Accidental Reunion (17 page)

Lila managed a wry grin through her tears. ‘I think at this point you’re supposed to be saying it was all for the best, that I’m better of without him anyway.’

Shirley didn’t answer for a while. The ticking of the clock seemed to suddenly grow louder and when finally Shirley did speak, her voice was heavy, full of weary insight. ‘But you’re not, Lila, are you? You’re not better off without him.’

*

The operation went well, at least that’s what the surgeon said, but seeing her mother so pale and fragile back on the ward Lila had never felt more scared or alone.

‘How’s she doing?’

Declan’s voice was a hoarse whisper so as not to wake the other patients. She felt his hot, dry hand over hers on the starched linen sheets and immediately withdrew hers.

‘Apparently it went well.’ She hadn’t intended to
move her hand so pointedly but the conversation with Shirley was still ringing in her ears and Lila felt as if her soul were exposed to the world. That any touch, however fleeting, however well meaning, might somehow transfer the true depth of her feelings.

He stood there awkwardly. Her blatant rebuff hadn’t gone unnoticed.

‘Yvonne’s going to take over her care now, that’s why they’ve admitted her to the acute geriatric unit. Of course, the orthos will review their handiwork but the geriatric team is going to oversee her recovery. From what the charge nurse said, they can arrange all sorts of allied health services for me from the ward.’

‘That’s good.’ His words were kind, with no trace of patronage.

‘We’ll see.’ With a sigh she slipped off the bed and wandered out into the ward corridor. ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I’m starting to think that a home might be better for her.’

‘It was an accident, Lila.’

‘I know,’ she finally admitted. ‘I was actually coming around to the idea beforehand. It’s not that I don’t want to look after her, it’s just I don’t think I can physically do it any more.’

‘But maybe with the right help it would be easier. Look, Lila, you’ve had it so tough up until now. Surely now everything’s out in the open, things can only improve. If nursing your mum at home is what you really want to do, go for it.’

His words were a revelation, the antithesis of what she’d expected to hear. ‘I didn’t think you’d understand. I thought that you’d just agree she’s better off in a home.’

‘It’s not about what I think, Lila, or any of us for that matter. It’s about what you want. It’s about supporting your decisions and doing our best to make it as easy on you as possible. Lila, I don’t want to upset you further but I think we both know that your mum hasn’t got much longer. You’ve come this far. If you want to see it through to the end, don’t lose your confidence now.’

He put his arm around her as she started to weep. ‘This is about you, Lila…’

The sudden shrill of his pager made them both jump. Looking down at the small black pager pinned to his white coat, he frowned. ‘They need me back.’

I need you,
Lila wanted to scream, but of course she didn’t. ‘Thanks for coming by.’ How austere her words sounded, such a contrast to the violent emotions engulfing her as she stood there.

Stood there and watched Declan leave.

*

Even though orthopaedics wasn’t her specialty, as a nurse Lila knew more or less the care her mother would receive. Or at least she’d thought she did. But though it initially felt strange, watching others deliver the care she was so used to giving, what came as a bigger and more pleasant surprise was the way in which that care was delivered. The empathy shown by the nurses, the diligent attention to detail, the kind, gentle words that soothed Elizabeth as they turned and washed her.

What Lila had expected she wasn’t sure. Always fiercely proud of her profession, for some reason when it came to her own mother to this day she had
been sure only she, Lila, could truly provide what Elizabeth needed. But now…

‘Dr Selles will see you now.’

‘Thank you.’ Putting Elizabeth’s hairbrush back into the locker, Lila followed the charge nurse to Yvonne’s office. At this morning’s ward round Lila had asked Yvonne if she might have a word to discuss her mother’s care after her discharge. It was a huge step and one Lila was still undecided about, but at least now she was prepared to listen to the options.

‘Lila, have a seat.’

Yvonne looked rather uncomfortable, which came as no surprise. They weren’t exactly on the best of terms and having to deal with Lila in a professional capacity couldn’t have been easy for Yvonne.

‘I’m pleased you’ve asked to discuss your mother’s post-hospital care. Declan did bring your mother’s issues to my attention even before Elizabeth’s accident.’ She watched Lila’s reaction.

‘Good. He said he was going to.’

