Always Yours (31 page)

I waited for the door to slam in my face but it never did. She stood there silently staring at me. The only sound I could hear was the slamming of my heart in my chest and the crickets in the bushes.

Fucking say something to her.

I shoved my hands in the pockets of my sweatshirt and opened my mouth but no words came out.

I watched, frozen in place as she blocked herself partially behind the door and crossed her arms over her body. "What do you want, Cam?"

You.

I forced myself to finally speak. "I wanted to talk to you."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Cam," she said, shaking her head. Retreating further into the house she slowly started pushing the door closed.

No more running
.

Moving into the threshold, I slammed my hand against the door. "Please, firecracker, give me five minutes. You can kick me out if you don't like what I say but at least give me a chance," I pleaded with her.

She inhaled through her nose and pulled the door open while stepping out of the way. "Five minutes."

Entering her house was like walking into an old memory. The smell of lavender pierced my senses and every emotion I had ever felt for her came rushing to the surface. I started pacing around her living room, my thoughts coming up blank. I had no clue what I was going to say—I never planned on making it past the front door.

She walked into the room and I turned to face her. It looked as though it was physically painful for her to see me in here. Her eyes shifted to the kitchen table then back to me and my discomfort faded a little knowing she was thinking of that night even at a moment like this.

The distance between us felt like miles, the couch like the Grand Canyon. I had an overwhelming need to be close to her. Relaxing my stance, I walked around the room. I could see the wheels spinning in her head as I got closer, her body tensing as I rounded the couch. I stopped and looked into her eyes. She was on the edge, teetering back and forth.

Don't think, just feel.

I wanted to say it. I wanted her to get out of her head. I wanted her to remember how fucking perfect we were when we were together but I didn't want to push her off the ledge. I could tell she wasn't ready. She didn't trust me and I knew I had to set things straight.

"I'm sorry for what Amber said to you," I said, fidgeting with the blanket on the back of the couch. Her eyes narrowed at me and I knew I had taken the wrong approach.

She took a step backwards. "You told her about my past, Cam. Personal details I never would have told you if I thought you were going to somehow use them against me. I mean, what kind of fucked-up person does that?"

"I know and I'm sorry." I gripped the back of my head with both hands. "I was just so fucking miserable." Turning around, I retreated further into the living room. There was no way I could look at her as I said the next part. "I was drinking every day just so I could try and forget about you. Amber kept asking questions about us and it was driving me crazy. I just wanted her to shut the hell up. Every time she said your name it fucking broke me all over again." I heard her inhale a sharp breath. Closing my eyes, I scrubbed a hand down my face. "I don't remember telling her, but I can't deny it either."

She didn't say anything and I was too scared to glance up at her. I didn't want to see the expression on her face. I didn't want to see how much my stupid actions had hurt her. My eyes drifted to the entertainment center in front of me and I saw a picture of her and the cocksucker.

Reaching for the frame I picked it up and stared at it. They were in this very room when the picture was taken. Cara was holding up a tiny key as she sat on his lap. His arms were wrapped around her waist as they both smiled for the camera. I scanned the rest of the shelves and couldn't find one picture of the two of us and my heart broke.

"Do you love him?" I asked quietly.

Once again she didn't say a word. Her silence gave me the answer I needed. I rubbed my thumb over Cara's beautiful face as my chest tightened with regret. I was too late.

I need to get the fuck out of here.

I set the picture back down and turned to make my exit. The wind was knocked out of my lungs when I looked up and saw tears streaming down her face—her head slowly shaking side to side.

"Do you love
her
?" she asked, her voice shaky.

Mimicking her actions I stayed silent and shook my head and a tiny smile spread across her lips.

"Are you still with him?" She shook her head again and I smiled.

"Are you still with her?"

The small smile on her face disappeared as I my head bobbed, hesitantly up and down.

Her shoulders slumped as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why are you with her if you don't love her?" She looked down at the ground, shuffling her feet.

"Because she's a distraction," I admitted. "I know you think what we had was just a fling but it wasn't, it was so much more. I know you can feel what I feel, firecracker. Please, just let me come a little closer so I can prove to you that what we had was real." She looked up at me, her eyes full of uncertainty and once again, she seemed miles away.

I walked towards her with a sense of urgency, her body tensing again as I approached. Her rigid posture was her only defense—it was her barrier to keep me away. She was scared if I touched her she would cave.

I had to touch her.

Ignoring her body's reaction, I slammed into her wall like a goddamn sledge hammer—determined to break through. She backed up but I kept moving closer until her back was pressed against the door and she had nowhere else to run.

Cam pressed his hard body into me as my back hit the door. His face was just inches away, his intense eyes locked with mine. My chest gripped my heart and I swear it stopped beating. His hand came up, cradling my neck and face, making a rush of desire run straight to my core.

God, I missed him.

