All I Have Left (26 page)

He set the bags down on the dark mahogany wood floor. We looked around a little before our eyes found the bed. He let out a nervous chuckle and began running his fingers through his hair.

“It’s really nice in here,” I said trying to break the ice a little.

“Yeah, it is,” he stammered, neither of us able to look away from the bed that seemed to draw our attention.

“Wow,” I repeated, still staring. I couldn’t stop staring, I was suddenly excruciatingly nervous. I don’t recall being nervous our first time. I don’t think I was, but I do remember never wanting that night to end.

Grayson chuckled at my weak joke, and brought me back to reality.

“No pressure, huh?” he said, smiling.

He finally looked away from the bed and turned toward me again, placing his hand gently on my cheek. “We should get back out there.”

“Or we could stay in here.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” his voice was quiet, almost a whisper, he really was nervous. He chuckled and composed himself before speaking again. He pulled me into his arms and trailed kisses up my neck, until his lips reached my ear. “We don’t have much time,” he pulled me closer pushing me up against the wall a little rougher than I expected, pressing his hips into mine.

“And I plan on taking a lot longer with you than we have right now. If I start now, I’m not stopping,” a small groan escaped his lips as his obvious erection pushed into my hips once more. “And I plan on taking my time,” Grayson let his lips linger on my ear for a moment before sighing softly and pulling away, his crooked grin gracing his lips once again. “I plan on taking all night, even days…” I wasn’t complaining, we had years to make up for and I didn’t want to rush our reunion any more than he did…but, man, I’m not sure how much longer I could hold out. Every touch, every whisper had me panting with a need built on a foundation of wondering what it would feel like to be with him again.

I could feel my entire body tingling.

Damn Grayson. I felt like I had forgotten how to breathe.

Grayson, obviously amused by my reaction, smirked again leading me downstairs.

Though he wanted to wait until time wasn’t going to be an issue, it didn’t stop us from finding each other throughout the night. It happened about once an hour where we’d get lost in the moment of kissing and touches in the kitchen, or hallway, or anywhere there wasn’t a crowd.

Around ten, they were getting ready to set off some fireworks. Grayson was on the dock with Ethan and Josh so I went under the deck looking for blankets I knew were down there so we could sit on the lawn.

That’s when I felt Grayson grab my hips from behind, his face nestled into my neck releasing a playful growl. He
turned me around and stepped forward again, his eyes on my chest.

“I can’t help myself…” his hand came up to rest along my jaw, moving back slightly so that his fingers ran past my ear and raked through my hair. He leaned down, kissing me once more. With a sigh, he pulled back, his mouth lingering. “Every time I look at you…I have to be touching you…”

My arms wrapped tightly around his neck when his breath passed over my ear and it was hard not to beg for more.

The thing was, I was burning for something and that something was Grayson. He knew it. We both knew it. Vaguely aware we couldn’t or shouldn’t have sex out here, it didn’t do much to stop me, or him, right then. It was kind of like the night in his truck, giving in.

My fingers worked their way into the hair at his temples pulling him back to me. He moaned, tightening his grip on my hips and pressed his mouth more firmly against mine. My hands swept back down, along the side of his jaw. He hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, and his stubble scratched pleasantly against my fingertips, rough and manly.

“You gonna be my baby tonight?” Grayson asked, a noise that was barely discernible over fast beats of John Michael Montgomery surrounding us. There’s something about the beat of a song that could get you in the mood and feeling so much more.

I laughed, knowing he was repeating the song. “I’ve always been your baby.”

A low chuckle escaped him knowing that was the truth.

It wasn’t easy to stay still, our bodies tilting and swaying gently to the side and against each other’s as the kisses continued to deepen, as the hands continued to roam. Soon I found that I was moving backward at Grayson’s lead, against the side of the house.

Grayson pressed against me, keeping me in place against the wall. I felt a tingling in my stomach; my body ached with need. All of that was urging me forward, as Grayson continued to hold me, one hand still on my hip; one hand looping around to the back of my neck, as he leaned in to kiss me again.

As the kissing intensified, Grayson wasn’t pulling away. It was then that I started to wonder where he wanted to take this.

Did he want to skip the fireworks and go upstairs now?

I’d be okay with that.

The heat of the night, and our bodies took over, creating their own heat that was almost unbearable. I could feel the sweat breaking out within minutes and Grayson seemed to be feeling it too. Suddenly stepping back he yanked his shirt over his head and let it fall beside us at our feet.

I got a glimpse of the bottom of his toned abdomen and the waistband of his navy blue boxer briefs as he pulled off his shirt. He was nearly panting, cherry red lips gasping as he tried to catch his breath.

Jesus
.

He returned to me pressing against me again, I could feel the sweat on his back, his hair damp now in a similar manner as my fingers pushed it back off his forehead. Grayson was working up a sweat.

