All I Have Left (24 page)

It was about seven in the morning when I felt Evie running her hands over my bare chest. I kept my eyes closed not knowing if this was a dream or not. Her fingertips made circles around my bare stomach, slowly going lower until her fingers were at the waistband of my shorts.

I opened my eyes to confirm my theory to find her gazing at me.

“I thought that would wake you,” she said softly with a smile.

“Mmm…you could keep going if you want.” I teased, smiling seductively, pulling her on top of me. I moved my hand up her body, tangling it in her hair to pull her closer to me. She froze before my lips met hers.

Evie placed her fingers against my lips. “I actually wanted to talk with you.” She moved to my side sitting up and pulling her knees to her chest. Given she was only wearing a t-shirt I got a clear view of those lacy red panties again with the sunlight coming into my room.

Calm down, Grayson, calm down, she wants to talk not have sex with you…

“Oh…” I said rolling to my side to listen to her, kissing her calf softly as I did so. She still had scrapes down her legs from the other night and the thought made me angry. Instantly. A reminder there was shit we couldn’t avoid.

“I think it’s about time we talked about everything,” she said nervously, biting her swollen bottom lip. Her face was looking much better but her eye was still bruised.

“I’m listening.” I was going to make her talk first. I wasn’t ready, at least not yet.

“Grayson, I’m sorry for the other night at Aiden’s parent’s house,” Evie apologized. Ashamed she put her head down leaning her chin on her knees looking down at me. “And for yelling at you, and leaving with Shane.”

I cut her off before she could continue blaming herself for this, shaking my head. “Evie,” I spoke softly grabbing her hand in mine, my knuckles still swollen. She traced her fingers lightly over them. “I don’t want you to be sorry for something you had no control over,” I demanded point-blank.

“I know. I just…I feel like I’m putting everyone in danger for my stupid mistakes,” she whispered looking down at our intertwined hands.

“Why…did you go out with him?” I looked up at her from under my lashes, wondering what the fuck she saw in him.

Evie sighed and chewed on her lip, as if she was trying to figure out how to word it. “Honestly, he was sweet at first, kind of reminded me of you,” she met my anxious eyes for a moment then looked back at our hands.

Did she really just say that?

“That’s an insult.”

“Let me finish. Then he changed and became really possessive and abusive. I just didn’t know how to get away from him. I thought I was protecting my family by staying with him or saving myself the headache.”

The thought of why she was with him had my heart pounding.

“I should have never left you here alone.”

“Grayson?” she placed her tiny hand under my chin forcing me to look at her. “You can’t blame yourself for everything. It’s not your fault.” She looked down again, removing her hand. “I’m the one who…was so obtuse to see to see what was right in front of me, giving me love I didn’t see until it was slipping away, and then it was gone.” She hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. “All I can say is that I’m glad your back. I’ve wished that I would have told you before you left…but now I’m not wasting any time just in case I don’t get to…” she paused again looking at me intently. “It’s always been you.” She confessed her eyes rimmed with tears. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore, I just had to tell you.”

I immediately pulled her into my arms, clutching her to my chest tightly. “How could I not feel the same way?”

There was so much more I wanted to say in that moment but couldn’t. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her as well but it just seemed I couldn’t form the words to tell her.

Evie leaned into me and kissed up my neck, across my jaw until her lips found mine. She kissed me passionately and with urgency, I returned her passion but with hesitation. I knew we needed to take things slow and last night we hadn’t done that. We acted, or maybe it was me, on impulse and hormones. I started to pull away slightly and she whimpered pulling herself closer to me, shaking her head no and straddling my hips to wrap her arms around my neck.

“We shouldn’t…umm…”

Jesus Christ, I don’t want to stop.

“Grayson…please…just please, make me forget.” she breathed into my mouth. I gently rolled her over so I was lying on top of her wanting to comply, hell wanting to forget too.

After a while, our kisses slowed and we softly memorized each other’s lips.

“Please don’t leave.” She whispered against my lips. “I wouldn’t be able to take it.”

“Where else would I go?”

It wasn’t a question. It was more of a statement, and she knew it.

We laid there in my bed as the sun continued to rise, lighting my room with a warm glow. I wanted to tell her why I came home, why that bottle I swore meant nothing, was now empty and why I left and how I’ve always loved her, but I couldn’t get the words out.

I made my way downstairs to get some breakfast before I headed off to work Thursday morning with Ethan. I’d just gotten a job doing construction work. Evie quit her job with the coffee stand yesterday because of how easily it would be for Shane to get to her, so for now, she stayed at our house during the day with my mom. I couldn’t imagine that was great for her, but she did it.

Eventually things would get sorted out with Shane, and though we’d filed a restraining order, that kind of shit meant nothing to a guy like Shane Lawson. I wanted to just take care of the problem. Fuck the civil justice system. I wanted to put an end to it so we didn’t have to worry. It wasn’t the answer. At least not the one Evie would go for.

