Actually Love - Jessie & Zach (23 page)

On the drive home, he’d been quiet, and in a very uncharacteristic move on her part, she asked what he was thinking about. He told her that he was just thinking about how lucky he was, because if he hadn’t been born with the talent he had and gotten the breaks he had, then it could have easily been him and his mom in those lines.

Jessie had then gone in for the unprecedented, uncharacteristic doubleheader and given her opinion. She told him that he was selling himself short. His athleticism was not the only talent he’d been born with. From what Jessie had observed, he was smart. Really smart. That she hated to admit it, but she knew that he was actually smarter than she was. Also, he had an ease about him that instantly made people comfortable, and he had more charm in his little finger than most men had at all. Plus, he was easy on the eyes. Then she said, that without a shadow of a doubt, she knew that, even if he’d never stepped into a ring, he would have been just fine.

When she’d finished her unsolicited rant, Zach hadn’t said anything. During the rest of the ride home, he’d remained quiet. Jessie had been quiet as well, but only because it had been hard to speak with a size-seven shoe in your mouth. She sat silently beside Zach furious at herself for having said anything at all.

All her life, she had mastered the art of not speaking unless it was absolutely necessary. What she’d told Zach had not been absolutely necessary—or necessary at all for that matter. She couldn’t explain why, when she was around Zach, she talked so much. It was irritating as hell.

When they’d gotten home, the moment they’d walked through the front doors, she made a beeline for the stairs. An awkward car ride was one thing. She hadn’t wanted to draw it out in an awkward goodnight.

But before she reached the first step, she felt his fingers wrap around her wrist and spin her around. His arms came around her, and the next thing she knew, she was pressed against his hard body. One arm was around her waist, and the other held the back of her head firmly but gently at his chest.

She felt the heat of his breath as he whispered, “Thank you,” several times against the top of her head.

Jessie’s entire family were huggers. She’d been hugged hundreds if not thousands of times in her life. But this felt different. Zach wasn’t just hugging her. He was holding her, embracing her. It even felt like he was…cherishing her. There was so much emotion radiating off of him. It felt, in that moment, like he needed her.

While her mind was racing, trying to process and categorize what was happening, her body was on a different page entirely and melted against his. Like she was a puppet and someone was pulling the strings, she felt her arms lift from her side and wrap tightly around him.

Jessie still had no concept of how long they’d stayed like that, holding each other. They might still be there if there hadn’t been a loud knock at the back door. Zach pulled away and gone to answer it. It was Margie and Mabel.

She heard the sisters telling Zach that they’d blown a fuse and needed to go down to the basement. That’s when Jessie zip-a-dee-do-dah’d herself upstairs. Basically, she’d hidden. Just like she was doing now, and just like she’d done yesterday and the day before that. Hiding, just like Martin had said.

Well, no more. She grabbed her brown satchel purse below her desk and stood. If her life was a screenplay, then she was going to start writing it the way she wanted it to go. All she had to do now was figure out the way she wanted it to go.

*     *     *

Zach turned the knobs on the spout, making sure he favored the one with the ‘H’ on it. A hot, steamy bath was exactly what he needed. He’d been punishing his body in the gym the last three days, and today, Lloyd had sent him home, which was a first for his never-stop-philosophy coach, giving him strict instructions to fill the tub up with water so hot it made his balls shrivel, then sit his ass in it until it made his hands shrivel.

Lloyd had always had a way with words.

Zach pushed off his sweats and reached behind him, grabbing his t-shirt in his fist and pulling it off. His clothes dropped to the white-and-black-checkered flooring, and Zach had to push down the feeling that he was doing something wrong by being in here. This was Jessie’s personal space, and Zach couldn’t help but feel a little creepy.

He reminded himself—again—that they’d agreed to this. He was allowed access to the tub as a therapeutic resource. As he waited for the water to fill, he stepped over to the window in only his boxers and looked out over the park. The view was serene and calming. He wondered if Jessie stood in this very spot and watched their neighbors jogging, or the men—who reminded him of the old guys on
The
Muppet Show
that sat up in the balcony—who sat outside and played cards together every day. It didn’t matter what the temperature was, Zach saw them out there.

Turning back, he pulled down his boxers and stepped into the half-full tub. The water was hot, just how he liked it. As he lowered down, the water level rose quickly. As nice as this tub was for Jessie, he really didn’t think it had been designed for someone his size. However, when his ass hit the bottom and he leaned back, he was pleasantly surprised at just how accommodating it was. He rested his arms on the edges and closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the rushing water as it flowed out of the spout.

A vision of Jessie lying naked in the bathtub, bubbles floating around her, filled his head. Her skin, moist from the water, glistened under the light of the candles he’d seen scattered around the bathroom. He felt himself growing hard beneath the water as he pictured the upper swell of her breasts at the water’s surface.

Opening his eyes, he shook his head. If he continued down that line of thinking, this was going to turn into a much different bathing experience than he thought was appropriate to be having in Jessie’s bathroom. Unfortunately, thinking of himself tugging one out only led to thoughts of whether or not Jessie touched herself while she was taking a bath.

