Always Yours (17 page)

"Then she goes and makes a comment like the one she did and it pisses me off to no end."

"Well, Cam, I don't really know what to tell you, except I think you are over analyzing way too much. I would be super careful with this one, don't let her get away unless you're sure it's what you want, because once you do it's gonna be hard to get her back."

"Cara, what are you doing?" Tessa's voice made me jump.

Tripping over my own two feet I stumbled back, colliding with the wall, praying I hadn't been caught eavesdropping. "Uh, just looking for Cam, have you seen him?" I asked her, playing dumb, my eyes broad with trepidation.

I heard the rustling of chairs on the deck and within seconds Cam was walking through the door. "Looking for me?" he said, his voice stern as he stepped closer, invading my space. His scent filled my senses, making me dizzy with desire.

"Umm, yeah, is everything okay?" My eyes shifted to Matt as he came through the door. "I haven't seen you all night," I added, looking back at Cam. He didn't say anything as he stood before me, his stare heated. He must have still been mad at me for my comment earlier.

"Cara," Tess called out again. Titling my head I looked at her. "Come do a shot with me, lady." She twirled her hair and motioned me to follow her.

Looking up through my lashes, I waited for Cam to respond but there was nothing but silence. That was my queue—I took a step towards Tessa when his arm lifted, his hand connecting forcefully with the wall behind me. "She'll be there in a minute, Tess. I need to speak with her first," he insisted, his eyes still penetrating into me, keeping me in place while my mind ran in circles.

I didn't even see Tessa walk away. The only thing I was focused on was two intensely blue circles.

"Did you mean it?" he asked me and my brow creased in response. "When you said I wasn't worth it?"

"I don't know, Cam, I was mad at you for saying—"

"Yes or no, firecracker," he cautioned, interjecting.

"No," I whispered, looking down at my hands. "I didn't mean it."

Gently, he slid his hand behind the nape of my neck as he used his other hand to lift my chin. "Neither did I," he confessed. "You belong to me and it's about time I start acknowledging that, even if I'm not quite ready to."

I smiled as I leaned into him, resting my hands on his hips. "I'm not asking you for a solid commitment, Cam. I know you need time. I just want to be more than a piece of ass to you, that's all."

"Believe me...you are so much more than that." He stroked his thumb across my cheek.

I closed my eyes and felt his lips meet mine. He entered my mouth slowly before increasing the speed of the kiss rhythmically with my heartbeat—his tongue pumping in and out of my mouth as he pinned me against the wall. Pulling back his breath was heavy. He released a soft moan as he pushed his body into mine. "I've wanted you all day, Cara. How about we get out of here and get lost?"

"I thought you'd never ask," I said.

We didn't waste any time after parking. Cam had my clothes off and was inside of me within minutes. We didn't even make it out of the cab of the truck. The windows were fogged up from the heat between us and we shook and rattled the wheels of the truck as we climbed to our climaxes.

When we were finished, Cam pulled out a blanket and some pillows and asked if I wanted to watch the stars. So that's what we did.

Lying in the bed of Cam's truck, listening to the perfect sounds of Chris Young's "Lost”, I felt Cam's hand sneak over and grab mine. The warmth of his touch spread through my body.

"Tell me something I don't know about you, Cara," he said, turning his head towards me. "Something normal."

"What's normal?" I asked him, mimicking his actions.

"I don't know..." He paused and looked back up at the stars. "What's your favorite ice cream?"

I laughed, turning my attention to the sky. "Coffee. What's yours?"

"Strawberry. When's your birthday?" he shot right back and I felt as though we were playing twenty questions.

"March seventh. When's yours?" I turned to face him.

"February eleventh. Favorite color?"

"Orange...you?"

"Blue." He rolled over on his side, propping himself up with his arm. "Favorite movie?"

I mimicked his actions again so we were face to face. "Fight Club," I said and a huge smile crossed his face.

"Really? Why?" he asked, his curious grin growing wider.

"Because it's about so much more than fighting, it's about realizing that 'you aren't your fucking khakis’, that things don't matter. Materialism is dumb." I pushed up resting my head on my hand and Cam stared at me with wide eyes. "That and Brad Pitt is fucking delicious in it," I said, wiggling my eyebrows at him.

He busted out laughing. "I knew it had something to do with him."

"Shut up," I said, swatting his chest. "I'd love it even if he wasn't in it. What's yours?"

His eyes darted around like he was about to tell me a huge secret. Leaning closer to me he put his hand up to his mouth like he was going to whisper it into my ear. I bent closer, curious as to what his answer was going to be. "Fight Club," he whispered and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Don't mock me." I pulled away from him.

"I'm not! I swear. I love that movie," he admitted and I looked at him, cocking my head to the side, silently asking him to prove it. "The things you own end up owning you," he quoted as he stared at me. "That movie made me realize I wanted to fight." His face falling a little at his lost dream.

"What was it like?" I asked him, my voice serious.

"What?"

"Fighting...what was it like?" He shut his eyes and for a moment I regretted asking the question.

