All This Time (33 page)

Chapter
Sixty-Three

“There
you are,” I say barely managing to get my heart rate under control and forcing
my smile.

Pulling
his gaze away from the door where Blues was standing, he says seriously, “You
are my guardian angel.” His eyes glance down at our interlock fingers. “Thank
you. I don’t know if I would have made it through the night without your help.”
His dark eyes are even darker, thinking back to the physical and emotional pain
he endured.
And maybe some other emotion that I can’t define.

“I’m
just glad you’re okay.”

“We
have a lot to discuss,” he says narrowing his eyes at me. He slides his legs
over the edge of the bed so that he is sitting next to me. “I promise you that
Lourdes won’t get away with what she did to you.”

I
stare into his eyes and see that he honestly means his words. Nodding slowly, I
glance at the empty doorway and sigh. “You told him?”

“Yes,
he needs to know so that he can handle her crazy ass.”

“No,”
I shake my head looking back at him. “This has to be done the legal way.”

“Angel,”
he nearly growls. “I get that, but I’ve already explained to you that I won’t
let anyone hurt you. I don’t care if it is my sister.” I cut him off before he
can add to his explanation.

“Decks,
I’m leaving.” I pause for effect glancing between his eyes and see sadness
creep in quickly. “I cannot continue to live in this world.” I lower my voice
and glance away. “You have been amazing to me, but I don’t belong here.” I wave
my hand gesturing toward the gigantic room. I sigh heavily. “I will miss you so
much.”

“No,”
he grabs my upper arms and pulls me into an embrace. “Don’t leave Angel. I…”
His chest heaves and his arms tighten around me, “I want you…with me.”

With
my face pressing against his chest I shake my head. “I can’t do it. You’re
life…it’s just too much.” I pull back and look him in the eyes again. “I don’t
belong.”

He
slides a hand under my chin, tipping my face up. “You belong with me.”

“No,”
I whisper. Lowering my eyes and pulling completely out of his arms, I shake my
head again. “I’m leaving tonight.”

Rising
from the bed, I walk out of his bedroom and go straight into mine, heading for
the closet. Picking up my suitcase off the floor my heart begins to beat
erratically. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not, but him wanting to
be with me so desperately is all the bargaining chips I have left. Dropping my
bag on the foot of the bed, I stroll over to the large bay window and take in
the serenity of the black lake, waiting for his next move. The sunlight
mirroring off of the water’s surface, reflects back into my room creating, a
beautiful, hypnotic warmth that I can feel inside while deceiving me from the
reality of the frozen truth beyond the glass. It’s funny how much this visual
feels like my life for the past year.

“Angel,”
Decks says standing behind me and wrapping his arms through mine. He pulls me
closer and I tilt my head back against his chest. “If you go, I go.”

Twisting
around, I step back and say, “No, you can’t do that. You can’t just leave.”

“The
hell I can’t.” He grabs for my hands again. “I’m done. That’s exactly what
Blues and I were discussing.”

Cynical
by the ways of this world, I have to stop myself from grinning and pretend to
be disturbed by his plans. I
suck
in a sharp breath.
“What? Why? And is it possible?”

He
nods his head while smiling. His hands move to cup my face as he leans down
staring deep into my eyes.

“I’m
out. I want to be with you and I can’t keep living this life.” He smirks, “And
possible
is a relative word.”

Pointing
toward my bedroom door I say, “They’re not just going to let you walk away
Decks.” I shake my head. “You are too important.”

He
smiles. “I’m glad you think so because I feel the same way about you. We’re
doing this together.”

“Decks,
if I’ve learned anything from the year that I’ve been immersed in this life, it
is that nothing is
that
easy.” I walk over to my bed and unzip my
suitcase. “I’m not naive enough to believe that you’re getting out of this life
just by saying that’s what you want to do. I’m nowhere in as deep as you are,
but I know that when I leave here tonight I’m running fast and far away,” I
pierce him with complete determination before adding, “and I’m never looking
back. But your uncle won’t let you just disappear.” Pausing, I twist around and
step over to him, his eyes studying me with a new emotion burrowing deep into
the dark chocolate shade. “Wait, that’s it.” I stare deeply into his eyes, and
push away that last thought before offering, “We must disappear.”