“Grayson, you’re finally up!” Frankie squealed from the kitchen as she sat in her scrubs, getting ready to leave for work.

“Good morning to you—”

“Guess where we are going this weekend?”

“Hey, Frankie…where are you going this weekend?” I tried my best to sound enthusiastic, but I wasn’t. There was never a moments rest around my sisters. I’d forgotten that while I was away. Or at least, enjoyed it.

“Not just me, all of us!” she corrected. “We’re spending the weekend at Josh’s parent’s house on the lake before he goes back to Arizona.”

“Why?”

“Evie needs to get away. We leave this afternoon.”

“You know Ethan and I have to work today.”

Frankie nodded. “I know. I work until four. Kelly will be with Evie today. We’ll leave when you guys get off work.”

I zoned her out as I continued to make a bagel for Evie and took it upstairs for her leaving Frankie still chatting away in the kitchen. Believe me, she wouldn’t even realize I left, she was that dense at times.

“Rude!” I heard her yell as I climbed the stairs.

Evie came out of the bathroom and sat down on my bed drying her hair with a towel. She draped her legs over my lap when I sat down beside her.

Fuck. She’s naked under that towel. Naked. And probably still wet.

Goddamn it.

“So you might want to start packing,” I suggested hoping she would be okay with going to the lake this weekend.

“Why?” she asked curiously.

I smiled and drew circles on the inside of her exposed thigh. “Frankie planned a weekend at the lake for everyone.” Her eyebrows furrowed as she gave me an apprehensive glance. “We leave when I get off work. I suggest you get started now before she tries to pack your clothes for you.” I gave her a small smile. “And you’re staying with Kelly today.”

“I know. Does my mom know?” she asked and I could already see the emotion in her eyes that something else entirely was bothering her.

“Frankie mentioned something about that. Ethan cleared everything with her.”

“Oh,” she looked sad or confused, I couldn’t tell.

I placed my hand gently under her chin forcing her look at me. “What’s wrong? Do you not want to go?”

“No…that’s not it at all. I just…worry about my mom by herself. I still don’t know if Shane is going to really leave me alone. I’m just worried that he might do something to her if we are away.”

“She won’t be alone,” I smiled. “She’s going too.”

She nodded feeling relieved. She was always so concerned about her mom having given up so much to have Evie and Ethan I think they always felt they had to protect her now.

“Are you sure you want to go? We can always stay here.” I pulled her into my arms and my thoughts were immediately on her naked body again. “Although, we will have our own room. And be completely alone. With a lock. I wouldn’t mind that,” I let me voice trail off as I placed kisses down her neck slowly pulling her towel a little to peek at her breasts.

She turned into me wrapping her arms around my neck with a little too much enthusiasm that knocked us backwards on my bed. I didn’t mind, I continued to kiss her passionately.

“I was…thinking, since we will be alone,” she said running her hands threw my hair and pulling me into another kiss.

“Oh…uh…” I ran my fingers through my hair nervously.

What is wrong with me? You know you want to.
I was so concerned that we should wait until she was ready but now that she was, I didn’t know how to react to it.

She misread my nerves for rejection. “Well I…never mind…we don’t have to,” her face was flushed as she tried to get up. She thought that I didn’t want her.

Fix this asshole.

I sat up with. “You know that I want you to, right?”

“I thought that…you didn’t say anything.” She mumbled, avoiding looking at me, her eyes on the empty pill bottle on my dresser. I hadn’t bothered to fill it again since Evie was with me. I didn’t need it, so I thought.

I pulled her chin up for her to look me in the eyes, placing a small kiss on her forehead. “I just want you to be sure that you’re ready,” I whispered against her lips. “You have to be one hundred percent positive that’s what you want.”

“I’m sure, I’ve never been
more
sure of anything,” she began kissing me again, more passionately like she was showing me just how sure she was. I let myself enjoy it and gently laid her down on the bed, rolling on top of her a little ways, deepening the kisses.

Ethan kicked my closed door. “Hey asshole, it’s time for work.”

At least he didn’t open the door and see me on his sister. It was probably a good thing I had to work. With the way I wanted her, I needed to calm down and hammer into something else besides her.

In two days, it will have been a week since I left Shane. And though I thought of him everyday, it wasn’t thoughts associated with fond memories…quite the opposite. My thoughts were centered around my fears, but the fears were getting easier to overcome with Grayson here. I felt safe in his arms.

I ended up spending the day with Kelly as it was their last weekend before they went back to Arizona. I came to realize that day, and every other day surrounded by my family, that distractions were good.

We made plans to spend the weekend at the lake. Ethan and Grayson got home around five. Just as we were all set to leave, Grayson grabbed my wrist to pull me back down.

I looked at him with surprise. He just winked.

“You guys coming?” Ethan asked, noticing we were still sitting at the table. “We’re going to pick up some food before going to the lake.”