‘Now, I understand you’re opposed to your mother going into a nursing home—can I ask why? I mean, I know it’s never an easy decision, but what are your specific concerns?’

Lila took a deep breath. She liked the directness of Yvonne’s questions, and had no hesitation in answering her honestly. After all, it was her mother’s future that was being discussed.

‘I’m worried that she won’t get the right attention in a home. Working in Emergency, unfortunately I’ve seen first hand the byproducts of the less than satisfactory nursing care some of the homes deliver.’

‘But there are good homes,’ Yvonne said gently.
‘One of the negatives of our job is that you only get to see things when they go wrong. On the other side of the coin there are numerous elderly people in nursing homes, receiving the best of care and attention.’

‘I know,’ Lila admitted. ‘And I’ve also been very pleasantly surprised at the care Mum’s got in here, it’s given me a lot of confidence. So much so that I’m considering looking at a few homes—nothing definite, mind,’ she added quickly. ‘But in the meantime, while I decide, I would like to see about getting some help for me at home with Mum. The accident really frightened me, and I realise now that I do need help, for Mum’s sake if nothing else.’

Yvonne gave her a sympathetic smile. ‘I’ll arrange the allied health worker to come and speak with you and run through some of the options that are available to you, though I don’t envisage your mother being discharged for some time yet. As I told you this morning, it’s a big operation for someone so frail and it will be a while before we even think about sending her home.’

Lila stood up. ‘Thanks for your time, Yvonne.’

‘No problem, I’m happy to help. Oh, and, Lila…’

Lila watched as the beginnings of a blush crept across Yvonne’s cheeks.

‘About all that business at the emergency ball. I just thought I’d better explain—’

Lila waved her hand dismissively. ‘Please, Yvonne, there’s really no need.’

‘But there is, Lila, there’s every need. I want to be sure that you don’t have any concerns—I mean, with the fact that it’s me looking after your mother. I want
you to be assured that your mother is getting the very best care available.’

‘I know that she is, Yvonne, and I’m grateful to all the staff here for that, you included.’

‘Thank you. Look, Lila, I’m sorry if this sounds inappropriate but, given the circumstances, I think some honesty is called for. I just want to be sure that everything is really over between you and Declan. It’s just…well, we’re going out for dinner tonight and he’s warned me that there’s something big that he wants to ask me. I just don’t want to rock the boat. Things are difficult enough as it is.’

Suddenly Yvonne’s accent didn’t sound so lyrical any more; ‘grating’ would have been a more apt word.

Lila stood up smartly. ‘You’re right, Yvonne.’ She was too tired to bother being polite. ‘That probably was a bit inappropriate, but don’t worry. I’m not going to collapse in a heap when I hear the happy news. You never know, I might even throw a note in the collection envelope.’ And turning smartly on her heel, she left the stuffy confines of Yvonne’s office.

*

‘Lila, it’s so good to see you. I was actually just about to pop, or should I say hobble, up to the ward and pay you both a visit—you’ve saved me a trip. How is your mother doing?’ Hester’s rather endearing welcome took Lila back somewhat, and she smothered a smile as Moira pulled a comical face behind Hester’s shoulder.

‘Well, the operation went well, but it’s still very early days. I was actually hoping to go through my off-duty shifts with you. I’m on days off at the moment
and I thought I’d better confirm that I
will
be back at work tomorrow night, but once Mum’s discharged I might need to take a few days’ annual leave.’

Hester picked up the roster. ‘Well, let’s have a look, shall we? We may as well grab a coffee and take it to my office. It will be nice to have a chat.’ And hobbling off on her fibreglass plaster, she left a bemused and grinning Lila staring in disbelief at her departing rear.

‘What painkillers did they prescribe her?’

Moira tutted loudly. ‘Only the good Lord above knows what’s going on in that woman’s mind. She’s arranging a staff barbie next weekend and she’s even filled the biscuit barrel for the first time this century. I reckon that knock on her head must have been more serious than Declan realised.’

‘Oh, well.’ Lila laughed. ‘Better not spoil the good mood by keeping her waiting. And, Moira, thanks for all your help with Mum the other day.’

Moira patted Lila’s arm affectionately. ‘Not at all. We’re all glad to help, don’t even mention it.’

Hester even made the coffee. Opening the roster, she stared at it for a moment.

