Absolutely Unforgivable (35 page)

On Christmas Day when the news broke about our pregnancy I was a little worried people would figure out where we were and bother us. But they didn’t. Even my parents’ neighbors who knew we were there didn’t. Billy and I had a truly peaceful vacation -- while back at home things were exploding.

Vin, Devin, and Rocco hopped a flight and came to gather us. I didn’t want to leave the safety and comfort of my family but Vin insisted he had to get us home. Vin was worried that he couldn’t contain the crowds around the house much longer and if we didn’t show up soon to make some kind of statement they might storm the house and burn it down. I was pretty sure he was overreacting; but still I knew eventually we were going to have to deal with all that.

When we got home we could barely get our car into the driveway. There were so many people waiting on our arrival. Once we were safely inside and the gate securely shut behind us, Billy and I stepped out of the car to address the fans. Billy thanked them all for coming by and then reminded them that it was Christmas and that they should be home with their families.

As he said that a young girl shouted, “I love you Billy!”

I laughed and so did others from the crowd. Billy continued speaking and again thanked them all for their love and support. He confirmed that I was with child but that it was still too soon to know if it was going to be a girl or a boy yet. He told them what I needed now more than anything was rest and that he asked them to please give me that.

He put his hand on my stomach and said, “This is my baby in here. I need to keep it safe. I’m sure you all understand that, right?”

Billy and I went inside the house after that and for the most part the crowds dispersed.

The record label agreed to let the band work on their album in Billy’s studio at the house. It was either that or Billy wasn’t going to sign off on the deal. He didn’t want to leave my side for even a moment. He went to every doctor’s appointment and spent a lot of time setting up the room for the baby, which was actually a new addition to the house. He wanted the baby’s room downstairs near us and that worked for me since Vin, Rocco, and Devin had pretty much claimed upstairs for themselves. Plus, I wanted my baby near me too.

Just before Valentine’s Day, I had an appointment to get an ultrasound. This was the big reveal. If all went well then Billy and I would know the sex of our baby. As a girl who grew up with all sisters part of me really wanted it to be a girl but then again I would love to have a little mini-Billy. He would be so adorable. I was so torn. I guess really all that matters is that baby is healthy.

I was really nervous leading up to the big day; but when it had finally arrived Billy helped me to stay focused on him by talking about potential baby names, so that I would not have the full blown panic attack I knew was coming on.

“I was thinking, if it’s a girl maybe we could name her after my mother, Nicole.”

“Billy, that’s a beautiful name. Of course we can name her after your mother.”

Billy looked off in the distance and smiled at a memory he seemed to be having about a time he had spent with his mother as a child. Then, a look of sadness crossed his face as he contemplated yet another memory, one that clearly wasn’t as joyous as the first. "You know, I used to have a sister. A twin sister.”

I gasped at hearing this news, I truly had no idea. I turned my body towards his and laid my hand on his wrist that was comfortably on the armrest of the chair he was sitting in. His eyes glistened with tears. “She died when we were younger. She got sick and just never got better.” His voice had a haunting sadness about it.

“So I was thinking maybe if we had a baby girl we might name her after my sister, Amberly. Or my mother. I don’t know. What do you think?”

“That is wonderful,” I exclaimed, almost jubilantly. “Amberly Nicole. There could not be a more perfect name in the world. I love it. I absolutely love it.”

He still had looked sad though. He hesitated for a moment and then asked, “What about your mother? Won’t she be upset that we named the baby after my mother and not her?”

“Of course not. I’ll just tell her that we’ll name our next daughter after her. I’m sure she’ll be more than happy with that.”

His eyes lit up and a big smile came across his face. He looked down and patted my stomach. Billy and I had never talked about how many kids we wanted but when I said
our next daughter
, he really lit up.

“What if it’s a boy?”

“That’s easy. He would be William Thomas Snow, just like his daddy.”

“I don’t know, Stacy. Wouldn't you want to pick something more unique? You don’t have to give the baby my name. That’s an outdated tradition.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Why can’t you be rational about this?” Billy muttered under his breath.

“It’s not even up for discussion, Billy. It’s your name, it was your father’s name, and it was his father’s name. Naming our son after you is the easiest decision I ever made in my life.”

I leaned in and kissed him on the lips, and when I did could feel him smile. I pulled back and pressed my forehead to his. “I love you.” But before I could say anything else, I felt the baby kick really hard. It startled me and I jumped back.

Billy leapt out of his chair and dropped to his knees in front of me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. The baby just kicked. I think someone wants some of their daddy’s attention.”

I giggled and leaned back while Billy put his ear on my now rather large bump and tried to see if he could hear anything. He did that quite a bit. I don’t know what he expected to actually hear but he did seem to delight in trying.

Before long the nurse came to get us. It was time. We were finally going to find out if our baby was going to be a boy or a girl. Anticipation and excitement filled the air. My hands started to tremble as I lay back on the table and she began her exam.

The ultrasound tech had a really strange sounding voice, like she was pinching her nose when she talked. “Now you know we can’t always tell the sex. Sometimes the baby doesn’t cooperate.”

I squeezed Billy’s hand tightly as she spoke, and prayed that our little bundle of joy would be in a position to reveal its big secret.

The lady pointed to different things on the screen. We had opted for a 4D ultrasound because we had heard you could see so much more detail of the baby. They were right. It was astonishing. You could see every little feature of the baby’s tiny little body. There was no mistaking what you were looking at.

When the baby yawned, my heart just melted. “Looks like your baby girl is tired.”

“What? It’s a girl? Are you sure?”

“I’m as sure as I can possibly be. Of course we can’t guarantee anything but your baby is in the perfect position. You are having a girl.”

Billy squeezed my hand and tears ran down my face. I was so happy. After it was over we got into the car and were headed home. I pulled out my phone and texted my mother. I wanted her to be the first to know it was going to be a girl. After that, I put my phone down in my lap and started thinking about how much has changed in my life in the last year.

Then my mind went to Jeromy. What I did to him was absolutely unforgivable. Billy was my boyfriend’s best friend and what I did was wrong. While I technically didn’t cheat on Jeromy, emotionally our relationship was headed for disaster long before it was over and that was all my doing.

From the moment I met Billy there was something that drew him to me. Some may call it fate or destiny and that might be true, but it didn’t make what I did to Jeromy any easier to stomach. Jeromy was a good guy and he deserved all of the love and happiness in the world and I truly hoped that one day he will find it.