All Better Beautiful (Payton's Heart) (7 page)

Karen let
Seth and Todd in and they were waiting in the entryway when Casey and I entered
from the hallway. Everyone turned our way including Dylan who was standing on
the last step coming from his room. Immediately before anyone spoke and before
I think he even realized it Dylan spoke "You look Absolutely
Beautiful!" staring directly at me complete silence had sealed everyone.
Karen finally spoke up directing the four of us to gather by the fireplace in
the foyer so she could take some photos. Dylan snapped back to reality and I
think at that point realized he had said what he was thinking aloud. He stayed
in the same spot just watching us as Karen snap a few photos. I tried to ignore
that his stare was so intense I could feel it without actually seeing it. When
the photos were completed and Karen gave us both a hug goodbye she told us to
be safe and have fun as we walked out the door toward the limo the guys had
sprung for. Karen, Dylan and Carter all stood on the front porch as we loaded into
the limo and slowly pulled away. Carter turned and walked into the house first.
Leaving Karen and Dylan still watching as they seen the limo turn the corner
and then disappear. She placed her hand on his upper back patting lightly,
"You know, that could have been you with her." He turned to look at
her shocked that she knew. He tried to come up with some excuse as to why he
said what he had said. After a second he felt defeated and just said, "Was
I that obvious?" Leaning into him and placing a light kiss on his cheek
she said, "Oh Yes you were." They exchanged another smile and she
went in leaving him on the porch alone.

We
arrived at the dance around 8:30 after we had gone to dinner. Compliments were
exchanged and we took a few more photos. Todd asked me to dance and as we
walked out onto the dance floor while I'll be by Edwin McCain began to play.
"So he's pretty stupid huh?" Todd watched me as I was fading out
thinking of Dylan on the stairway right before we’d left and the way he looked
when he told me I looked Beautiful. I looked up at Todd, "Who?" I
asked him pretending to be lost with the comment. He just smiled looked down at
my necklace and then looking back up to meet my eyes, "Dylan has no idea
what he's missing does he. He's got to be completely ignorant. Payton anyone
can see that you care about him and for him not to fight for that...just makes
him seem pretty stupid." I wasn't sure what to say to that so I just laid
my head onto Todd’s shoulder and began to concentrate on not crying.

The rest
of the night was really fun. Casey and I danced and the guys sat those songs
out...saying something about not being able to keep up with us. The dance ended
at eleven and we took a little ride before we went home. Todd helped me out of
the Limo and walked me to the door. Todd held my hand as I walked through the
grass so I wouldn’t fall. Dylan had been watching from his darkened bedroom
window. He watched as Todd and I said our goodbyes and he pulled me into a hug
placing a light kiss on my cheek, Don’t let him keep breaking your heart
Payton, you deserve someone who sees you for just how great you really
are." Squeezing him just a little harder and thanking him for a great
night. Casey and I went inside and for a moment I hoped that he would be
waiting for me inside and realizing immediately that he wasn't my heart sank a
little. We went to change out of our dresses and then drifted off to sleep
talking about our night.

I woke
Sunday to the sound of someone screaming. It was nothing I was unfamiliar with
but definitely not something I expected at Karen's. She was always so pleasant
and easily pleased. I slowly approached the kitchen to find Karen yelling into
her phone, "You are not welcomed to call my home, you really have some
nerve ..."she turned and seen me standing in the doorway of the kitchen
stopping in midsentence and then hanging up the phone. She then took it off the
hook. Everyone just stood looking at me and I felt really out of place. "I'm
sorry I should go back in the other room this is obviously none of my
business", I turned quickly to walk away when I heard Karen tell them to
stay there. She followed me into the family room and I stopped before going any
further. "Did I do something wrong?" I crossed my arms in front of my
body defensively. Karen motioned for me to sit next to her on the couch. After
a couple minutes she said," I need to talk to you. That phone call I was
just on, it was about you...and I don’t know how to tell you this but." I
interrupted her, "Is it John? He can't call or come here the restraining
order is supposed to protect me from that." I suddenly felt a sense of
panic like I needed to go hide or something. I stood and started toward Casey
room when Karen grabbed my elbow lightly from behind. "Payton wasn’t John
it was... Maggie." I thought I heard her wrong I turned quickly looking at
her and repeating what I thought she had said. "Maggie...You mean my
mom?" She just nodded her head and looked me directly in the eyes.
"She heard about John being arrested and about you being assaulted. She
called to talk to you. I am so sorry that I hung up on here Payton I was just
so angry that after all this time she called you and the way that she acted it
was like you two have been talking every day and she was just casually calling
to ask you about your day." She continued to look at me apologetically
waiting for me to respond but I couldn't I didn't know what to say or how to
feel. I found myself sitting down right in the very spot I stood. I felt like I
did when John punched me in the back that morning I dropped the milk. The air
in my lungs felt as if it was immediately sucked out. I couldn't breathe...I
wasn’t sure if I should cry or scream. I was just in complete and total shock.