I kind of went crazy after that. Hands everywhere, feeling him flex and tighten beneath my grasp.

At that moment, I slid slightly against the wall, my head hit the side of the house and immediately, and I do mean immediately, I thought of Shane and that night at Aiden’s parent’s house.

Fuck you, memories. Fuck. You.

My body started to shake against Grayson, our position shifting again.

I could feel him between my legs but that moment was gone for me. Now all I felt was nausea. This was why I wasn’t ready. I knew that now. I still wanted to have sex with Grayson. I did. But not against the side of a house.

His mouth was on my neck, his hips moving slightly against mine, and there was no denying what was going on here every time he rubbed against me, the feel of him evident through his shorts.

Part of me wanted to rip my clothes off and do it against the wall here to prove I was fine. I almost did just to rip off that emotional bandage but I knew the emotional pain was going to be a deeper scar that wasn’t going to heal as quickly.

I fucking hated this feeling in my chest.

My heart hammered, breathing escaped me entirely and then came the tears.

Grayson made a noise in my ear, somewhere between a gasp and a groan. “Evie,” he mumbled in my ear. He moved his hips one more time.

I clenched my eyes shut wondering if he could hear my sobs. He had to.

My body seemed to be asking for a million things at once, Grayson’s seemed to be asking too but for completely different reasons.

“Grayson
…
” I cried out when he hadn’t stopped. I wanted this, but not here.

He just seemed to take this as encouragement, pushing against me again, sucking down on my neck, his hands moving lower and on the edge of my panties.

Oh God. Was he really going to do it here?

He seemed to want to.

“Grayson,” I repeated, firmer this time. I put a hand to his chest and pushed back lightly. “We have to stop.”

He finally pulled his head back and looked at me appearing almost confused as he continued to breathe heavily, trying to keep his lips closed, but eventually giving up and gasping for air again. “What?”

“I can’t,” I whispered quietly. “I don’t want to do it down here. Not against the wall.”

I didn’t want a public display. I wanted private. I wanted seclusion and I wanted him alone, with just me.

He was quiet for a moment, still holding onto me, but no longer touching me anywhere else as he stared at the ground and continued to wait on his breathing.

“Yeah,” he whispered in return. His back continued to move up and down as he bent over slightly toward me. “Just
…
just give me a second here.”

I took that moment to wipe away my tears as he reached inside the front of his pants, maybe adjusting himself, I’m not entirely sure but it was hot. He leaned forward as he was uncomfortable and then looked at the ground again.

My cheeks broke out in a fresh fire as I waited for Grayson to collect himself, neither of us talking.

“Are you okay?”

Finally, he stood up, drew in a deep breath, and smiled at me. “I’m good.”

“I’m sorry,” I bit my bottom lip, waiting for his reaction.

“No, you shouldn’t be sorry…I wasn’t thinking about what happened, was just thinking about how long it’s been and how much I need you. I’m a selfish ass,” Grayson said, reluctance and a haunting look evident in his eyes.

He smiled then although the smile didn’t make it to his eyes and he planted a gentler kiss on my cheek. His still damp hair fell against my face as he leaned his forehead against mine.

I felt like I was being so hot and cold with him. But he seemed to understand I was feeling that way.

We made our way down by the lake about the time they were lighting off fireworks. Grayson’s hesitation with me the rest of the evening was evident. I knew he’d felt he crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed but what he failed to realize was that I was as much a willing participant until the overwhelming memories flooded my brain…memories of a night where my control was almost ripped from me. Trying to make Grayson realize that any other place and we both would have had what we both wanted and so desperately needed.

Instead, we decided to drown unwanted memories of a time best forgotten…a time up against a house in a small town in Alabama and a time in the desert half-way around the world. We were living in the moment on this night of celebrating freedom and independence. Time would only tell when we would both be free of the demons that haunted us both. Together we were making our own way, tackling every hurdle along the way. Or at least, drinking them away.

The next morning, I woke up on the lawn being sprayed with a hose by Josh. Nearly naked and really confused, I ran up to the house while Grayson and Josh continued to wrestle around on the lawn fighting over the hose. Josh still with the hose in his hand drenching the two of them.

I was stopped by Kelly when I got up the stairs to the house.

“So…” she chuckled to herself, trying to hide her smile. “You and Grayson.”

“Yeah,” I said softly, knowing damn well my cheeks were on fire right about now. “Do you think it’s too soon?”

“Not at all. I am happy for you two. You both deserve each other,” she said, hugging me.

Were we dating? Was that what this was? It sure felt that way but officially, it hadn’t been said. Knowing Grayson, I wasn’t sure it would be. He wasn’t the type of guy to put a term on anything.

“By the way if you’re looking for your shorts,” she looked down at my bare legs, “they are in the lake so you might want to borrow some of mine.” She pointed me to her bag.