Almost Alive (8 page)

             
“Julian!”  I started sobbing.  I couldn’t believe that I was desperate enough to call him and that I had no one else that I could.  “I need you to come get me.”

             
“Where are you?”

             
“I don’t know!”  It was the scariest thing in the world.  I felt violated, disgusting, and unattractive.  My underwear was missing.  Only God knew if I had slept with anyone or what I had promised to do to my dance partner once we got off the dance floor.  “Please come get me.”

             
“Okay.  Give the phone to someone more sober than you.”

             
I did what he said and handed the girl her phone back.  I didn’t hear what they had said, but she propped me up in the corner of the stall and left me there once she got off the phone.  I didn’t want to be alone.  I didn’t know what would happen to me if I were.

             
I was terrified and cried, and I cried until I passed out.

              I felt a faint light hitting my face, and I squirmed a bit until I realized I was sinking in the comfort of fluffy warm blankets and pillows.  I ceased trying to fight it once I realized how comfortable and safe I was.  Plus, I was exhausted.  I slowly opened up my eyes and saw a face hanging over me.  His eyes were staring down into mine, full with such a level of concern that I hadn’t noticed before.  “Julian?”

             
He smiled, and it was weird.  “So you’re finally awake, huh?”  It wasn’t a weird smile.  It was just weird that he was smiling.

             
I tried to sit up, but I immediately felt lightheaded and fell back down into my bed.  My body was like a ton of bricks!  “Are my parents here?”

             
“No.  It’s just us right now.”  It was completely weird how he brushed the loose strands of hair out of my face so we could see each other better.  I was noticing little things about him that I hadn’t noticed before.  He was so much kinder and gentler than I ever could have guessed.  “What did you take?”

             
“I don’t know.”  I rubbed my burning eyes as I tried to think back to what happened after I confronted my demon, but it was no use.  I woke up in the club with that guy and the only thing I remembered taking was the alcohol and the pills.  “The demon made me do it.  I don’t even remember.  You have to believe me!”

             
“I do.”  I had risen up from trying to explain myself in such a panic.  Julian gently grabbed me by my shoulders and eased me back down.  “Just rest and we’ll figure this out in the morning once you’re sober and off your buzz or whatever.”

             
I thought he was a creepy freak before.  Then I realized how manly he was and that it was possible for him to be attractive, but I still thought he was too much of a jerk to be liked.  I genuinely did think he was only after my innocence so he could taint it to his own liking.  Suddenly, he ripped the veil from off my eyes, and I saw another layer that I hadn’t expected.  “You do care about me.” 

             
He smiled.  “Of course I do.”

             
Mom and Dad might have come, but I couldn’t imagine them taking care of me like he did.  I literally didn’t have anyone else besides him.  “I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you!”  I was overwhelmed from guilt and started to cry uncontrollably because I was too tired to fight or wipe my tears away.

             
“It’s okay, Michelle.”  And just when I thought he couldn’t rise any further above my expectations, he proceeded to wipe my tears from my eyes.  “Just get some sleep and everything will be alright in the morning.”

             
I believed him.  I was determined not to ever let the demon make me feel negative toward him again.  If there were one person in the world that deserved my trust, it was Julian.  “Will you please stay with me tonight?”

             
He drew his hand back and looked surprised and unsure.  Was he that much of a gentlemen or was he afraid that he wasn’t?  “Sure.  I’ll stay.”

             
I made room for him, and he eased in next to me as if he were afraid I was going to pounce on him.  I suppose I had a track record, but that’s not why I wanted him to stay.  I knew he could make me feel safe and help protect me from myself.  It was terrifying not being able to trust my own mind. 

             
I rested on his chest and pulled my blanket over the both of us.  I heard him quietly gulp and his heart beginning to race.  I smiled and did my best not to make any smart comments so I wouldn’t ruin the moment.  Even though my mind had been lost for most of the day, I was peaceful enough to fall back into sleep knowing that he would be my guardian.  “Thank you, Julian.”

             
“You’re welcome, Michelle.”

              Morning time came in like a violent burst and exploded onto my face.  I could imagine what a vampire felt like when they met their unfortunate fate by the power of the sun, because my eyes were extremely sensitive to the light.  I tried shielding my eyes with my blanket, but Julian pulled my covers off.  “Please!”

             
“We’ve gotta get you ready for school.”

             
I pouted and moaned.  I didn’t want to go.  I had a splitting headache and a broken and embarrassed heart.  I didn’t know how to face Michael and his girlfriend after exposing myself as a slut in front of the entire school.  “Do I have to?”

             
“I need to keep an eye on you, and this isn’t a good place to do it.”

             
He didn’t even know the half of it!  My mom would have been really crossed if he ruined her aerobics workout for the day.  “Fine!”  I found the strength to sit up, but I still moaned for a little while.  I was so miserable; I didn’t know what to do.  “I’m starving, and I’m thirsty.”

             
“I’ll sneak downstairs and find you something.”

             
“My parents still don’t know you’re here?”

             
“No, and I’d like to keep it that way.”  He smiled, and he did kind of look adorable.  Something was different about him, and I don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out. 

             
I pondered about what it was once he left the room.  He had bedhead instead of his usual razorblade cut bangs draping diagonally across his face.  That wasn’t what was different that made me find him more attractive. 

