All I Have Left (13 page)

How could I make her see that she doesn’t love him?

She’s fooling herself if she thinks that. I couldn’t help but think if I never left she wouldn’t feel the need to find comfort in this asshole.

Frankie kept telling me that everything was going to work out and it would be alright but everything wasn’t okay. Everything was wrong, very wrong. Grief was swelling up inside me at each breath and I could feel my body being ripped apart, more than it already was. There was hardly any pieces left of me. My body was torn and the only way to fix it is if I was with her, so I thought. She was my world. The reason I fought. It was always about her. Everything I did was to protect her and keep her safe, no matter the price I would have to pay.

And now what? She was pushing me away.

I heard the front door open behind me. I had no idea how long I’d been sitting out here lost in my own personal hell. Could have been hours for all I know.

“Grayson—” Frankie sighed looking over at me, shaking her head. “You can’t blame yourself for her stupidity on this one, buddy.”

I shot her a glare. I hated anyone who would criticize her, even if it was the truth.

“Don’t look at me like that. You know it’s the truth. I’m sorry that she is with him, really I am. If I could convince her otherwise I would have done so already but she won’t listen to me. She’s hiding something about him. I have a feeling it’s pretty bad from what Ethan says but she won’t say and Ethan is protecting his sister.”

I knew there was more to it as well. I just hoped it wasn’t as bad as my mind played it out to be.

“I just—” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I don’t understand why she would turn to someone like him. How did she even meet him, where were you on that one?” I pressed, seeming to want to blame everyone but myself.

Usually she was protective of Evie just as Ethan and I were. She always needed a little extra help most of the time.

“You know, you really piss me off sometimes. You left her, just disappeared and here I was, Kelly, Josh, Ethan, we all had to pick up the broken pieces of her heart.” I hated what she was saying because it was the truth. “How dare you criticize us for her not falling to your feet the moment you’re back in town.”

It just pissed me off to hear that.

“Well fuck…I’m sorry…it’s just that, I can’t understand why you would let her be with him of all people.”

“As though I had a say, Grayson,” Frankie snapped. “By the time I knew they were dating she was wrapped up in the romance of the whole thing. I could tell she wasn’t serious about him but it was fun and new in the beginning. After a few months, his true sides began to show. He tried to tell her who she could be friends with and all that. I think now she is just trying to get away from him but I can’t be sure. She won’t talk to me about it,” Frankie said leaning back in the chair she was sitting in, bringing her knees up to her chest. She handed me a bottle of water that she brought out.

“Why did you get out early Grayson?” she questioned, watching me.

“No reason.” I grumbled toying with the bottle.

She shrugged blowing off my dismissal. She knew I didn’t want to talk about it. “Wait…what the hell is that from?” she asked pulling my hand toward her.

She examined my hand for a minute before looking at me with obvious shock at what she was seeing.

“It’s nothing. Let go.” I jerked my hand away to hide the scars. That’s definitely not a conversation I wanted to get into right now.

“Grayson,” Frankie sighed in disapproval. “Judging by the many scars on your body I would say whatever happened over there was intense but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.” Gently she rubbed my back. “I really think you should come with us tonight.”

“No,” I growled. I wanted to see everyone but I didn’t want to see Shane and Evie together again.
Ever
. Who knows what would happen if I saw him again.

“Come on. I know you’ve missed her, but let me remind you, that you left us too. We all missed you.”

I groaned pulling at my hair again with one hand. Frankie knew that I missed them too but I wasn’t about to put myself in her way again. I can’t keep hurting her.

I went back inside and immediately headed up to my room to avoid Josh and Ethan who were having an all-out PlayStation war that I was sure would end in bloodshed.

When my head found my pillow, I could still smell her scent on my pillow and sheets. I laid down and curled up to the pillow, wishing she were here with me. A day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought about the moment when I should have told her how I felt, told her that I loved her, promised her forever together like it should have been with us. I had so many chances and I just let them all slip away.

“Grayson, wake up, asshole!”

That’s not the voice I wanted to wake up to.

I grumbled to myself while I peeked an eye open—only to see a pillow flying at me.

Shit, I fell asleep.

With a dramatic sigh, I rolled over to look at the clock, already six o’clock.

“Dude! Come on, we have to leave,” Josh bounced on the bed beside me. “You’ve been sleeping all damn day. Get up.”

“No!” I covered my head with the pillow like a child. “I’m not going.”

Shaking the bed, he laughed. “Don’t make me send Frankie in here. Your sister will never leave you alone if you don’t get dressed and meet us downstairs. She said to give you ten minutes and then she is coming up,” he smiled, big and bright.

Josh knew damn well she would torture me if I didn’t.

I took a quick shower and got dressed. Frankie insisted on picking out my clothes again. I didn’t have many clothes with me, so that gave her a reason to go shopping earlier today. Apparently, by the brand new bags scattered around, it confirmed she did go shopping while I was sleeping.

