. Grayson. You don’t know how much it means that you would help me like this.”

“Well, I used to watch my mother tend the injured soldiers during the war, and I realized that if their mind is taken off their wounds, it doesn’t hurt as much.”

Betsy tugged the cloth wrapped around his arm, and he winced. He moved his head toward her, but Careen took his chin and moved his gaze back to her. “You’re going to be all right.” She smiled. “Now tell me, how long have you lived in Virginia City?”

While he answered her, the man of God winced a few times, but kept his eyes on her. She really didn’t pay much attention to his story, only because out of the corner of her eyes, she noticed Joshua and Miss
Checketts
watching her. Careen didn’t exactly like how close the other woman stood next to Joshua.

Careen didn’t know why, but the mayor’s daughter was hard to like. Careen didn’t approve of the way she casually touched Joshua as if they’d been courting for years. Laura acted as if she was marking what was
hers
for the whole town to see.

Once Pastor Adams’ arm was in a splint and bandaged, two other men helped him up and he walked back to the group of women. He lay down on a blanket to rest.
As the men returned to work, the women wandered back by the house.

Careen tried to act like she was enjoying herself, but how could she when people were being too nosey about her marriage to Matthew? Every other person, it seemed, asked her the same questions; how she met Matthew, how he died, and what her plans were now? She couldn’t answer any of these questions truthfully without thinking of Luther. Although she wanted the Grayson ranch to be her home more than anything, she didn’t dare hope. Keeping with the same conclusion the Grayson’s had come
to,
this was the answer she gave as to how Matthew died.

Instead of returning to her mother-in-law and the twins, Careen moved through the crowd of people, looking for something to keep her busy. A few women helped the men by taking away the scraps of wood or bringing them more nails, but every time Careen tried to do this, the ladies would tell her they had the task under control. It was hard not to think these people were not accepting her into their group of friends.

Finally, the lunch hour came, and Careen helped where needed to keep herself from going insane with boredom. As she served the men, several of them peeked her way…stared was more like it, with flashy grins. Couldn’t they see she was in mourning?

Elizabeth stood next to her at the table as they prepared plates of food. She nudged Careen’s elbow, her eyes glimmering with humor. “I think you’ve infatuated most of the men here today,” she whispered. “Many of them have mentioned to me how they’ve enjoyed your southern accent and genteel hospitality.”

Careen chuckled. “No wonder I’ve been getting so many intense stares. And all this time I wondered if I had a piece of food between my teeth.”

Laughing out loud, Elizabeth pulled away and piled food on another plate.

Out of all the eyes that had been turned her way today, the only pair she wanted to see was Joshua’s. It didn’t matter if he upset her earlier today when he flirted with the very rude Miss
Checketts
, but every time he turned his baby blues on Careen, her heart raced.

He’d been so kind to her lately she didn’t realize how much she’d wanted that kind of attention, especially from him. Her mind played back those moments at the graveside service when his arm crept around her shoulders as he offered comfort. If she hadn’t known better, she would think he wanted to share her grief. And heaven help her but she couldn’t stop thinking about that blasted evening when he’d showed her how to rope that wooden calf. It was unhealthy to have these feelings for Matthew’s brother.

Perhaps time had softened Joshua’s heart toward her. She could only hope.

Careen fixed her plate and searched for Joshua, hoping to sit by him. When she found him sitting with the mayor’s daughter, Careen’s heart plummeted.
That woman
acted like she owned Joshua. Also occupying the blanket with them was the very lovely, Miss Natalie Jones.

It doesn’t matter,
Careen tried to tell herself. Joshua and Miss
Checketts
were probably in the same school together and had known each other for years. Yet, Careen didn’t approve of the way the starry-eyed,
single
young women gazed upon Joshua as if they’d never seen anything so handsome in their life.

Trying to put her disturbing confusion aside, Careen walked to the blanket where Elizabeth assembled with her husband and the twins. Joshua’s brothers were also sitting with a bunch of giggling females who batted their eyes at the handsome brothers. Suddenly, Careen felt out of place. She didn’t know these people, and she didn’t know if they would ever become close friends. Uncertainty sketched her life right now, and becoming attached to these kind people would only bring her heartache when she had to leave – when the
Graysons
finally kicked her out.

Then again, she’d already fallen in love with Matthew’s family, so her heart would be broken regardless. It would kill her to leave them. Silently, she prayed for the courage to tell them the truth – and for their hearts to be softened when she did so they wouldn’t blame her.

Careen reached the blanket and lowered herself down. Immediately, Joshua’s twins scooted closer. Her heart melted. It did every time she rested her eyes on these adorable girls. They were such well-behaved children, and they were so lucky to have caring and loving grandparents. To think their mother died so young and the girls would probably forget the shape of their parent’s
face,
or the color of her hair and eyes…and more than likely, they wouldn’t remember about their mother’s love. These adorable girls needed a mother, needed to feel that constant love and be cared for only the way a mother could. Certainly, Joshua knew this and by now, had thought of remarrying.

