Almost Alive (4 page)

              I didn’t have any encounters with the demon that night, or at least I think I didn’t.  It was really hard to tell at that point, but I felt like myself.  Sure, I was a frightened, super paranoid version of myself, but at least I was myself. 

             
When my parents came home, I didn’t even think about telling them about the demon.  I’m not sure if Julian was sure about having me committed.  I think they’d be too embarrassed to go through with it.  If they did, they would lie about where I was and then I would have to lie and I apparently wasn’t allowed to do that if I wanted my soul to refrain from becoming munchies for an uninvited demon.  It was better with them not knowing.

             
Things were pretty much the same.  Dad came home late for dinner smelling like cheap perfume, which my mother ignored because the house was doused with scented candles to mask the masculine scent of her young boy toy. 

             
We all ate together mostly in silence.  Eventually, Mom had to ruin that to look like she cared.  “How was school today, Michelle?”

             
I was hoping I could push around a plate of vegetables all night long until I was excused and avoid the truth altogether.  “It was awful, but I’ll get over it.”

             
I didn’t have any other option but to be as vague as possible, but Mom lived a pretty boring and cliché life for a rich wife, so all she had was her drama.  “Does this have anything to do with why you need that bandage on your forehead?”

             
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”  I was stern as I could be while trying to be respectful.  I didn’t want to be forced to lie to them.

             
I usually did what they wanted, so Mom was shocked when I didn’t just blurt out what she expected.  She looked stunned for a couple of seconds with her mouth hung low, but then she swallowed her pride and commanded me while still trying to sound like a friend.  “We need to talk about this.  If something is bothering you then—”

             
“Maybe we should let her be,” Dad said.  I knew I could depend on him to keep us distant and cowardly.

             
“No!”  From her angry reaction to Dad, I got the feeling that she was gonna turn it into a big thing just to engage him in an argument over something stupid while they avoided the blowout of the century.  “We need to know what’s bothering her.”

             
“Isn’t that why you two hired a therapist?”  I didn’t mean to mock.  Maybe I did mean to.  I’m not sure, but I don’t think blaming my mild showcase of hostility on a demon would have been fair.

             
“This isn’t like you!”  I’m not sure why she couldn’t take it.  Her young boyfriend must have thrown occasional temper tantrums with him being only a couple of years older than me.  She must have had some experience with teenagers.  “You don’t get smart, and you don’t snap at me like you did earlier.  Let me help you.”

             
I didn’t get what she was trying to do, but I wasn’t falling for it.  The sympathetic eyes and the calming voice weren’t going to fool me.  Ever.  “Dad, can I be excused?”

             
It was a showdown.  Mom was trying to establish dominance with her eyes and force him to cooperate with her.  She didn’t know Dad at all.  He wouldn’t let her pretend like she owned the penis in their relationship when he used his quite frequently.  “Of course.”

             
I left the table quickly, but not before hearing the beginning of their whispered arguments that grew louder and louder.  Mom was mad because she felt like he did undermine her authority.  Dad used some excuse about how we needed to be gentle with me, but Mom was right.  I was just an excuse, even if he probably meant what he said about me.

             
Things must have been getting bad between them by how big the argument had become over lil’ ol’ me.  They didn’t even notice that I had never shut my door and was quietly listening to them arguing from the top step.  I wondered if I should go down there and air out all their secrets in their dirty closets and end their sick, sad, joke of a marriage.  Maybe things would be better that way, but maybe they wouldn’t.

             
Eventually, I went into my room and the bathroom door was open, and my reflection looked creepily at me.  No, it didn’t look like the demon was watching me.  I just remembered what it was like, and it made my skin crawl.  I wanted to go closer to look into its eyes, but I couldn’t really stomach to do it.  I didn’t need my room to start haunting me as well.

             
Instead, I crawled into my bed and stared up at the ceiling while tears rolled down my face.  I didn’t feel sad, yet I cried.  Maybe it was because of my terrible parents.  Maybe it was from finding out the truth about why my life had been so odd lately.  Maybe it was because I knew I didn’t have any other options but to live knowing how hard it was gonna be.  Regardless of whatever reason, they flowed like a stream until I calmly rested my eyes and fell asleep.

             
The next morning, I got out of bed on my own.  I didn’t care to see Mom, and I didn’t want her bugging me about anything.  I pretended like nothing was different from before my death and took a long, warm shower in the morning.  I hated the feeling of it on my skin, but I was going to fog up the mirror so I wouldn’t see myself.  I had avoided my reflection without dwelling on why I was.  I didn’t hit a snag in my plan until I had to do my hair.

             
I had a vanity mirror in my bedroom that I kept covered for a while, but I did have that cut on my forehead that was still a nice shade of red until it turned into a scab and then scar.  Since it wasn’t in an awesome shape like a lightning bolt or my initials, I wanted to cover it up.  It would keep me from having to answer difficult questions that I couldn’t lie about.  I uncovered the mirror so I could cut a pair of bangs big enough to cover it.  I hadn’t rocked a look like that since I was a little girl, but I made it edgier and less preschool.

             
I couldn’t help but anticipate the demon trying something to freak me out or a hostile takeover, but I can’t say anything weird happened.  My reflection didn’t seem like it was out of place and my eyes didn’t look freaky.  I was just me, like my first day was just a bad dream.

             
It made me question if everything that happened at school was all imagined and if Julian was feeding into my fantasy because he was an entree of sick served with a side of twisted and crazy.