"Don't think, firecracker, just feel." He rubbed his thumb across my cheek and butterflies invaded my stomach. When he placed his hand on my heart I felt like it was going to explode. "Feel what I do to you here." He trailed his hand down to my sex. "And here." My breath hitched in my throat and my core clenched.

He leaned a little closer, his mouth parting as it pressed down on mine. Closing my eyes I allowed him to consume me. I could feel him everywhere—in my heart, mind and soul—as his powerful kiss left me breathless.

When he pulled back, his smile was touching his eyes and mine matched it. "I think you like me," he teased.

If only you knew how much I liked you.

Pulling back, I lowered my gaze to the floor. He pulled my chin back up and held me in place. "I thought I told you that I like it better when you're staring at me."

I smiled as memories from the first night we met came rushing back to me. I had to tell him the truth....no more lies. He deserved to know. And if we were really going to start this up again, I wanted to start it with a clean slate.

"I need to tell you something," I said quietly.

"Anything," he said, burrowing his face in my neck.

"I'm serious," I deadpanned as I gently pushed him back.

He rubbed his forehead and his eyes filled with concern. "Okay, tell me then."

I took a deep breath. "I lied to you, Cam."

"About what?" He crossed his arms over his chest and his brows pulled together.

"Why I ended it with you." I put my head down and looked up at him with my eyes. I had a feeling he wasn't going to take this news very well.

He remained silent and just stared at me.

"I was so scared of being hurt again. When Amber showed up all my fears arrived with her. My head kept telling me you were going to hurt me." My stomach twisted into knots as I watched his anger start to rise. His chest heaving with each breath he took. "When I left your house that morning your phone beeped and I saw the text messages from Amber. I freaked out. The only thing I could think about was how I needed to push you away before you hurt me."

"Well, you did a great fucking job." His tone was cold. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the ground and returned to pacing in the living room.

"I didn't want to hurt you, Cam. I was trying to protect my heart." I stepped further into the room as I watched him. "I had no idea you cared about me like that. You kept me at an arm's length and no matter how hard I tried to get close to you....you wouldn't let me. I had already fallen for you and I thought you were just using me," I said panicked.

His head shot up as he stopped and he found my eyes. "Wait...you had fallen for me?"

Shit! That was not how I wanted to tell him that.

With my thumb pressed between my teeth I nodded my head at him.

"Did you love me?" he asked, his head cocking to the side.

I stood there, my arm holding the other at the elbow as I looked into his wounded eyes. I was terrified to tell him my answer. "I didn't know it until after you drove away, but yes, I did."

His eyes closed tightly and his head fell back as his hands gripped his hair. I watched his chest heave in and out as he inhaled and exhaled slowly. "I don't...I can't even...I just have to go. I need to think."

He walked past without even looking at me and my heart sunk. I couldn't lose him again. Not like this. Tears threatened my eyes and I shook my head in denial. Spinning around I said the first thing that came to my mind. "Don't think, Cam, just feel."

He froze in his tracks, his hand on the knob. I saw his head fall and without even turning around he choked out, "I can't this time."

I fell to my knees, tears streaming down my face as I watched him walk out my door.

Get lost.

That's what I needed to do. I had to get away from....everything. I drove my truck to the interstate and headed east with no destination in mind. The only thing I could think about was Cara and everything she told me in the last fifteen minutes.

She lied. She loved me. She purposely broke my fucking heart.

And why? Because she was fucking scared? I was scared shitless every fucking time I was with her. She brought every damn emotion I hated feeling straight to the surface but at least I was honest with her. I told her I wasn't ready. She kept pushing me to change and then, right when I was on the brink, she fucking pulled the rug out from underneath me. Her actions didn't seem worth the heartache she put us both through and I was fucking pissed.

My phone beeped and I pulled it out of my pocket. I knew right away it was Amber. I hadn't been home in over twelve hours and I knew she was pissed.

Where R U?

I didn't respond. I just turned it on silent and threw it in my cup holder.

I drove around for a few hours and finally came to a stop in the exact same spot Cara and I had first gotten lost at. I couldn't see anything as I looked out over the dark horizon, except for a billion stars and the porch light from the farm house below the ridge. I pulled my phone out and pressed the button to light it up—4:42am—I was beat. I swiped the screen, unlocking it and noticed ten new text messages, four missed calls and one voicemail.

I decided to listen to the voicemail first. It was from Amber.

"Why aren't you answering your phone or my texts? I need to talk to you now. Call me back." Her voice was shaking and irritated.

Immediately, I deleted the message.

Next I checked my messages.

Answer your phone.

I need to talk to u.

You are such a jerk.

I hate you! Pick up the damn phone.

You better not be passed out drunk anywhere.

WHERE R U?

I HATE YOU!

I'm going to bed and you better be here in the AM. We need to talk

I ignored all of those too, and continued to scroll down when I noticed a text from Cara. My stomach flew up to my throat as I read it.

I'm sorry. Please call me. I can't lose you again.

I couldn't stop my fingers as they slid across the screen.

You never should've lost me to begin with.