After the Sky Fell Down (35 page)

“Of course I notice and I care,” she said defensively.

“I don’t want to be in the way.  I figured I’d give you your space, especially after how things were when you first starting seeing Jace,” he said, his voice containing a slight edge this time. 

“I still want you around.  I always want you around.  You’re my best friend,” she said and then waited for his response.  It didn’t come though and it was quiet again until he turned right where he should’ve turned left.  “What are you doing?  The apartment’s the other way.”

“I know,” was all he said and continued driving past all the stores and houses until complete darkness surrounded the car and all the lights of the city had been left behi
nd them.  Luke pulled the car into a small turnoff and put it in park.

“What are we doing here?”

“C’mon,” he said, getting out.

She curiously opened the door wondering why he had brought her here.

“What are you up to?” she asked again, meeting him at the front of the car.

“C’mon,” he said cryptically taking her hand and leading her through a small thicket.  His hand held hers tightly and a tingle ran up her arm, just as if it were Ben’s hand she was holding.  His hand was a combination of smooth and roughness, just like Ben’s.  There even seemed to be calluses in the same spots. 

She continued to hold on until they were through the trees and she could hear the gentle sounds of the ocean in front of her.  Through the blackness, she could see the white capped waves rolling into the shore.  She’d forgotten how much she missed the soothing sound of the waves.

“What are we doing here?” she asked again.

“It’s a clear night and you said you and Ben used to watch the stars on nights like this, so that’s what we’re going to do.  What do you say?”

She smiled at him and nodded, suddenly feeling the distance between them closing.

They stepped off the grassy ground of the thicket and onto the soft, sinking sand of the beach and made their way to the openness of the shore.  She didn’t care that it was a chilly fall night.  All she cared about was that Luke was opening up to her again.

“I feel like I haven’t talke
d to you in forever,” she began as they sat down a few feet from where the tide rolled in.

“Yeah, it does feel that way, doesn’t it?”

“How’s school going?  Have you decided on a major yet?  I know you’ve been undecided since starting,” she smirked at him.

“I’m thinking I’ll do engineering like Ben.”

“He’d like that I think,” she told him with a smile. “And how are things going with the ladies?  Is that where you’ve been hiding?” she joked.

“That’s none of your business,” he said.

“Of course it’s my business.”

“And what makes you think that?” he laughed.

“Because I’m like your big sister.  It’s my job to look out for you.”

Even in the darkness, she could see him rolling his eyes.

“You are
hardly
like my big sister,” he said flatly and she knew that both of their minds had drifted to that night a year ago, the night they never spoke of.

She tried not to think about it and stared up at the sky.  Out here, away from the lights of the city, it looked as if a salt shaker had been spilled across the sky.  White and gold lights twinkled from every direction, and suddenly she felt very small and insignificant. 

“Look up there,” she said pointing up, trying to regain the normalcy between them. “There’s Orion.”

“Where?” Luke asked straining to find the picture in the sky.

“Right there,” she said pointing again, tracing the constellation with her finger. “See his belt, and there are his arms and his legs.”

Luke squinted, but finally said, “Oh, I see it now,” outlining it with his index finger.

“Did you know the ancient Egyptians lined up the Great Pyramids exactly with the stars of Orion’s belt?’

“I’d hear
d something like that.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing actually.  How an ancient civilization could build something so precise is mind boggling.”

“That’s why I think aliens built the pyramids.”

“I hope you’re joking,” she said sarcastically and continued searching the sky for the constellations she had studied in astronomy. “Look.  There’s Perseus,” she said excitedly pointing up again.

“Perseus, like in
Clash of the Titans
?”

“Yeah, if that’s your only frame of reference,” she laughed. “And there’s Pegasus,” she said pointing further to her right. “And right above that is Andromeda.  Do you see them?” she looked over and he nodded and she continued. “They say Perseus swept in on Pegasus to rescue Andromeda just
as she was about to be eaten by a sea monster and when he saw her, Perseus instantly fell in love with her and took her away to marry her.  Isn’t that romantic?” she sighed. 

“How do you know all of this?”

“I paid attention in class.  I think this stuff is fascinating,” she told him and then continued her tour of the sky. “Look, there’s Pisces,” she said pointing to a cluster of stars below Pegasus.

“And where’s Ben?” Luke interrupted quietly.

“What?” she asked with a sudden stab in her chest as if all the air had been deflated from her lungs.  She turned to look at him, although he was still staring up.

“There are all these things in the sky, but where do you think Ben is?  Do you think he’s up there too?”

“I don’t know,” she said quietly, the excitement of her impromptu astronomy lesson wiped out.

“Do you ever feel him around?” he asked softly. “Because I do.”

She thought back to the times she believed she felt him with her.  The unexplainable bursts of warmth that would surround her, the feeling of his arms, the silent whispers she’d hear, and the vivid dreams that seemed to haunt her.

“I do too,” she said quietly.

“Sometimes I think he’s still here.  I’ll turn a corner and I can almost swear I see him, but then he’s gone as fast as he appeared.  I know it’s probably my imagination, but it makes me feel better to know he comes around to check on us sometimes.”

“Me too,” she agreed almost in a whisper.

Their eyes met and suddenly she felt completely lost in the hazel and green flecks.  It had been so long since she’d really seen them.  His hand reached up and tenderly stroked her cheek, sending a shudder down her spine.  She slowly lifted her hand to stroke the face she had not seen or felt in so long.  As her skin touched his, it was as if fire had ignited beneath her fingers.  Silent tears began to fall slowly from her eyes and he reached up and wiped them away.