‘It might be a bit of a struggle,’ she started, and Lila closed her eyes.

Here we go again, she thought, anything to make my life a bit more difficult.

‘It’s always harder replacing an associate charge nurse than an RN.’ She smiled as Lila opened her eyes abruptly.

‘You mean…’

‘That’s right, the position’s yours! Congratulations—that is, assuming you still want the job?’

Lila nodded enthusiastically. ‘Oh, yes, I want it. I just wasn’t expecting it.’

‘It’s well deserved. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t initially have my reservations about giving it to you, but let’s just say they were all dispelled the other night. You did an excellent job under extremely trying circumstances. A lot of more experienced staff would have panicked and started calling staff in. You handled it all very well, utilising the staff available as well as calling in a few favours.’ She paused, seeing Lila’s frown. ‘Gerard Harper, the paediatric consultant, wouldn’t call colleagues in on a nurse’s say-so unless he respected you greatly. Even the surgical resident acted as a teaboy, and it’s all credit to you. Your methods have been a wake-up call, even for a cynic like me.

‘Now, I’m not saying I’m suddenly going to be everyone’s best friend but I can see your point more clearly.’

Lila was blushing to her roots, completely floored by her boss’s flattering comments, but Hester hadn’t finished with her yet.

‘Sister Bailey, am I really that unapproachable?’ When Lila didn’t immediately respond she continued. ‘Why couldn’t you come to me and tell me about your mother? Surely it could have helped? At least if I’d known then I would have understood the pressure you were under, the reason for your lateness…’

Lila shook her head. ‘It wasn’t just you, Hester, I didn’t tell anyone how things were at home.’

‘But why? You’re the one who insists on a friendly
atmosphere, comradeship, supporting one’s colleagues.’

‘I know,’ Lila admitted. ‘It just all seemed too big at the time. I realise now it would have been easier all round just to open up a bit.’

Hester nodded thoughtfully. ‘Well, now that we do all know, will you at least come to me if there is a problem?’ She smiled as Lila nodded. ‘And as to the roster, just let me know when the time comes that you need a few days. If we can’t arrange cover perhaps I could do a stint of nights myself. Don’t look so shocked! I don’t turn into a pumpkin at midnight.’

Lila made her way back to her mother’s side in time to feed Elizabeth her evening meal, but despite all her encouragement and cajoling she didn’t manage to get more than a couple of teaspoons into her.

‘Would you like me to have a go?’

Lila smiled at the young nurse. ‘Please, Lorna. I’ve given up on the main course but she won’t even take the custard and she normally enjoys that.’

But even with Lorna’s best attempts, Elizabeth simply wasn’t interested.

‘We might give her a break for now and try her with a fortified drink a bit later,’ Lorna suggested. ‘Let her have a little rest and I’ll come back to her later before I go off. Do you want to give me a hand with her pressure-area care?’

‘Sure.’ The nurses had been marvellous. Aware that Lila was Elizabeth’s primary care-giver, they had included her wherever possible in her mother’s care, never once assuming they knew best.

Once she was changed and settled, Lila gave her mother a fond kiss. ‘I might head off home, catch up
on some sleep,’ Lila told Lorna. ‘I’m supposed to be starting back at work tomorrow night.’

‘You know you can pop up any time, even on your break, and sit with her a while.’

Lila nodded. ‘I know. You’ve all been great.’ Her hand lingered on her mother’s forehead. ‘You will remember to try her with the feed tonight?’

‘I promise.’

Lila flushed. ‘Sorry, I’m interfering again.’

‘Don’t be daft, she’s your mother.’

And though she meant to go, for some reason Lila dragged the chair over again. Holding Elizabeth’s hand, she chatted a while longer, recalling days long since gone, reliving memories of happy times, good times, barely noticing when Lorna flicked the lights off and plunged the ward into semi-darkness.

Happy that Elizabeth was settled for a sleep, Lila groped on the floor for her bag, making sure her keys and mobile were all where they should be. Only after she had kissed her mother goodnight did she look up, just in time to see Yvonne coming out of her office, hurriedly locking the door behind her, a flushed, radiant smile filling her face which could only mean that the footsteps approaching belonged to Declan.

She watched from the shadows as Yvonne turned to greet him, watched from the wings as they made their way out of the ward.