I looked over to the bed to see what she picked, dark jeans and a black shirt.

After I dressed, I ran downstairs, my previous mood diminishing slightly when I saw my mom was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I smiled and grabbed her into a big hug. It’s been three long years since I last saw her.

“I missed you, baby,” she was already crying by the time I wrapped my arms around her. My dad stood to her right, smiling. He was the only one who knew what happened and didn’t have the heart to tell my mom. I appreciated it so much. I’d endured the torture, I didn’t need my mom to know what I’d been through.

“I missed you, too.” I hugged her tightly, letting her know just how much I missed her. I wasn’t ashamed to say I was one hundred percent a mama’s boy. I couldn’t imagine how hard this had been on her. Though I’d kept in touch, I hadn’t seen her in a very long time.

She laughed pulling back to examine my face. “Are you home for good, honey?” she spoke tearfully wiping her eyes free of the tears. “Your dad said you were.”

“Yeah, I am.” I looked away from her. It hurt me not to tell them the truth but I couldn’t, not yet. The truth was, I was home for good. I had nowhere else to go. But that wasn’t something I could talk about right now.

Mom made me look at her. “Have you spoken with her?”

“She’s moved on, Mom. I think I’m too late.” I said, looking down at my feet, anywhere but into her understanding eyes.

She placed her hand on my cheek and I leaned into her. “Grayson, sweetie, you could have waited twenty years to return and that girls heart would still belong to you. A mother knows these things. She loves you, always has.” She insisted and when I tried to look away, she forced me to keep her gaze on my face. “Do you remember when you were seven and you had that pretend wedding?” I nodded. “Well, that girl next door is the same Evie she was back then, still in love with my son. I assure you of that.”

“I just—” she interjected before I could continue to make any excuses.

“Grayson Wyatt Gomez,” she scolded, giving her best don’t talk back to your mother face. I knew that face pretty well. “Evie loves you and that’s all that matters. Make her see it.” She spoke as she leaned in for another hug and kissed my cheek. “Don’t give up.”

She pulled away straightening her clothes and wiping her eyes. “Well you kids have fun. Don’t make plans for next Sunday though. Aiden will be in town and they want to have everyone over,” she looked toward Frankie, “Make sure Evie and Kathy come. I can’t wait to have all the kids back together finally!” she chimed dancing toward the living room.

Now I know where Frankie gets it.

Dad hugged me next. Nothing was said aside from the, “I’m glad your back.” I think he was scared to say anything because of Frankie standing there. The last time my dad had seen me I’d been in the hospital. I don’t remember him being there but they said he was.

Frankie and Ethan left so I walked to the driveway to get my truck. This is going to be a long fucking night that’s for sure, and with any luck I can avoid Shane. Getting in a fight with him wouldn’t be good. Not for Evie and certainly not for me.

As soon as we pulled in, I had a bottle in my hand, sure, no, I was fucking positive it would hold the answer. It always did in the past.

Some people wouldn’t believe you could spend years regretting something. So hung up on one girl you can’t move on. I’m here to tell you that’s not true. There’s an unforgettable heartache in this world. I’m living it.

I went straight for the bar when we arrived, intending on getting drunk. Something had to take away this pain. Somehow, I would find a way.

I watched stalker-style as Frankie found Evie and whispered in her ear, only to be glared at by Shane.

Goddamn did I want to kick the shit out of this guy. It’d be so fucking easy to. His arm was around Evie. His dark hair shadowing his darker eyes. He had that menacing look to him, one that unnerved you because you knew, you just fucking knew he was capable of evil.

I stayed at the bar where I belonged tonight until Ethan found me and soon the drinking became a sport between the two of us. It had been so long since I drank that Ethan could out drink me in a heartbeat. He laughed when I stumbled back outside after our fifth round of Jager shots.

Once outside we eyed the stage as we stood there holding each other up. “Ethan, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

He nodded. “Fuck yeah dude, you read my mind…It’s about time we got this party started!” Ethan agreed.

The band playing was more than willing to let us intervene. I’m not sure they wanted to see us play because we were good or if they wanted to see two drunken idiots trying to play. I grabbed the electric guitar as Ethan grabbed the other one.

We started with a few upbeat country songs everyone knew but then I knew right then was my only chance to make her see. Make her know where I stood in all this since she wouldn’t listen to me.

We debated a little on what song to do until I started playing the guitar to a song we both knew. “Sorry” by Buckcherry.

If there was ever going to be a song to express my feelings right then it was that song. If she wouldn’t listen, well, she couldn’t exactly leave without Shane knowing how she felt.

Ethan quickly followed my lead and nodded in agreement at the upbeat song. He knew why I picked it though. I’m no fool.

I looked directly at her, not caring what Shane thought
.
I winked at Evie.

Let her think about that…