Always Yours (2 page)

How do you tell someone that their life is about to change? I mean—really change....forever.

I had no clue how I was going to tell him, all I knew was that I had to do it.

Tonight.

I was scared shitless, yet, at the same time, kind of excited. Then again, I had five weeks to process what was happening—he was clueless. I was about to turn his whole world upside down and all I could do was pray that somehow we would get through this together. There was no way I could do this on my own. I needed him to be there for me, to hold my hand and stand by me through all of this. But something in my gut was telling me that what I wanted didn't matter anymore.

What if he accuses me of cheating? What if he leaves? What if he...

I couldn't even finish the thought. Instantly, tears filled my eyes as images of my father flashed in my mind.

No! He isn't like him! Lance would never walk away from me. He loves me!

I wrapped my arms around my stomach, protecting the unborn child that was inside, as tears rolled down my face. I was only eight weeks pregnant, but I had already bonded immensely with the child that was growing inside me. Although I was terrified about having a baby at the age of eighteen, I was overjoyed about becoming a mother. I just prayed that Lance would feel the same way. I knew he would be in shock at first but hopefully, with time, he would be just as happy as I was about the situation. I still couldn't believe I had waited this long to tell him.

I wiped the tears from my face, slipped on my jeans and pulled Lance's favorite sweatshirt over my head. It still smelled like him from the day before and it instantly relaxed me. I threw on my shoes and grabbed my keys and purse before heading out the door.

The drive over to Lance's was painfully slow. He only lived ten minutes away, but it felt like I had been driving for hours when I pulled up to his house. We were supposed to be going to some party, but truthfully, partying was the last thing I felt like doing. I put the car in park and before I even had time to turn off the engine, he opened his door and started jogging towards me. My heartbeat picked up at the sight of him and my nerves hit me full force; suddenly, I felt like I needed to throw up.

Shit! I can't do this!

Just as I was about to put the car in reverse and hightail it out of there, my passenger door flew open and Lance plopped down in the seat next to me. Closing the door, he turned and smiled at me. His prominent dimples made all my anxiety float away. I grinned back at him and his amber colored eyes found mine. He reached out for me and gently placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"Hey, princess," he said as he placed his hand on my cheek. "You ready to go?"

Lance Perkins was one of the hottest guys at our school and, being the quarterback of the football team, all the girls flocked to him. When he asked me out last summer, I was completely taken aback. I wasn't anything like the girls he usually dated. In fact, I was the complete opposite. Before me, he usually would have been seen with a bleach blond cheerleader or an uptight and prissy know-it-all. But for the past ten months, he had been glued to my side. He was beyond ecstatic when I finally got accepted to Colorado University a few months ago. He had gotten a football scholarship there and had been pushing me to apply all year. I never really had any ambition to go to college, especially CU, but if Lance was going to be there, then I figured why not. I could get my degree in Business and then help my stepdad run Maggie's Place, the bar he owned, after I graduated. Our futures were mapped out perfectly, but now I had no clue if we would be traveling down the same road.

"Umm, yeah, I guess," I answered hesitantly. I put the car in reverse and backed out of his driveway.

Lance talked the whole way to the party. I, however, was in a daze and barely even heard what he was saying. I nodded and replied every now and then with a 'yeah' or an 'uh huh’, but I had no clue what he was talking about. The only thing on my mind was how Lance was going to react to becoming a father.

When we finally pulled up at the party, I threw my car in park and took a deep breath. I had to do it now or I knew I never would. I took a deep breath as my leg bounced up and down nervously. Lance looked over at me and for the first time noticed my uneasy demeanor.

"What's wrong, Cara?" he asked. "You've been acting so weird lately. Are you nervous about graduation or something?"

Tears pricked my eyes and my mind started racing. I lowered my head and started fumbling with the drawstrings on my hoodie. I had no clue how I was going to tell him. I didn't want to just blurt it out—but that was exactly what I did.

"I'm pregnant, Lance." I couldn't even look at him as I said it. Tears started falling down my face as the haunting sound of silence started to confirm my worst fears.

He didn't move. He didn't speak. He just sat there.

I didn't want to look at him, but for some reason, I couldn't help it. I slowly shifted my gaze and, when I did, my heart broke. His face was as white as a ghost and he looked like he was going to be sick—he looked just like I did when I first found out.

I wanted to say something, but I knew what he needed was time to process everything, so I just sat there and tried to keep my sobs at bay.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke. When he did, I wished he wouldn't have. "Are you fucking kidding me, Cara?" I recoiled at his words. His tone was cold and distant—he was going to leave! I knew this tone all too well. He was going to be just like my father and walk away from me when I needed him the most.

I closed my eyes and my father's face flashed in my vision.

Please, don't leave me like he did...

"Fuck!" Lance screamed, pulling me from my nightmare. I looked over as he pushed his hands though his dirty blond hair. I jumped when he suddenly slammed his fist down on the dashboard. "No...no way! This can't be happening. It's not mine. Please, tell me it's not mine, Cara," he said through clenched teeth. He finally looked at me and his eyes were full of suspicion.

"How could you even ask me that, Lance? Of course it's yours!" I said, my voice cracking as I held back the resentment I was feeling. I couldn't believe he actually thought I would cheat on him.

"Shit!" he muttered as his head fell into his hands, shaking it back and forth like he was trying to wake himself up from the nightmare we were in. He took a deep breath and I thought he was finally starting to calm down. "What are you going to do about it?" he asked as he looked up at me. The guilt in his eyes made me sick to my stomach.

