Absolutely Unforgivable (31 page)

“Please just come to tonight’s gig and sign autographs. You don’t have to be on stage the entire time if you don’t want.” I reluctantly agreed. I would give it one more shot before making my final decision to leave or not.

Tonight we would be playing at a club inside the loop, near downtown. It was big venue and we expected large crowds. Vin wasn’t happy to hear that and sent Devin and Rocco to the club early so they could get a handle on the security situation before the rest of the gang arrived.

Tonight was a costume night. The girls were all dressing up in our slutty schoolgirl outfits. I was against getting these in the first plus but Darla and Starla had gone with so many of our ideas in the past, we had to finally give in and let them pick at least one and this was it. My skirt was so short and hung very low on my hips. With the white top that came up just under my breast, this was the most skin I had ever exposed. But I guess this is one way I would get Billy’s attention.

When we got to the club I felt nervous about going inside. I don’t know why really, I had done this countless times before and tonight was no different than all the other times. Well, I guess it was different. Tonight might very well be my last performance with the band.

As we walked in the door I wondered if Billy would even notice I had arrived. There was once a time when he would never take his eyes off of me. I missed those days. Bree found me first, and dragged me to the band’s table. She was worked up tonight, more so than normal. I wondered what put her in such a good mood.

“Here,” she said as she handed me a shot glass. “To Jessie’s Girl!” She quickly downed her shot and then so did I.

“Where is Mindy? Is she not here yet?”

She sighed. “No. She and Bran are running late. She texted me though. They should be here any minute.”

We sat down and grabbed a beer from the bucket that the waitress had just delivered to the table. I tried my best not to look around for Billy but I couldn’t help it. He wasn’t on stage. I wondered if he was even here yet but I couldn’t ask anyone. I wasn’t going to give him the pleasure of knowing I was worried about him.

“Trista is setting up a table on the side of the stage.” Bree pointed towards the table she was speaking of. “After the first set Trista wants us to take pictures and sign autographs over there.”

When I glanced over I noticed Billy was there talking to Patrick. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about but he was pointing up at the lights. He had that serious look on his face he gets sometimes before a show. I loved that side of him. It was so sexy.

Mindy came in right after and we all shared another shot. Darla and Starla came in next and they too wanted to have a drink. We hadn’t even completed the first set and I was already getting way too drunk. I knew I had to slow it down if I was going to make it all night, but still I couldn’t help it. The more I drank the easier it got to deal with all of this anxiety I had about Billy; our relationship; and being on stage. It was all just so much better this way. I didn’t want to think about any of that drama and the more I drank the quicker those thoughts went out of my head.

The first set went well. The guys played a few popular cover songs to get the crowd warmed up. When we made our way to the table Trista set up for us, she leaned in to me and Billy and reminded us that we were supposed to be a happy couple so we better start acting like it. I giggled and jumped in Billy’s lap. He whispered in my ear. “What are you doing?”

“I’m being your pretend girlfriend, like I was told to do. What, worried I’m going to scare off one of your whores for tonight?”

Billy just rolled his eyes and then we started signing posters and taking pictures for the lined up fans and every once in a while Billy would throw out one of the band’s t-shirts to a hot girl. When someone wanted to take a picture, I would lean in and kiss Billy on the cheek or look up at him adoringly.

Once I thought that Billy might be getting a little turned on by having me sit in his lap but I wasn’t quite sure. I whispered in his ear that I needed a break for just a moment. I wanted to order a shot and asked if he wanted one. He didn’t but Bree did so I got off of Billy’s lap and flagged down the waitress. She quickly returned with a whole tray of shots for the table. I grabbed mine and downed it in one gulp.

Bree poured a tiny bit of hers on my chest and then started to lick it off. She popped her head up and said “Hmmm. You know what would make this better?” She looked around at the crowd of staring men, and then giggled. “Salt! You need some salt Stacy.”

Before she could say another word someone handed her a shaker. She poured it on my breasts and then licked up and down, slowly and seductively. I laughed. I couldn’t help it. That girl was always doing something crazy like that. “Mmm, Stacy, you are deliciousness.”

Billy didn’t stop us this time, but I noticed him watching. Trista piped up. “Okay girls, that’s enough of a break. Let’s get a few more posters signed before the next set.”

When I sat back down on Billy’s lap I purposely squirmed so that I would rub against him. I knew now I was right. He was aroused. A huge grin came across my face and I leaned in to whisper in his ear. “This skirt is so short; I hope I remembered to wear my panties tonight.”

His eyes widened and his hand shot down between my legs to feel. Of course I had remembered to wear them. I was just teasing him; but still it was funny to watch the expression on his face when he wasn’t sure if I was serious or not.

Feeling I had my panties on he started to pull them to one side and insert a finger. I let out a soft moan. But then I realized we were in a club with a huge crowd of people around us, I stiffened up. “Okay you win. Stop. Billy! You win, you win!” I started to giggle and move my hips trying to force his fingers out of me and the rest of the table started looking our way wondering what was going on.

“You Mister are a very naughty boy.”

“What? You started it. You can’t tell me something like that and not expect me to check.”

For just a moment things were like they used to be between us and all was right with the world. But that moment would end all too soon because it was time to go back on stage. This set would start off with a new song Billy wrote. He didn’t look at me when he sang it, but I knew it was about me.

Hate me today. I hate how I loved you. Hate me tomorrow. I hate how you make me feel.

I hate everything you said that made my heart melt. I think I’m ready to let you go.

I hate what you did. I hate that you made me hurt. I think I’m ready to let you go.

