Anchor of Hope (2 page)

“Steven, how on earth did you get reservations? I thought you had to book weeks in advance.”

He retrieved his matching suit jacket from the car and slipped it on.

“Maybe I had this planned in advance.” He grinned and cocked one eyebrow.

Ashley couldn't stop beaming. This was turning out to be an enjoyable evening indeed.

Inside they were ushered to their seats, offered sparkling mineral water and listened as their host described the various notes of their wines.

Steven took the initiative, ordering for them both, as he usually did.

The décor was incredible, classic with a contemporary twist. Intimate and inviting. An enormous painting of the sea filled almost the entire back wall, fitting seamlessly with the seafood focus of the menu.

Their drinks were poured promptly, and the crisp, fruity tones of the French white wine danced enticingly on her taste buds.

Steven held her gaze across the table; neither of them spoke.

Their first course was served:  clams served with shaved fennel and an incredible apple ginger broth for Ashley, while Steven had kingfish with caviar.

“Is it as good as you remembered?” Steven asked.

“Better. It's amazing.
This
is amazing,” she said gesturing to the whole room.

“Good. It's a special night and I wanted to make it one to remember—especially before you take off and leave me for an entire week.” He stuck out his bottom lip, pouting.

“Well, in all fairness, you won't even be here.” Ashley raised her glass to her lips. “I hope you've been working on your Japanese.”

Steven was due to fly to Japan on Thursday to meet with the head of a large Japanese law firm in the hopes of forming a profitable business alliance.

He feigned insult, dropping his mouth open and raising his eyebrows. “Watashi wa, watashi wa shinkō no anata no fusoku ni yotte bujoku shite imasu.”

Ashley raised her eyebrows “Wow, impressive! Does that actually mean anything or were you making it up?” She giggled.

“I said ‘
I am insulted by your lack of faith in me
’
.
” He frowned.

“I have faith in you. You'll do wonderfully—you always do.”

“I'm glad you think so,” he said, “because if we land this client next week I'm going to be announced partner at the Business Awards Dinner in two weeks.”

“Steven, that is amazing! Congratulations!”

Steven nodded, barely able to contain the look of glee on his face. “Thank you. It's time to get serious and grow up. Take responsibility.”

The main meals were served. This time Ashley had the lobster and Steven had the seared tuna and wagyu beef. Steven motioned for the host to refill their glasses.

“That's not the only reason I decided to bring you here tonight.” He waited for the waiter to leave. “I wanted to ask you something and I think now is the right time.”

A million reasons flashed through Ashley’s mind, but only one seemed to make sense. He
had
said
it was time to grow up and take responsibility
—was Steven about to ask her to marry him?

No. He wouldn't.
But then why
this
restaurant? They had been dating for five years, so it
was
possible. It was the next logical progression in their relationship. Ashley watched on as he began to eat his meal, leaving her in suspense. Her pulse began to quicken and her breathing felt shallow. He chewed his food slowly, and her anticipation grew.  Finally he swallowed, took a sip of his wine and dabbed at his mouth with the white linen napkin. Steven took her hand across the table, gently caressing her knuckles with his thumb.

“I think it's time we took the next step,” he said, meeting her eyes, his expression unreadable. “I'd like you to move in with me.”

Ashley took a moment to register his proposition. She felt relief that the excitement and anxiety of a possible proposal had passed, but at the same time she couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment. She had told Steven in the past that she wasn't interested in marriage, although, if she were to be honest, that was probably to please him as she knew how much he disliked the entire institution.

“Well, what do you think? I mean we've been together for five years now. We spend all of our free time together. If you move in, then we'll get to be with each other that little bit extra.” He resumed slicing his beef.

Ashley stifled a small laugh, lowering her gaze and pressing a finger to her lips.

“What?” Steven asked as he raised a piece of beef to his mouth.

“Nothing.” She looked at her meal, feeling foolish. Of course he wasn't going to propose.

“Really?” he asked. “If there's something on your mind, you should blurt it out. God knows I do.” He chuckled.

“It's nothing, really. It’s . . .” She looked up. “I don't know. I thought there for a moment you were going to
propose
to me.”

Steven froze, then began to laugh as though it were the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Ashley shifted uncomfortably at his reaction. He ran his hands through his dark hair and sat forward again, trying to suppress his laughter.

“God, no.” He wiped his eyes with the napkin and took a drink of his wine.  “You
know
I don't believe in marriage. It's a ridiculous, outdated concept cooked up by religious zealots in order to control the freedom and rights of humanity.”

Ashley shook her head and forced the best smile she could muster. So stupid. She hadn't entertained the idea of marriage—well, not since she was young and foolish and thought life was one big fairytale which always had a happy ending.

“Besides.” Steven took her hand, serious again. “What we have right now is so perfect, I don't want anything to come between us. We don't need a piece of paper or a ring to verify that we love each other, do we?” He raised Ashley’s chin to meet his eyes.

She shook her head. “I suppose not.”

“Of
course
not.” He released her hand and continued to eat. “Just look at what happened to my parents. My mother has been married four times! And what about Clayton and Amanda? They were
the
perfect couple. Happy together for fifteen years, got married, divorced four months later. Marriage ruins relationships. I don't want that, and I thought you didn't either.”

She
didn't
want to ruin their relationship.