             
I left home before Mom and Dad could crowd me at the front door about what happened last night or the past couple of months of my old life before I ended it and afterwards.  I was done talking about it. 

             
Unfortunately, not everything awkward and traumatic can just go away.  While I uneasily stood by my locker and questioned whether or not it was safe to open it up, Michael appeared from behind.  He didn’t say anything at first. I tried not to look or speak to him, but I couldn’t think straight while his overbearing presence was sucking out all the sanity in the hallway.  “What’s up?”

             
“Do you need to get into your locker?”  I was surprised how awkward he was.  I thought he’d be frustrated or even insanely angry that I blew him off after coming onto him like a hooker working for Benjamins. 

             
“I can wait until these guys are done.”  I wasn’t going to go stark raving mad and force my locker neighbors to run off.  I didn’t need the entire school talking about how much of a freak I was. 

             
He smiled.  “Have you ever tried this?”  He walked up to my locker and smiled at the two females.  “Excuse me.”  And just like that, they moved over and quickly packed up their things and left politely.  Michael shook his head at me, and his smile became a full-on chuckle.

             
I was embarrassed, but the best thing to do in that sort of situation was laugh.  “Okay, fine!  I should have done that.”

             
“Never crossed your mind?”

             
“I guess I’m too timid for my own good.”

             
“Timid?” he asked surprised.  “I would have never guessed.”

             
I laughed, but I couldn’t help but turn bright red when I thought about how I had royally damaged my image.  He probably told the whole football team that I was a big slut.  “I suppose I was a bit bolder than usual yesterday.”

             
“I can’t say that I minded all that much.  It was just the departure that confused me.”

             
“About that…”  I couldn’t tell him the truth.  The truth was insane and maybe a tad bit insulting on his part.  “I don’t really know what to say!”

             
“Is it something I did or Julian—”

             
“It wasn’t really either of you.”  Maybe I should have been disgusted that Michael didn’t have any second thoughts about trying to have sex at school, but it was important to me that he thought well of me.  “I’m not really that way.  I swear I’m not.  The boyfriend that I had was someone I was faithful to for many years, and I took things really slow with him.”

             
“Fair enough.  I believe you; I just don’t get what yesterday was about then.”

             
“I don’t know.”  I leaned up against the lockers and shrugged my shoulders.  “I guess I’m just wildly attracted to you.  I honestly felt like I couldn’t help myself.  Is that weird?”

             
“Since I don’t wanna be accused of having low self-esteem, I’m gonna say ‘no’, but I’ve never done anything like yesterday myself.”  I might have been a dope, but I started to feel really good about him.  Maybe he was a victim of whatever I was exuding.  Even if he weren’t, what guy gives up sex from an attractive girl?

             
“I guess I just like you too much for my own good.”

             
He smiled.  “Really?”  The way he looked at me wasn’t particularly special, but he was adorable with those dimples of his.  I didn’t mean to be so easily charmed by him, but there was no resisting the power he had over me.

             
“Why are you so surprised?  You probably get all the girls to fall in love with you.” 

             
“Believe it or not, I’m not much of a bachelor.”

             
Needless to say, I was surprised.  “Then what was yesterday about?”

             
He shrugged.  “I guess I’m just wildly attracted to you.”

             
I shouldn’t have been so surprised.  I’m a good looking girl.  Some of my friends thought I could do better than Jason.  Of course, one of those same friends started dating him immediately after my breakup.  “I hate to sound like I’ve got low self-esteem, but I kind of find that hard to believe.  There are no other girls that have your attention?”

             
“There are some who are also very attractive, but I sort of feel a connection between the two of us besides sexual chemistry.  I hope I don’t sound like I’m feeding you lines or anything.”

             
He distracted me.  I zoomed in on his lips, and it took everything in me not to grab him by the back of the neck and pull him in.  It was just a kiss.  That’s all I was thinking of.  There was nothing more to it than that.  There was no demon in my mind.  I just wanted a kiss! 

             
“Michelle?”

             
“Sorry!”  I tried shaking my head to snap out of it, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how good of a kisser he was.  “I’ve just been going through a lot lately, and I thought I wasn’t ready for boys.”

             
“And you changed your mind?”

             
I smirked and began to lean into his luscious lips.  “You tell me.”

             
“Good morning!”  Julian appeared out of nowhere, and it really gave me the creeps how he just came from the shadows.  I was only a few inches away from Michael’s lips before he put his rough hands on my shoulders and proceeded to squeeze them hard.  “What’s going on?”

             
Michael groaned loudly.  “Dude, do you mind?”

             
“I’m just looking out for my buddy here.”  He kept squeezing and I was totally thinking about punching him in his face!  “She asked me to look after her.  We’re friends.  Isn’t that right, Michelle?”

             
I rolled my eyes.  “Yeah.  We’re buddies.”

             
Michael leaned in close to me, but he didn’t speak quietly.  “I can deck this guy if you need me to.” 

             
“Oh, you can try!” Julian warned with a smile.  He didn’t need to act so tough.  I doubted he could take a punch from Michael.

             
“I’m fine.”  Michael started to take a step toward Julian, but I pressed against his firm and brilliantly sculpted chest and pushed him away.  I might have really disliked Julian, but I didn’t want his death on my conscience.   “I actually need to talk to this idiot right here.  I’ll see you later.”