I knew what he meant by the question, but there was absolutely no way I was ever going to do it. The word
abortion
struck my mind the moment I found out about the baby, but I quickly pushed those horrible thoughts away. Adoption had also crossed my mind, but I knew there was no way I could ever give up a child—no matter what the circumstances.

The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I turned in my seat so I was facing him. I knew it was wrong not telling him sooner about the baby, but I wasn't going to wait to tell him my intentions.

"Lance, I'm keeping this baby," I said as I reached for his hands. "I know this isn't exactly how we saw our future, but what's done is done. We can raise this baby together and have the family we always talked about, just a little early is all. Please, don't let this break us apart."

He closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath before turning to look at me. His dark amber eyes found mine as he reached across the car and cradled my face with his hand. Leaning in, he kissed me desperately. For a split second, all my fears vanished and then I tasted the salt of his tears. He pulled away and that's when I saw the remorse penetrating through his beautiful eyes. No!

"I'm sorry, Cara, I can't," he said, his words heavy with shame. He knew he was being a coward and running away from me—from his child. I closed my eyes as tears poured from them. I wrapped my arms around my belly and sunk into the seat of the car. I felt so small as I rocked back and forth, trying to soothe the ache that was burning in my heart. When I finally found the courage to look at Lance, I saw the same distant look in his eyes I had seen in my father's the night he left.

Suddenly, I was eight years old again—hopeless and terrified. "Please, don't leave," I whispered, desperately. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and beg him to stay, but I knew it was no use. He was leaving and there was nothing I could do about it.

"I can't do this! I can't be a father....I can't lose my ride to CU.....I....I just can't." He reached over and opened the car door. "You'll always be my princess, Cara," he said as he stepped out. The next thing I heard was the car door shutting. I looked up and watched him walk away into the darkness.

I never saw him again.

"Ugh, I'm going to kill her!" I screeched into the phone. "No, I will not calm down! This is the third time in two weeks she's called in sick, Shay. I can't keep covering for her like this." I quickly got off the couch and headed up the stairs towards my bedroom, stripping off my comfy t-shirt and sweat pants, while keeping the phone close to my ear. Shay was trying to keep me composed—but I'd had it with Tammy. I hired her four months ago so I could have a night away from the bar every week. I love running Maggie's Place, it's all I've wanted to do since I was ten, but I needed to have time for myself every once in a while as well. I relied on Tammy to run the bar when I wasn't there and she did a fantastic job…when she actually showed up to work.

"Alright, Shay, make sure the bar is fully stocked," I said as I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. "I'll be there within the hour." I hung up the phone and waited for the water to heat up.

Shay was my top bartender as well as my best friend. I met her the day after my mom and I moved in with Royce, my stepdad, when I was twelve. Shay had lived across the street from us and was new to the neighborhood just like me. We instantly became inseparable, and the moment we both turned eighteen, Royce hired us at the bar. We started out serving tables but quickly made our way up the ladder. Royce taught us everything he knew about bartending and we both caught on quickly. When Shay and I were together behind the bar, it was like a scene straight out of the movie "Cocktail". We tossed bottles around like it was second nature—flipping them in the air, spinning them in our hands—the customers loved it.

I begged and pleaded with Shay to take the supervisor position but she turned me down. She didn't want the commitment or the responsibility that came with the title. Shay was the most laid back, fun-loving person I knew. She always had a smile on her face and always saw the optimism in a situation—I was the complete opposite of her. Even though we looked like we could be sisters, our personalities were far from it.

After a quick shower, I dried my short dark hair, applied a small amount of make-up and got dressed in my tight, black Maggie's Place t-shirt and dark wash jeans. Grabbing my purse, I headed down to my car and headed out for yet another night of work.

When I pulled up it was just past 7pm and the place was already packed. I got out of the car and cursed Tammy for calling in sick again.
Damn her!
We were always busy on Fridays but something told me tonight was going to be extra demanding.

Before taking my place behind the already packed bar, I went to the office to discard my coat and purse. I was surprised to see Royce sitting behind the desk when I opened the door. His head shot up from the document he was reading the moment I stepped over the threshold. Besides me, Tammy was the only other person that had access to the office. She always stood clear of it when Royce was around, so I'm sure he was shocked to have someone barge in on him like this.

"Hey, Care-bear, what are you doing here? I thought you had the night off?" he asked, seemingly surprised at the sight of me.

"I was supposed to," I replied as I hung my stuff up on the coat rack. "But Tammy called in sick....
again
." My tone was full of annoyance and I wondered if he noticed.

"Well, you're the manager now. What are you going to do about it?" he asked as he tapped his pen on the desk. He was staring at me with his eyebrows raised, the look in his mature eyes telling me "I told you so”.

Royce never cared too much for Tammy. With his uncanny ability to read people, he knew she wasn't right for the job, but he wanted me to learn for myself that you can't always trust a resume. But being as stubborn as I was, there was no way I would ever admit that hiring her was a mistake. Although, the fact that I was once again here in place of her made it plenty clear.

"Don't give me that look, Royce, and don't you dare say I told you so," I said as I placed my hand on my hip. "It's not fair. You've been around so long that you can decipher a person's flaws after just one conversation. Her resume was impressive and you know it! If it wasn't for her lack of commitment, she would be a great fit here." I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I pretended to pout, still not wanting to fully acknowledge the fact I was wrong.