Zach groaned as he pictured Jessie’s hand running down her body, dipping below the water as she spread her legs. Her head falling back as she pleasured herself beneath the water. Now his length was not just hard, it was pulsing with need.

Great
.

Leaning forward, he turned the water off and then ran his fingers through his hair as he slumped back against the porcelain tub. Zach had to do something about what was going on—or not going on—between him and Jessie.

He’d never had trouble with staying focused at the gym, especially this close to a fight. But since the moment he’d seen his uptown girl standing at the bottom of the stairs in the basement, he hadn’t been able to think of anything else.

At first, it had mainly been a physical attraction. Sure, he’d wanted to get to know her and instantly knew that she wasn’t like any other woman he’d ever met, but most of his thoughts had not featured them talking and getting to know each other. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. In his daydreams, he’d definitely gotten to know her on a very personal level and there was some talking, like when she screamed his name while she was coming.

Now, that wasn’t the case at all. Especially, not after Thursday night. If he didn’t know himself better, he would say that he’d fallen in love with her that night. Which was crazy. How could he possibly fall in love with someone he hadn’t even kissed, much less made love to? He was a physical person. Not just in his profession, but also in his personal life. Affection, kissing, touching, sex—that is how he expressed himself in relationships.

Stretching his legs out, he rolled his neck from side to side. The intense heat of the water was beginning to loosen his tight muscles. He tried to clear his mind and just relax, but he kept hearing Jessie’s words playing on repeat in his head. He remembered what she’d said to him verbatim.

“
You’re selling yourself short. Athleticism is not the only talent you were born with. You are smart. Really smart. I hate to admit it, but I know you are actually smarter than I am. Also, you have a natural ease about you that instantly makes people comfortable. Then there’s the fact that you have more charm in your little finger than most men have at all. Plus, you are pretty easy on the eyes. There is not a doubt in my mind that, even if you had never stepped into a ring, you would be just fine
.”

Boxing and females. That was the only thing he’d ever gotten acknowledged for. When he talked about wanting to go to school with his old publicist, before he hired Maxi, the asshole had told him, “Stick to fighting and fucking, kid. It’s what you’re good at.”

Other than his grandparents and his mom, Jessie was the first person to see him as more than that. Part of what made his chest tighten, every time he thought about it, was that he knew that she wasn’t just blowing smoke up his ass either. Jessie did not say things unless she meant them. Even then, half the time, it seemed that saying anything at all physically pained her. Like with each admission, she was having a verbal root canal.

She was it. The real deal. He was never going to meet anyone else like Jessie. He was never going to feel for anyone else what he felt for Jessie. Zach knew it like he knew that the sun would set tonight and rise again in the morning. There was no question in his mind about it.

Being around Jessie was making Zach want things he had promised himself he’d never want. Relationships were fine, and Zach had no problem being with only one woman. If the only issue was wanting to be in a relationship with Jessie, he wouldn’t be stressing, but there was more to it than that. The problem was that he knew that, if he and Jessie were an actual couple, not pretending, he wouldn’t be able to keep her at arm’s length like he had with every other woman he’d been involved with. Hell, he wasn’t keeping her at arm’s length now and, for all intents and purposes, they were just roommates.

Not a lot scared or worried Zach. His mom’s health was pretty much the only thing that ever kept him up at night. But the thought of getting close to someone, really close, scared the shit out of him. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew why. His dad had left when he was barely out of diapers, his grandparents had died when he was a kid, and his mom had gotten sick when he was a teenager. He didn’t need to pay a therapist to tell him that he had abandonment issues.

But that didn’t mean that he knew how to handle them. Because he didn’t. The more drawn to Jessie he was, the more he felt himself falling for her, the more he wanted to stay away from her. Which made no sense.

He’d been avoiding her since Thursday night but, that could only last for a week because Thanksgiving was in three short days and not only would he be spending the entire day with her, her family, his mom, and the M&M sisters, but he would have to pretend she was his girlfriend the entire time. Right now, that sounded like his own personal version of hell.

How could he do that and keep his distance? Just seeing her briefly with his mom, the way they’d laughed and talked, had made him feel more than he’d ever wanted to feel for someone.

Zach knew he needed to stop thinking about this and relax. His fight was coming up, and every ounce of energy he wasted on this situation took him one step away from putting another ‘W’ on his record.

Deciding that he needed a little distraction to help, he reached down and pulled his iPod out of his sweats pocket. He flipped through until he found the playlist he wanted, put his earphones in his ears, and set the device on the small chair that sat beside the tub.

Lying back so that his shoulders rested against the porcelain tub, Zach closed his eyes, listened to the music blaring in his ears, and zoned blissfully out.

J
essie’s hand brushed over the railing as she walked up the stairs. Her pulse quickened at the thought of knocking on Zach’s door and…and… Well, she wasn’t sure yet. That was all she’d mentally written in the story of her life so far. Jessie planned on improvising after that.

Disappointment hit her square in the chest as, halfway up the stairs, she noticed that Zach’s room door was wide open and she saw no activity inside the darkened space. It looked like plan be-the-screenwriter-of-her-own-life was already experiencing rewrites. She tucked the revision into the ‘revisit at a later date’ folder in her mind.