All I Have Left (27 page)

“I can’t believe I lost my shorts. I can’t even remember exactly what happened.” I didn’t even remember taking my shorts off. I didn’t remember drinking
that
much beer.

“You didn’t lose them,” Kelly started laughing. “Josh threw them in the lake this morning to embarrass you.” She gave me a sympathetic smile, knowing her boyfriend to well. “So you don’t remember what you guys did?”

“No. Did we have sex out there? Did you see us?” I covered my face in embarrassment. “How embarrassing.”

I knew that we got carried away a few times that day and night, and I really didn’t think alcohol was going to help us out any but it did help us calm down.

“Oh we saw all right. And no, you didn’t that we could see. I mean you still have your underwear on and his shorts were on so I don’t think you guys did that but it was pretty…
hot
…as Josh would put it. He was turned on and we weren’t the ones doing it.” Kelly laughed again, “Such a fool. I have to say, Grayson was a little…hmmm…I guess you could say he was
very
into what you guys were doing. He was all over you. It was a little strange seeing my little brother like that, kind of disturbing,” Kelly shivered. “I could have gone my whole life without
seeing
that.”

I gave her a terrified look.

“Calm down. We were the only ones who saw,” she assured me. “Everyone had already left. You came in to go to the bathroom and grabbed more beer. Josh and I were out on the deck by the fire pit when we saw you walk back down there. We didn’t think you guys were going to sleep out there so when we were ready to go inside around one-thirty we went to go tell you guys to come crash inside. Well, needless to say, there was beer cans everywhere, Grayson’s shirt was gone and your shorts were being taken off by him. I told Josh we should go to bed but he wanted to take some pictures. Sorry, I tried to hide the camera but you know Josh.”

“HE. TOOK. PICTURES. That motherfucker, I’m gonna kill him!” I screamed heading for the door, outraged.

“Wait,” Kelly yelled after me. “Don’t you want to see?” she smiled holding the camera in front of her.

“Well, of course I want to see,” I grabbed it from her.

I strolled through the pictures. They were…
hot
…as Josh said. Mostly just us making out, he was on top in most of them, but a few I had rolled on top of him. In a couple of them, his hands were up my shirt, my bare skin visible. Some I was kissing his chest and stomach everywhere. There was one of him obviously kissing my breasts, thankfully, I was laying down on that one and Josh didn’t see anything but my shirt was almost completely off, not to mention my bra. My hand immediately went to my breasts to check for my bra. It was gone.

Kelly laughed and threw a bra toward me. I sat there sulking in my discovery until a very
wet
Grayson came walking in shaking water from his head. I still had no pants on, just a tank top and some cheeky underwear…and no bra still.

Crap!
I frantically hid the bra in my hand behind my back.

Josh came walking in behind him with a pompous look of self-satisfaction. “That was fun.”

Grayson saw the camera and gave me a sideways grin reaching for it as he approached me. I pulled it back a little. Josh was laughing, very wet, and heading right for Kelly who screamed and ran upstairs.

“So…” Grayson asked softly with that crooked smile, as he kissed my neck, pushing my body against his wet one. He gave me a look, one I’d seen many times, water dripping off his nose. “Do you remember anything?

“Not really but these sort of put things into perspective,” I said, handing him the camera.

He strolled through a few of them and his grin got bigger. “Ah, yes, now some things are coming back to me.”

“Grayson,” I sighed when he let out a low whistle at another picture.

“Now that were not drunk…wanna pick up where we left off?” Grayson suggested sliding his hand slowly down my back, over my hips.

I pushed him away. “You need to go dry off and obviously calm down,” I said eyeing his lower half.

He sighed giving me another grin again as he walked past me toward the bathroom.

A few hours later the afternoon was unbearable and we got out the rafts and floated on the lake.

You can imagine where that led.

We were out on the water, kissing, and then floating on the rafts, more kissing, more touching. We were like a couple of teenagers.

We also seemed to be talking. About a lot of things. It was always easy to talk to him, he just had that way about him. A natural way to get you to open up to him.

“If you would have had the chance, would you have slept with someone while you were gone?”

His face smooth and expressionless. “Honestly, if I thought it would have gotten my mind off you, yeah. I would have.”

Just the idea of him being with someone else, in that way, sent my heart racing.

“So you never had any time away from the base for that sort of thing?” I was trying to be nonchalant about my questions but it was obvious I was prying.

“No, we did,” his shoulders shrugged. “I guess I could have, but I don’t know…some of the guys paid some of the local Iraqi women, I guess you could call them hookers.”

“You didn’t?”

“No.” He laughed. “I’m not into paying for sex.”

I splashed him with water, just because.

He licked his lips and shook water from his eyes. “You think you’re ready?” he kept his eyes on the water as he spoke.

