Always Yours (32 page)

I hit send and threw my phone across the truck. Closing my eyes I sunk down into my seat. I just wanted to sleep and let my mind have a break from Cara.

Tap...tap...tap

The annoying sound pierced my ears, making me stir in my sleep. I rolled over, still in a dream like state and tried to fall back to sleep.

Tap...tap...tap

My eyes began to open as the echoing sound pulled me back to reality. Looking around I remembered where I was. I looked out my driver side window and almost had a heart attack when I came face to face with a smiling old cowboy.

Tap...tap...tap

He hit is wedding ring on the glass as he pointed to the door handle. Stepping away from the truck he allowed me room to open the door. I knew I was trespassing and I'm sure the old man wasn't too happy about it.

I climbed out of the truck and the man spoke up instantly. "You need some help, boy?" he asked me.

"Uh, no, sir, I was just resting. I'm sorry for trespassing. Is this your land?"

Looking over his shoulder I recognized the truck he was driving. It was the same one that almost caught Cara and me that night. The man looked to be in his late sixties. His red and brown plaid shirt was being covered by a pair of worn overalls and his brown cowboy hat almost obscured his eyes.

He took a step back and looked me up and down. "That it is. But don't you worry about anything. I was just checking to make sure you were alright. You hadn't moved in a while and I thought maybe you were dead." He laughed and it brought a smile to my face.

"No, I'm not dead, just a little lost," I said, looking down at the ground.

"Well, I can give ya directions to just about anywhere. Where ya headed, boy?"

"That's very kind but I don't need directions. I'm not lost in the physical sense." I kicked at the dirt beneath my feet.

"Ohhhh, I see," he acknowledged. "You have woman problems, don't ya, son?" He lifted his hat and grinned at me.

"Yes, sir, I do." I chuckled. This old man was a trip.

"Well, boy, let me tell ya a little something I've learned in my old age." He took a few steps closer to me like he was going to tell me a secret. "Women are like fireworks, you never know how big of a punch they're gonna throw at ya until you light their fuse, but once you do, you can't help but be in awe of their brilliance."

I couldn't help but laugh at his reference. "This woman is definitely a lil' firecracker. I just don't get why she had to wreck me the way she did."

"I'm sure she had her reasons," the man said and I looked up at him. "And you shouldn't hold them against her. God put women on this earth so that we could love them. He never intended for us to understand them. If he did, he wouldn't have made them so complex. Everyone makes mistakes, boy, even women. Hell, if you find a woman that will own up to her mistakes, you better hold her tight and never let her go. But just remember, it's how you forgive those mistakes that make you the man she deserves."

I stared at this old man with admiration. He cleared up my head within a matter of minutes and he didn't even know what happened.

I reached my hand out to him. "I'm Cam," I said with a thankful smile.

"Jim," he replied with a nod of the head as he shook my hand.

I stayed and talked to Jim for a while longer before looking at the time. It was already 11am and I had a few hour drive ahead of me and I still needed to call Cara. I thanked him again and said my goodbye.

Speeding down the dirt roads I picked up the phone and called Cara.

"Hello," she answered, her voice tired and weak.

"Cara, I'm so sorry," I apologized, hoping she would forgive me. "I don't know what came over me. I never should have left you like that."

"It's okay, I kind of deserved it." Her tone picked up and for the first time in a long time she actually sounded happy. "Cam, I'm sorry too. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know, firecracker, and I forgive you. Everyone makes mistakes." I smiled as I repeated Jim's words. For the first time in four months I felt liberated. Cara and I were finally on the same damn page. "I know I should probably wait to say this to you in person, but I'm like four hours away and I don't think I can wait." I heard her inhale a deep breath and I continued, "Cara, I lo—"

"No, don't!" She cut me off suddenly and my chest constricted. "I want to hear you say those words so badly but not like this. Not while you're still with Amber."

I released the breath I was holding in. I wanted to argue with her and tell her it didn't matter but I understood why she stopped me. "Fine, I'll wait. I'll get home and deal with Amber." I paused and I could hear her smile through the phone. "You know I do though, right?"

"I know, Cam. I do too."

I slowly opened the door to my house and feared for the worst. Amber had been texting and calling me for the past twenty four hours and I hadn't responded. I knew something was up because of the irate message she left me but I didn't care. She was the last thing on my mind. The only thing I really wondered about was if Amber was still calling my house home.

Seeing as how it was now Monday, I knew Amber was at work so I wasn't surprised when I didn't see her car parked out front. Walking into my living room I found it exactly how I had left it. Boxes of Amber's shit were stacked up in the middle of the room—she hadn't fucking touched them. I released a heavy sigh as I ran my hand through my hair.

She's going to lose her shit when you tell her it's over
.