"It's addicting, liberating even. At least it was for me." He opened his eyes and gazed up at the stars as he got lost in his own mind. "When you're in the ring, you have no one to help you—it's just you and your opponent. One of you will win and one will lose. You have no one to rely on except yourself and you find out what you're made of real quick. In the ring it doesn't matter who you are, where you came from, or who your father is. The only things that matter are you and your fists."

He sounded proud as he explained it but I felt sad for him. Fighting was everything to him and in one swift moment it was taken from him. I wish I could've seen him fight, just once.

"Do you miss it?"

He didn't miss a beat. "Every fucking day." He looked over at me and a thin smiled appeared on his face. "Amber used to always tell me
'when you walk the path to your dreams sometimes you take a wrong turn and find a new one'
and I believe that's what I did. I love firefighting, almost as much as fighting. And who knows, I may have dreams out there I haven't even discovered yet."

Amber.

It was becoming the most annoying sound I had ever heard—buzzing in my ear like a little mosquito searching for its next meal. Cam hadn't been able to shut up about her since Tessa's graduation party last weekend. 'Amber this and Amber that'—it was making me sick.

I don't think he was intentionally bringing her up to piss me off. He loved her and she was a huge part of his life—I get that. It was like that with Lance and me. What I didn't understand was how he could talk about her like she was still a part of his life. I
hated
talking about Lance. The recollections the sound of his name created suffocated me in fear, making it hard to breath, like a plastic bag was being held over my head. That was why I never spoke about him or that time in my life unless it was absolutely necessary. Cam obviously didn't feel the same and that made it worse. Maybe he was still in love with her.

I shook my head trying to clear my jumbled thoughts and finished applying my make-up in my bathroom mirror. I felt a little undressed but Tessa had said it was a backyard country party so I figured my off the shoulder, orange t-shirt and jeans were perfect. I checked my outfit one last time before stepping into my comfy gold and brown sandals and headed out the door.

Picking up Cam, I decided to let him drive my car out to Matt's place, which was east of town about thirty minutes. It was abnormally quiet in the car and I wondered if he was starting to pick up on my bothersome attitude towards him. I watched out the window as the buildings turned to fields and the pavement turned to dirt. The houses became few and far between and the sky was blazing with bright shades of blue and orange as the sun began to set behind the Rocky Mountains.

"Did I do something wrong?" Cam asked quietly, breaking the odd silence between us.

I didn't know if I should pour all of my issues into his lap or not. I decided to keep what I was feeling to myself—at least for now. "No, why do you ask?"

"You just seem....how do I put this..." he mumbled, and I knew the words I was about to hear were going to piss me off, "like you're surfing the crimson wave."

Slowly, I turned my head and glared at him.

Did he really just go there? Here I was, trying to avoid confrontation and he accuses me of PMS.

I couldn't even speak—I just sat there, the friction between us growing.

"Okay, maybe not," he said as he quickly turned his attention back to the road.

"I'm going to pretend like you didn't just say that to me," I warned.

"Then what's wrong? I feel like you're angry or annoyed with me."

"I'm fine," I huffed as I crossed my arms over my chest. "Can you just drop it?"

"You're fine? Come on, I'm not stupid, firecracker, I know that when a woman says
'she's fine'
she's anything but. Amber used to—"

"Ugh! Enough about Amber," I yelled at him, putting my head in my hands. "You talk about her non-stop and I can't fucking take it anymore!" I looked over at him and the expression on his face was pure shock. "It's obvious you still love her, Cam, and I understand that, but how do you think it makes me feel every time you say her name?"

He stared at the road in front of him, his face void of all emotion as he held on to the steering wheel with both hands. I watched his Adams-apple shift in his throat as I waited impatiently for him to speak. I felt the car decelerate and he pulled over.

Putting it in park he turned slowly in his seat so he was facing me. "I'm not in love with her," he declared, his voice shaky and unconvinced. "I used to think what I felt for her was love but now...I'm not so sure. She was such a significant part of my life that it's hard not to reference back to her." He reached across the console and took my hand, bringing it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently. "I'm sorry, and I'll try not to talk about her. I wouldn't want to keep you in this PMS state." I narrowed my eyes at him. "What? I don't like your pissy mood syndrome. It makes me want to protect my boys." His lips curled up into a cocky smirk and I couldn't help but grin back at him. He always had a way of calming me down.

"Well, if you don't watch yourself I might just have to hurt them," I cautioned seductively as I ran my hand up his leg.

"Promise?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Grabbing hold of my hand, he placed it on his dick, pushing his pelvis into me. "You can hurt them anytime you want as long as you kiss them better when you're done."

I could feel his hardness pressing up against his jeans so I grasped him roughly. A deep growl radiated from his chest as his head fell back against the seat. "Do we have to go to this party tonight? Can't we drive and get lost somewhere instead?" he asked me.

"I'm pretty sure Blake and Tess will kill us if we don't show up but maybe we can sneak out early," I suggested as I rubbed him through his jeans, thoroughly teasing him.

"Jesus Christ, woman, if you don't stop, I swear I will take you right here. I will bend you over the hood so everyone passing by can see what I do to you." He shot up seizing each side of my face and kissed me hard. "I'm gonna come so many times in you later that I'm going to be spilling out of you for days."