I finally
realized that I was being carried into Casey’s room and being placed onto the
bed. Karen had gotten Dylan to pick me up. She put a cover over me and sat down
next to me lightly rubbing my arm. I heard them mumble a few words and then he
walked out closing the door behind him. "Payton...do you want to talk
about it? I understand if you are angry with me I completely understand. I
shouldn't have interfered but..." she was explaining. I sat up and turned
into her "Karen why would I be mad at you. You have been more of a mother
to me than she ever has been. I am angry with her she could have contacted me
in so many ways over the years but it took me to be abused and then almost
raped for her to call. It took John to be placed under arrest for the years of
abuse. She just picked up the phone so easily and called. I appreciate what you
did for me. I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t need her...I don’t want
her..., Thank you." I leaned forward and hugged her still feeling a little
numb from the whole thing. We had left the phone off the hook for the rest of
the evening. Karen had the night off so her Casey and I decided to bake
cookies.

I was
placing the dough onto the pan and I turned with a spoon full of dough to ask
Casey if she wanted to lick the bowl. I hadn’t heard anyone behind me and when I
turned the spoon hit Dylan in the arm leaving a clump of cookie dough behind.
He looked down at his arm like I had just giving him a permanent tattoo or
something, "Oh you big baby it’s just dough...wipe it off." Karen
looked in our direction at the same time Dylan took the spoon from my hand with
the remaining dough scraped his finger along the center of it gathering up a
pile of raw dough and then wiped it on the tip of my nose. My mouth dropped
open and he followed up my stunned look by saying, "What’s wrong
ya
big baby it’s just dough..." Casey took the next
step and picked up a bowl from the counter digging in and wiping the contents
on Dylan and before I knew it all five of us are standing defensively holding
spatulas and bowls of dough waiting for the next attack. We had a full blown
raw dough fight in the kitchen when we were done we barely had any cookies but we
had one really big mess. There was dough hanging from the cabinets and in our
hair. It was on our clothes, on the walls and floor. We all laughed so hard it
was the best fun.

Dylan was
better toward me over the next few weeks. We talked and were actually able to
sit in the same room with one another without feeling uncomfortable. We watched
movies together and played video games. In fact Seth and Casey had been
spending a lot of time together lately so I was left to hang with the boys most
nights and weekends. Maggie hadn't tried to call back anymore after Karen hung
up on her which was good. I didn't want to talk to her I had nothing to say.
Thanksgiving was approaching and I was looking forward to that. Usually my
thanksgivings had consisted of me sitting in my room with a bowl of cereal or
popcorn hoping that John passed out soon so I could go to sleep. Having a real
dinner with a real family will definitely be a good change.

It was
the Tuesday before thanksgiving break when I went to my locker to put my things
away and there was a red rose taped to the front of my locker and also a little
note. I pulled them both off looking around to see if I saw anyone watching. I
opened the note….

Hey
Pretty Girl,

I just
wanted to tell you that I still think about you.

I wish
things were different and that you could give us a shot.

I
understand that your heart is with him but I just want you to

know
that I am
here...anytime you need me.

