A Walk in Heaven (5 page)

“Sir?
I am Mrs. Grayson, here to pick up my husband’s casket.”

The conductor nodded and turned to three other men. The four other men pulled the long, wooden box from the carriage car. Joshua’s heart dropped as tears sprung to his eyes.
Matthew.
His death had not been a reality until now. Joshua wanted to rip open the lid of the casket and peer inside to see if Matthew was really there.

Matthew’s widow stepped to the side. “Gentlemen, this way please.”

Careen hurried ahead, taking charge of the situation, which only served to annoy Joshua further. The men followed her directions and carried Matthew over the train docks to the waiting wagon. Joshua followed more slowly, keeping his gaze on Careen the closer he came. When she stopped beside the vehicle and faced him, sadness etched her pretty face and in her misty eyes.

He hopped into the back of the wagon and arranged the trunks, making room for the casket. Not a word was spoken as the men slid the casket in the back. Joshua fought against tears. He climbed back out of the wagon and mumbled a few words of thanks to the workers.

The men turned to leave, and nobody else spoke for a long moment. Finally, Joshua broke the silence. “Shall we go?” he asked gruffly, indicating the front of the wagon.

He walked with Careen up to the vehicle. He held out his hand to help her up. She slipped her tiny, purple-gloved hand into his while he placed the other on the small of her back. She perched on the wooden seat and adjusted her full skirt around her legs. He helped the servant up beside Careen.

“Thank you, sir,” Betsy murmured.

Joshua nodded, crossed to the opposite side of the wagon and climbed next to Careen. He gathered the reins, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. The horses jumped into action. Joshua was more than ready to end this journey home. He’d much rather be alone with his thoughts and memories of his brother than try to visit with two women he didn’t know.
Especially when his emotions were ready to crumble.

For the first several minutes, he realized something about his new sister-in-law. She was one fidgety woman. Every time she moved, she bumped into him – either her knee against his, or her arm elbowing his side. She quickly mumbled an apology and tried to scoot over, but there was no room.

Releasing a big breath, Careen squared in her seat. Curious, he glanced her way. She tucked in a stray lock of brown hair back into her bonnet before meeting his eyes. Then she smiled.

“I’m anxious to meet your family. Matthew had talked about all of you so much in his
letters,
I feel I practically know you.”

Joshua clenched his jaw. This wasn’t right. He couldn’t let go of the fact that she’d only known his brother through missives, or that they’d only met face-to-face the day before he died. She hadn’t loved Matthew, and her
loving
display thus far sickened him. She wasn’t even wearing black, for heaven’s sake!

Gripping the reins, he forced himself to be polite. Ma would have his hide to learn he’d behaved otherwise. “Perhaps now would be a good time to warn you.” He swallowed hard. “My family didn’t know of Matthew’s plans to run off to South Dakota to marry you. I was the only one he confided in.”

The color in her cheeks disappeared and her eyes widened. “Oh, my...” She focused back on the road before them. “Am I to assume my visit isn’t welcomed?”

“On the contrary, Miss Kennedy... Um, I mean Mrs. Grayson.”

Placing her hand on his arm, she met his eyes. “Please, call me Careen.”

He nodded. “As I was saying, Careen, although my family didn’t know about the wedding, they are very excited to meet you.
Especially Ma.
Having you there will strengthen her heart, I’m sure.

“
Strengthen
her heart? Does she have a bad heart?”

“Yes.
For years, in fact.”

“Oh, dear.
When…when did your family find out about the marriage?”

“Matthew left in the dead of night, but he had written a letter for our parents. Ma and Pa were upset at Matthew because he hadn’t told them in person.”

“I worried that there may be some…tension…accompanying my visit, but returning Matthew home was absolutely necessary. Family needs the chance to say good bye.” She
sighed
a heavy breath. “My pa died in the war, but his body was never returned to us. To this day I regret never having a funeral or remains to bury. For years I waited for him to come back, hoping the army had made a mistake.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” A hint of empathy took off a sliver of his irritation. Maybe she understood his feelings a little more than he first thought.

“Do your parents –” She touched his arm again as tears swam in her pretty eyes. “Do they blame me?”

Should they?
Joshua squashed the thought before it could race off his tongue. Her question probably meant nothing, but something about it struck him as odd. “Matthew had always been, uh—” Joshua struggled for the right words as the family conversation from the dinner table whisked through his mind. “—
An
adventurous boy. He surprised the family at every turn.”