“That
is exactly what I have in mind,” he says dipping down and placing his lips to
mine. His sudden movements catch me off guard. I really wasn’t expecting a
kiss. I brace both hands onto his upper arms. He wraps his arms around me one
hand going into my hair and titling my head back for better access while the
other sweeps around my waist. He kisses me tenderly and through it I smile.
This
is working
.

“I
don’t know what you have in mind exactly,” I say pulling away from his kiss and
glancing up into his blazing brown eyes, “but I think I know a way to make this
work. If you’ll trust me we can do it today and say goodbye to this life
forever.” Smiling still about winning me at the end of this game of chance, he
slides both hands up to the sides of my face.

“But
Blues –,” he starts and I grunt, cutting him off. My throat clogs up thinking that
he’s going to give into whatever Blues coerced him into before I came in
earlier. Whatever he’s offering will end in another death. It’s a guarantee.

“No,
Decks, I don’t give a damn about what Blues says, I’m not waiting.” I snap,
seeing that I might be losing him. I back away and bump into the dresser behind
me. “I won’t be part of this another minute.” I begin pulling clothes out of my
drawers before adding, “If you want to go with me I’m leaving now.”

“I
can’t go now, but if you’ll just wait…” His hands are up, palms facing me, like
he’s trying to halt me from leaving. His eyes look wild and pleading clearly
not prepared for me to run off without him.

“No!”
Pushing passed him I slam my clothes into the bag and rush over to the closet
ripping everything off of their hangers in a fury. “No! I have to go now,
Decks.” I keep my voice in an unnerved and susceptible manner, matching my
actions.

“Angel,
there’s more going on here than you know.
The things that I
have done.”
His guilty eyes avert to the floor quickly as he shoves his
hands into his front pockets looking vulnerable and honestly remorseful.

“Decks,”
I drop more clothes into my suitcase. I pause hovering over it with my hands
placed on the tall stack. Taking a deep breath, I exhale softly. “Whatever you
worked out with him isn’t good enough. I don’t trust Blues and I won’t wait any
longer. You can come with me.” Turning my head and looking him right in the
eyes, I lower my voice and say, “We will make everything go away.”

His
eyes drift over to the doorway a silent debate is waging inside his head right
now and I hope that my side comes out the victor. I’ve laid it all out for him.
If he really wants out and thinks that I’m his prize for leaving this shithole
behind then he’ll pick me and my escape plan. But if the powers that be, Nelson
and Blues, are onto his desires of leaving the cartel they will kill him before
he has a chance to escape.
Decks has
bought himself a
death sentence by letting Blues know he wants out. I honestly don’t know if we’ll
make it out alive, but I’m not giving up on my only shot.

“Let’s
do the outrageous,” he says reaching for me and drawing me in for another kiss.
I wrap my arms around his waist and let out a heavy breath that feels like I’ve
been holding onto for a whole year. Finally, this will be over.

“Thank
you,” I whisper.

“You
and me, baby.” He jogs over to the door, but turns around before disappearing
into the hall. “I’ll do anything for you, Angel.”

I
smile and counter, “Be ready in fifteen minutes.” He stays there staring at me
wild heat blooming in his dark eyes. “Move your ass Hilary,” I order playfully
watching his charming smile burst across his handsome face again.

Decks leaves
me to finish packing and I fall down onto the
bed instead releasing another heavy breath. I grab my cell and after glancing
over my shoulder making certain that Decks is gone I text Russ.

Me:
We’re coming in.

Russ:
Probation office?

Me:
Done. See ya in an hour.

Russ:
Be safe.

Me:
Always!

I
clear the messages, slip the phone into the bottom of my suitcase and then bury
it under a pile of clothes. The end is in sight.