She switched her gaze toward Joshua again and scowled. Miss
Checketts
would
not
make a good mother to the girls. Careen didn’t know Miss Jones well enough, but Careen didn’t want to think that woman would make a good mother, either. Although she’d only known the twins a little while, a possessive feeling crept over her when thinking about who might raise her wonderful nieces.

“Are you enjoying yourself, my dear?”

Elizabeth’s voice pulled Careen out of her thoughts and she steered her attention toward her mother-in-law with a forced smile. “Yes, of course. What’s not to enjoy about this gathering?” She glanced at the twins and patted their cheeks. “Seeing your lovely faces always makes me happy.”

The girls giggled and scooted closer. They didn’t say anything due to the food in their mouths. The more Careen studied their beautiful
faces,
it made her think of Matthew. If he hadn’t have died, would they have talked about starting a family? Would they have had beautiful children like Jessica and Frances? Sadness grew inside Careen once again and she tried not to get emotional in front of the family. She wanted a normal life so badly, but feared she didn’t deserve happiness. It had always been within reach, but then snatched out of her hands so suddenly and painfully.

After lunch, each girl laid their head on Careen’s lap and fell asleep. She stroked their soft hair, smiling. One of these days she wanted children, but her heart ached with doubt of ever getting that chance.

She lifted her gaze toward Joshua’s little group, and immediately noticed he watched her which such tenderness it made her heart leap. Perhaps he wasn’t thinking of her in particular, but of his daughters. Nevertheless, she enjoyed the way his smoldering gaze warmed her.

The rest of the afternoon passed very slowly. Careen had visited off and on with Pastor Adams until an older man finally took the injured man home. Elizabeth didn’t keep an eye on her as much as she had earlier, so Careen was able to help the men a little more. When the single young women hurried to deliver lemonade drinks to the men, Careen picked up a couple of glasses and followed. She wasn’t quick enough to get to Joshua because Miss
Checketts
always beat her. Still, Careen met a few eligible men who made her laugh. They were nice but didn’t make her heart pitter-patter like Joshua.

Why did she act this way in the first place? The only explanation for the way her heart reacted when Joshua
smiled,
was because he’d loathed her so much when they first met. Thankfully, he didn’t feel that way about her now.

As the sun began its descent into the horizon, cheers went up throughout the crowd. The last of the barn’s wall was being lifted and everything was in place. Amazing how quickly the men of the community worked to put this together. The structure stood majestically – even without paint and windows.

Lanterns were placed around the yard, and before too long, the hum of a violin drifted through the air. Exhausted men poured water over their faces and slicked back their hair. They participated in the joyous event planned for the evening.

Dancing had always been something Careen enjoyed, but it seemed that after the war, her heart wasn’t in it. Too many childhood friends had died, and too many family members had suffered needlessly. She’d never found anything to be happy about since then. But now as she listened to the violin – and a banjo and harmonica joined in – her heart sang with gladness watching the couples dancing and laughing in merriment.

She stood beside Elizabeth, Mrs. Parry and her two daughters. Careen tapped her toe to the knee-slapping rhythm, and although men came her way and smiled, she was never asked. The again, she was in mourning. Nobody would dare ask her to dance, and if they did, she would politely turn them down. Still, she enjoyed watching the others have a good time.

The rules of mourning must be different for the men, because Joshua and his brothers had danced every dance so far. But they were just the brothers of the deceased, not the spouse. At the same time, Careen wasn’t too pleased to see Joshua dancing with Miss
Checketts
and Miss Jones – and his wide smile made her think he enjoyed every second.

After a few more songs had past, Careen couldn’t take anymore. Jealousy ate away at her, even when she wished it away. How could she feel like this?
And
why
for heaven’s sake?
Nevertheless, watching Joshua dance with the other ladies angered her, and the longer she stood here, the more upset she became.

Mumbling her excuses, she slipped away from Elizabeth and her friends and wandered toward the shadows away from the crowd. In the full moonlight, the barn stood taller than she’d first thought, and she walked to the newly built structure. Sawdust still littered the ground, and it surprised her how quickly these men were able to put this together.

Laughter and music faded as she stepped inside the empty barn. She pictured the animals in the stalls and could almost see where the tools would hang on the walls. Once the barn was completed, it would look very much like the Grayson stable, she was sure.

Up above she studied the loft, and memories of her childhood returned. Smiling, she remembered when she would take her dolls to the loft and spy on the stable boy. There for a time, she’d thought he was the sweetest thing around, but not quite as sweet as candy. Even at that young age, she’d thought of marriage and children.

Her dreams of the future had been so different back then. She’d been so naïve to think everything would work out. Back then problems hadn’t existed in her world.

Soft footsteps alerted her to someone’s approach behind her, and she jerked around to face the person who would intrude upon her solace and interrupted her pleasant memories. When her eyes locked with Joshua’s, he stopped. His chest rose and fell quickly as if he’d been running.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Nothing is wrong. I just noticed you weren’t with the others, and I became worried.”

She didn’t know how to take his comment, so she gave him a wary smile. “Why were you worried?”