I however wasn’t going to let this get me down. I had seen the set list earlier so I knew the next song was going to be “Crazy Bitch”. It was a fast tempo, upbeat song and the perfect song to get wild and crazy with. I pulled Mindy and Bree front and center with me at the start of the song and we did our naughty dance.

The song was great and had the crowds revved up and excited, but our dance put them over the top. The air in the room was electrifying. Billy knew things were getting out of hand, not just on stage but also in the club and that could be dangerous, so the next song he sang was much slower. He pulled me into him and sang “No Matter What”. It was a romantic rock song and I secretly wished he really meant the words of the song he sang to me.

The room swelled with applause and after the song was over the crowd started cheering, “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” and he did it. He leaned in and kissed me slowly, making me savor his lips, which tasted like cherries. I felt a stirring inside of me that I’d been trying so hard to keep squashed. He broke away from my mouth, took my face in his hands, and smiled. We gazed at each other for what seemed like an eternity. His fingers caressed my cheek, and then his lips found mine again.

Sadly however Billy’s love act didn’t last and when the set ended so did his affections towards me. He set his sights on a petite brunette and her friend, an exotic looking girl with dark blonde hair and aqua blue eyes. I knew he was going home with them after the club closed and I didn’t want to see it. When we finished the last set I had Vin take me home.

All I wanted to do was be with Billy, to be near him, touch him, and kiss him. My body ached for his touch and my mind raced with thoughts of him. But finally I had enough. It was all just more than I can take.

The next day I filled my suitcase with what I could and then put the rest in trash bags. I took my time packing, not really wanting to but I knew I had to. I couldn’t do this anymore.

It was getting late, probably about dinner time now, but I knew the time had come for me to leave, so I trotted downstairs with my clothes and put them in the trunk. It had started to rain outside and it was getting dark but I didn’t let that deter me. I went back upstairs for my suitcase and did my best to drag it down the stairs. When I got to the front porch Billy came running outside.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

“What do you care? I’m just a
horrible mistake
. Remember Billy? I heard what you told that girl about me.” It was something I overheard him tell one of his bimbos from last night when she asked who I was.

Billy rolled his eyes. “Get back inside. It’s pouring rain out here.”

“I don’t care, Billy. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going back to Oklahoma.”

“Please, Stacy, just come back inside and let’s talk about this.” He held his hand out to me; it was shaking slightly, just barely enough to be visible.

“There is nothing left to say. You’ve made your feelings about me abundantly clear. You prefer your whores to the real thing. I got it. You don’t have to keep reminding me.”

“You are blaming me for this? You are the one who went back to your ex-boyfriend. I was just giving you the space you needed to be together.”

I looked at him in confusion. What did he mean I got back with my ex-boyfriend? But all I could stammer was, “What?”

“I saw it, Stacy. I fucking saw it with my own eyes.”

“You saw nothing! That’s impossible, because there was nothing to see. I never went back to Jeromy!”

“Las ... Vegas.”

“Las Vegas? What does that mean? I’ve never been to Las Vegas in my life.” I really had no clue what he was talking about and what Las Vegas had to do with anything.
Was he just throwing out random words to be an ass?

“I mean, the same way you found out Jeromy lied to you about being in Vegas is how I knew where you were.”

I desperately tried to search my memory for what he was talking about. Then it hit me. It was my phone, the
Find Friends
app. Oh God, my phone gave away my location. “Billy, no. I was not
with
Jeromy. I went to see his mother. I sat on her floor and cried in her arms. Jeromy did eventually go there but we didn’t make up. We didn’t do anything like that at all. We just talked and realized that there was no way we could ever go back to how we were. For us it was over; our time had passed.”

The rain was coming down harder now, we were soaked from head to toe but I hardly noticed. My heart was breaking. I didn’t want to leave but it was clear Billy didn’t want me to stay, not really. His love for me was gone, he had been so cruel to me lately, and there was no way I could be near him and watch him with all of those other women.

“Then why did you move back upstairs?”

“Because, Billy, you lied to me. I was still hurt about that. I needed some space. We needed some space.”

“And what about the flowers he sent you?”

“Oh my God, Billy. Stop it already! They mean nothing. That’s just the way Jeromy is. He’s impossibly sweet. He just wanted to let me know he was thinking of me. But that didn’t mean I was going to go running back into his arms. There is only one man who has my heart and he’s too busy stomping on it day in and day out to notice.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Stacy. I just wanted to give you the space you needed to repair your relationship with Jeromy. I love you so I wanted to give you what you wanted.”

“If you love me then why have you been so brutal to me, Billy?”

“It hurt watching you get back together with Jeromy. I wanted you to pick me but you went off with him. What could I do?”

“I never did anything with Jeromy!”

I started to walk away and move closer to my car but Billy moved quickly to wrap his body around me and hold me tight. “I know that now, but in my mind at that time I really thought you two were back together or at least trying to fix what I felt like I had helped break.”

He gently ran his finger over my bottom lip. “The thought of him touching you was killing me.”

“There is only one person I want to touch me and he’s standing right here in front of me. Did you really think it would be even possible to want another man after I had been with you? I love you, Billy, from the very depths of my soul. You are my everything.”

I traced his jaw with the barest touch of my fingertips. All I felt was the heat of his body next to mine. The rain coming down on us didn’t even faze me. I lost myself in feeling his body pressed up against me. My body began to tremble and he pulled me in closer, holding me tightly in his arms. “I love you,” he whispered. “I don’t ever want to be without you.” The incredible connection I felt to him at that moment was more than I could have ever hoped for. I felt all the empty places inside me fill with his very essence.