Chapter
Sixty-Four

Parked
in front of the busy government building in downtown Atlanta, Decks and I stare
solemnly at the large, imposing office. For me this moment represents an end to
the means, but for him it’s a means to an end. A state of unrest wormed its way
into my heart many months ago and now I feel the agitation unwinding itself
knowing that this is finally it. Acknowledging that exoneration from the
repulsive drug world lies just a few feet in front of me I feel a bit
triumphant. Peeling my eyes away from the front door, I turn to look at Decks.

“There’s
something I want to tell you before we do this,” he says taking my hand into
his and pulling me across the console of his truck toward him.

“You
don’t have to tell me anything. When we are done here there will be a time for
talking.” I say biting back a successful grin.

“No,”
he says, gulping hard and averting his eyes to our entwined hands. “I want…I
need to do this now.”

His
nervousness would normally make me anxious, but in this moment he is so
different from the big jackass I met a year ago. Instead, I feel satisfied in
his changes, and he almost appears vulnerable and innocent today.

“Okay,”
I smile sweetly, looking back at the place signifying the emergence back into
my life with renewed excitement.

“I
know that we are facing a crazy unknown future, but there is something that you
should know. Something I should have already told you.” I twist my head back around
and see worry etching across his features, his dark eyes saturated with
emotion.

“Are
you okay?”

“Honestly,
I don’t know how to do this so forgive me for sounding so damn lame.” The corners
of his mouth tip upward. “You are the most amazing and sexiest woman I have
ever met. From the moment I laid eyes on you I knew there was something special
about you. Thank you for everything and for your faith in me. I hope I don’t
let you down.”

Smiling
passively, I shake my head slightly, reassuring my trust in him. “You are not
going to let me down because you’re doing something that makes me extremely
proud of you.”

“Angel,”
his voice is thick and his eyes veiling while his thumb strokes slowly over the
back of my hand. “As long as I have you with me I know I can do anything. I can
leave behind all the bullshit. I can become a better man–a good man. With you
beside me for the first time in my life I want a good life.” My heart leaps
knowing that he has successfully taken the bait that I have cast out and this
job will end exactly as my team has hoped for almost two years. His eyes lift
up slowly, staring deeply into mine. “I am completely in love with you.” I
gasp, shocked and completely speechless. “I don’t expect a response. For you,
it may feel like this admission is coming out of left field, but it’s something
I’ve been feeling for a while. I’ve been attracted to you since we met, but I
was certain that I loved you when you crawled into bed with me in the Bahamas,
and I actually was more than happy to have you just lying in my arms. I didn’t
even care that we weren’t going to have sex.”

My
lungs seize and it feels like I’ve sucked down a frozen margarita too fast. The
tingling in my head reminds me of the last time I suffered from severe
brain-freeze, and for the first time in my entire life I am completely
speechless. Where the fuck did this come from? He
loves
me? Is this
monster even capable of loving anyone other than himself?

“Decks,”
I whisper hoarsely, my voice thick in my throat like I might cry.

“Don’t
say anything,” he says soothing me. “I know you aren’t ready to take our
relationship to that level and it’s cool. I just needed you to know before…” He
glances at the front door of the probation office, jerking his chin toward the
building, but implying our future. I nod weakly. Seeing my distress, he
releases my hand and reaches for the inside truck door handle. “Come on.”

The
cold wind blows softly through the large buildings in the heart of downtown
Atlanta. The early afternoon streets are busy and bustling with people rushing
to get into their vehicles away from their jobs for the weekend. As we approach
the glass door of the probation office Decks draws my hand into his and gives
me an encouraging squeeze. I glance down at it before peeking up at him. His
smile is genuine and his eyes are hopeful. Within the next few hours I will
destroy every bit of love he has for me. Part of me feels guilty about using
him so callously, but truthfully if I didn’t do this there is no telling how
many innocent people would die at his hands or by his orders.

Pulling
open the door he allows me to enter first. I spot the same frail elderly woman
I met the first time I came here when Decks left on his trip to the east coast.
She nods her head, acknowledging us before picking up a phone and speaking
softly into the receiver. We walk up to her large mahogany desk and lean
against it waiting for her to finish speaking.