             
I got out of bed and stumbled into my bathroom so I could take a shower.  I wasn’t still drunk or high, but my legs and feet really hurt.  I wondered how long I had been dancing in those ridiculous shoes.  I wondered where I got the whole outfit for that matter.  Nothing that I had on seemed remotely familiar.  I would have never bought such dangerous shoes if I were in my right state of mind.  It still felt like my feet were being stabbed and all I did was transfer my feet from carpet to tile.

             
I didn’t exactly want to look in the mirror, but I stumbled right into the sink and my reflection just happened to be there.  Man, I looked like crap!  My eyes were red, my hair was crazy, and my face was stained with black tears from my mascara rolling down my face.  I realized that I didn’t want to take a shower while Julian was over, so I combed my hair roughly with my fingers and washed my face with a hot rag.  Once I was done with it, I spotted a used rag that was stained with mascara residue.

             
Then it dawned on me that Julian had washed his face clean, and I could actually see a man and not a raccoon.  Surprisingly, I thought the man was really, really cute.

             
I hurried and put on a pair of panties.  I couldn’t believe I had been commando for so long.  Then it dawned on me that I shared a bed with Julian, and it really grossed me out.  I quickly changed into a pair of pajamas and hopped into the bed seconds before he came back with a jug of orange juice and a big bag of chocolate covered pretzels.  “I love you!”

             
“You love me?”  He tried to be casual about it, but a flattered smile fought its way tooth and nail for the right to spread across his face.  “That’s different.”

             
“You know what I mean!”  I reached out for the jug of juice and started chugging it as soon as it got in my hands.  I obviously couldn’t drink it all, but I needed to satisfy my insane thirst.  Julian looked a bit slighted and I smiled innocently after wiping my mouth.  “Sorry.  I take it you don’t drink after people?”

             
“You didn’t get Chlamydia last night, did you?”

             
“I couldn’t tell ya.”  I continued on chugging what my little stomach could take.  I could only go through a couple of more gulps so I could leave room for the pretzel bag that I was about to destroy.

             
“I’m fine.  I’ll pick up something on the way home.”

             
He was watching me, and I felt awkward all the sudden.  I felt compelled to tell him what I thought about how he looked while I thought I looked like a mess.  “You know, you look nice without all that gook on your face.”

             
He cocked his brow and smiled.  “And what if a man told you that you looked better without makeup?”

             
“I wouldn’t believe them.”

             
“Sexist,” he teased.

             
“Hey!”  I playfully punched him in the arm.  “I’m just trying to help you out.”              

             
He shrugged.  “It’s just me.  I don’t know what to tell you.  Maybe I’ll grow out of it; maybe it’s me for life.   I don’t know.  I just like the look.”  It wasn’t a bad look.  I just thought he would look better if he were clean-cut.

             
I guess it didn’t matter.  He might have been my knight, but he wasn’t exactly my Prince Charming.  “Thank you for coming to my rescue last night.”

             
“Nobody really came to mine, so I feel protective of you.”

             
“What about your mentor?”

             
“He showed up a couple of months after I came back from the dead.  I had to go through a lot on my own.”  I felt terrible for him as well as incredibly grateful that he found me.

             
“Maria said you ran away a couple of times and that you were doing drugs.  She said you were even violent.”  I felt bad for bringing up his past when I knew he didn’t really wanna talk about it, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice.  “Did the demon take over your body?”

             
“I don’t think so.  It just suggested a lot of things that I didn’t fight against.  I didn’t know how.  I thought it was my own mind and it made sense.  If I wanted to die before, why should I try to live healthy?  I needed to have fun.  If I ran myself into the ground, what did it matter?”

             
“It talked to me last night.  We had a full-blown conversation.”

             
He slightly glared.  “I told you not to.”

             
“I didn’t mean to!”  It all happened so fast, I could barely grasp what happened.  “It did exactly what you said.  It offered me things, and I didn’t believe it.  Then the demon told me that it didn’t need my cooperation and then I blacked out and woke up drunk and high at that club, dancing with a child molester!”

             
I thought Julian might still be angry, but it was worse that he was so concerned instead.  “That is a bit of a problem.”

             
If his demon didn’t make him blackout, what did that mean for mine?  Was my demon that much stronger or was I that much weaker?  Either way, it was bad for me.  “What do I do?”

             
“Follow my rules.  Always fight against the demon and don’t sin.  Every time you do, the demon gets stronger.”  He glared again.  “You didn’t take any drugs of your own freewill last night, did you?”

             
Most of the night was a blur, but I quickly recalled the glass of beer and whatever was in it.  There was no way to guess.  “Maybe a little bit.”

             
He pouted and though he looked almost like an adorable child, it was with enough authority to make me feel like a complete and total failure.  “That’s not good, Michelle.”

             
“I swear I’ll listen to you.  Just help me out.  I’ll do better!”  I was desperate.  I couldn’t handle another night like that.  I wasn’t that type of person.  There was nothing fun, cool, or sexy about not having control over my own actions.  It was terrifying!

             
I thought Julian was gonna be the hardest teacher in the world, but he totally caved and wrapped his arm around me for a hug.  “I believe in you, Michelle.”  I wouldn’t have guessed he’d be such a softy or that he would have such a nice man chest.  “We’re gonna get through this together.”