“I am now. I just…you were right.” I said adjusting my bikini top so I wasn’t falling out of it. Then I twisted on the raft to face him. “I was scared and I want it different than what Shane did, not something that’s against a wall, or in the car. I know it will be different with you but I just don’t want those memories flooding my brain…we have to make our own ‘different’ if that makes sense.”

With his chin resting on the raft, he squinted at the sun but I saw the pain flash in his eyes, an emotion he couldn’t control.

He was on his stomach, one hand on my raft holding it near his, the other in the water.

I was curious about those scars and what happened while he was gone.

I noticed that bottle he had was empty which meant since he came home two weeks ago, he’d taken them all at one time or another. I never saw him take anything.

At first I didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to pry. But now, I wanted to know him. He was helping me, why couldn’t I help him? I could distract him, couldn’t I?

Or was I already doing that?

My fingertips traced over the puckered skin on his right shoulder. “Were you shot over there?”

He swallowed, his eyes on mine, squinting at me. He said nothing but nodded. I wanted to ask him what he went through but part of me knew if he was ready, he’d talk about it.

“You don’t want to talk about it, do you?”

No words, instead, he went for what I knew them was his distraction. Kissing me.

You can imagine where that finally led.

Two weeks and one day, a Saturday to be exact, after Grayson returned, it happened. We had sex.

It started slow, touching at dinner, sneaking seductive glances and then we found ourselves making out on the grass and drinking. This time we went up to the room as opposed to a public display.

Grayson’s hands found mine shaking under the sticky night. He was gentle, an aching touch so unfamiliar to me because where there was usually rough, all I felt was soft and slow.

He’s the softer side of my rough life.

He looked down at me, his eyes shining under the moonlight as I laid on the center of the bed. I wonder what he saw when he touched me like this, when he looked at me, so alone, wanting him and afraid. Did he see me or did he see what Shane saw?

A girl broken but needing an escape.

If it hadn’t been from the sound of the air-conditioner humming in the background, I would think time was standing still right then. I wanted it to. All the talk had led us here and there wasn’t anything to stop us. I will say, time had seemed to slow down once we were in the room. There was no rushing at all.

As he looked at me, he paused, memories flashing in his eyes. Memories we created as kids that led us here, back together where he belonged.

My hands moved over the muscles in his chest as his slide up my back. Pulling his shirt off, mine was next and then the pants were gone immediately.

The feel of his hands over me again, in this way, was almost too much for me to take. Running my hands over the muscles in his back, I stopped when my hands found his hair. That’s when I looked at him, watching him take in the sight before him.

“Now what?” he asked, hovering over me.

I smiled, he was stalling. “You know what happens now.”

“Yeah,” his head dipped forward, his forehead rested against mint. “I have a pretty good idea.”

As his arms wrapped around me, he started breathing heavier. He only stopped for a minute to reach beside the bed for the condom in his wallet. I felt him move away, raising up on his knees, his hands low. I snuck a peek, wanting to see everything.

I wasn’t disappointed at all. Every muscle in his body was taunt, tight with anticipation and desire, his eyes on mine as he rolled the condom on and stroked himself once.

Oh God.
The sight was more I could take. He was perfect.

I could tell he was nervous, it was in his eyes as he ran his hands through his hair and the tremble in his touch.

When his body met mine, the weight, the hold, the love being emitted calmed my own nerves. His kisses went from my stomach, my chest, and then made their way to my lips, slow and passionate, memory making. Placing his hand on the back of my neck, gently, revealing my neck for him, he glided his tongue across, shivers shot through me.

“You sure?” He asked again, letting me feel him there, ready and waiting for my decision.

I kissed him again, letting him know it was what I wanted. Raising his body from me he lifted my leg and moved so he was at my entrance. He paused, looking at me for my final answer.

I smiled.

And then he slowly pushed forward.

He made a noise, a soft grunt revealing how good it felt to him. I could feel his body trembling, as though he was nervous, or excited and then he started breathing heavier, nearly panting.

But then I wondered if he was okay. He seemed, more nervous than I would have expected him to be.

The leftover fireworks Josh and Ethan couldn’t wait to set off started booming over the lake, a spray of color lighting the dimly lit room. Grayson tensed, his body hard and rigid at the sound.

He started to move despite whatever it was that was bothering him j
ust as my legs tightened around his hips.

We
needed this so badly. A moment with us, a night to just forget, and remember all at the same time.

My desperate moaning was swallowed by his mouth as he let out a loud groan into mine. I tried to hold on to him as his body shook above mine but my body felt limp.

We matched each other’s pace, colliding in sync with breaths and movements, moans and cries. My legs wrapped around his waist as my finger nails dug into his skin, his gentle, but quick and passionate movements, and his kisses at my breasts and neck, only assured me this was exactly what he wanted.