Always Yours (29 page)

Locking my phone, I slid it into my pocket. I didn't know how to read her text. Was she happy about talking to Kyle? Was she upset? The last thing I wanted to do was throw my good news in her face if her news was bad.

I didn't want to over think anything until I talked to her so I decided to keep myself busy by wiping down
my
bar. It was really mine! I looked around and prayed I wasn't going to wake up. It was almost too good to be true.

A few minutes later Shay came walking through the door, her posture hunched and her head down.

Shit!

"Shay, what's wrong?" I said, running over to her even though I was pretty sure I knew what the problem was.

I'm going to kill Kyle for cheating on her.

She covered her face with her hands. "Kyle...he...we're...I'm not..." She was so upset she couldn't even get the words out.

"What did that bastard do, Shay? Did he fucking cheat on you?" She shook her head no and my brow creased.

What the hell did he do then to make her this upset?

"He proposed!" she screamed, holding up her hand with a mega watt smile on her face.

My jaw dropped as my eyes darted to the sparkling rock on her ring finger. "Oh my God, you suck!" I yelled at her, pushing her away from me. "You almost gave me a fucking heart attack."

"Sorry, it was too easy," she said, shrugging her shoulder.

"Well, congratulations!" I shrieked, wrapping my arms around her. "I can't believe you're finally going to be Mrs. Kyle Mathews."

"I know!" she squealed, floating off to a dreamland as she stared at the ring with a goofy smile.

"So, how did he do it?" I asked as we walked over to the bar.

We sat down on the bar stools. "Nope, I want to hear your news first. We can talk about the proposal later. Spill it, chica."

I could barely keep the words in and they flew out of my mouth like lava from a volcano. "Royce gave me the bar! Maggie's Place is mine!"

I watched as Nolan spread out a large blanket on the green grass in the middle of Confluence Park. It was a beautiful August afternoon, the sun blazing in the afternoon sky. Sweat trickled down my neck as I set the picnic basket down on the edge of the blanket.

Nolan called me this morning and asked me if I had plans. He had organized a picnic for us in downtown Denver. It was just the type of romantic gesture I had come to expect from him. He was sweet, thoughtful, and textbook perfect.

As I watched him unpack the basket, I felt a bit of uneasiness creep in. Nolan was perfect. And as I caught his eye and he flashed me a smile, I couldn’t help but feel guilty that I was thinking of Cam. Even after all this time and everything that had happened, there was a part of me that couldn’t let go.

Nolan was everything I needed in my life—everything any woman could ever dream of, no less—and he wanted me. And I couldn’t stop thinking about a pair of blue eyes.

Taking a deep breath to focus, I smiled at Nolan and hoped he couldn’t read the guilt in my eyes. I shimmied out of my cut-off shorts. My t-shirt stuck to my skin as I tried to pull it off and I was grateful that the park had a river nearby to cool off in. I sat on the blanket and grabbed a bottle of sunscreen out of my bag. I squirted some of the cool liquid onto my hand and began to apply it to my legs. The weight of Nolan’s gaze made me turn my head.

He grinned wickedly before stretching his arms over his head with the hem of his shirt in his hands. The fabric pulled up inch by inch, revealing his tanned skin and chiseled torso. He was beautiful, a damn Greek God—I was one lucky, albeit confused, girl.

"Hungry, beautiful?" He took a seat next to me on the blanket, tossing his shirt next to the basket. He gestured towards the abundance of food in front of us—fruit, cheese, French baguettes, prosciutto. He pulled out two glasses and a bottle of red wine from a cooler.

"Damn, Nolan, you went all out for this, didn't you?" I said, looking at the bountiful display before me. He must have begun planning this well before he called me.

He popped the cork on the wine. "Only for you," he said with a wink as he filled the glasses.

Everything Nolan did was for me. He treated me better than any man could treat a woman, better than I ever thought anyone would ever treat me. So why was I not head over heels in love with him? It didn’t make sense; it only made me feel foolish.

He handed me a glass and then held his up in the air. "To a beautiful day with a beautiful woman," he said, tapping his glass to mine. An indisputable smile broke out on my face and I took a sip before setting it down, resolving to enjoy the day rather than second guessing everything I felt.

We ate in an unusual silence and I got the feeling that something was up with Nolan. He kept staring at me like he wanted to say something, grinning and fidgeting with his napkin. Our eyes would meet and just when I thought he'd worked up the nerve to speak, he'd look away and start the process all over again.

I wasn’t sure what was going on or if I should say anything. He was adorable as he fumbled with whatever was playing through his mind and I finally gave him the opening he needed.

"Are you alright?" I asked, pulling a couple grapes from the vine. "You seem nervous or something."

"I'm fine." His answer was clipped. Clearing his throat he quickly continued. "It's just really hot out here. Should we go cool off in the river?" He stood up and held is hand out for mine.

Way to change the subject, Nolan.

"Sure," I agreed warily. I grabbed his hand and he helped me to my feet.

As we made our way to the water, I tried to figure out what was going on with him. He had seemed fine on the phone and nothing seemed amiss on the ride over. It was just after he popped the cork that something between us seemed to change.
But what could it be?

We were almost to the water's edge when the old Nolan finally showed up. He swept me off my feet and I giggled as he carried me down the river where there were less people. He placed me down on a large rock that was almost fully submerged and the cool water felt like heaven as it hit my skin. He sat behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me between his legs. I leaned back into his chest and relaxed in the warmth from the sun.