“Don’t cry,” he said
softly and then his arms wrapped around her, pulling her into the warmth of his body.  He held her tightly, stroking her hair until he could feel that her breath had calmed down.  She pulled back from him carefully, afraid to let go for fear if she did he would disappear, and looked back up into his face.  She ran her hands through the thickness of his hair, feeling each strand tangle between her fingers before cupping his face again.  He slowly leaned in, his tender lips kissing away the moistness of her tears.  She found herself reaching up to find him with her mouth.  She found the smoothness of his cheek and kissed it softly, trying to burn the feelings onto her lips.  She felt his breathing quicken and he turned, laying her gently on her back.  He towered over her, staring down at her perfect face, tracing its features with the tip of his fingers and then he slowly began leaning into her.  Her breath was warm and sweet as it danced around him and he hesitated just inches from her face.  Her arms reached up and wrapped around him, pulling him closer to her until their lips brushed lightly.  He pulled back for a moment, his eyes searching her face in wonder before he pressed his lips to hers again.  She pulled him to her as close as she could, her mouth exploring his hungrily, absorbing every taste and feeling she had forgotten.  Tears began to fall freely from her eyes and once again he kissed them away whispering in her ear.

“It’s okay, I’m here,” his voice said soothingly and she reached up and  kissed every inch of his face, needing to feel every bit of him before she woke up from this dream and he was gone again.

He leaned down and began tickling her neck with his lips and she felt herself smiling to the sky with a joy she hadn’t felt in so long.  She had been dead inside and he was bringing her back to life.

“I’ve missed you so much
, Ben,” she said with a raspy whisper and suddenly he froze.

“What?” he asked quietly, causing her eyes to open for the first time since he’d kissed her cheeks.  As she looked up to the figure above her, her mind was pulled back from the fantasy, and she realized it was Luke looking down at her, not Ben as she had forced herself to believe.  His face looked as if he had been punched in the stomach and his brow creased in confusion
as he stared down into her eyes.  She gasped and pushed him as she scooted away.

“What are we doing?” she exclaimed, staring over to the defeated figure
, which was hunched over, hanging his head in his hands.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly shaking his head.

“Oh my gosh,” she said cupping her hand to her mouth, overwhelmed at what had just transpired between them.  She had been so sure it was Ben.

“You thought I was Ben.  I’m
not
Ben,” he said quietly, looking up at her and for the first time since Ben’s death she saw the eyes for what they truly were:  Luke’s eyes, not Ben’s.  They belonged to Luke.  He was not his brother, no matter how much he resembled Ben, and for too long, she had taken comfort in the similarities.

“I’m sorry
, Luke,” she said softly. “I’m so sorry.  I don’t know what happened.”

“Funny,” he smirked lightly. “I don’t recall you being this upset a year ago.”

Her eyes darted to meet his again.  Neither of them had mentioned that night since it happened. 

“We can’t pretend it didn’t happen,” he stated and then added, “Or were you just imagining I was Ben then too?”

She could feel her mouth hanging open as she stared at him.

“What?  You’ve got nothing to say to me?” he asked staring
back at her.

“No…yes…I mean what do you expect me to say?”

“I want to know if you were pretending I was Ben or if you can admit you wanted to kiss me.  That you…you wanted to be with me that night,” he said, the sternness on his face softening.

“I can’t do this, I just can’t,” she said standing up and walking away from him, trying to wrap her mind around the passion she had just shared with him and that night a year ago.  She
suddenly felt a tug on her arm and she was spun around to face Luke, who was staring down at her with hurt and sorrow.

“Don’t walk away
,” he demanded.

“I just can’t deal with this.  I can’t,” she said trying to pull away from him, but his grip was too strong.

“I’m sorry we got carried away.  I’m sorry if you were
confused
or
delusional
or whatever you claim to be, but I felt how I affected you tonight
and
the night we were together.  You were alive Kathryn.  I felt it.”

“I thought you were Ben,” she said defensively.

“You can keep telling yourself that, but you knew it was me and you liked it just as much I did.”

“Why did you do it?”

“You can’t blame me for this.  You’re the one who’s always asking me to hold you and lay with you.”

“I needed someone.  I needed you.”

“I know you did and I needed you too.  I’ve needed you more than I’ve ever needed anyone,” he said loosening his grip and running his hands gently through her hair, boring his eyes into hers. “Whenever I’m with you, I understand why my brother loved you so much.  I have to be honest with you.  I’ve always wanted to be with you.”

“What?” she whispered.

“You don’t honestly think Ben was the only one who noticed the cute new blonde when you moved here?  I was actually pretty disappointed when he brought you home because I knew I’d missed my chance,” he said with a playful smirk. “I used to wonder what it would be like to kiss you and hold your hand.  And I…Kathryn…I,” he said reaching down and taking her hand in his as he hesitated. “I…with everything we’ve been through…I’ve…I’ve fallen in love with you.”

She froze for a moment, absorbing what he’d just said.

“You’re his brother,” she whispered quietly.

He didn’t respond with words, but he slowly leaned in and brushed her lips with his as he had done earlier and she didn’t pull away. 

****

They’d driven home in silence, Luke’s eyes staring intently on the road and Kathryn doing everything she could not to look at him.  After his last words, they’d stood on the beach silently until Kathryn walked back to the car.  Luke followed and they hadn’t said anything else to each other.

Once back at the apartment, he’d pulled into a parking stall and turned off the car. Kathryn got o
ut the moment the car stopped, but Luke lingered behind. She walked straight to her bedroom and heard Luke enter a few minutes later.  The thought of knowing he was just outside her door was causing her heart to race and her breath to quicken.  She swore she heard him pause outside her door, causing her to hold her breath, but then he continued to his room and she exhaled.