“Mr.
Stevens is ready for you both. Go through the door and take the hallway back to
the end. Turn left and there is an interview room on the left. He will join you
in a few moments.” She points toward the doorway and then quickly turns back to
her work.

“Mr.
Stevens is my probation officer,” I reply to Decks’ lifted eyebrow before he
has a chance to ask his question. “I called him earlier.”

We
follow the receptionist instructions walking into the small, eight by eight,
room and taking two of the empty seats sitting in front of the small desk. Scanning
the room quickly, I notice two small cameras suspending from the ceiling in
corners of the wall opposite us. It’s a fact that everything said in this space
will be videotaped. I remain silent still debating Decks confession. I don’t
believe that he really loves me. Obsession would probably better describe his
feelings. Love would have to involve more than what I have ever given him.
Unless he is so starved for affection that he actually believes what we have
between us is unique. In that case I kind of feel sorry for him.
But not really.

“Hello
Ms. Johnson,” a familiar voice addresses me in the doorway behind us. I twist
in my chair and see Captain Reebals strolling in the room with a large packet
in his hands. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.” He states coolly to
Decks while holding out an outstretched hand. “I’m Captain Reebals with the
Atlanta Police Department. I received a message from Mr. Stevens about an hour
ago that said you two needed my assistance. Is that correct?” He releases Decks
hand before walking around the desk and taking the empty seat. Looking
intimidating as all get out, he leans back with his arms crossing over his
chest.

“That
depends on what type of help you can offer,” Decks says tucking my hand in
between his two large ones.

“I
understand your hesitation, but let me be very blunt with both of you. I want
one thing and one thing only. You have the chance to help me get it so I’m not
going to play games here. If you give me all of the information to bring down
Nelson, I will give you complete immunity and a new life in witness
protection.” He glances at me to make sure that I’m handling this bit of
information appropriately.

I
admit I’m completely shocked that the district attorney’s office is willing to
let him get away with the murder of Juan’s nephew so easily, but I understand
that by cutting off the head of the snake the body will die soon after. Meaning
there will be no more X’kapz once Decks spills every detail about the gang,
including the gory details of Blues’ involvement within the organization. My
stomach rolls knowing that soon every member of this faction will be served
with arrest warrants and behind bars within the next couple of days. But my
heart whispers its sadness over the loss of my one shot at true love. In my
musings, Captain Reebals has continued explaining every detail to Decks, and
I’m only aware that he is finally speaking to me when Decks grips my hand
tightly.

I
glance over at my captain seeing the questions in his focused stare. “I’m
sorry, what was it you asked?” The corner of his lips tug upwards into the
tiniest smirk after pulling his focus away from my hand, lying precariously in
Decks’, meeting my eyes and expressing something more than his words can. He’s
proud of me.

“I
asked if you will please wait in the room next door. An assistant will be with
you shortly to take your statement as well. Hopefully, we’ll have you both
moved into protective custody before midnight.”

I
nod and rise from my chair attempting to pull out of Decks’ possessive hold. He
stands too, turning me so that I face him. Both of his warm hands come up and
wrap tenderly around my neck, his long fingers thrusting through my hair while
his thumbs anchor under my chin, tilting it upward. He drops his mouth against
mine and kisses me wildly. Pushing his tongue into my slightly parted lips he
devours the gasp I give shocked by his forwardness. Moving his lips vigorously
against mine his hands push into the back of my hair where he fists my tangled
locks into a vice like hold. He moans deeply in his chest while pushing his
body into mine. He is completely turned on at our most intimate exchange and I
am utterly embarrassed that it’s happening right in front of my boss. I grip
his upper arms and give him a small push, breaking our connection. He drops his
forehead onto mine, piercing me with heated dark black eyes.

“I
will do anything for you, Angel,” he reminds me as I step out of the room and
walk next door with the biggest smile plastered on my face that is so set in it
will no doubt require Ajax to wash it off.