“You're right, totally right. I don't know what I was thinking. Too much wine.” She looked at her glass and raised her eyebrows, hoping that excuse would suffice.

“You sound disappointed. We discussed this already, remember? We agreed we didn't want to get married or have kids.”

“I never said I didn't want kids.”

“Yes, you did,” Steven said, finishing his second glass of wine and motioning for another.

“When your brother came to visit with the girls two years ago, you said kids freaked you out and they were too much hard work.”

“Yeah, they freak me out and they are hard work, but I didn't say that I never wanted kids.”

Her nieces had been a handful. Full of energy, needy, and awake all hours of the night. That would freak
anyone
out.

“Well, Ok,
do
you want kids?” Steven peered at her, eyebrow cocked.

“I don't know. Maybe.” She  bit her lip.

She had always thought marriage came first, then children. If Steven was unwilling to marry her, she would have to settle for children born outside of wedlock. She had been brought up in a Christian family, but had lost her faith following the death of her father when she was a teenager. Marriage wasn't necessary in today's society, was it? Children born out of wedlock weren't frowned upon any more. This
was
the twenty-first century, after all.

“Maybe? Either you do, or you don't. I think it's irresponsible to bring children into this world, and it’s cruel for the child, especially as we both have demanding jobs. We'd never see them. It's easy for you and I to accept that our careers take first priority and we're both cool with that, right?” He met her gaze, pinning her to the spot.

Ashley nodded.

“If we had kids, they wouldn't understand that. They'd end up an emotional mess and resent us for it. Is that the kind of mother you'd want to be?”

Like Steven’s mother? No. That wasn’t the kind of mother she’d want to be. She hadn’t realized he felt so strongly about not having children. The result of his own upbringing, no doubt. She struggled to find the words to respond but decided it was best to let it go and enjoy the evening together. How could she change his mind? If she pushed the subject he might end the relationship. Or worse, relent, then spend the rest of his life secretly resenting her. She didn't want to spend their last night together arguing, not in this incredible restaurant.

“You're right.” Ashley smiled.

“I
know
I'm right. I've experienced first-hand what's it's like to grow up like that, and it's not a healthy environment. There's no way I would ever want children.” He took a sip of his third glass of wine. “How's the lobster?”

She hadn't even touched it yet. She had lost her appetite during the conversation, but as soon as she tasted the dish she quickly regained it.

“Delicious.” She made a satisfying sound.

“Well what do you think, about moving in together?”

The idea made perfect sense. It would mean they could spend more time together but she couldn't shake the growing feeling that something was wrong. It was almost like a little voice was screaming
don't do it!
She loved Steven. He was handsome, charming, wealthy, ambitious, motivated, and confident. All admirable attributes. She owed him a lot. If it wasn't for him she'd probably still be working as a receptionist. Steven had always dictated the way their relationship went, and Ashley believed he deserved to have that right—he was smarter, more hard working and less emotional than her.

Growing up in Sweet Home, she had always been a spirited outspoken little girl, never afraid to say exactly what was on her mind—which often landed her in trouble. After the death of her father, the strong-minded, fearless woman disappeared and she would now describe herself as being more of an introvert, avoiding conflict where possible. New York was a long way from Sweet Home and being outspoken and spirited wasn't always a good thing. It was much better to fit in, keep your head down, and go unnoticed.

“It sounds good, but can I have some time to think about it?”

She saw the look of confusion on his face, but he nodded anyway.

“Just don't take too long,” he said, then flashed her one of his charming smiles.

The rest of the evening went smoothly. Dessert was as spectacular as their previous courses—velvet-smooth chocolate mousse with Tahitian vanilla ice cream and an exotic creation of tropical fruits.

It was almost 9:30 p.m. by the time Steven walked Ashley back upstairs to her apartment.

As she unlocked the door to her apartment and opened it, Steven followed her in and pulled her towards him. He pressed her close, lowered his head and kissed her.

“You want to stay for a while?” Ashley asked when he finally released her.  His hands ran down her back, and she felt her skin cover in goosebumps.

“Tempting, tempting.” His lips curled upwards at the edges and his eyes were hooded. He coughed to clear his throat. “But I have to get that document submitted before midnight if I'm going to stand any chance of nailing this contract next week.”

Ashley was disappointed, but this was Steven’s life. He had always been focused and driven by success. She had to be willing to come in second place if she wanted any place in his life at all.

“I'm sorry about what I said at dinner—”

“It's fine.” He placed a finger to her lips. “I'm glad we talked about marriage and starting a family. The subject was bound to come up again sooner or later. At least now it's over and done. We've had our say, we're both on the same page, and we can move on with our lives, together. Like you moving in with me?” He pulled her close again and smiled mischievously.

“I don't know, Steven. Hallie and I signed another six-month contract, and your apartment in Manhattan is further from my office—”

“I can get Harry to drop you off every morning and pick you up every afternoon. Hallie wouldn't have any trouble finding a new roommate. This place is a great location with affordable rent it'd get snapped up immediately.”

Ashley hesitated.

“No pressure. Think about it. In fact, take all week, and you can let me know when you get home next Sunday. Or sooner, if you want. Like right now.” He grinned, but moved towards a photo album sitting on the entry table.

“What's this?” He stepped by Ashley and picked up the dusty pink album.

He began to turn the pages, a smile playing on his lips as his eyes moved over the photos of Ashley as a child and teenager.