I was not looking forward to dealing with her but there was no way I was going back to Cara's until Amber was out of my life.

Frustrated, I made my way upstairs so I could take a shower. I had no clue how I was going to go about telling Amber. But I had to.

I entered my bedroom and nothing had changed, except for a few boxes had been moved around. Amber's shit was still sprawled out all over the floor, the bed was a mess, and clothes were scattered everywhere.

What has she been doing for the past day?

I removed my shirt and discarded it on the floor with the other piles of laundry, before making my way into the bathroom. The counter was littered with make-up and hair crap, to the point where I almost couldn't see the counter underneath. Shaking my head I reached into the shower and turned on the water. While I waited for it to warm up, I stripped out of my jeans and tossed them back into the bedroom.

Fuck, this place is a mess.

Grabbing an empty box, I began re-packing Amber's feminine shit. Brushes, bobby-pins, lotion, perfume—you name it she fucking owned it. It was like a damn beauty store threw up in here. I picked up her make-up bag and my jaw hit the fucking ground when I saw what was beneath it.

Is that.....

A cold rush of adrenaline hit me at my core and fear gripped me by the throat, cutting off my airway.

It wasn't the little white stick with the blue cap that had me fucking petrified, it was the digital word displayed on the white stick that made time stand still.

PREGNANT

The walls of my small bathroom began closing in on me as I picked up the test. Amber was pregnant and I had a feeling I was the father.

I stumbled backwards into my room. This wasn't fucking happening. Not now. Not with Amber. Not when Cara and I were so close to working our fucking shit out. I could feel a lump forming in the back of my throat and I forced myself to swallow it back down. I couldn't freak out yet. Not until I was sure it was mine.

Frantic, I grabbed my jeans and pulled my phone out of the pocket. Snapping a picture of the test results I sent a message to Amber.

Is this true? Am I the father?

She replied back within seconds.

A: Where did you find that?

ME: In my fucking bathroom. Is it true?

Staring at my phone, my anxiety rose with each second that passed. It felt like fucking hours had gone by and no response.
Why the fuck wasn't she answering me?
I sent her another text.

Answer me

Now I was pacing. When my phone finally beeped I was standing next to my bed.

Yes...and it's yours.

The phone fell out of my hand, colliding with the ground just like my heart. Closing my eyes, I gripped the little white stick tightly in my hand before I spun around, chucking it at the wall. That's when something inside me snapped. My hand stung like hell as it punched through the drywall but it took away from the pain in my chest so I didn't give a shit.

I dropped my head into my hands and broke. I fucking cried. I cried for Cara, I cried for myself, I cried for Amber and my unborn child. An innocent child that had no clue how much fear it was distilling in me. I was fucking torn. I loved Cara but there was no way I wasn't going to be there for my kid. It wasn't an option and I knew she would understand that. It also meant that Amber was going to be in my life whether I wanted her to or not.

I need to talk to Cara.

Picking up my phone I kneeled on my bed. I grabbed my pillow and pulled it into my bare chest as I typed out another text.

ME: U home?

C: Yes...did U talk to Amber?

I didn't want to answer that question.

ME: We need to talk. Can I come over?

C: What about?

I didn't want to answer that question either.

ME: I need to see you. Can I please come over?

C: You're scaring me

ME: You're not as scared as me

C: WHAT IS GOING ON?

ME: I'll explain everything when I get there.

C: Please don't hurt me.

ME: I don't want to hurt you, firecracker, but I think it's too late.

She didn't respond.

My head fell into the pillow and I silently let the tears fall as the ache for what was about to happen, ripped through my veins.

I stared down at my phone. I had no idea what that last message meant but it made my chest feel hollow and cold.
What changed so drastically in just four hours?

I was so confused.

I waited almost an hour before I heard Cam's quiet knock. Quickly, I ran to the door and when I opened it, I wasn't ready for what I saw. Cam was standing in front of me utterly broken. The bright blue in his eyes had faded to almost grey and the surrounding whites were bloodshot. He looked ten years older than he did the night before.

I couldn't help myself, throwing my arms around his neck, I held him to me. I never wanted to let him go. He wrapped his arms around my waist, desperately squeezing me harder and harder.

"Cam, what's going on?" I fearfully mumbled into his ear.

His muscles tensed as I spoke. I could feel his shoulders rise as he took a deep breath. "Amber's pregnant," he whispered, his voice full of terror and pain.

I closed my eyes as the words sunk in, burrowing into my gut and spreading through my body like a parasite.

He was right, it was too late.

He hadn't loosened his grip on me at all and I needed him to. I tried gently pulling back so I could see his face but he wouldn't let me. He just tightened his hold and buried his face in my neck. "Don't," he said in a rough voice. "I need you right now, firecracker. Please...don't run."