She blew out a gush of air between her lips and smiled once again. “Oh, thank goodness. I would hate to go someplace I wasn’t welcomed.”

Wordlessly, he urged the team a little faster. The sooner they reached the ranch, the better his nerves would be.

Once again, she messed with her hair and her bonnet, which drew his attention to her. He really should just shut his mouth and not ask, but the question on his mind since he’d discovered she was Matthew’s wife finally rushed out. “Careen, I hope you forgive me for asking, but why aren’t you wearing black?”

“My maid and I were on the first train leaving the morning after Matthew was killed. I didn’t have time to purchase a mourning dress. After Mathew was shot, I had to handle the traveling plans myself, as well as the telegraph I sent your parents. I had so much on my mind, I just couldn’t think straight.” She dabbed the tip of her gloved finger to the corner of her eye.

Understandable, given the circumstances.
“Don’t worry. Ma will help you. She loves making clothes. In fact, she spoils my daughters with new dresses all the time.”

The worried lines on Careen’s forehead disappeared and she smiled again. “What about your wife? Does she sew as well?”

Joshua shook his head, his heart clenching from his own nightmarish past. “I’m widowed.” He prayed she wouldn’t ask more, because he wasn’t about to give her any more information. He knew how women liked to pry into people’s lives.

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” he muttered.

“How old are your daughters?”

“Four-years-old.
Twins.”

“Oh, how wonderful.”
She clasped her hands against her bosom. “I bet they are just adorable.”

He smiled. How could he not while talking about his daughters? “I happen to think they are angels from heaven.”

“And I’m sure they are.” Her gaze moved slowly over his face, making him uncomfortable. “Do they look like you?” she added.

“No. They resemble their mother quite a bit.”

A few seconds passed by in silence before she leaned toward him. “Was your wife very ill before she died?”

Joshua figured Careen couldn’t keep herself from prying deeper into his life. He didn’t want to talk about it. He wouldn’t. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about her,” he snapped, keeping his focus straight ahead on the road.

“Indeed.” She pulled away. “Forgive me. I tend to talk too much when I’m nervous.”

Silence descended, but the quiet wasn’t as blessed as he’d hope, and – may the good Lord save him – he felt bad for snapping at her in spite of himself.
Be civil, Joshua, make the best of this.
He cleared his throat and glanced at her. “Matthew tells me you grew up in Charleston?”

She nodded.

“He also mentioned you were driven away from your home in Charleston during the war.”

Once again, she gave him a nod, her eyes staring straight ahead.

“How old were you?”

She pursed her lips as her jaw tightened. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about that part of my life.”

Oh, great!
He’d made her mad and they hadn’t even reached home. Then again, did he care? He didn’t want her here anyway.

“So tell me, Careen, how much time did you actually spend with my brother before he died?”

Her brow furrowed. “I met Matthew at the train station around three o’clock. I spent the rest of the evening getting to know him. First thing the next morning we married.”

“I see.”

Careen’s lips quivered as if she would cry, but she bit her bottom lip and turned away from him.

He dug his fingers into his thighs. How dare she behave as some grieving widow! One evening before a hasty wedding did
not
make her family or warrant this charade.

After a few moments her chest rose and fell with a deep breath. “I’d never met anyone like Matthew Grayson,” she continued. “He was so caring, so thoughtful, so understanding… He saw everything as a new adventure with such a cheerful attitude. I couldn’t help but love the way he—”

“Enough!”

She snapped to face him. “Excuse me?”

“I’ve had enough of this, Careen. How dare you pretend to know anything about my brother? You hadn’t known him for a full day before he married you.”

Careen gasped, her eyes widening as color seeped away from her face.

“You talk of loving him, yet how could you? I’m no fool,
Mrs. Grayson,
so when you’re around me, kindly drop the charade. I can see right through you.” He narrowed his gaze on her. “Tell me, Careen, did you marry him…for his money?”

“Oh!” She straightened and glared at him. “I did nothing of the sort. I have a hefty inheritance, if you must know.”

He waved his hand through the air in dismissal. “Just forget it.”

“Forget it? How, can I forget what you just said?”

Inwardly, Joshua berated himself for speaking his mind. Ma should have come with him. For certain he would have held his tongue then. “Forgive me, Careen. I’ve upset you. I’ll not speak of it again.”

He waited for her to call him names, to accuse him of having the manners of a farm animal, but she didn’t. Instead, she faced forward and didn’t say a word. Was this confirmation of his accusations, perhaps?

For the first time he could remember, a woman actually stayed silent for the rest of their journey.