I enjoyed being with him—that wasn’t a problem. He was honest, caring, and considerate. I just needed to try to relax and work through everything.

Kissing the back of my neck he took a deep breath. "Today's been awkward, hasn't it?"

"You noticed?" I said lightheartedly while looking over my shoulder.

He laughed a little. "I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind, I guess."

"Like what?"

"I don't know...you...us," he admitted, hugging me tighter. I could feel his apprehension roll off of him in waves.

My mind started racing in circles. I didn't know if I was ready for this conversation. My feelings for Nolan were complicated. I knew he was the man I should be with, everything about him was perfect. But for some reason when I looked at him, I wanted more. I wanted passion. I wanted to be able to see the stars every time he kissed me. I didn't want to settle…but, deep down, I knew that's what I'd be doing with Nolan.

He buried his face in my neck and I could feel his warm breath in my ear. "I'm falling for you, Cara...every part of you. I swear you were put on this earth so I could love you."

My eyes closed as his words sliced my heart. My chest tightened around my lungs making it hard to breathe—I was in way over my head. I had to get some distance.

Without saying a word I stood up and walked back to our blanket. I didn't look back because I knew the pain in his eyes would be too much for me to bear. I felt terrible for making him feel that way, but I didn’t want to mislead him, either.

Lying down on the blanket, I looked up at the blue sky.
What is wrong with me?
Nolan is everything a woman could ask for—smart, attractive, funny, caring—the list just goes on.

But he isn't Cam.

I shut my eyes tightly and forced back the tears. I knew I couldn't give him what he wanted. And he honestly deserved to have someone who could reciprocate his feelings. If given more time, maybe I could feel that way. But I wasn’t sure. And it wasn’t fair to waste his time.

As hard as it was to admit, I knew one thing for sure—I had to let him go.

I felt Nolan's warm hand slide over mine and I turned my head to look at him. "It's okay, Cara," he said with a strained smile. "You can't force something that isn't there."

"I'm so sorry, Nolan." I sat up and buried my face in my hands. "You're an amazing man. You and I, we..." My voice gave out as the reality of what I was doing hit me. I was letting go the best man I had ever met.

Don't cry...just breathe.

Instantly, I felt Nolan's arms around me. "Come here, beautiful," he said, stroking my hair, his soft deep voice helping me ward off the tears. "I get it. You need more.” He swallowed hard. “You need him."

"I'm such a fucking mess."

He pulled me to him and I inhaled a deep breath to steady my nerves as I returned his embrace. Here I was, breaking his heart, and he was the one holding me, telling me everything was going to be alright.

“I don’t deserve you, Nolan,” I said, my chest heavy.

“No. Don’t say that. That isn’t the truth.” He pulled away and looked into my eyes. “I want you to have whatever it is you want. I want you to be happy—truly happy. And if that isn’t with me, then it’s not. It sucks, but a relationship is a two way street.”

“You are going to make someone so happy.”

“So are you, beautiful. Just make sure you make yourself happy, too.”

He held my gaze for a few seconds before he threw his shirt back on and began putting the food back into the basket.

“Thank you for putting this together today. I’m sorry I ruined it,” I said, putting my clothes back on.

He paused, the wine in his hand, and gave me a sad smile. “I needed today to go one way or the other. But I can’t say I’m surprised at how it is ending.”

“I am so sorry. I know I’m such an idiot for not wrapping you up while I can. I just—”

“You just need more.”

I felt my entire body sag at his words. “Yeah. I just need more.”

"That's the last of it," I yelled as I walked through my front door with the final box of Amber's stuff.

It took two whole days to move her and all of her shit into my house and she didn't help with one goddamn thing.

How did I let her talk me into this?

"Can you put that one in our bathroom?" she asked from the top of the stairs. "It's my hair arsenal."

"This box weighs like forty fucking pounds. How much shit do you need for your hair?" I lugged the box upstairs and set it on the floor in the bathroom. Moving around the piles of boxes in my room I finally found the bed and laid down. I was exhausted.

"What are you doing?" she asked, standing in the bedroom door way. I lifted my head off of the pillow and stared at her.

"I'm fucking tired from moving all
your
shit and not getting one ounce of help, so I'm lying down for a second. Is that alright with you?"

She tapped her foot as her arms crossed over her chest. "Did you forget about our dinner plans tonight?"

I searched my brain for the answer as she glared at me. It was the last Sunday of the month which meant family dinner time at her father's.

Fuck! That was the last place I wanted to go.

"I'm not going." I let my head fall back onto the pillow and covered my eyes with my arm.

I just wanted to sleep.

"Yes, you are," she demanded.

"Don't start with me, Amber, or I'll pack up all of the shit I just moved in here and take it right back to your fucking apartment."

Her phone started ringing. "You wouldn't dare," she said as she picked up her phone.

"Watch me," I threatened.

I didn't even have to look up to know she was glaring at me. With a heavy sigh she walked out of the room answering her call. "Amber Murphy speaking."

A cool breeze blew through the open window and the smell of fall filled the room. Halloween was in a week and it had been almost four months since I saw Cara—four months since I heard her voice. I still thought about her every day but the pain wasn't nearly as bad. It only hurt when I was alone. When I was alone, all I did was think, when I thought, all I did was remember, and when I remembered, that's when the pain sunk in, so I made sure I was never alone.