Still
hoping you'll choose me,

Yours
Truly,

Todd

Aww
that is so sweet, I
folded the note putting it in my pocket and leaving the school still holding my
rose as I walked to Casey car. I handed her the note to allow her to read his
words and she looked up at me with a sad pouting lip and I rolled my eyes,
"I know, I know. He's a sweet guy Case.” I wished I could shut what I felt
for Dylan off, I told him I was moving on but the truth is nothing could make
me stop loving him. I asked Casey to take my rose home and put it in water. I
worked until close and was afraid of it wilting. It had been my first flower
ever. I sat at the counter at work waiting for anything to happen it was so
slow. I found my mind wondering thinking how much easier it would be if I could
just give Todd a chance. He has such a kind heart.

Casey
took the rose in and was looking through the cabinet trying to find a small
vase she knew her mom had a stash of them. Karen walked into the kitchen
carrying bags of groceries followed by both Dylan and Carter also loaded down
with bags. "Hey mom where are those little vases you have for
flowers?" Casey asked still opening the cabinets looking through them.
"There in the little cabinet above the stove. Did Seth give you a rose
that’s so sweet, "Karen awed. Grabbing the vase and running it under the
faucet she answered over her shoulder, "No its Payton’s she asked me to
put it in water. Todd left it on her locker after school with a sweet little
note. This is her very first flower ever from anyone so I know she is extremely
flattered by it. She asked me to bring it home and put it in water for her. I
thought I would set it on the dresser in our room so she can see it there tonight.
I think Mrs. Mason's giving her a ride home tonight after work". Dylan
placed what bags he had in his hand on the counter and left the kitchen going
up to his room saying nothing as he left.

I was so
tired when I got home I just wanted to take a shower and go to bed. I walked
into the door and my phone started to vibrate. I pulled it out of my purse,
looking at the screen...

"Did you like your Rose
?" Todd had
asked.

I got a
warm little fuzzy feeling thinking about it and replied...
"Yes I love it. So pretty, you know it’s my 1st one ever!"

I held my
phone in my hand still looking at the screen waiting for a reply as I stopped
at the refrigerator for a bottle of water. I looked up to see Dylan sitting in
the dark at the table. He startled me, "You scared me," I placed my
hand on my chest. My phone beeped and lite up, I looked down at the screen the
same time Dylan said, "You better get that your boyfriend might not want
to be left hanging". He walked past me and straight to his room.
"He's not my boyfriend," I whispered to no one. I stood at the
counter for a few seconds then looked again at my awaiting text.

"Payton Give me a chance to make you
happy I promise I will buy you a rose every day and write you sweet notes all
the time."

How do I
reply to that? Karen walked into the room to see me staring at my phone,
"Payton are you okay?" I took in a deep breath and turned to face her,
"Your son is a very hard person to understand. Have you ever considered
having him evaluated for multiple personality disorder?" I wrinkled up my
nose to keep myself from crying or getting emotional. Karen looked at me
trying not to laugh at my comment, “He was stubborn from the beginning honey
and it seems to get worse the older he gets. Can I tell you something
though...he always comes around?" I felt no relief from that I actually
felt unsure, "but what if I just can’t wait anymore for him to wake up?
What if there’s this great person that wants to know me, who wants to be with
me. A guy who knows my heart is somewhere else but still wants to show me what
it feels like to have someone care. I have always felt unlovable like I wasn't
worthy of love. There's this guy that wants to show me something different but
I find myself holding back because I know that I have already given my whole
heart away and no matter how hard I try I can't get it back, I not sure I want
it back." I was standing there in the kitchen with Karen crying talking to
her about Dylan and the hold he has on me. She brushed my hair from my face and
tucked it behind my ear, "Follow your heart Payton, I am sure not going to
stand here and tell you that I am not secretly pulling for Dylan to be the one.
I am not going to tell you that I buy for one second that he doesn't care about
you. But I am also not going to be the one to tell you that you shouldn't give
Todd a chance either. That is a decision only you can make honey. But in no way
should you let anyone influence your choice. Dylan is just like his father was…his
ego and pride get in the way of a lot of things. But once you break through
that wall, they love with their entire heart." I thanked her for talking
to me and for
listenin
,g
before I went off to bed.